My fantasy is that you SHUT THE HELL UP

>claiming ignorance as virtue
mutt detected

>comedian
>no comeback
>lost a lot of weight after this
how insecure is he? did he think people thought he looked attractive being that fat before

He should nodded along and said nothing then hidden bottles of fermented apple juice all around her house

What if he got up and beat her up I'd unironically not know what to do or say in his situation other than get up punch her face and walk away

>is that how you got this job?

>"And who are you again?"

Attached: jonah-hill-le-grand-journal.jpg (1200x630, 75K)

What would that do? Create mustard gas?

Pretty sure that bitch was just playing around and would've played fairly if he killed her with a savage response but he just has zero wit. Some self-deprecating humor would've worked like "so like highschool all over again." and that would've ended it. The fact he reacted like a self entitled prick is the only reason this made the news.

>You know Brad likes his women young, right?

Yea man Imagine being Jonah and you busted your ass becoming a respectable actor, without any help from anyone, in the most competitive and throat-cutting industry on the planet AKA Hollywood, and then some random literas who-tier French roastie ridiculous you in front of national television. I would totally be calm if someone did this to me.

I don't even know what to say

I feel like saying it is more useful than just staring at them blankly. How the hell do normalfags have a perfect response for every conversation and situation they find themselves in?

Haha. Funny joke.... You with Brad and Dicaprio hahaha like that would ever happen.

Attached: 1503849974142.jpg (236x285, 6K)

this, add attractive and it's a good one.

Actors take shit all the time dude. Being on that industry is exactly the reason why you should remain calm in these situations. Do you expect everyone to kiss your ass just because you got nominated for an oscar? He started his career off playing dumb fat dudes and this bitch made him remember where he came from. He shouldn't have forgot.

>”God I wish that were me.”

Yiiiikes

Perhaps they're more intelligent than you want them to be

>Fuck you dumb bitch

My fantasy is The French being polite

Leo not Brad. This is the one

As a very smart and handsome person my opinion is his correct response should've been to bend over and just shit all over her like a firehose. Don't even take off the pants off, just blow right through them.

Jonah stop making these threads man, you have to let it go

The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type any given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare. In fact, the monkey would almost surely type every possible finite text an infinite number of times. However, the probability that monkeys filling the observable universe would type a complete work such as Shakespeare's Hamlet is so tiny that the chance of it occurring during a period of time hundreds of thousands of orders of magnitude longer than the age of the universe is extremely low (but technically not zero).

We can apply this theory to Yea Forums anons and a reply.

>but technically not zero
The problem is that plebs approach that shitty theorem not from the chance perspective, but by the inevitability one. Monkeys MIGHT after a trillion years write Hamlet, doesn't mean they will

>is a fat idiot
>always plays a fat idiot
>wonders why people don't take him seriously
>loses weight and tries to take on serious roles
>roles dry up because now hes just some fuck ugly guy with dead eyes

you pigeon holed yourself jonah, deal with it

Attached: 4dc.jpg (500x413, 36K)

Fucking retards always conflate probability with reality.
I guarantee you could put monkeys in a room with a typewriter for infinity and they would never, ever, not in the span of infinity ever produce a legible and coherent work assuming they remained at a static level of monkey intelligence.

It's like saying if you left a typewriter in a tornado for infinity there's a chance that the dust particles hitting it could eventually type out Shakespeare. It's possible it can happen, but it won't.

>oooy vey goy don't be so anti-Semitic
This is the only correct answer

I don't think you understand infinity.

Just talk over her like she's not there, he's famous and she isn't.

Based.

Not only do I understand it perfectly, I fear it because of that.

It is not Jonah this is classic Paul Dano fourth generation cyber warfare.

Attached: 1561940153769.jpg (800x800, 799K)

Uhmmm okaaay?

This is what i would do if I were Jonah

I would flick my wrist, look around, and flash a look of wry bewilderment. Like "Is this guy serious?" Then I'd chuckle and resume talking about my upcoming movie

>what makes you think you have a chance with either of them you no name twat. you certainly overvalue yourself don't you? qu'est-ce que c'est...? get fuck outta my face, we're done here.

