Would it make a good movie?

I dropped it after Episode 1.

Old Testament would be unironically based.

>not believing in Batman

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Absolutely. It unironically contains the greatest stories of the world.

which ones?

All of them.

Nope. Too many contradictions.

>Said 2,000 years ago that the dead bodies of God's two witnesses in the end times would be seen by everyone on earth.
>Said 2,000 years ago that no one would be able to buy or sell without a mark in their right hand or forehead, received by those eternally damned who worship the beast and his image when he uses miracles to deceive everyone except true Christians into believing that he is God.
>Foretold exactly how Cyrus would overthrow Babylon 150 years before Cyrus was born.
>Foretold Babylonian, Medo-Persian, Grecian, and Roman empires in order, a well as Antiochus Epiphanes and others before they existed.
>Described dinosaurs (Behemoth and Leviathan) in book of Job.
>Said that the earth is a circle that hangs on nothing and that in its center is hell.
>66 books written by 40 authors over 1,500 years and all foretell Jesus.
>Foretold false religions being brought by satan pretending to be an angel (Mormonism and Islam).
>Every "contradiction" claimed against it turns out to be false when researched and is usually someone's lack of reading comprehension.
>So hated by satan's globalists that they planned in the 60's and before to have the KJV altered to help bring in a one world religion, exactly as it foretold:
youtube.com/watch?v=5qUQgsR4n8E
youtube.com/watch?v=-CY-jX9juoQ
youtube.com/watch?v=8DA8DK0u0Tw
youtube.com/watch?v=kFtI_mVOXbQ
>Exposes the scientific fraud and basic fallacies of evolution in front of three evolutionist professors who can't refute any of it:
youtube.com/watch?v=Zqutn9vwHs8
>Tells you that all you have to do to avoid hell, have a permanent ticket to heaven, and have Christ's righteousness imputed to you is: know you have sinned, know your works won't save you, and believe that Jesus, the son of God, died and was bodily brought back to life again three days later as a payment for your sins.
youtube.com/watch?v=WDEBz25lGdY

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it would work best as a television miniseries directed by someone with a proper understanding of the typological links between the old testament and the new testament.

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Also, forgot to mention based Samson's story and his kino lines:

youtu.be/EX_GurpX4mE?t=3734

>Dat voice acting.
>With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps.
>Get her for me.
>LET ME DIE WITH THE PHILISTINES.

Book of Acts is top kino too. Based Paul.

youtube.com/watch?v=UL9dFDpMyio

Get saved by believing on Christ before it's too late, bros. It's as simple as asking: youtube.com/watch?v=WDEBz25lGdY

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>Also, forgot to mention based Samson's story and his kino lines:

Stupid YouTube didn't preserve the correct time of the start of Samson's story, which starts at 1:02:12. Go there manually.

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Yes, look at BvS

Based

You can observe evolution.

>Kent Hovind
>Steven Anderson
>KJV-onlyism

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This and more specifically the 6 days of creation, Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah and the flood, the rescuing of Lot after the Battle of Siddim, the judgment of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham proves faith by almost sacrificing Isaac, Jacob steals the birthright and then works for a long time to get his wives, Joseph becomes second-in-command of Egypt through his dreams, everything involving Moses and the exodus, Joshua claiming Israel, everything involving the judges, Saul's rise and eventual fall, David's courage against Goliath and then his rise, David and the murder of Uriah, the very long story of the kings of Israel and Judah, Job's suffering and eventual blessing, Esther's rise to becoming queen of Persia, the tale of Solomon's wisdom and prosperity, the harrowing prophecy of Jesus Christ by Isaiah, everything involving Jonah's journey to Nineveh, everything involving Daniel and his visions, everything involving Jesus Christ, the acts of the apostles, and everything in the book of Revelation.
That's only off the top of my head so I'm missing a lot, but those are the key stories that I think are good for adaptation.

Here's my idea for a reboot
>john boyega as jesus
>bonbi as virgin Mary
>some chink as Joseph
>Alec Baldwin as Pontius Pilate

>god appears before moses or whoever
>its a woman
>moses looks baffled
>"what, did you think i was a man?"

Attached: file.png (167x125, 11K)

>woman,
more like a tranny

Old testament, sure. New testament is boring.

Yes, but only if Danny DeVito played every role.

