MEANWHILE

*violently opens saloon doors and swaggers in*

Suck and cuck?

Me being the dancer/ prostitute

Saluck and Cuck

>pulls you uncomfortably close
Hey look at what we have here, fellas. Boy ain't she purdy

WELL AIN'T YOU A BIG FELLA?

We'll have the lot!

*slams door*
WHO FUCKED MY HORSE?

>Brings hand fan close to face and giggles
She?

*Sits next to you

*throws up on the saloon floor*
NOW CLEAN IT UP JANNY HAHAHAHA
*parades out through saloon doors*

pint of sneed and a large feed pls

HEY EVERYONE, THE SHERIFF IS A NI-

*looks at hand*
*leans back in chair*
*takes sip of whiskey*
I'm all in.

*ragtime piano music stops*

Anyone care to drink deeply with me, of the bourbon scotch and rye, until such time as we are fighting drunk?

>There would be no eulogies for Chris. No photographs of his body would be posted on imageboards. No NEETs would crowd the threads on a Friday night to see shitposts about him. No knowyourmeme articles would be written about him, no memes would be named after him. No one would ever pay $20 to post about him without completing a captcha. His wife would file for divorce, his landlord would evict him, but Chris Hansen would only stare at the screen as another pirated copy of the episode was uploaded to Youtube, the light going out of his eyes, before he could find the right words.

Attached: 1561795463184.png (537x526, 473K)

is anyone here like me?
working steadily, drink regularly, the only thing that can get you through is watching better kino than the next guy

I WILL SAY IT

WHAT DID HE SAY?

WHATS WITH ALL THESE GODDAMN NIGGERS IN HERE?

Attached: Steve.jpg (400x222, 26K)

I’m 40 years old, and I quit working about age 35. I drink all day, every day without exception. And I’m sick to death of new movies. I do like to watch Major League about 40 times though.

Based and redpilled

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>Gamblers stop and turn to look, even ones that were in the middle of a brawl

Unironically comfy as fuck

COCKSUCKER!

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pretty much me

Stupid bodyguard says I have to show him a fire hydrant

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*walks in*
>phew, that tennis game was exhausting, where can i cool off?

Attached: mia.jpg (1080x1349, 100K)

Hey look at this: Tommy all dressed up and doing the town. Hey Tommy. Whoa, whoa. Tommy come 'ere. Haven't seen you in six fuckin' years.

Simmer down there Sparky, your horse did all the fucking

*mentions your porn career*

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There’s a full moon over Tulsa, and I hope that it’s shining on you

DIOS MIOS
EL BANDITOS, GRINCOS
VAMOS POR FAVOR

*comes in dancing and fiddling*
There is room on the stage for one beast and one alone. All others are destined for a night that is eternal and without name. One by one they will step down into the darkness before the footlamps. Bears that dance, bears that don’t

The nights are getting cold in Cunny County, and there’s a blue northern passing through

It ain't "your" horse now

youtu.be/HG86XKaNj0Y

*does snake dance on stage*

Attached: 1559279411267.webm (1920x1012, 1.99M)

>he turned and spat

>Leaving your mare alone outside on the back road of the salloon with those fat lips on display
You and her both asked for it, pardner

*chair clatters*

*inhales*
*spits in spittoon*
>"Blade Runner 2049 was the best film since Interstellar"

what is that from?

Attached: shaking with rage.gif (350x212, 1.54M)

>interstellar
>the best anything

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Music video
youtube.com/watch?v=gGMDX1YwLD0
Here's the same video but without the shitty music or gay guy
youtube.com/watch?v=EkDbYZ1l-jc&feature=youtu.be

*enter saloon while holding my nigger on a leash*

God, I want to be fucked in a full showgirl getup so much

A glass of MILK.

HEY TIE THAT THING UP OUTSIDE, PETS ARENT ALLOWED IN HERE

nice

Attached: howdy.gif (295x521, 1.03M)

Full fat or 2%, big fella?

