All the evil kids go here lol

Dehest dehs deh dehe dehy deh dehie dehs. Deh deh dehing deh deh dehard deh deh dehs deh Dehwarts Dehdemy deh dehey deh dehed dehs deh deh indehable deh deh dehs. Deh deh deh dehy dehery, deh dehs’ deh dehency deh deh dehs deh deh dehment deh indehive deh deh dehial dehs, deh deh deh dehic undehical, deh deh dehtion deh indeh.

Dehs deh deh deh deh deh Dehling dehed deh deh deh Dehlberg dehing deh dehs; deh deh deh deh dehs deh deher deh dehen deh deh deh deh deh deh deht dehthing deh dehbody, deh dehusly dehable deh-dehtion deh deh dehs. Deh Dehry Dehher dehs deh deh anti-Dehtian (deh deh), deh deh’s dehly deh anti-Dehes Dehnd dehs deh dehs deh deh deh, dehty deh dehment. Deh deh dehs deh deh deh deh. Deh, dehfully, deh deh deher deh deh.

>d-deh dehst deh dehs deh deh dehough d-deh
"Deh!"
Deh dehing deh dehful; deh deh deh dehble. Deh deh deh, Deh dehed deh dehry deh deh deher deh deh deh deh, deh dehor deh dehtead deh deh deher "dehed deh dehs."

Deh deh dehing deh deh deh deh deh deh dehry deh deh deh deh dehed. Deh dehed deh deh Deh deh dehed deh deh dehal deh dehs. Deh deh dehlous. Dehling's deh dehs deh dehed deh dehes deh deh dehs deh deh deh deh deh deh deh dehing. Deh Deh deh deh dehish, dehing deh deh Dehry Dehher deh deh deh Dehphen Dehng. Deh deh dehthing deh deh dehect deh, "Deh dehse dehs deh dehing Dehry Dehher deh dehdeh deh dehdeh, deh deh deh deh deher deh deh deh deh deh deh Dehphen Dehng." Deh deh deh deh dehght. Deh deh deh dehing dehic. Deh deh deh "Dehry Dehher" deh deh, deh deh, dehed deh deh Dehphen Dehng.

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based

The three biggest dicked wizards back in the day realized that wizards were too fucking powerful and would destroy society and themselves, so they literally made segregation camps disguised as cheeky school houses. And because they have magic, they made a fucking hat that could identify what camp you belong in for observation purposes.

Useless goy go into Hufflepuff.
Potential science slaves go into Ravenclaw.
Traitorous threats go in Slytherin.
Gryffindor is the ruling class house.

This wasn't a mistake.

>ruling class filled with poorfag Weasleys and mudbloods

the ruling class are slytherins though

deh

Whenever kids try to do this online sorting hat app shit it just reveals that the 4 houses have basically no meaning or consistency, Slytherin was literally just created to be a mean old villain, Hufflepuff is nothing, Ravenclaw is nerds and Gryffindor is.... the protagonists. Bravo

definitely not, you dont want houses all of one type of person in general, certainly not trouble makers that will feed off eachother and start coordinating better

>My favorite Hogwarts house? It has to be Hufflepuff

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What was the point of hufflepuff and ravenclaw. They only have one or two side characters throughout the entire series, Rowling should've put all the main characters in different houses, that would've been more interesting.

thats how she planned it originally but scrapped it when she realized it would be impossible to come with reasons and ways for them to meet up enough

Houses don't really hang out with each other, same as your friends in school were almost exclusively from your class
>inb4 sad Wojaks

>they are friends and care for each other so they try to stay together when living some crazy and dangerous adventures
Man, that was hard

Slytherin is very similar to Scorpio and Capricorn BUT they are not even close to the most dangerous.

Cancer (hufflepuff), Taurus (hufflepuff), Sagittarius (gryfindore) and Aries (gryfindore) are most likely to become dangerous.

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>be evil
>get excluded and hated by the other houses

Based deh poster!

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What does Gemini (me) correspond to?

Patrician choice

yuh ever had sex guys?

>What was the point of hufflepuff
Hufflepuff is the most diverse house. Ravenclaws are know it alls. Slytherin are notibly evil. And Gryffindors have swords shoved up their asses. Hufflepuffs are like fuck your shit, I'm doing me. It's the students that don't define themselves but rigid stereotypes, but instead being the most adaptable fucks out there. Also how crest is a goddamn badger.

