Times you acted like the Joker

>download a current movie torrent
>delete it without watching
>talk shit about it on Yea Forums
BAD BAD COMPANY TILL THE DAY I DIE

>posts Sneed in a completely unrelated thread
STEP INSIDE, SEE THE DEVIL IN I

>take a shit
>dont wipe
CUT MT LIFE INTO PIECES

>go to a chinese buffet
>big sign says "consume all you take"
>leave the garnish on the side of the plate
I'M A WILD CHILD

>drank my roommates milk
GOLDEN BROWN TEXTURE LIKE SUN

>release 3 pigs into the school
>they're spray painted with the numbers 1, 2, and 4
>watch in hilarity as they search for pig #3
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK GOD SENT ME TO PISS THE WORLD OFF

>go to the movie theater
>"No food allowed"
>I have a mint in my pocket
HOLY DIVER

>thread not about tv or film
>I post in it anyway
HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME

>irl gamer
>dont rise up
LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

>Jackass says don't try it at home
>try it at home
ONE NOTHING WRONG WITH ME

Fuck niggers.

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>this thread

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>enter thread
>pick comments randomly
>mass reply "zoomer nigger"
CUT MY LIFE IN TWO PIECES

>in two

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>press bar of soap between my buttcheecks
>don't rinse out the suds
HE WAS A SKATER BOY SHE SAID SEE YOU LATER BOY

>how low would you go
>40
>how high would you go
>12

>walk into elevator with one other occupant
>let out a raucous, seat smearing fart
>aim for maximum maximum volume and air clearance with a wheezy baloon like finish
>blame it on the other guy before getting off at the next stop
>honka honka

>use public bathroom
>wet my hands in sink
>flick water onto the nice clean mirror

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>Go to commission some porn online
>asks for a price and the artist responds
>read the text but doesn't respond until hours later
WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME

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>Raised to respect life and enjoy it
>Current year and I dont
THESE WOUND THEY WILL NOT HEAL

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>mommy says that I'm a good boy
>I killed 2 whores yesterday
I PUSH MY FINGERS INTO MY EYES

>go to taco bell and ask for all of the sauce
>never use any, just collect in a drawer

SHOCK ME AWAKE, TEAR ME APART. PINNED LIKE A NOTE IN A HOPSITAL GOWN

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>be lefty/pol/
>pretend to be righty/pol/
>get (You)s
>was actually righty/pol/ all along
>smugredditfrog.bmp
>i'm actually pretending to be righty/pol/ right now and you've been gamed

>people ask for directions
>pretend I don't understand them and speak Spanish
>they start speaking Spanish
>yell at them to go back to Mexico

Don't stop believing

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>visiting my parents
>hide mom's cell phone
>she can't find it
>let her look for it for a while
>tell her where it is
THE WORLD IS A VAMPIRE

You fucker

that's actually pretty based

>turn people's genuine posts into copypastas

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>go to checkout at the supermarket
>"Would you like to donate $1 to St. Jude's Cancer Center?"
>"Not today"
Little do they know that "Not today" is every day

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>Use the elevator for handicapped peson
>security guard see me and rush at me trying to stop me
>The elevator door close before he kick me out
ONE THING I DONT KNOW WHY

holy fucking based

>get banned for posting in off topic thread
>don't ban evade and wait instead
In the land of the freaks
And the home of the ashamed
There are masters of deception
With the power to lay the blame

>call my charity "St. Jude's"
>not Catholic or affiliated with Catholicism in any way

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Kek

Classic

wait that's not a song

What?

>make up fake lyrics from a song and hope nobody finds out
AND I TRIED I TRIED I TRIED
UNTIL THEY DIED THEY DIED THEY DIED

>cashier is female
>end up throwing up all over my items from anxiety in anticipation to being served by her
>get kicked out of the store
>its the only store in my town so I have to go back later that day because I still need milk
I DON'T DANCE, DON'T ASK ME

>cashier is female
>Hellooooooo nurse
>"Excuse me?"
>HUMINA HUMINA HUMINA
>redditor behind me with fedora and trenchcoat steps in
>"Sir, I think you have to leave. I will not let this fair maiden be subjected to your misogynistic harassment any longer."
>b-but...!
>"Leave. Now."
>I reluctantly leave without taking any of my items
>cashier looks redditor straight in the eyes
>"Wow... That was really cool of you. Umm, sorry if I'm being rude, but would you mind having dinner with me after my shift?"
>"Why, I would be delighted."
>little does she know that I was the redditor's wingman all along

What if he runs up the stairs to get you?

