ITT: Times you acted like the Joker

>Mom asks if I want anything to eat from McDonald's
>I tell her Whopper
NOTHING SEEMS SO STRANGE AS THE LEAVES BEGIN TO CHANGE

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>take a shit
>stand up to wipe
I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT

When I was in elementary school we had a set of outdoor and indoor shoes and we had them outside classrooms and that's where the backpacks were hanging too and I would put peoples shoes into their backpacks.

>be nice to people in real life
>Call my sister a nigger anonymously online
I'M ON A HIIIIGHWAY TO HELL

OW WAHAHAH

>teacher mentions Armenian "genocide".
>tell him it never happened

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>>she tells me to "have a nice day"
>>don't

Why'd I kek?

>go to fastfood restaurant
>get extra bags of salt
>fucking take them home with me and don't use them
OOOH EEEH OOH AAH AAH CHING CHANG WALLA WALLA BENG BENG

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>Mom says I have to move out next month
>I throw a huge fit but it doesn't matter
>I'll show her
>next time she goes to work, I take a runny shit and beat it into a paste
>paint my manifesto in shit on the walls and on my naked body
>then I hang a noose right behind the front door
> get on a chair, put my head in the noose
>take out my phone and type this post
>hit post
>then I kick out the chair

ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAR FACES

>cashier from chipotle asks me if i got chicken or steak
>tell her I got chicken, but actually got steak

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>captcha says select crosswalks
>there's 4
>only choose 3

>go to amusement park

>lean against the harness as the rollercoaster attendant tightens it

I DID IT MYYYY WAYYYY

>stay off grass
>step on grass

STAYIN' ALIVE STAYIN ALIVE'

>Be 12
>Walking with my friend who smokes
>It's navy housing
>Some sailor pissed at his wife pulls trucks over
>'You anons! You smoking? Get it my car! I'm taking you to my car'
>I start yelling 'OMG this perv is trying to get us in his car!'
>Wife comes out of their duplex apologizing to us and telling us to go home
Dope as shit, boys.

>my alarm goes off
>I press the snooze button

I LOVE YOU YOU LOVE ME WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY

and what song played?

>spin quarter in dining commons
>slam plastic salt shaker on top of it so the bottom pops off into the shaker
>watch as someone goes to use the salt, but it spills all over the table
>they're disappointed, but it's not as bad as if I'd loosened the top to ruin their food

I work in a lab and when I'm alone I switch sample flask labels around and fuck everything up lmao

>reply in joker thread
>don’t say which song played

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>eating snack in class
>left with empty juice box and empty ziplock
>sneak them into someone's backpack instead of throwing them away
I did this nearly every day for years

BOOM BOOM, LACKA LACKA LACKA BOOM
BOOM BOOM LACKA LACKA BOOM

FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME

>waiting at a bus stop
>wave bus down as it approaches
>driver stops and opens door
>"Oh sorry i was waving at a friend"
>driver drives away
>it was actually the bus i needed to get home
YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS HERE NO ELEVENTH HOUR REPRIEVE SO DONT FORGET TO BREATHE

I actually did that about 3 or 4 times as a kid during family holidays
but the other way around.

>the other way around
AHHHHH AHHHH AHHHHH'M STUCK ON A FEELING

>some wagie at walmart asks me if I need help finding something
>say no
>I actually do
LIKE A SILVER BULLET PIERCING THROUGH

>walk into the store towards the beer aisle
>open only one can in a 30 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon
SOMETHING TAKES A PART OF ME

>microwaving my hotpocket
>says to let stand for 2 minutes
>only let stand for 1 minute
I AINT NO SENATOR'S SON, SON

>eat half my meal at a restraint
>Pluck out my hair and put it in the food
>Point this out to a waiter who gets my a fresh plate full
GODS GONNA CUT YOU DOWN

>Be at Walmart
>Bluetooth Speaker Aisle
>Sync phone and blast Never Going To Give You Up
>Chuckle silently to myself

