ITT Yea Forums writes an episode of Star Trek

There is a giant sentient space vagina that wants to suck up Earth

Ep is called "Everyone is Fucked"

I'm not doing that. Instead I'm going to make fun of this dude for not liking Zeta Gundam and talk about how great Haman is.

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>crusher joins a pedo colony but Pickard destroys their society before he can get some from his 14 year old honeys.
>a male character is pregnant

Kirk and co go back in time to 2019 earth where they have to defeat antifa for being white

Jerry iphone

Year of Hell pts I&II. Already perfect episodes. I'd just watch those again senpai

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Elaine buzzcut?

im a hologram that becomes self aware in the holosuite who goes m

They go back in time to 2019 Vegas to infiltrate and capture an actual time traveling alien hiding amongst cosplayers at a popular sci-fi show convention, and Riker gets physically stuck in a booth at a casino all you can eat buffet.

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I think you mean, michael and crew meet trump stand in and insult him endlessly.

>half this thread is already unfunny /pol/shit instead of actual funny jokes about star trek
And then people wonder what killed /trek/

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Kirk and Spock travel back to 1776 to help the US Army invade the British airports.

Kirk and Spock end the episode by saluting our armed forces, whose members sacrifice every day for the furniture and future of their children.

Kirk and Spock are judgmental cunts to some ayyas that have interment camps.
travel back in time to help stop the nazis while doing nothing to stop anything else bad done by usa.

Sisko and Kira go back in time to Soutj America in the 1970s and rig elections to help the CIA

Daily reminder Phlox is the best doctor

Bones > EMH > Bashir > Pulaski > Phlox > Crusher > I don't watch STD

At least he's not the worst.

The Enterprise is boarded and most of it's crew is taken hostage. It's up to Worf and a few others to outsmart and subdue the bad guys.

Star Date: 24897.4 The USS Enterprise is on it's way to the delta quadrant for a political congress regarding a new species induction into the federation. While en route way crazy space dust gets into the warp drive and their destination is unexpectedly shifted to a branch dimension where disco never died.

Riker, LaForge, Crusher, Troy, Data, and of Course Picard must now use the Federations information banks on sick 70s culture to win over the new race at the summit with sweet dance moves and casual disregard safe sex practices

Just replying to kill this thread since every thread I've replied to for the past hour has immediately died.

>Star Date: 24897.4 The USS Enterprise is on it's way to the delta quadrant
"No."

How about Worf actually winning a fight that's not against another Klingon.

I'm watching TNG right now and Worf has just been taken hostage by a couple of short, fat humans. He didn't even resist, he just stops moving. How the fuck could the writers mishandle such a simple character? He's fucking incompetent.

This thread won't die while I'm here.

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The crew goes to Planet X and get killed by King Ghidrah

The End

>Computer load program Bashirfaggot Alpha 502 where I kick Jeff Bezos in the balls until he dies, then I redistribute his wealth to clear all remaining student debt, and then I fuck Dr. Bashir at Jeff Bezos funeral in front of his ex-wife and weather lady mistress. Lock holodeck doors, disengage saftey protocols, and if anybody asks for me I'm not here.

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Sorry, thread's over

Ghidorah does deserve to win every now and then.

And then Ghidorah gets the shit kicked out of him by Rodan and Godzila

Restore Timelime Vulcan is saved

Will /trek/ ever be comfy again?

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No. Just post in the Star Trek thread on Yea Forums instead.

>Riker getting stuck

you've obviously never seen his patented chair dismounting technique

youtube.com/watch?v=lVIGhYMwRgs&feature=youtu.be

Seven of Nine is infected by a Borg disease that makes her allergic to clothing.

>user enters Holodeck
>user locks door and deactivates safety protocols
>user activates "Waifu" simulation
>user, you're home! I was just about to start dinner

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That's a pretty cool detail to show some small cultural change/difference

1 hour of just Picard playing the flute

>episode where Geordi brags about getting laid in the holodeck and everyone makes fun of him for thinking it counts
>episode where Wesley keeps getting rejected by girls and develops an unhealthy interest in lifting weights and hitler
>”ethics” episode where the crew finds out Yar regularly used Data as a sex toy and investigate the gray area of android consent
>episode where O’Malley discovers Worf’s Loli holodeck program

They meet a perfectly functional and prosperous space fascist society and completely ruin it just because a couple of people complain and for lulz.

Its actually just because Jonathan Frakes' back is fucked due to an injury

Data learns about reproduction and soon believes that mankind is on the verge of extinction. Realizing that his human masters may soon be gone, he starts violently mating with every crew member.

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>and do all people in the 24th century sit down like that too?
>no, no, only Riker does that

what happens if you cum on the floor of the holodeck?

Have you considered a significant percentage of people on this site have always thought /pol/shit is some combination of funny/true and maybe you're the triggered soiman with the stick in his ass about it that doesn't belong here?

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A black woman who is Spock's half-sister (for some reason) mutinies against her captain and accidentally starts a war with the Klingons

O B S E S S E D

I would unironically watch this.

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evil computervirus turns data into a sex robot. his unstoppable, bionic dick will cause lots of bleeding assholes. whole crew hides on the holodeck with locked doors. last 30min shows data trying to break the door open with his cock in one long non-cut scene.