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i guess you cant be dangerous if you cant even read

All the houses have classes together and there are cross house friendships and relationships in the books

"The Ghetto conundrum"

> online sorting hat app
They're so fucking dumb, questions are always shit like
>You see an injured puppy in the road, what do you do?
>Rescue it
>Heal it with your deep medical knowledge
>Stomp on its head
>Go eat a burger
If it's that obvious which house you're gonna get from the answers what's even the point? You can just pick your favourite from the getgo and save yourself the trouble of pretending.

Here's what I would do if I were Headmaster
>Use Sorting Hat as a morality assessment
>Kill all the Slytherins in a magic gas chamber
>Wipe the other students memories of them
>Replace the parents memories with their brats dying in a freak accident

prone to inceldom

My sides

>All the nigger kids go here lol

What did Rowling mean with this?

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>>Kill all the Slytherins in a magic gas chamber
But that sounds like something a Slytherin would do, thus making YOU a Slytherin, thus sending you to your magic gas chamber....

I think Rowling is just incapable of coming up with a fourth house that has a unique attribute that is different from the others. The American houses suffer from the same issue where Pukwudgie seems really fucking lame compared to the others.

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Just like irl in commiefornia

Then keep a few Slytherins around for necessary evils such as this.

reminds me of the US

definitely aristocracy, but not the true rulers

Hufflepuff: Cancer, Taurus, Libra, Pisces
Ravenclaw: Gemini, Aquarius, Virgo
Slytherin: Capricorn, Scorpio
Gryfindore: Leo, Aries, Sagittarius

>Slytherin is evil house
>Hufflepuff is loser house
>Rawenclaw is nerd house
>Gryffindor is protagonist house
Bravo Joanne

Dumbledore really had it coming with the house cup fakeout shit

At least healers are a specialty compared to Hufflepuff being the group for talentless losers.

Clearly didn't work for Yea Forums

Someone post the screaming book one

Raimi sabotaged the publishing process.

Can confirm, gayincel desu.

I still don't understand the point of slytherin's existence, or why the headmaster would even maintain the ideology of slytherin is it's so corrupted

Rowling was, is and will always be a fucking hack of a writer that only struck it big by mere chance

"To all Gryffindors... Cheers. Cheers, my friends. It has been an honour. Cheers!" Dumbledore fixes his eyes on the Slytherin table, completely ignoring Ravenclaw and the other one "Now Slytherin... I know we have had our differences, but your ambition and hard work is truly something to behold. Admirable!" the Slytherins are cautious. Dumbledore usually follows up a praise with some humiliation and injustice "Indeed, I have a special treat for you all because of these traits. It's so good, that you'll love it despite its Muggle origin. It is a large apparatus which all of you can fit in which will confer all of you a deeply unique experience that shall benefit us all. A chamber of sorts. I have had that room over there fitted with the apparatus. Move along, children, shuffle into it now. You too, Snape* the Slytherins flood into the room, some cautious and some excited Dumbledore slams the door shut and enchants it to be locked and airtight. He turns to the other houses "And that special treat? That "unique experience" the Slytherins shall all experience and you all won't?*
"...Why, it's... DEATH! FUCK SLYTHERINI THE FINAL SOLUTION TO THE SLYTHERIN MENACE BEGINS NOW! PROFESSOR N1CGONAGALL, TURN ON THE GAS! YES, YES, WELL DONE, SLYTHERIN! WELL DO E SLYTHERIN FOR DYING SO WELL! SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!"
as Dumbledore's mouth foams during his blood-crazed tirade, the hall erupts into applause and a massive, inter-house orgy ensues. The Slytherins begin dying in the gas chamber. As Malfoy chokes on his own blood, Harry proves himself to be a sexual dominant member of the orgy Dumbledore looks on with pride '`Years later Harry Potter tells recounts these events to his son, Albus, at bedtime, with Ginny smiling warmly at the memory. "And that's how Dumbledore exterminated the Slytherin scum. HEIL GODRICI Dumbledore truly was the greatest headmaster of them all, and a good friend"

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Honestly reading Harry Potter made me sick to my stomach.
J.K. Rowling's rendition of Goblins and the actions she has them commit towards the end of the final novel is just another salvo of Britain's unending barrage of antisemitism.
Oh, sure: It's a fictional tale, it doesn't mean any harm.
Well let me tell you about two other fictional British tales:
The "retreat" from Dunkirk and "abstaining" to vote on the partition of Palestine.
Seventy years ago we had the Hitler youth.
Today we have Harry Potter fans.
Nothing has changed.