I'M GONNA LIVE TILL I DIE! I'M GONNA LAUGH 'STEAD OF CRY! I'M GONNA TAKE THIS TOWN AND TURN IT UPSIDE DOWN, GONNA LIVE, LIVE, LIVE UNTIL I DIE

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>pack of raw chcicken says eat before tuesday
>leave it until wednesday
ROLLING DOWN THE STREET SMOKING INDO SIPPIN ON GIN AND JUICE

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I save mine because "a shit load of fire sauce" doesn't always get me a shit load from drive thru

>shift ends at 5
>leave at 4:50
ONE, NOTHING WRONG WITH ME

>cashier asks for my order
>speak so softly she has to ask three times
later virgons, a girl talke to me

>choice betwen pussy and poo hole for the sex
>choose armpit

CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECE, THIS IS MY LAST RESORT

>step out of the shower soaking wet so I can fap my soaking dick into the toilet bowl
>get back in the shower and clean my droopy post fap dick
WHAT IF I SAY I'M NOT LIKE THE OTHERS

>get banned from Yea Forums
>wait it out instead of just evading it
OOH WAH AH AH

>Go to local grocery store
>As I go to checkout
>Lady is slowly pushing her cart towards the only open lane
>Sneak in past her with my 3 items
BORN TO RIDE BORN TO RUN

>Go into joker thread
>Use fake lyrics
THIS DAY IS A GOOD DAY AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME

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>family gathering
>shitdick twin cousins bring their ds's
>parents spend more on skylander figures for them than I'd spend on all vidya in a year
>fucking EACH
>snatch three or four games from their little binders they keep them in
>then plant one on the shithead potsmoker nobody in the family likes
MEMORY'S BROKEN THE TRUTH GOES UNSPOKEN I'VE EVEN FORGOTTEN MY NAME

>lunchtime senior year of HS
>3 days left till grad
>sitting at jock table cause my usual friend is absent and I have acquaintances from the soccer team there
>guys shooting the shit. Don't remember how but 2 girls, in particular, get brought up.
>I think they're both whores so I say "Who do you think would get pregnant first, Brooke or Maddy?"
>Sparks a serious debate
>One guy want's to settle the debate with a twitter poll
>No one wants to do it cause it will obviously start shit with the discipline guy
>"I know someone who will do it" I call over a friend from the stoner table who I know will do anything for attention (especially asshole type shit on twitter)
>Tell him the situation and he does it without hesitation. He goes back to his table.
>Hear the two girls in question blow up and start yelling at him.
>Huge scene goes down, the 3 of them get sent to the office
>Kid refused to delete the tweet and got suspended for the last few days
>mfw I started it all
PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, I'M A MAN OF WEALTH AND TASTE

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>I AIN'T NO HARLEM BLACK GIRL

>Buy some things in the supermarket
>get some turned coins, that I could not use in ay way
>I simply don't tip the packing boy
FREE US FROM THIS FEEDER, LEAD ME IN DEEPER
TO FULFILL THIS SEED I GREW, INTO AT MY BIRTH

