SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION. TODAY IS user'S BIRTHDAY. LET'S ALL GIVE HIM A BIRTHDAY CHEER!

OFFENSIVE SLUR IN THE THEATER PREMISES WREEOOOO WREEEEOOO WREEEOOOOO KILLBOTS HAVE BEEN MOBILIZED AS PER Disney's Anti-Hate Law™ noᵒ115338484

It actually is my birthday and I want to thank you Robert, you are a good friend.

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Disney would be based if they had killbots to murder cisscum

>*ahem

Does this actually happen in American countries? How much do you have to tip your usher and how do you eat a full meal of a theater is suppose to be dark?

he's made it bros, Robert finally made it...

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>30
>alone at the kinoplex

oh no no no no

is this really robbert?

What, did you think he lived at the theater? He has a life, you know

Do you think he knows about the memes?

robert please fuck my wife

>IU fan
What a fucking boss. Go Hoosiers!

TODAYS YOUR BIRTHDAY

We sang it in Pizza Express for you on Sunday! Sorry I didn't have my cell phone. I don't own one.

Hey user, designated theater shooter here, Robert told me to give you a 5 minute head start for your birthday.

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>*studio light beams down directly on user's position*

HAPPPY BIIIIIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU

The light off the screen is plenty to eat food right in front of you, maybe your eyes are just bad.

>spotlights all turn on and circle around to user's seat
>flee as the lights chase you down the aisle

>How much do you have to tip your usher
15% and a fiver to the protectionist if he did a good job.

Dilate

he based

Wow... I think that is actually the perfect dialogue for that facial expression.

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I feel sorry for you

I don't think about you at all

The response I was hoping for

>Tfw boilermaker
I let him down.

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>has tranny stats saved on computer

mmhmm

We did it hoosiers!

youtube.com/watch?v=G64S1k3cyes&t=166s

HAIL TO OLD IU

EAT SHIT TOILETMAKERS

He wants you to know that he still considers you a friend

Dammit Robert, you know I hate public attention.

Based Robert finding a nice black gf instead of race mixing like a degenerate.

user? Is that you? Shit, it's been too long old friend...

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he cute

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y-yokatta ne

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>*Sniffles*
>Pu-puwease don't make fwun of me

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it's a fucking furfag too lmao
dont even @ me

No it is not, you're both newfags

Purdue? More like PUR-DON'T

>all the seats around him are empty

> dont even @ me
Go back to Twitter with your gay nigger speak, newfaggot. Your kind isn't welcome here shitting up this board and being rude

based as fuck

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>chads start tossing popcorn
>some guy goes all in and slams a full bucket on user

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Thanks!
It really is my birthday!

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>1981

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Bump

Holy based

Are you still a virgin?

I'm sorry guys but I drank all the melted butter for the crab legs

u mad?

MECHANT

>1981

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>He is by himself today, but it doesn't mean that he needs to feel that way. user, today we are all your friends!

>birthday is tomorrow
>have to wagecuck, go to a boring meeting and the doctor's office
>all around me boomers at work are retiring
>I want to retire too but I probably have another 40 years of wagecucking ahead of me

h-hooray

>that literal zombie on the far right
Oh my god. Rober, run!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

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please, not again

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Refresh my memory
Was there ever more to this meme beyond Robert being an absolute bro at the concession stand?

oh my!

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Of course you remembered Robert

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Based

>have a life changing epifhany in the midle of the movie
>movie suddenly stops
>lights turn on
>lady to my right speaks to me
>''when you see things like that, life isn't that bad, huh?''
>whole threater starts congratulating me

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Big Tub was it, hothead?

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it needs to be extremely buttery

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this one got me

>hasn't celebrate my birthday for the past 8 years
>last time my mother called me was for asking for help to plan a birthday party for my dad who left us for most of my life

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your mom sounds like a dumb bitch

UMMM, ROBERT?!

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congradulations

Robert where's my birthday cake I'm starving here

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Happy birthday fag

>my birthday
>family is singing birthday song

Wat do? for 28 years I have probably been standing like a retard all the time. Should I sing along?

you wait until the last verse then do a loud operatic finale that drowns everyone out then blow the candles out like a dragon

>people making fun of 1981
>realize you were born in 1984

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are you feeling it now mr krabs?

dont worry, in 40 years we'll all still be here

You're supposed to just sit there.

Robert, what have you done?!?!

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>birthday spotlight hurts my eyes
>moths swarm me and steal my popcorn bucket
>trip over seat and fall into dudes lap
>calls me gay and punches me in the eye
>everyone still singing happy birthday

at least my mum dont cut my hair

Hopefully he's opened his own kinoplex somewhere in Bloomington

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And to think some people still deny the crabocaust.

What happens if your finger gets caught in the crab restraint clamp?