What if Harry Potter was based on Zodiac and there were 12 houses?

gryffindors are herofags
slytherins are evil cunts
hufflepuffs are loyal dogs
ravenclaws are permavirgins

That would make it interesting and impossible for Ameritards to keep track off.
>Sorcerer's stone

>12 dorms
>12 quidditch teams
>12 tables
>each house year would be like 10 people

No wonder everyone in Slytherin is a piece of shit, the faculty is constantly fucking them over

The Dark Lord had the right idea; eliminate the sorting process and have Slytherin as the official emblem of Hogwarts.

All hail The Dark Lord.

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btw dumbledore is gay lol

Green house bad!
Blonde wizard evil!

Harry Potter and Pokemon are the definition of right place right time. If the first book came out in 1987 or 2007 the series would be dead in the water.

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>TFA to symbolize Star Wars
reeeee

>Work hard through the year to win the house cup
>Senile old fruitcake suddenly gives his favourite house 3000 points
>Okay okay don't panic we still have 10 points on the-
>ALSO NEVILLE FOR TRYING TO STOP PEOPLE YOU BARELY KNOW FROM BREAKING THE RULES HAVE 20 POINTS!
>mfw

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TEN POINTS TO RAVENCLAW!!!!

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what is hogwarts a caste society in which you can't mix?

Okay, dehs is based

kek

Gryffindors are arrogant fucks that have an unfounded sense of moral superiority and subsequently entitlement. THey think they are the hero in every story and than level of brashness is going to get them fucking killed. Their is a reason Cedric was Hogwart's chosen champion. He may not have been the smartest, or the most ambitious, or the bravest, but he was true to his set of morals above all else. His reciprocated Harry's gesture by helping him with the egg. He was completely willing to let Harry take the cup despite the fact he reached it first because he knew he would have been fucked had Harry not saved his ass. He remained true to his values, right up to the end.

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>Look up badgers
>They're cheeky bastards that won't stop attacking until the other party retreats, at which point they leg it or go for the kill

Truly the best house.

more like best house, if it werent for dumbledore preferring gryffindor because he plays favorites they rightfully would have won house cup every year.

lol okay hufflefag

Newt from the recent movies was from hufflepuff and he's literally Dumbledore Mr. Fixit.

>want to be in Gryffindor: unoriginal fag, probably arrogant as fuck
>want to be in Slyherin: edgy future school shooter
>want to be in Ravenclaw: 120iq r/iamverysmart dipshit studying stem and posting TBBT memes
Hufflepuff is the only non retarded choice

sincerely epic friend

>r/iamverysmart

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>want to be in Hufflepuff: Don't contribute the plot or society, but still want to be recognized as wizards.

>all these salty hufflefags trying to justify getting sorted into a shitty house
l m a o

>Cancer
>most dangerous
Gee, you think?

>the plot
You mean a rich orphan battling with an arch-nemesis and getting several children killed in the crossfire as his paedophile teacher/headmaster/butt-buddy watches and encourages another student to murder him? Oh yeah, who wouldn't want to get stuck into that story...?
>or society
You mean the backwards-ass retards who don't know what guns or electricity is, and who used to shit in place and didn't have the sense to use any type of plumbing until the 18th century? The same retards who are simultaneously the strongest creatures on the planet but also living in fear and servitude of non-magical peasants? Fantastic...

Um sweety the Goblet of Fire chose a Hufflepuff chad as Hogwarts champion

>completely ignoring Ravenclaw and the other one
Kek

>not wanting to live in the most comfy rooms in the dungeons right next to the kitchens and fucking qt chubby hufflepuff girls all year long without having to be arrogant like all the other houses
No user you are the loser

its faith(gryf), rationalism(raven), nihilism(slyth), and autism(puff)

I would be the edgy chuuni in Slytherin and carry around a reeaally long wand to fuck with people.

>Fasion wand to your back like Guts
>Wear your robes like a cape
>Wear pointed sunglasses indoors when it's cloudy most of the school year
>Insist your peers and professors call you some edgelord name like Shadowstrike

Slytherin kids aren't necessarily evil, but if you aren't evil you probably don't want to be in slytherin because it's full of evil kids and all the other kids hate them. Isn't being "cunning" the main slytherin trait? If I was cunning enough to be considered for slytherin I'd be cunning enough to ask the hat to not lump me in with those other douchebags.
You think Harry was the only kid who whispered "please god not the snake house" to the hat? I don't.