Classic

His fault for hanging out with attractive people

>qt zoe-like gf will never look at you like that

Attached: 1538151206575.jpg (1013x1000, 117K)

The only reason he didn’t do this is because he was too arrogant to realize from the beginning of the joke that she was going to make fun of him. If you watch the video he was actually all revved up and excited that he was in this girl’s sexual fantasy (because in reality girls don’t want to have sex with him ever)

CLASSIC
L
A
S
S
I
C

Certified brainlet.

That's actually a good one.

fucking this
he could have destroyed her with that line

Everything would be in its blind volumes. Everything: the detailed history of the future, Aeschylus' The Egyptians, the exact number of times that the waters of the Ganges have reflected the flight of a falcon, the secret and true nature of Rome, the encyclopedia Novalis would have constructed, my dreams and half-dreams at dawn on August 14, 1994, the proof of Pierre Fermat's theorem, the unwritten chapters of Edwin Drood, those same chapters translated into the language spoken by the Garamantes, the paradoxes Berkeley invented concerning Time but didn't publish, Urizen's books of iron, the premature epiphanies of Stephen Dedalus, which would be meaningless before a cycle of a thousand years, the Gnostic Gospel of Basilides, the song the sirens sang, the complete catalog of the Library, the proof of the inaccuracy of that catalog. Everything: but for every sensible line or accurate fact there would be millions of meaningless cacophonies, verbal farragoes, and babblings. Everything: but all the generations of mankind could pass before the dizzying shelves—shelves that obliterate the day and on which chaos lies—ever reward them with a tolerable page.[

guys, she is just staring at the little bird that has nested in his ear. his CLASSIC ear tho

this, which is what makes it hilarious

Anyone got the pasta where he snaps with the gun?

The benefits of a classical education!

>Richard Feldstein, a tour accountant for Guns N' Roses
>"without any help from anyone"
lmao, also
>respectable actor
hahaha wow

Imagine having any sympathy for a jew

You must be fucking kidding.
Hollywood is Jew nepotism central.

You are so wrong. Californians in general and actors in particular are extremely oversensitive. Even someone like Kevin Hart says this.

The politics of hollywood is a circlejerk. Everyone important knows everyone so you literally constantly have to try to be liked by everyone. This is one if the reasons that Hollywood actors are all deadeyed overly fake people.

You are dumb.

This is good. Too bad it’s a few years too late.

>Not cool my gramma died in Dachau :(

*pulls out glock* is one of THE best Yea Forums pastas

Yes, If you're interacting with other actors but not the media especially comedians which apparently what this woman was.

>Dilate, Ornelia...or should I say...CORNELIUS

delusional

>Ornella, perhaps youd be better off working at some place like Chucks'
>That is, chuck fuck and suck, afterwardly known as sneed's feed and seed

>"muh 6 million"
>audience starts to cry
>muslims come in and behead the girl

And you like you're meals extra large right?

>jews and mussies ever working together

But hadn't we established that the correct answer was:
>DiCaprio is not into old hags
?

>both less witty and more aggressive
sounds good

You're actually autistic aren't you?

A man who can't give or take bants isn't a man.

That's what betas tell themselves

>posted from my mother's basement.

>renting in 2001+18
You leak estrogen

Who said anything about renting? Try eating less avo on toast, manchild.

>avo on toast
I recognize this meme from Times Magazine!

Spend less money on your anime dolls then.

>3D

Fuck dude, I don't know, get a job and stop watching so much anime then.

Give a long, calm rant about how superficial she is being and how all your life you have been judged by your looks and how it affects trying actors. Continue then the rest of the program like nothing. It will be akward as hell for everyone, you will win symphathy points, and your quotes will be shared by idiots on twitter and facebook all day.

>It will be akward as hell for everyone
And you think he won't be mocked for it? He's already getting mogged for being butthurt and your scenario is just a different form of butthurt.

>at least I’ll live to see my 40s, tubby
There is no escape.

>frenchies laugh at you because they assume something that pathetic must be a ‘bit’

>And women like their men thin

You can remember a menu better than a face, Jonah?
Now see Jonah, it was never your gross and disgusting body that keeps women from fantasising about it, it was that equally disgusting personality.
The people you know? You mean the "Let's all go to the lobby" treats?
Jonah, they changed to Sneed's feed when they heard you were flying in.

>Jonah, they changed to Sneed's feed when they heard you were flying in.
top laff

>Ornella, have sex
There, done, she's destroyed

Kek from all the replies I've read through years this is the only convincing one to beat ornella

We need more time.