>stroggification.webm

Are they ok?

>keep wincing as the camera focuses on each gate
>anticipating when it's the gate that has a saw that cuts them in half lengthwise, face-first
>3 gates in, it's gotta be soon
>a down-curve on the coaster
>wait those are whole shells flying off
>wait that's not a saaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Good thing crabs and most other arthropods are basically meat-robots that don't even have a central brain, let alone higher-level sentience

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why is chaneling his chi?

YOU GOT YOURSELF CAUGHT, NOW WHAT'S THE NEXT STEP OF YOUR MASTER PLAN?

Happy birthday OP and user

IF OIM SUCH A RAYCIST THEN WHY IS ME BEST MATE ROBERT?

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Another birthday is nearing and I'm still a virgin, robert

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He cute!

Look at the brightside. If we're all here in 10 years, the age difference will flatten even further and we can drift further into an existential crisis together.

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>PRÖÖÖÖÖHHH!! :DDD

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do we hate teenage girls cause we wanna fuck em?

>butter stains all over your new polo and cargo shorts

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Never forget that every day is somebody's first day on Yea Forums, and that somebody is probably 14 years old.

top kek

no its because it triggers bad memories from highschool

how the fuck did you even find this

I went in here once with no idea what it was and was in constant fear for the entire duration
luckily the camera didn't point to me

where did all those years go robert?

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I have no memories from high school I didn't talk to nobody and nobody talked to me

he's astral projecting into hollywood studios to telepathically control the kino output

>tfw you kind of wish you had remained a virgin so you never learned what the terrible truth of it all was

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Kino

>an aisle where the best seating should be

who thought this was a good idea

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Because double clicking an image is so fucking hard

Redpilled Robert knows racemixing is bad for both races.

Shit and cum in aisle 5 old man

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>18
>get part time job in warehouse
>never see the same people on a shift
>parents are the type of people of why don't you know anyone user, despite only just moving to the area at 16
>they seem to have deluded themselves that I know people at work
>dad phones work up for epic birthday prank
>manager gathers everyone around at end of shift
>Its anons birthday, lets all sing him a happy birthday
>everyone is confused because they don't know who user is or each other
>manager is looking around for someone to come forward
>everyone sings a confused happy birthday while looking around confused
>sing with them
>get home and my dad has a shit eating grin

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based. literally me.

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aaargghhh

based

>protectionist
What is he protecting us from?

Fpbp

Holy fuck

Me on the right

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Best wishes

No it just makes racists jealous

No, it creates mutts no one likes.

But I like you, user.

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Happy birthday user, I hope its a good one!

>>teenage girls start giggling and whispering
would this be a good or a bad thing

happy birthday user

This webm here is one of the greatest things Yea Forums ever produced. FACT

haven't seen that pic in a while

>Recently turned 21
>Dad rang me up to wish me happy Birthday
>calls a stupid cunt for staying in and doing nothing and not getting drunk

ayy

It's even worse if you remain, hitting 30 reveals things you can't handle.

Wanting to fuck them is the only reason anyone puts up with them.

A good thing as long as you aren’t a self-concious sperg. IDGAF attitude is key

Ruthless

white people feel no remorse about killing innocent crabs and you tell me that killing jews, creatures less likable, during the 3rd reich wasn't real?
checkmate

go back to your coffin old man

Omedeto

Disney would probably reward anti whiteness desu

>you have a birthday in the same day
>they congratulate someone else and completely forgot about your birthday
>but for a second you thought that they are going to cheer you and you felt happiness

Plot twist!

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Happy birthday wizard

and in 60 years you'll all be dead and the zoomers will rule

>say nigger to yourslef in the movie theater
>movie immediately stops
>all the lights come on
>loud speaker says "an offensive slur has been detected in row 6 seat 4"
> a theater attendent walks down to escort you out of the theater
> police outside write you a fine for violating disneys anti-discrimination clause when purchasing your ticket.
>get banned from theater.

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Robert would morph into a hot chick or dude and let you have sex with him. That's how good of a guy he is.

How does one end up with both a stepmom and a stepdad? Surely it's one or the other?

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I like seeing those creepy fuckers mutilated

have a nice sneed, user

excuse me everyone I have an announcement to make

I'm the joker

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>mom marries another man = stepdad
>dad marries another woman = stepmom
Based retard

user..

rich evans?

85 here

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It’s a T-One Million!

Based Robert
Incels rise up

The communal theatre gf made me lose my virginity to her ha-haha yaaay thanks kinoplex cinemas I knew my VIP pass was worth it

he thought it worked

I like to believe there's at least one WW2 veteran on this website. It's heavily unlikely statistically, but I want to believe. Just imagine there's a guy who was once a tank commander in WW2, cruising through the fields of France, fucking those Jerry's up, and now he talks about anime on Yea Forums.