I really like threads like these that let my inner larper free.

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Who's this semoness demoness

>spits tobacco into bucket

>looks over at the guy dressed like a showgirl, smiles and pats my lap

come on, you know very well who it.

whos got a good copy of the robert pic I wanna put him behind a western bar

we don't take kindly to toesuckers 'round these parts fren

Attached: apu_howdy.png (225x225, 11K)

>a baby with a gun walks in

>cigar drops to the floor

Bring five bucks and meet me on my room, darling..

SHE AIN'T WEARIN' A DRESS BOYS LET'S HAVE AT 'ER

Attached: how many cowboys were there.png (628x324, 45K)

FOR A RASCAL SUCH AS YOURSELF

>Passed out drunk on the floor wakes up

Well I say, gentlemen, what sort of degenerate establishment keeps such acquaintances as you lot? Very well, if you all agree to maintain yourselves long enough for me to have a short respite and a large sherry, I shall indulge your inquiries as to my business here.

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You guys ever see 800 Balas?

>*shoots you*

got any crab legs?

*gives the bartender a mean look*
Tch
*goes outside*
*ties nigger next to somebody's domesticated loli*

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For the Irish version place 6 cans of Harp and one bottle of Buckfast.

god fucking damn it my sides

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*stops piano playing and stares at the newcomer in silence*

We're thieves in a world that don't want us anymore. This whole thing is pretty much done. We're more ghosts than people.

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Will suck dicks 4 gold nuggets

ya boy's got sideshow bob feet

>*clears throat to introduce self*

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Lenneh?

Attached: yurr awlrye bwoy.jpg (400x400, 22K)

>barman and the guy at the bar turn their heads in shock while the barman overflows his glass

Looks like the Ultrasone Edition 10 Headphone's really wrecked the Inner Fidelity guy.

I have a plan

>BOW-DA-DA-DUM
youtube.com/watch?v=6bvowiyc85U

Attached: MAXIMUM-FAITH.png (831x919, 579K)

Best showdown I've ever saw was a decade ago. Come to the draw, never seen pencils move so fast.

cringe

>*stands up*
To say that in here you gotta be mighty brave, or mighty stupid. Which are you, boy?

>wayell wayell wayell, looks like we got ourselves a cringer here

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You have made a mockery of this fine establishment, never show you face around these parts again mister.

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>thinking this saloon draws any dimes

Attached: vince laughing.gif (200x200, 3.9M)

Swedgin!

I don't get it.

Attached: 1529207341380.png (1405x1080, 955K)

That’s some big talk for a dead man

San Francisco cocksucka!

JANNY!
I’m-a callin’ yooou OUT!

let's take a look inside

Attached: tv saloon.jpg (1155x800, 534K)

those monkeys are pretty well-behaved

Why is that guy with the poncho doing karate moves on that poker player?

Who’s the fella owns this shithole

>wench walks by carrying mugs
>try to sniff her armpits

I DON WAN NO TRABBLE

Attached: shanghai[1].jpg (994x432, 33K)

A glass of water, please.

Attached: DOnKVr2_d.jpg (640x789, 21K)

>Ohhh Froggie went a Ce Ce Ce Ce courtin he did ride C C eh C Cramboooo froggie went a C C Courtin he did ride C C eh mm uh C C C C Crambooo...froggie went a C C Courtin he did riiide sword an uh an uh an uh revolver by his side C C C C Crambooo

Anyone spare a silver for a drink? I haven’t had a drink in a couple hours and I’m getting the shakes.

HOLD IT

Attached: john wayne - stagecoach.gif (500x281, 3.49M)

Glass of Cognac

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Gentlemen, I propose a pool game. If you win, I shall reveal the whereabouts of your hated enemy, Mr. Davis. If I win, then you are to leave this saloon for good.

Attached: Dr. Loveless.jpg (200x180, 30K)

I'll take a michters 10 year, leave the bottle.