>FREE US FROM THIS FEEDER
>TO FULFILL THIS SEED

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>at the movie theatre
>going to see spiderman far from home for the second time
>loitering around the lobby since I'm 40 minutes early
>guy walks in with his kid holding a bucket of popcorn
>suddenly the kid shits his pants or something
>dad frantically looks around and sees me
>asks me if I can watch his popcorn while he goes and cleans up his kid in the bathroom
>a wry smile slowly creeps it's way into the corners of my mouth
>"sure, I'll 'look after it' for you, no problem"
>he thanks me and leaves for the toilet
>as he's opening the door he glances back and sees me innocently waving to him with a warm smile on my face
>as soon as the door closes I grab the popcorn and walk over to the line in front of the counter
>start offering the popcorn to everybody in the line
>"Popcorn, get your popcorn here! Free popcorn, get it while it's hot! Please, I simply must insist! You, madam, take a handful! Sir, you look like you could use a snack! C'mon, it's sure to put a smile on that face!"
>no one wants any
>"why so serious? Bahahahahaha"
>see the guy exiting the bathroom and walking towards the exit
>break into a jog to intercept him before he leaves
>"It's your lucky day bats. Your precious popcorn has returned to you unscathed"
>"What? Oh, uh I gotta leave, my kid's really sick, you can have the rest"
>"Oooh boy bats, hehehee you really know how to make a grown man leap for joy!"
>end up getting sick halfway through the movie
>shit my pants and leave
>on my way out people are yelling at me for letting shit drip down my shorts onto the floor
>"haven't you people heard about the healing power of laughter? Bahhhahahahah!"
UP ON MELONCHOLY HILL THERE'S A PLASTIC TREE

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>sign says take one sample
>take two
ON A STEEL HORSE I RIDE

lmao

>at a burger joint
>ketchup and mustard in the rubber bottlews
>switch their caps

CAN I BE STOPPED?????????????

>Be doing cashier duty
>Drop their change and make THEM pick it up

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>story includes multiple pants shitting incidents that are not necessary to the plot

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>missing the implication that the popcorn made them shit themselves

it was the popcorn retard

>ask for ketchup
>have a whole bottle at home
A WAAH AAAAH AAHH AAAH

>See a bit wrench laying in the road
>Drive over it and do a turn to go pick it up for safety
>RWD digs up edge of a guys yard as I turn
>Leave my vehicle and get the wrench
>Locked my keys and phone in the car
>Ask same man for help
>Get my mom to bring me other keys
>He says I didn't have to do that to his yard it'll make it harder to mow

HAHA GOTCHA BITCH

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>tell gf about show I'm interested in
>"ooh that sounds good, wait for me to watch it this weekend"
>watch it without her
>watch it again with her the weekend
>secretly know everything that's going to happen
SHE CLINGS TO ME LIKE CELLOPHANE
FAKE PLASTIC SUBMA-RAIN

big wrench*

monster

you won the game

>my job is to sell potions
>refuse to ever sell them
FALLING IN LOVE WITH A PHOTOGRAPH

Ever wish a whole thread would kill themselves?

I do.

>enter an unlocked car in attempt to steal something
>i am seen by a undercover police officer
>he arrests me and i try to bribe him to let me go
>my court hearings end up lasting 2 years and i almost end up in jail
YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME NOW

>at vocational school
>notice some guy who used to ride a kawasaki or some shit bring a 4pack of big bottles of coke and put it in his locker
>really want one
>wait for classes to start and excuse myself to the bathroom
>literally just brute force his shitty padlock open
>take one bottle out of the plastic
>then it hits me
>i open the remaining bottles and take a sip
>chug the whole liter bottle in the bathroom
>go back to class

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nice product placement anyways fuck off

>sit down to shit
>end up only pissing
I'M AN ALABAMA NIGGER AND I WANT TO BE FREE

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>throw silverware away at school lunch. I bet in 13 years I threw away thousands of dollars worth.

OOGA CHAKA OOGA CHAKA OOGA CHAKA OOGA OOGA

>someone asks me if I had a good day
>haven´t had a good day since years
>reply: my day was breathtaking!
I DID MY TIME, AND I WANT OUT

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TOP ZOZ

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>Park in disabled space using my mothers disabled parking tags
>She's been dead for 6 years
MOMS GONNA FREAK

>there's a stack of chocolate bunny assembly kits leftover from easter and soon-to-expire, right by the "beep your stuff yourself" register at ikea and a note saying "have a chocolate bunny, free of charge!"
>grab two so the first one can have a fren
>eat all the pieces without assembling first
OH-WAH-AH-AH-AH! :^)

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>watch stranger things
>like it

OKEY COKEY WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX