When you want to be Gryffindor but they put you in Hufflepuff

hufflepuff is literally the reject house user

It doesn’t matter which house you end up in because you’d still be stuck in one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Attached: 3C202D16-1492-43E3-9FEA-B28EC57BED06.jpg (1565x2823, 2.76M)

Based pasta

>Tfw expect Hufflepuff, want Ravenclaw, am probably Slytherin but turn out to be Griffyndor

>Gryffindor - moralfags
>Ravenclaw - tryhards
>Slytherin - edgelords
>Hufflepuff - based house

*trannies

Hufflepuff is for Sneedchads and Bane posters, Gryffindor is for jannies

>tfw Ravenpuff

Name an objectively caring character from Slytherin

Attached: MRW harry potter frog thread.gif (307x343, 22K)

What would you want your familiar to be?

I'm Ravenclaw but I'd want into Hufflepuff for the mutual masturbation parties

Harry Potters son seemed like a decent chap.
Also Regulus Black sacrificed his life to try and defeat Voldy.

regulus? i haven't read any of it again since its release so maybe i'm not remembering correctly but i recall being surprised and moved by his decision to drink from that deliriant potion that drowned the locket horcrux instead of making kreacher drink it again

Owls are straight up the most practical. Literally a familiar and private mailman in one.

Owls shit everywhere and bite constantly though. Even working with extremely friendly birds I get cut to fucking ribbons constantly.

we're talking about a fantasy world brah
don't bring real-life inconvenience into this just because you have anecdotes to share, respect our sensibilities

They have a place where you can keep your owls are Hogwarts, so you would only really ever have to deal with your owl when you want to send letters.

poor intro 2/10 for effort

It's shown in the books that Hedwig is just as much as an autistic shithead as any other owl, I just assumed most of the inconveniences weren't elaborated on because Rowling couldn't make having Hedwig shit all over Harry's arm and then take a chunk out of his ear with her beak interesting enough.

>gryffindor
>chads
More like ginger basedbois

Whatever, Marty

Reminder the pasta is literally gay and the movies are great and WELL DONE

>tkam
>shit tier
Not necessarily denying it but why? I’m not too knowledgeable of books, I seriously need to get more. Can you enlighten me?

a cute girl

Attached: br67r5fuk765678nig.jpg (437x431, 21K)

>Reminder the pasta is literally gay and the movies are great and WELL DONE
"No!"

HOWEVER
it's true

>tfw Slytherin
>tfw my house is filled with stereotypical bad guys and bullies, but they aren't mean to me because of house unity or w/e.
>tfw the bullies bully anyone who talks shit about Slytherin and by extension me.
>tfw ambitious and cunning
>tfw only hang out with background Slytherins that aren't bad guys.
I'd like a cat. An owl would be a close second for all the practical uses but I find birds annoying.

>Owls shit everywhere
So do wizards

The picture has Clifford the Big Red Dog book in the same tier as The Trial and people still think the chart is serious.

Attached: americans2.jpg (3672x3024, 1.62M)

Hufflepuff is the only patrician house. Imagine skipping class as Cedric takes you under his wing and teaches you how to fuck hot dopey girls and still be a great magician without trying while everyone else is busy learning potions and freaking out over Voldemort

>tfw when your bro Cedric dies.
>Then you find a kid to take under your wing to teach them what Cedric taught you.

Do you really think Rowling had anything planned out in one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Attached: 1483418897402.jpg (1616x2896, 548K)

tfw no tomboy Slytherin gf

Attached: Merula.png (600x718, 596K)

Reminder that it's now canon that if Cedric survived he would've been a death eater.

How can something that didn’t even happen be canon

>hey we're sending you to the villain house, have fun!
How does this system not collapse?

user, Cedric is dead and he was a great lad (portrayed by the very talented Robert Pattinson). I won't have you besmirch his memory by postulating what-ifs and other other such nonsense

>the stranger
>god tier
>lol mom died
>whoops killed an arab
>lol I'm gonna die
>shit sucks lol

Soulless, phoneposted version. Delete your post to save some face.

Attached: 1541058366006.gif (315x174, 3.15M)

What? Is that something from Cursed Child or whatever that was called?

He probably thinks the cursed child is cannon lolololol

Hufglepuffs are good finders

I’ve tried to force that abomination out my mind

>living behind a beer barrel right next to the kitchen
>get to bully midget slaves all day while bulking for easy gains

Yes. Harry Potter's and Draco's son go back in time and save Cedric's life. Then when they return to the present, they find out that Cedric would later become a death eater.

Honestly, what the fuck was Rowling thinking?

>son
sons*

The entirety of Cursed Child reads like fan fiction.

It basically is, none of it was written by Rowling

She still greenlit the story. She looked at that piece of garbage and was like "Yep, seems good"

>didn't give a fuck about what house I was going to
>got Gryffindor
Is there a CHADDEST feeling? I think not

raven claw is the most chad you spic

I even read that book but I think it was so shit that my brain tried to delete any memory of it to protect itself from permanent damage.
My favorite part was when they fight that candy witch on the train and she suddenly grows claws or some shit.
I swear at that point the Mortal Kombat music started playing in my head.