>go home
>post on Yea Forums

>board bus
>pay the fare
>run away, leaving the driver without a way to justify the discrepancy between the collected fares and the # of passengers

FUCK DA POLICE

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m8 those were probably the directions they wanted anyway lmoa

>go to store
>not sure what to get, just wandering around
>pick up something chilled
>change my mind about it
>put chilled item back on a non-chilled shelf
DO YOU EVER FEEL, LIKE A PLASTIC BAG

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>hate all the new fag redditors
>still come here because it's my internet home

THE RETURN OF THE THIN WHITE DUKE
THROWING DARTS IN LOVER'S EYES

>Buying stuff from a computer shop
>Guy asks if I'm a student
>Say yes, get the student discount
>I'm actually a wageslave

MAN IT'S A HOT ONE, LIKE SEVEN INCHES FROM THE MIDDAY SUN

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>Call in sick to shitty job
>Say I'll be in for sure tomorrow
>Never show up again
BEAT ME OUT OF ME

>driving back home
>see kids playing in neighborhood streets
>start honking the horn at them a good 20 seconds ahead of reaching them and a good 10 seconds after i pass them
IM A MATCH, SHES KEROSENE

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>visit lecture
>cute girl sits down next to me
>let out silent yet incredibly pungy farts out for 2 hours
>let a bit of land come out every now and then

IVE GOT A BAND OF BROTHERS AND WERE TAKING IT TOO THE STREETS

>stop sign ahead
>supposed to come to a complete stop for 5 seconds
>only stop for 4 seconds
GET UP GET UP GET UP DROP THE BOMBSHELL

>Any thread vaguely related to the Simpsons
>Don't read the op
>Post Sneed and instantly leave the thread

HELP ME BELIEVE
THATS NOT THE REAL
SOME HELP ME CONTAIN THIS ANIAML I HAVE BECOME

>go into random tv threads
>reply have sex without even reading them
>leave thread

HOhOHEEhEE

>credit card payment due
>overpay my balance so I overdraft my checking account which overdrafts my savings account so I’m charged 3 fees
DRIVING DOWN THE DARKNESS

sneed the devil in i

>get uber
>driver asks me to rate him 5 stars
>'haha yeah sure no problem buddy
>rate 1 star

IM AN URBAN GUERILLA

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>Be on popular image board
>Derail the thread
LIVIN DA VIDA LOCA

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>i went to costco
>steak was labeled ground beef
>saved almost 10 dollars
>didn't even tell the cashier. sweat bullets during checkout. made eye contact with security camera on way out
>sped home maniacally laughing like i just robbed a bank
>felt guilty for the rest of the day

>torrent a movie
>delete without seeding
>never get around to watching it
I DID MY TIME

>lonely loser
>decides to improve life
>work out really hard and become /fit/
>get cute girl to have sex with
>can't have a proper erection due to fatigue from exercise

IT ALL COMES TUMBLING DOWN TUMBLING DOWN TUMBLING DOWN

>make a post
>don't get any (You)s
>just start calling my own post based over and over again

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>enter room, turn light on
>leave room, don't turn light off
I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE, JUST LISTEN TO THE RHYTHM OF MY HEART

>play final fantasy 7
>name Cloud "Fag"
[operatic] SEPHI-ROTH

How did you post this with no electricity or food?

>Keep pushing my luck back-talking father
>He treathens me with violence
>He rises his fist
>Point out to my phone in my ascot pocket and tell him that everytime he enters my room i call 911 and all our interactions are logged by the police
>He gives up and leaves
>My phone didn't even have battery

YOU TOOK ME BY SURPRISE

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>watch CEI porn
>don't eat my own cum in the end

AS WE WALK THROUGH FIELDS OF GOLD

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