Thanks Robert. Wanna watch some movies only men can understand?

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This kills the crab

>5 minute head start
Who wouldn't be able to get the fuck out of a movie theater in less than two minutes tops?

Happy birthday

Happy happy

wholesome

Happy birthday

i'm going to be 33 in a few days
i've been on this website for the last 16 years.

guys SHUT UP I think we're almost in

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Tell me about the war grandpa

>turn 26
>parents say pick anywhere
>know they'll find issue with where ever I want to go
>go to red robins because it's closest
>they have these shiteating grins the whole time
>"Do not ask the staff to sing. Please."
>'Huh? Oh y-yeah no, of course not..'
>about to leave
>staff comes and sings
>shiteating grins.avi
yeah it was hilarious thanks I love you mwah mwah mwah

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The joke is that the archetypal fa/tv/irgin is a lonely shutin whose (only interaction) best friend is the snackbar fella

Aww jesus robert, how didya know?

"Well now. That's a surprise! I'm used to every asshole smoothskin in this town giving me shit just because I look like a corpse."

i had a look at your deets when i carded you for those crab legs earlier, sorry about that haha! anyway, here's another bucket of kinocorn, with a 10% birthday discount.

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the absolute state

same...I cant leave this fucking site
>everyone at work: did you see [Generic Show] last night?
>no
>did you see this funny meme on instagram? it's a dog chasing its tail!
>I don't care
>want to see pictures of my kids playing in the yard?
>I want die

I've always been watching you, user.

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not the, a

you think he won't chase?

F

>en empty bliss beyond this world starts playing

How will user ever recover?

Why does only one arm mercy kill the crab before cutting its legs off?

No, i've touched boobs before. i've had sex all the time.

I remember when my parents tried that surprising shit on me. At first I started to say "haha you shouldn't have." and then it quickly turned to me wanting to die horribly because I can't take it and it becomes a real "you really shouldn't have done this this is a bad idea and I would rather kill myself than suffer this one more second. I'm not worth all this attention."

Since then they have never done it.

now you outed him on being alone at the kinoplex on a day where the no singles policy is being enforced

Easy there old timer. Have a good one

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same

feels fucking sad

I'd thank him for being such a good friend to me and surprising me like this

>This thread is still up
Thanks guys

Anyone got the one where he's running with the popcorn?

thanks

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Based Robert

cringe

You made the Zoomers seethe. Well done user. Happy Birthday.

But Pete lived rent free in little Donnies mind

10/10 filename

imagine if you were a human and this happened to you

>He's waking up, sir!
>user, we have a birthday surprise for you...

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>200+ replies
>Robert thread is still up
Wow, this is the first time jannies really deserve their payment

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the crabs are dead

Thank you, thank you very much.
>applause
>fireworks
>designated shooter starts shooting the ceiling to celebrate
>ALLAHU AKBAR, followed by an explosion
>WOOOO
>Stacy and Veronica come by in maid outfits to present me with the cake
It was a great day.

The handbook states that the birthday policy trumps the no singles policy.

Snoke is a Hoosiers fan.

Based and naughty by naturepilled

I'm glad you had a good time

What should my superhero name be, bros? This is what's gonna be on my chest and used as a logo.

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you get sucked in, and the laser slices your eyeball, and your whole body is made into crab sandwiches.

>imagine if you were a human
:(

The disappearing act

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I don’t want to fuck teenage girls, and I still think they’re the worst age and gender of people.

is this legit

Hello? Robert? Is anyone here?

rip user, moments from death

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Your cinema doesn't have a kinophant? Ours does a pass every thirty minutes to shower us in peanuts. Whoever gets the golden peanut gets free popcorn for a year.

Better than the nothing I received

but what if the no singles policy was intentionally attempted to be circumvented

an American

Haha, okay Robert real funny, come on out now...
R-Robert...

I'm about to go see Robert at the kinoplex and watch spiderman. Will i like it?

Basedbert's soul is deeply attuned to kino

It would have to be taken to Kino Court and settled there. I remember last time I was chosen to be a jurist in Kino Court. It was a case about a manlet using special shoes in order to evade the Manlet Protocol. Controversially, he was found not guilty.

Man I fucking love these automated factories. Always filled with very simple yet exceedingly practical and optimal steps. They're the practical showcase of what engineering is all about.

Compare that magnificent piece of machinery to a bloated, space wasting and impractical website of today and think which is a feat by an engineer.

Thanks, Robert
>Walk up to kino screen
>Charade a black person handshake
>Return to my seat with a bow

Happy birthday user

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The Day the Kino Stood Still (formerly moving)

play quake 4

When teenage girls giggle they are ALWAYS making fun of someone around them. It's safe to assume that someone is you 90% of the time. There is nothing more annoying than the laughter of women.