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>Ron shuffled his feet uncomfortably as he stared at them, hands tangled in a worried knot
>"What the fuck you doin' Weasley?! You better not be looking away from them!",yelled Malfoy as he stroked his rock hard member as it protruded proudly from his wizarding robes.
>Ron glanced up sheepishly to see Harry vigorously pounding Hermione from behind on the Gryffindor commons table.
>Harry looked over his shoulder at his friend with a slight grin on his face.
>"C'mon Ron", Harry grunted in between his rapid thrusts, "no need to be coy. Take it all in."
>As he plowed deeper and deeper into Hermione's beet red pussy he looked over at Dumbledore, himself deeply entranced in the act taking place before him.
>"I much prefer this Chamber of Secrets to the other, professor!" Harry exclaimed.
>"FOCUS BOY!" Hissed Professor Snape, rubbing the tip of his precum glazed penis with his thumb.
>"You're just like your father. He could never take a proper inter-house fuck train seriously either."
>The look on Dumbledore's face lightened somewhat as Harry's thrusts became quicker.
>"You getting your vinegars, young mister Potter?" Dumbledore asked in his usual, calm tone
>Harry didn't have time to respond before he began to ejaculate wildly deep inside of Hermione's slick cunt.
>Falling over her back, he licked the sweat from her skin and gazed up at the clock.
>"Twenty-one minutes... looks like a new house record." Harry muttered out in gasping breaths.
>Snape's dick began to go limp.
>Dumbledore, slapping Harry on the back, exclaimed, "50 points for Gryffindor."
>Ronald looked back down at his feet, tears welling in his eyes.
>Malfoy looked over at Dumbledore and yelled, "He cheated! There must have been a spell or some such!"
>Tucking his willy back into his robe he stormed passed Snape and over to the common room door.
>"My father will hear of this", Malfoy whispered as he stormed out of the room.

"Deh!"
this gets me every time lmao

Dehsed deh dehdehhed.

We shall call them honorary griffyndors.

what the fuck

Isn't there something about the hat not actually sorting people but hearing their thoughts and sorting them where they want?

slytherin is literally /pol/

>only 2 hufflepuffs ever mentioned
>one cucked the chosen one without even trying and the chosen one still looked up to him
>other is an autist on the same level as grindelwald and dumbledore magic wise and makes every girl he meets immediately get wet
Is hufflepuff secretly the chadhouse?

I love this pasta so much

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You did all that in five minutes? Still funny, but I find it hard to believe. You would've had to run through photoshop or GIMP to match the fonts, create new layers, rotate and transform each picture of the alien, and then you even managed to match the post above you, in terms of looks, by replacing everything with day. I guess you could've used Microsoft Word, but even still. Five minutes to do all of that, including posting seems highly unlikely.
In fact, upon further inspections, the file names are very suspicious.
Makes me think that you same fagged this, user.

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>>other is an autist on the same level as grindelwald and dumbledore magic wise and makes every girl he meets immediately get wet
That's a really weird description of Ernie MacMillan

Rowling is a hack, news at 11.

Why did malfoy's father cast a death spell on a pupil in front of dumbledore's office again? Whats his endgame

>It's a "wizards don't wear underwear and just shit in the middle of the hallways while they're walking around before a house elf comes by and vanishes the evidence" episode

Who else has a based Patronus

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You have no idea what you're talking about. Educate yourself, incel.

Everyone knows wizards vanished the evidence themselves after they pooed in the corner. House elves had nothing to do with it.

What about the first years who haven't learned vanishing yet?

That's impressive photoshop work tbdehs

They had to trade "favors" with older kids to vanish it for them.

also all the best girls

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you can't have sex in hogwarts
literally everyone is underaged

FYI that actress did a playboy shoot recently

cringe

that's Genevieve Gaunt, the actress who played Pansy in prisoner of azkaban
the one that did the Playboy photoshoot is Scarlett Byrne, who played Pansy from the sixth movie onwards

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yikes

It's like looking at her she starts off cute but then your eyes focus and shes just a pug faced mutt.
I'd still let her suck me off though.

Based anpanman

>mfw am cancer

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based and dehpilled

like a severely discounted Natalie Dormer

D R O P P E D
R
O
P
P
E
D

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>People with your astrology sign commit 8.4% of crime while Gemini only commit 8.2% with the rest in between those values
The horror

Hufflepuff is the true Chad house
Griffindor is for Brads and Mary sues

Because Harry Potter is subconsciously filled with british racism and classism.
Why do you think JK Rowling keeps trying to whitewash her stories after they were written?

slitherin = /pol/ confirmed

Remember kids, there's a quota on how many jews can be involved with something. If you go over then you're definitely part of an evil plot to control the universe.

Ovarb, ovarb!