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What are you getting me user?

Attached: 1562726420186.jpg (1200x1800, 609K)

*aggressively eats beans*

Attached: bean boy.jpg (969x746, 69K)

SHITPOSTING COCKSUCKA

defilin' by nature
defilin' for need
defilin's a necessity
wheres my bloody steed?!

x_X

Sneed

I'll take a white claw please

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BASED DR LOVELESS

ALRIGHT WHICH O' YOU YELLOW-BELLIED NO-GOOD SONS OF BITCHES LEFT THAT GOT DAMN NIGGER TIED UP NEXT TO MY DAUGHTERU?

Attached: adrenaline.png (360x254, 117K)

That'd be me, fine sir. What can I getcha tonight?

Saluck and cuck?

*slams down an Ace four of a kind*
LOOKS LIKE LADYLUCKS ON MY SIDE TONIGHT GENTLEMEN
I'LL BE TAKIN THE WINNIN'S NOW

BOOOOOYYYYYYY HOWDY.

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Bartender, yer strongest drink, please.

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you the slut that fucked that user earlier?

Attached: fluffy_horse.jpg (3456x4608, 552K)

Lol

White claws good just had six tonight

*slams down a five of a kind*

Heh not today kiddo

>What intarnation is this place?
>Degenerate toe suckers to my left
>Cringeposters to my right
>Prime cunny dancing on stage
>The pool is closed
>They only serve crab buckets
>At least the negro behind the counter is nice
>Everyone here thinks they are a Big Guy

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*ace slips out of my sleeve*

This got me. I'll have what he's having

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Attached: tenor.gif (480x270, 1.85M)

That's right fellers I was there present and accounted for the day Big Tex Ambrosio were gunned downed by Sheriff Hansen, most disgracefully I might add trying to procure companionship of the most fresh variety if you take my meaning. As to my own means of surviving the raging bulletstorm that ensued, I maintain I was merely on my way to the beach.

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Y'all haven't Big Tex I reckon?

Attached: Sheriff Hansen.png (803x541, 273K)

it's okay pardnuh, we all have fun from time to time. no hard feelings, just dont let me catch you dointhat again, yahear?

the horsefucker
obviously

...................you're pretty good.

Attached: 1465301500096.webm (1280x720, 2.92M)

Hey there perrdy mare, how you doin'?

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IM THE ROOTINEST TOOTINEST user IN HERE

She is pretty.

I'll get the sled.

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Joe?

can he do it while they're loaded though?

I wonder how long he practiced

Assuming he had non-prop guns, considering the Colt Single Action Army is single action I'd say so.

*kicks door open and whistles sharply*
MEN! Some yellow bellys went off and stole a herd o' cunny from old milton's ranch. He promises one share of cunny to every men who saddles up and helps catch them sons'a'bitches. Y'all in or what?

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You have those in southern Ireland as well?

Good evening gentlemen
I sure hope no one's breaking my 13th amendment in here

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>only sound is the saloon doors slowly swinging to a stop

I need to rewatch that movie

Attached: 1558563202838.png (609x594, 34K)

You're a big iron

>Throws chair

Aw... shucks
*pushes over pile of cash, the keys to a toyota corolla and a hog tied shota*

i lost

*fshhhh*

*slaps the shota on the ass resounding as an audible TWACK*
yee haw, saddle this little piggie up I'm ridin' him high tail outta here
*throws the corolla keys at the bar*
keep the change pardner

Ya'll fellas know where I can find Andy Richter the Swedish-German?

It's been lonely down there in the mines.

>town madman busts through the swingin' doors
I'M FIXIN' TER SAY IT

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Howdy y'all. Let's lynch us a nigger.

Attached: 1539840438036.jpg (1050x858, 89K)

based

*shyuuuu*

Howdy partner, what can I fix up for ya?

Attached: robert.jpg (612x429, 238K)

Gimme a milk. Chocolate.

