>Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a beautiful sunny day out here at Trillenium Stadium. We're broadcasting live from the Quidditch World Championship Series with an absolutely jam packed stadium!
>That's right Joe, fans have been eagerly waiting for this final game for months now where the tickets were sold out in less than 2 hours!
>It's no joke when these two colossal teams meets head-to-head!
>And we're getting ready for the kick-off now.
>Aaaand we're off!
>Weasley passes to Wood, now back to Weasley and then back to--
>*accio Golden Snitch*
>H-hold on Joe... Is that Harry Potter waving the Golden Snitch?
>Oh my word! I think you're right! Gryffindor's done it! In less than 15 seconds of play, the rookie seeker Harry Potter manages to win a record fast championship for the house team. Unbelievable!
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a beautiful sunny day out here at Trillenium Stadium...
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you should write stories
>Foul play! Casting spells on the Golden Snitch is illegal!
>200 points from Gryffindor!
>No!
>Deh!
>*accio foul play card*
POTTAH YA ABSOLUTE UNIT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
>be harry potter
>someone gifts you the latest, most expensive broomstick (even though you're fucking rich already)
>allowed to keep it even though first yearers aren't allowed to keep brooms simply because headmaster nepotism
>get a position in your quidditch team despite being your first year and you only first started driving broom a week ago (the youngest member of the team in a hundred years)
>your team is getting absolutely raped, is down 140 points
>grab the golden snitch to single-handedly the entire game by yourself, making you the hero of the match
>didn't even have to do any of the hard stuff like the other players, you just fly around by yourself doing an easy job
>But despite this Mr. Potter looked so nice today, 100 000 points to Gryffindor
CAM ON GRYFINDOOR CATCH SUM FOOKIN SNEECH
>Daniel Jacob Radcliffe
>mother is a jewish casting agent
Accio film role!
>sport made up by a woman
>makes no sense
huh?
>brooms dont have a set speed
>flying has nothing to do with athleticism
>you can get a clear advantage by buying a better broom
p2w
>Now Harry, although your bones and feeling are gone at least it will feel like someone else is touching you when you give yourself a handjob.
Aah, back when the series wasn't so gut-wrenchingly depressing.
>"You wanna break that one down for the viewers at home, John?"
>'Sure thing, Al!'
>"Ok, y..you uhhh...y-you got Harry over here, a-and..and the uh-, the golden sneed is waaaay over here..'
>[incoherent drawing on screen]
>Now, Harry's got two-, I said he's got two options on this one, Al.'
>[incoherent drawing on screen intensifies]
heard before that Rowling hadn't intended it to be a series and the first one was just going to be a standalone book before her publisher made her write more
CUM ON GARRY POTTA CATCH THE FECKIN SNITCH CUM OOOOON
"I never forgot about the woman who had no feelings towards me. I will always take care of her child while at the same time doing everything in my power to ensure he fails out of school.
Would emma watson be proud of her biggest happa fan being a sister raper?
"I am a truly complex character too, im like dark but soft"
TTTTTTSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUU
It was a plan all along to prep the masses for the world of microtransactions and "surprise mechanics".