He should have just taken his dick out and started masturbating. It would have been:
a) funny
b) a power move
c ) more fun for him than the convo he was having

>*pulls out glock*..."Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. You were saying? No please, continue... I'd love to hear the rest of this fantasy of yours. EVERYONE ELSE SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP! What's the matter, frog got your tongue? You seemed so talkative before, what changed? Oh this? Yeah, this is normal to carry where I'm from, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's the first real one you've seen. No, don't look at anyone else, look at me. Look at me because I'm the one in control of your life right now. I'm in charge. No, don't cry, that's not going to help you. Not even a little. Wanna know why? Because at this very moment, here and now, as far as you're concerned I'm God and unless you play your cards right, I could very well be the last thing you ever see. So save your tears for someone who cares and choose your next words really fucking carefully now you stupid French bitch. You disgusting whore. Because this is my show now and your fifteen minutes are almost up. Now tell me what you are. Repeat what I just called you. And start taking off your clothes as you do it. Yeah that's right. One piece at a time. Right here and now on national television. Be thankful, I'm about to make you a star..."

Hi there again Mr Hill
When the fuck are you going to get over that episode?

it's a coping mechanism
he dwells on the ornella interview to suppress the brad interview

>the brad interview
oh god no

There’s a chance the monkeys spam nigger eternally

I'm glad you realize that. People who think other people can't see through language traps and exploits are legitimately retarded.

Cortazar>>>>>>Borges
I'm argie so don't even try

autist

this is it

He should've just pulled out a giant Subway sandwich and started messily eating it

>Leonardo and Brad might have the looks
>But i have the big cock

>BTFO

>really? how would you know? With all that fat i doubt you can see your own cock

Oof yikes ouch!

pretty sure he did in his dressing room

>no u

Don't forget the Kimmel interview, Jonah. No one else did

Attached: 38D8F8BF00000578-3810390-image-a-81_1475003450944.jpg (306x394, 25K)

This monkey threads gets scores of replies while my The 100 general gets one reply
Sick of /tv

Make better posts
Garbage melodrama from CBS has no place here till wageslaves get off in America

Attached: 1527565595146.jpg (640x430, 25K)

You don't want any part of this Patrice

>unironically watching the 100
May aswell start watching big brother because is the same fucking boring shit

or this youtube.com/watch?v=UOBuOmOAI6c
but of course that was just a friendly joke among friends...

Theres nothing he could have said. Nothing and it's been years and Yea Forums still has yet to come up with a decent rebuttal.

The only actual winning move here was to laugh it off instead of looking like a comedy kid who cant even take a joke

Ornella have sex, was the perfect comeback

Attached: hurt.png (1143x125, 115K)

>sorry Jonah, I'm out

I would've unironically cried and get a razor and start cutting myself on the spot. Make her feel bad for trying to hurt my feelings and force her to apologize to me and ALL of my fans on television. I would also attack(physically, mind you) the other guests and host, even the audience, for not rushing to my defense the moment the twinkle of ill intent sparkled in her dead french eyes. I would relate this event to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ and i would never return to French again hahaa but i would go back on the show haha fuck French such a shitty place je te laisserai des mots

>What, in front of you? Americans do love cuckoldry, eh Jonah?

But now it's ok?

Attached: hqdefault (2).jpg (480x360, 23K)

now he's slim and attractive!

Attached: rs_1024x759-170613171633-1024.Jonah-Hill-Weight-Loss.ms.061317.jpg (1024x759, 73K)

>"I'm starting a diet tomorrow" Would suffice, Jonah

Attached: ornella.jpg (805x452, 50K)

He's so fucking pretentious and painful to listen to. I caught ONE (1) interview with him on Ellen (because my mum watches it) and it was actually difficult to stand

Are you calling me fat?

SlimmER but not attractive enough. He needs more millennial tattoos.
Ded

This face makes me so fucking angry, I can barely contain it

Obvious quads, and the crowd would erupt with laughter at it
You barely contain your last meal but you still managed all 8 courses, eh Jonah?