Merlin

Attached: 1560871648582.jpg (480x321, 55K)

A guinea pig.
Small and compact, easy to care for, cutest rodent by far, won't drop dead by every single thing like a hamster, emergency survival ration.

Attached: gingeru piggu.jpg (1600x1280, 268K)

I can't even tell if you are shitposting or not.
Was Merlin a Slytherin? Don't even remember him being mentioned but it sounds retarded enough for Rowling.

Yes, he's basically the poster child for the NotAllSlytherins

Most of Yea Forums would go to slytherin because they are rascist mysogynist basterds and in the Harry Potter lore Slytherin is a haven for all the evil psychopaths of the world. Also most of Yea Forums loves throwing the N word around just like Slytherij students and their mudblood so it would be a perfect match.

When was this mentioned? More Cursed Child brilliance?

Doesn't the hat just literally give you what you want?

>gryffindor:
Jannies and moralfags

>Slytherin:
Tripfags and Bait eating angerposters

>Ravenclaw:
Lurkers and smugposters

>Hufflepuf:
Australian funposters

Snape.

What if you want big tiddie Slytherin goth gf?

No, she latched onto it AFTER it was successful. She just wants more attention.

t. Gryffinigger

Based.

DUNGEON SNAKES RULE

I guess the hat would stick you in Slytherin.

Isn't Huffelpuff for hardworking dedicated people?

I think I first read about it from the collectible cards int he ps1 game but I might be wrong about that.

>"not hufflepuff, not huffle-"
HUFFLEPUFF!

>Hmm never worked a day in your life.... Yes... You've been a loner all your life.... Lives with mother... Ahh and a foot fetish and... Hmmm.... Interesting... A lust for underage girls... I know just what to do with you.
>Yea Forums!

Attached: sortinghat .jpg (548x309, 38K)

Hufflepuf was the worst until JK rowling deciderat to tweet reveal that hufflepuff had Mads orgies on the regular

Imagine a school of magic based on Yea Forums where every board is a house

>Hmm well-adjusted, intelligent and a rational thinker... yes, yes... very masculine, self-aware Ahh I now just where you belong
>/pol/!

succubuss

Ravenclaw>Slytherin>>Gryffindor>>>Snuffpuff

>mfw just wanted to learn magic
>get put in house slytherin
>get put in concentration camp because a fucking hat put me in the wrong house
>feels badman

>">Hmm well-adjusted, intelligent and a rational thinker... yes, yes... very masculine, self-aware"
>"Please not /pol/, please not /pol/, please not /pol/"
>"Not /pol/, eh? Are you sure, you could do great things in /pol/. No? Better beeee
>Yea Forums!

Mentioned multiple times in the books themselves iirc

Not being a good guy in general but still bully huffpuffies with your snakes bros for shits and giggles

"To all Gryffindors... Cheers. Cheers, my friends. It has been an honour. Cheers!"

Dumbledore fixes his eyes on the Slytherin table, completely ignoring Ravenclaw and the other one

"Now Slytherin... I know we have had our differences, but your ambition and hard work is truly something to behold. Admirable!"

the Slytherins are cautious. Dumbledore usually follows up a praise with some humiliation and injustice

"Indeed, I have a special treat for you all because of these traits. It's so good, that you'll love it despite its Muggle origin. It is a large apparatus which all of you can fit in which will confer all of you a deeply unique experience that shall benefit us all. A chamber of sorts. I have had that room over there fitted with the apparatus. Move along, children, shuffle into it now. You too, Snape*

the Slytherins flood into the room, some cautious and some excited

Dumbledore slams the door shut and enchants it to be locked and airtight. He turns to the other houses

"And that special treat? That "unique experience" the Slytherins shall all experience and you all won't?*

"..."

"...Why, it's... DEATH! FUCK SLYTHERIN! THE FINAL SOLUTION TO THE SLYTHERIN MENACE BEGINS NOW! PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL, TURN ON THE GAS! YES, YES, WELL DONE, SLYTHERIN! WELL DO E SLYTHERIN FOR DYING SO WELL! SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!"

as Dumbledore's mouth foams during his blood-crazed tirade, the hall erupts into applause and a massive, inter-house orgy ensues. The Slytherins begin dying in the gas chamber. As Malfoy chokes on his own blood, Harry proves himself to be a sexual dominant member of the orgy

Dumbledore looks on with pride

*Years later Harry Potter tells recounts these events to his son, Albus, at bedtime, with Ginny smiling warmly at the memory.

"And that's how Dumbledore exterminated the Slytherin scum. HEIL GODRIC! Dumbledore truly was the greatest headmaster of them all, and a good friend"

Attached: maxresdefault.jpg (1280x720, 95K)

To be fair, every "good" Slytherin character (and there weren't many) started out bad and had a change of heart like Snape and Regulus, or was only good grudgingly like Slughorn.

>They didn't used to have plumbing at Hogwarts, people would just relieve themselves where they stood and vanish the evidence!
>Students only start to learn vanishing spells in their fifth year
What did she mean by this?

ah-bloo-bloo