Did you actually read both in earnest or is this some kind of newfangled fedora opinion?

New testament has none of the wars and none of the fire and brimstone of the old testament.

Okay, so you haven't actually read the New Testament in full, got it.

well the ten commandment still unsurpassed kino

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This unironically

Nipple

This nigga doesn't believe in Batman

idk, it's wrote by jews just like most hollywood scripts

That dude that bangs his daughters is bretty cool

Jesus prancing about bored me out of my mind.

fuck off theo

user, just admit you didn't read any of this stuff. I know you didn't read it, for I have read it many times. If you had read the New Testament, then you would know that it contains the MOST fire and brimstone, given that the book of Revelation is nothing but judgment upon the earth, the likes of which has never been seen. Furthermore, you would've known that in the Old Testament, while there are many plagues, the whole "fire and brimstone" you're talking about is really only exclusively towards Sodom and Gomorrah. In fact, the NT contains actual demons and spiritual warfare, while the Archangel Michael only speaks briefly about it to Daniel in the OT. Furthermore, Jesus is doing miracles that would've only been dreamed about in the OT. Literally no one, not even Elijah, could do what He was doing. Also, Jesus comes back to judge the whole world and throws every sinner into the Lake of Fire and has the world completely destroyed and rebuilt. This is how I know you haven't actually read either the OT or NT in full and are just making passive judgments over it.

Cringe

Cringe and retardpilled

based

Who's more kino: The Old or New Testament

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The New Testament, due to Christ and Apocalypse kino.

old testament for wrathful violent Lord kino, new testament for kind loving Lord kino

Watched the Last Temptation of Christ last night

Overall conclusion: Dino(Dafoe-kino)

See, this is why I don't like preachers. Annoying fucking cunts with a holier than you attitude.

Most if not every Western film has a parallel in the Bible

It is the foundational text of Western Civilisation

user, imagine being a Christian and reading the Bible completely. Then imagine everyone retelling every story you've ever read from it incorrectly and making sweeping generalizations on the book without having ever read it themselves. Then imagine everyone calling you a holier-than-thou preacher for correcting them. That is what it's like talking to you.

user, imagine talk a huge faggot, the faggiest fag to ever blow the bassoon. That is what it's like talking to you.

You're pretty obnoxious bro

Imagine being a faggot on the internet.

batman is real cause trump is batman

More like fatman lmao

There's nothing wrong with Steven Anderson. Even made the kino AIDS: the Judgement of God where he calls out reprobates a bit too.

Stop making fun of me! I was just trying to tell him about the Bible. Why can't I tell anyone about the Bible?! Why is my life so pathetic that not even people on a board about television and film will take what I'm saying seriously? Why does this happen to me in real life too whenever I tell someone about the Bible? Why do my friends always laugh at me behind my back when I try to tell them about how the bronze serpent is foreshadowing for Jesus Christ's crucifixion or that Christ is in the visions that Daniel receives? I HATE HOW NO ONE LISTENS AHHHHASJKLHSKJADH

I'd like to see an adaptation of Revelation

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>Any version other than the KJV.

>muh bubble inspirayshun

based retards

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based. Life is supposed to be hard.

Have sex (with your wife and not any time before then)

Go back to watching some Veritasium you fat fedoralord

Too much shit for a single film. It would be an excellent HBO GoT style series if done right. I don't believe in this stupid shit by the way, I wanted to make sure I mentioned that so my opinion wasn't disgarded

It would be hard. LotR was the closest to a good Christian movie there is. As for direct adaptations, the only successful one was from the 1960s and they spent a fuckton of money on it.

*tips*

>I wanted to make sure I mentioned that so my opinion wasn't disgarded
I'm disregarding it specifically because you mentioned that.

>be Abraham
>travel around with your qt wife
>meet a guy
>introduce your qt wife as your single sister
>guy wants to fug her
>God punishes them for wanting to sleep with your wife

Don't forget the part where Pharaoh gives him gifts as well.

>Said 2,000 years ago that the dead bodies of God's two witnesses in the end times would be seen by everyone on earth.
>Said 2,000 years ago that no one would be able to buy or sell without a mark in their right hand or forehead, received by those eternally damned who worship the beast and his image when he uses miracles to deceive everyone except true Christians into believing that he is God.
When have either of these happened? I don't remember being marked on the hand or forehead while using PayPal