>Fichtre, de quelle manière me désignâtes-vous, misérable catin ? Il serait bon de rappeler à votre mémoire que je sortis en chef de ma garnison aux arsenaux du Roy, que je fus impliqué en une multitude de missions pour le compte du Secret et que plus de trois-cents macchabées peuvent témoigner de mon nom. Sachez en outre que je maîtrise toutes les arcanes de la lutte simiesque et que je reste au summum des obusiers de ces armées. Vous ne fûtes rien de moins qu’une nouvelle proie à mon palmarès. Vous serez exterminée de votre engeance d’une telle précision que jamais le Globe n’en garda le souvenir, que cela soit clair. Ainsi pensiez-vous pouvoir déverser tant de logorrhées sur mon compte par lettre de cachet et vous en sortir ? Repensez-y à deux fois plutôt qu’une, maraude. Au moment même où je vous écris, ma confrérie de sbires masqués parcourt le royaume à la recherche de votre trace, votre adresse est déjà leur, si j’étais vous je prendrais aussitôt mes dispositions pour affronter la tempête, misérable sotte. Cette même tempête qui balaiera d’un geste cette chose insignifiante que vous prétendiez être votre existence. Vous voilà faite, petite cagourde, attendez-vous à me surprendre en tout lieux, en tout temps pour vous occire de plus de sept-cents manières différentes rien qu’avec mes mains. Non content d’avoir été formé dans la garde du cardinal, je peux en outre accéder à l’arsenal entier de la garde Suisse et je n’aurai nul remords à m’en servir pour faire déguerpir votre séant de ce continent, misérable selle. Puissiez-vous seulement avoir pu prévoir la fureur dantesque que vos mesquins traits d’esprit provoqueraient, peut-être eussiez retenu votre langue pleine de fiel. Or cela était par-delà vos capacités, vous vous en moquâtes et maintenant vous le paierez en argent comptant, sombre idiote. Mon ire se déversera sur vous et vous y trouverez une noyade certaine.

Attached: jh.jpg (302x167, 7K)

BASÉ

Basé et rougepillé

Si seulement tu parlais vraiment franc, hein Jonah?

Attached: little-mermaid-e-s-hardy.jpg (630x900, 191K)

WE HAVE TO GO BACK

Attached: WE HAVE TO GO BACK.png (215x34, 687)

rougepilulé*

WHAT A FANTASTIC VIEW OF UR BEAUTIFUL OPEN VAGINA&VIEW OF UR BEAUTIFUL OPEN ANAL HOLE!!!SWEETY ...me lyinng under between ur butt lobes..put ur wide open cute pussy&perky clitoris on to my mouth..i want to lick n suck ur hairy pussy,chew ur thick vaginal lips&pierce my tongue in to ur cute hot fishy vulva &suck n fuck till you achieve orgasm.('now my hairy prick fully erect to fuck ur hot vagina -find my oozing erect dick on left side of this script) then PLEASE URINATE DIRECTLY ON TO MOUTH ..i like to drink ur hot urine mixed with cutie..ur hot fishy juice oozing out from ur hot pulsating vagina..
now sweety my dick got full erection!!
i want to lick ur vaginal lips,clitoris,vaginal slits&ur open anal hole with my tongue in this position!
then wan to suck ur vagina&drink ur fishy vaginal juice!!
then pierce my fully erect dick in to ur open vagina then it pierce in to ur open beautiful anal hole then again on to ur swollen vagina then on to ur tight anal hole &stroke ur anus vigorously till i got my pre cum splashes in to ur tight anus,then remove my prick from ur anus&pierce once again in to juice filled hot vagina&strokes till u got orgasm then i splashes my cum in to ur trembling vagina

I wonder how it felt at the end of his career, or indeed how it feels now that his career is over.

He's still fat and unattractive, and he still has the weird scarred arm like a ftm transexual.

>First of all, you smell good, which is really surprising!
>Wait, why is that surprising?

Attached: images (50).jpg (310x163, 7K)

Uhm ookaaay....
*backs away slowly*

these aren't meant to be funny or intelligent, they are social cues meant for YOU to realize you're embarassing yourself

D R O P P E D
R
O
P
P
E
D

Attached: FELDSTEIN-siblings.png (764x849, 472K)

OBSESSED

who is the fat cow on the right?

>not knowing by that nose alone
brainlet

I'm impressed by how he can get in shape again after that.
I hope he doesn't fatten up for more roles and just stays fit and healthy.

>jonah hill is jewish
no fucking shit you god damn waste of space you ignorant fucking nigger

NO WAY. NO. FUCKING. WAY.