>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time my former master and I rescued your father from his slave owner? Well, it wasn't quite a rescue. You see despite being very influential diplomats for the entire galaxy we had forgotten the Toydarians are immune to our Jedi mind tricks. Rather than making arrangements to purchase the boy through intergalactic finance infastructure we helped your young father repair two massive engines and race against alien drug addicts, risking his life to make his owner some gambling money. After securing your father we folded immediately when rebuffed about also purchasing his dear mother's freedom even as a gesture of good will. In fact it could be said our unwillingness to save her could have lead to the path your father would follow to the dark side. You see master yoda was concerned that these feelings of attachments would drive him to the dark side of the force and forbade your father from even a visit. Your father snuck off one night and discovered she had been kidnapped and raped by tusken raiders. He slaughtered all of then Luke, the men, women and especially the children. For the rest of his life your father only referred to them with unflattering racial slurs and would often bring up their inability to form or even join the wider galactic society during inappropriate social situations.
>He was a dear friend.
Luke, did I ever tell you about the time my former master and I rescued your father from his slave owner? Well...
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>oh, you're sad because a girl at tosche station doesn't like you back? Luke, when I was your age, I left the Jedi academy to bullseye droids from a LAAT in the middle of some god forsaken star system. Don't tell me you have it hard because you're a pathetic kissless virgin. You can act sad when you have to leave behind the wookie-boy you fell in love with and made passionate steamy love to in a collapsing wroshyr shack, just like I did. You think I felt good about firebombing his mutt village and watching our fuck-hut burn to the ground? We were going to build our lives together there, Luke! You know what? Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my speeder.
I remember watching The Phantom Menace with my mom when I was like six years old and her mentioning it was fucked up that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan made no effort in securing the freedom of Anakin's mom.
Well she wasn't really his mom, did you really think she was a virgin and had a miraculous birth? Probably stole anakin as a baby from some other women to be her child slave, force that nigger to pod race for money
I mean on the one hand of course she did but the whole think with them failing the jedi mind trick on a known species and being completely unable to purchase a maid and a mechanic from fucking mos eisley or wherever on some shit planet is a pretty weak plot. Its also like the entire basis for Anakin becoming vader lol. That said whatever the rest all is more or less fine but its still tough to believe the jedi wouldn't know watto was a space jew who couldn't be tricked and are completely unable to purchase something ostensibly cheaper than two droids before fucking off back to coruscant.
She didn't really want him to, though. She even said that she "dies" whenever Watto makes him do it
More lies from a lying whore
>”Luke, did I ever tell you about.... uhm.... about...”
>”...”
>”Anakin is that you? You look so young, my old friend!”
>”Anni, do you remember Ashoka?”
>”I can’t even remember to take my pants before shitting, but I will never forget that tight orange asshole.”
>”...Anakin?”
somebody post the vocaroo
qui-gon tried, but he lacked the money/rescources to actually buy her.
i think if qui-gon had lived, he would have gone back later to get her, in defiance of the order.
Qui-Gon was pretty based, I'd imagine he would've too.
Its bologna. Oy vey no credits and its literally impossible for the diplomats who were just sent to dispell a trade blockade to ever buy, again, what must cost less than one droid before fucking off to coruscant. This could all have been fixed if they had simply been able to free her from slavery but unable to bring her with them from tattooine. Boom. Same thing happens and the jedi don't come across as utterly inept. Is there an in-universe explanation for how they were unaware of the toydarian immunity to mindtricks?
Kek
High-ranking Jedis sent on government missions aren't given expense accounts? credit cards? There's no currency exchange kiosk on that dessert shithole?
Not to defend the prequels, and the Jedi could have come back later because Obi was alive and well.
But answering specifically to this - SW is very schizo-tech. And I am not sure that even a specific tech exists, is available to everyone (I mean more race-based, not power/census-based).
It's deliberately anachronistic in order to evoke a fairy tale effect.
>So Luke, did you ever hear about sliders?
>Luke, have sex
The Jedi are fucking cucks they probably have an absolutely tight fisted budget with no room for anything besides robes and flying economy class. Anything else would tempt them to the dark side or something.
>I mean
I like, literally did not read ťbh
Okay Ben!
Tryhard post.
>well, one the one hand of course your mother would say that
Now become an hero. Interesting digits tho
I mean, like, yeah like, I literally can't even. like, weird af. Right??
>and would often bring up their inability to form or even join the wider galactic society during inappropriate social situations.
Severely underrated
>he's a "tryhard" because you type like a faggot
Just go away retard
Again nice digits
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Ahsoka Tano? She was your father’s exotic teenage alien apprentice, a fine piece of jailbait from a more civilized age. She had the tightest body and the perkiest little breasts in the galaxy; barely legal in most systems. Anakin and I used to doubleteam her at the end of every successful campaign during the Clone Wars, and once in a while we’d even have the entire 501st run a train over her, part of official Jedi “training” of course. In time, she learned how to handle a meatsaber better than anyone in the Jedi Temple. She wore a miniskirt every day so we told her there were no panties in space, and she was constantly doing acrobatics. We taught her to grip her weapon backwards like a dildo and constantly got captured by slavers and pirates almost every other day. It was ridiculous, like a constant porno Luke, you have no idea. And she was a good friend.
More likely Watto just whored her out
>For the rest of his life your father only referred to them with unflattering racial slurs and would often bring up their inability to form or even join the wider galactic society during inappropriate social situations.
severely underrated
sneed
> Luke, did I ever tell you I'm 40 years old? The Desert Sun is not a good friend.
kek
watching the clone wars, i imagined a lot of things every time ahsoka was captured
the episode when they go to that slave planet where the queen wanted to fuck anakin, ahsoka was wearing a really nice dress
that was so hot
>Luke, did I ever tell you I was once a sand person myself?
George "Sam Raimi" Lucas
They're members of a monastic order that renounces wealth, status and sex. They'd fit right in around here.
>Luke do you remember about that time I rescued your from slavery? I mean his owner was kind of a stingy prick but otherwise was pretty nice to him
>anyways against the advice of the entire Jedi council I trained him to be a Jedi!
>oh and he thanked me by blowing up a planet of innocents and murdering me. Isn’t that just the wackiest tale? Ha ha
Based.
i listen to this every day and its still funny
she actually looks very cute when she smiles