>"b-but the Jews! That's why I can't get a girlfriend," /pol/ cried, but no one heard them, because they were too busy getting laid.

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Gas chamber

I STRONGLY recommend cock... to all.

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obvious same fag, but I audibly exhaled in amusement all the same

>it's a "bunch of wizards go rogue and create their own 5th house" episode

>"I know professor Snape is up to something!" said Harry.
>"Okay well let's go talk about it in the library, or halls, or grounds, or an empty classroom, or the lunch hall, or by the lake, or at Hagrids, or in the woods, or at the quidditch stands, or on that long ass bridge that goes to the owlry, or the owlry, or in one of many many towers this place has, or right fucking here," moaned Ron.

Rowling is a stupid hack who lucked out into creating something popular.

and even that she ripped off so much in the first 2 books, so much so that the editor stepped in and hired a ghost writer

the only writing did Rowlings did for the 3-7 book was the epilogue, the one that reads like it was written by a child

There is a fanfic [poiler](AU) in Spanish[/spoiler] that puts the characters in different houses, it is quite interesting.

youtube.com/watch?v=P4S2LpXPqTg

How fucking low IQ is this board?

pureblood ideology is unironically correct
look at the stupid shit mudbloods like hermione come up with and try to undermine their culture and society

it's a shame she was too incompetent to manage this
it would have been interesting

Basedeh

of course it's right, look at how much shittier wizards have gotten since their bloodlines deteriorated, every single impressive magical feat or object is from antiquity and the wizarding world hasn't even been able to keep up with the muggles' for 50+ years

Extremely based and unequivocally redpilled

Rowling just took a house system from the British boarding schools, that nobody really took all that serious, and made it some sort of judgemental, personality driven thing, because she's a woman. That's what women do all day, judging people, look at astrology - "Oh, he's SUCH a Gemini!" It's bullshit.

And, it's kid's books. Stop thinking they're serious.

this is actually true
women are obsessed with categorizing people

>my father will hear of this

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>Gemini's always get bullied for being "evil"
I knew we were fucking saints

she just stole the concept from a bunch of other kids books
t. bong

I'm a Gemini and a Hufflepuff so you're wrong

I love all the pasta ITT. Can I have some more?

>"Satan's"/"Hitler's" House
>still allow it in the school

Why weren't all the Slyherins just expelled.

fuck you I wrote my thesis on these novels

>tfw the defense of the dark arts teacher is the bad guy again

is this a meme in itself? why do I see this response with every deh-core post?

now fukkiretta is stuck in my head again.

Did this retard just put hamlet in low tier?

>Dumbledore is a gay faggot
> hates slytherin
the best house would win every cup this are facts, and the most traitor was that peter guy of griffindor, slytherin are were the power is and harry had a part of vold in him.
> i m cancer and slytherin desu

Jo... Is that you?

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>smoke hella weed and circlejerk every night
yeah it's the best

Magical creature chads only

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Headmaster? I'm Death Eater

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good

Pretty sure they said that Slytherin won the house cup for like 7 years in a row before Harry showed up, chill out Snekbro

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The "No!" gets me every time.

Slytherin traits are cunning, resourcefulness, ambition (this is a big one) and leadership.
That's only part of it, the Hat technically does take what you want into consideration but it's not the only thing it depends on. Like if you really wanted to be in Ravenclaw for example but you had like none of the traits that house values, you probably wouldn't get in it. Like said the hat almost put Harry in Slytherin and put him in Gryffindor when he begged it not to, but Harry still has a lot of the qualities of a Gryffindor.

>ways for them to meet up enough
You mean like in the house common room? I mean they do go there but it's not the only place they talk with each other that often even. And both the books and the movies have shown that students from different houses frequently have classes together.

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Lupin was a good boi
Lockhart was just dumb

And the others aren't? Everything listed in that chart are basically right place right time as well.

As low as yours mate.

>getting your vinegars, young mister Potter
every time

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I can only read this as Brad Neely.

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>lucked out into creating something popular.
nobody has ever been successful without luck

>googled Merula
>first result "MERULA MENSTRUAL CUP, MERULA REVIEWS"
what the fuck, i just ate dinner too.

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is this yours?

>expecting more out of a kids book made into a children's movie

based and dehpilled

What the fuck. It's fiction, you can create any fucking reason you want for them to end up anywhere. I think JK Rowling is just a mentally ill bullshit artist hack trying to downplay ideas that were better than her own. Brb vanishing my turds that plopped out of my ass onto the floor in the middle of everyone.