GHOST TOWN

Something to cheer you up pardner.

dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7237297/amp/California-man-22-pleads-guilty-having-sex-12-year-old-girl-met-Tinder.html

Hahahahha

Ohhhh look at arizona colt over here

*Pulls out brown mexican testicals, here's your gold gringo courtesy of john sutter

O-oh, senor~

*shoots you with a colt walker*
*scalps you*
the string ain't run on this trade yet, boys

This rp is fucking wild

Here ya go boys, enjoy yer poison. Anythin' else?"

>hideo kojima gets an erection

I will never understand American slavery for as long as I live. Why would anyone want to bring something like that into their country and have it handle their food and drinks?

THE HELL? A NIGGER?!

strawberry margarita, blended, no salt

>walks in in a full period dress and veil
Which one of you good fellas are gonna buy a lady a drink?

Lady, you ain't no lady!

AIN'T NO NIGGER, THAT'S BLACK ROBERT

Now I ain't a hateful fella but one thing has to be said.
FUCK NEGROS, FUCK QUAKERS AND FUCK THE CUSTODIAN

What have you got that a man could drink with just a minimum risk of blindness and death?

youtu.be/S5KRzp9ryxQ

*lifts hat to scowl at the winning user before spotting out cigar and standing up*
Now hold on just a got damn minute...
*grabs his wrist, causing a small avalanche of cards to fall from his sleeve*
AH KNEW IT

patrican taste

sarsaparilla

and make it quick

Attached: ausboomer.png (680x435, 731K)

vandiemenlanders get out

>be drinking your whiskey
>suddenly overhear:
>YOU ROTTEN YELLOW-BELLIED SON OF A BITCH, YOU'RE MESSING WITH THAT DECK! user HERE IS CHEATIN' AT CARDS, BOYS!
what do?

Bump

quickly down whiskey and hide under table

Gimme a beer, Robert

SURLY JOE
SURLLLY JOOOOEEEE
OH WHEREVER HE'S GAMBLIN NOW I DON'T KNOWWWW

Attached: scruggs.png (469x275, 271K)

>All the ladies at the cathouse taken again, sir? Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have a gal on your arm tomorrow.

>Ladies
>On four leave clover Hiro's (formerly Moot's) Saloon

Stranger I can tell you're not from 'round these parts, but if you look over yonder you will observe the /cgl/ boutique, which has all the ladies you could never want.

They is four things that can destroy the earth. Women, whiskey, money, and niggers.

Why should I poison my day with broads who wouldn't want to lay with me

That weren't the question, pardner, you merely asked where the women were. Now you know. What you do with the knowledge is up to you.

what in the goddamn

Greetings fellow cowboys! I, Zapp Brannigan with take two martinis please. Tonight's a *special* night.

Attached: 2acv02_056.jpg (720x540, 55K)

THIS BARTENDER'S A N_____

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I want the usual Robert...leftover milk from a bowl of Lucky Charms® with a double shot of Kahlúa® on the rocks.

Attached: Konkichi_5.png (132x150, 41K)

Yer a ding-dong diddly cocksucker.

HEY FELLAS, THERE'S A COMMOTION KICKIN UP ROUND SNEEDMAN'S RANCH

>honky tonk saloon music stops playing

thanks for the cut version user. god fucking bless

YEAHH!!!!
I'm gonna feed and seed with my Old Man Sneed
Until I can't fuck and suck no more

Attached: old town sneed (formerly chuck).png (1400x787, 814K)

>Who's the fellow who owns this shithole?

Attached: Screen Shot 2019-07-14 at 9.34.56 AM.png (2918x1232, 1.74M)

Fellas, Marshal Hanson just brought in a sodomite, he's hanging him as we speak.

>wench brings me my drink
>grab her by the arm
>'how's abouts yous and I's go round back and yous lets mes sniff those boots o' yours, hmmm?'

...

Attached: JAJAJAJA.png (1037x553, 457K)

>'ey Dutch, theres a fuckin' rat

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