I fucked a girl that looks exactly like Robert's wife... did I... oh no... oh God no Robert I'm so sorry

>everyone still singing Happy birthday
Kek

no worries it was probably her sister haha

That only affects people living in the same household, doesn't it? If she's living with her mom, then the "step mom" isn't a step mom but rather a non-related whore of his father's. There's one false shirt in this picture, unless, of course, they're all living under the same roof.

he's fast!

>tfw today really is my birthday
>tfw the age of Christ
>tfw wizard for three years

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fuck off nigger

did your powers come in yet?

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I'd like to thank you friends, and propose a toast! To Robert!

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He and his girl are the only black people there I think the meme is going too far bois

It would appear, Mr. Bond, your friend Robert was in fact, my friend Robert.

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It's time to start your journey!

How do you even pass the written exam to obtain a singles license? Is really like to catch end game before it leaves theaters.

I miss kinoplex threads so bad

if you go to a theater in bumfuck nowhere they might still have that old multiple choice test where the correct answer is always D

Free crablegs for the birthday boy! Enjoy!

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happy birthday, man

>alarm sounds
>Roberts eyes follow you as you run away

>38 years old
>still on Yea Forums

>"user's a little shy. But remember, the movie can't continue until we properly celebrate his special day!"

>racist frog respects Robert
this is so beautiful

now this is modern fucking art

based janny stickying the birthday post

This picture will be enshrined in the households of future fa/tv/irgins

> my ancestors are smiling at me imperial
>can you say the same?

oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit there it is

Websites are made by people who can't make shit with their hands and have careers solely founded on stealing code from stack overflow
>t. full stack dev

oh no no no no no look at this grandpa

Who, Robert? Oh, yeah, Robert was fired for insensitivity toward female and trans-female employees at the kinoplex. How may I help you?

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>female AND trans-female
you think the latter group aren't part of the former??? bigot!

Who, Stone? Oh yeah, she was fired after the kinoplex realized nobody gives a fuck about trannies. I'm back now.

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I've come to make an announcement everybody, user's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his fucking quilly dick out and pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was t h i s b i g, and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com, user you got a small dick, it's the size of this walnut except way smaller, and here's what my dick looks like! [explosion noise] That's right baby, all points, no quills, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what? I'M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH! Just kidding, I'm gonna go higher, I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! HOW DO LIKE THAT TRUMP, YOU IDIOT! You all have 24 hours before the p i s s d r o p l e t s hit the fucking Earth, get out of my sight before I fucking destroy you too.

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>I'm sorry, user. You don't meet the qualifications we're looking for here at the Kinoplex. Your resume indicates you have not held any previous employment and you listed your mother as your only reference. I can't hire you simply because you're 'really good at watching movies' or because of our lengthy friendship history. We're looking for energetic and driven individuals with plenty of experience in falcon care, crab fishing, armory maintenance, security detail, golem grooming, and janitorial services. As Robert your buddy at the concession stand, I'd give you the job in a heartbeat. Heck, I'd even throw in a bucket of crab legs for free. But as Robert the employer, I simply cannot do it, user. You understand don't you? I just feel you won't be able to live up to the standards of the Kinoplex and maintain the integrity of this fine establishment.

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y-yeah don't mind Robert. Its fine haha. No, no i understand, I guess i'll never get to see what the secret spice you use in the crab legs! hah, haha. Anyway Robert, thanks for letting me have this interview, i know you didnt have to let me get through to this stage, i'll see you the next time.....

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Of course. He works with kino. He lives with kino. He is kino.

I just bought a daki with an anime girl on it, they usually let me through if I explain that I am in a relationship with a 2d girl

How can you be 68 years old still on Yea Forums?

Who has the one where it shoves a spike in the center of their head?

>"Attention cinema-goers. We have word that there is an outsider amongst us. A singleton! That's right my children. A filthy incel sits beside you! Hunt him. Find him! Make him pay for his crimes!!"

Happy birthday.

Thanks crab man!

s󠀀oy
s󠀀oy󠀀boy

This thread is driving me crazy.

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based

cringe

Is Robert the best friend a person could have?

It's a best friend we don't deserve

Why is everybody making fun of John Malkovich?

I'm 30 now. I changed my mind, thank you Robert. None of my friends said happy birthday.

I am not even bothered by mine

>as a kid
>birthdays 9 days before Christmas
>would get some money now and again if people remembered, they usually did even uncles I didn't know that well
>dad would take birthday money to pay for Christmas presents
>they weren't broke
>got to the point where I would just put the money on a shelf in the front room after opening the cards so he can pick at it at his leisure instead of asking me to 'borrow' or i need you to 'buy' for 'x'

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bumping for robert

happy happy birthday!