Spock and Data have sex while Picard watches.

That sounds EXCELLENT

Enterprise janny cleans it up later. And as there's no currency in TNG, he does it for free

The crew of the USS Enterprise D stumble upon a planet where women are enslaved, naked and chained 24/7. Literally everyone on the bridge wants to destroy the society except Picard and Riker, who remind them they'd be violating the prime directive. After a mutiny led by Crusher fails to have any impact, Picard and Riker beam all the female crew members including the children and Wesley onto the planet. The episode ends with Geordi mysteriously disappearing before they go to warp.

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These are some underrated story lines

I miss old Yea Forums holodeck fan fiction. Where can I find them? Post them if you have any.

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Computer, when is Lt. La Forge's next scheduled to strike out with another young engineering ensign?
>Holodeck 4 is booked for 2000 hours tomorrow evening.
Please display Lt. La Forge's chosen program and enable modifications.
>Acknowledged.
When Geordi summons the violin player, replace the ocean with blood and recognizable body parts of members of the crew floating on the surface... replace violin player with Counselor Troi's mindrape screams... introduce a hurricane-force gust of wind towards the beach that smells like a Klingon fart.
>Modifications complete.
In addition, override exit controls so the door can only be opened by an officer with the rank of Commander or higher. Disengage safety protocols.
>Modifications complete.

criminally underrated meme. Some of the funniest shit I've read on Yea Forums.

Computer?
>Standing by.
Create one glib facsimile of Lieutenant Ezri Dax.
>*fwoosh*
Excellent. Increase smugness levels by 200% and aggression by 470%.
>*beep boop*
Okay, now listen very carefully, computer. I want you to cause this Ezri simulacrum to grow one foot taller every time that she punches me, slaps me, kicks me, steps on me, spits on me or laughs at me. And once she reaches 60 feet tall, give her the insatiable urge to remove the Dax symbiont from her pouch, and to insert me into her pouch as if I was another symbiont. Have you got all that?
>*beep beep beep boop* Program complete, you may begin when ready.
Lock the door, disable my commbadge, and disengage safety protocols. Oh, and computer?
>Yes, Doctor?
Wish me luck.
>Good luck, Doctor.

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>Computer, analyze the last bowel movement of Deanna Troi.
>Now create a copy of this bowel movement and place it on a white collector's plate with ensign Wesley Crusher's face on it.
>Increase the aroma of the bowel movement by 5000% and begin dispensing the scent around the ship in randomized areas for short periods of time.
>Computer, now increase the density of the bowel movement.
>Denser...
>Denser....
>Computer, please, even denser.
>As dense as you can possibly make it.
>Now, Computer, create a knife and fork, and place them next to the plate.
>A napkin as well.
>Lock the Holodeck doors, and let nobody enter, door lock override code "Picard-Beta-29386-Alpha".
>Computer, disengage safety protocols.

kek i was just about to post that one

Wow. Except for the methadone that it The Orville, there's been nothing like the good clean fun of the one-and-done ST TNG episodes in a long, long time. I miss it too, user.

>somebody ends up in Worfs DBZ holodeck program and they have to fight Saibamen
that somebody better be barclay

VF, come back home.

Here is one idea that's never been tried before:
>The ship's officers get together on the holiday act for a fun game of…, Well, whatever. That part doesn't matter.
>But what does matter is that the big bad enemy figures out how to override the safety protocols and gets out on the loose on the real ship.
Could you imagine that? Oh, the adventure! OK Hollywood, where is my million dollar payout?

Captain Kirk and NotCaptain Spock engage in anal coitus

>'Star Trek' choir begins playing

>tfw you get a call and your ageing parent has been on the streets, got arrested for disorderly conduct and is now in a mental facility getting injections by court order and is looking at criminal charges
So how's your weekend been /trek/

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I'll probably be fired tomorrow.
pretty great

Shut up, Ira

Fuck that suck.

t. Got one time an injection of Haldol.

>tfw going to that convention and would gladly make this movie if I could get a hold of Frakes

Just found out my dad cheated on mom and it was revealed publicly on facebook by his mistress

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I don't actually have a plot, but I would recommend that it takes place in the mirror universe. That was literally the only thing in CBS's most recent attempt at Star Trek that was any good.

I want to see a mirror universe episode written from the perspective of a peaceful alien culture contacted by the Terran Empire.

If anyone wants to watch some trek there's a TNG stream going on right now at basedstream.com

Hi Bash. You were always my favorite.

It's not a dude, that's Bashirfaggot.

>talking to mental facility parent on phone, literally hear a retard screaming at the top of his lungs incoherently in the background and apparently he's trying to rip away the blanket your parent is holding while they're on the phone and you can hear the staff trying to calm him down
I'm laughing but I'm also dying inside. This is so surreal.

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Could they just re-run some of the Borg plot lines?

who gives a fuck you picky autist

Honestly, whenever I see a retard doing retard things in public I have to physically cover my entire face to stop laughing. I just find it so fucking funny. Or when they make retard noises at regular intervals

>GOO-PAH!
>GOO-PAH!

Shit is just objectively hilarious, come on.

The ship is on it's way to or arrives somewhere. Conflict is introduced by either an existential threat, a mistake on the part of thr crew, or an established "villain" species inserting themselves into the plot. Crew spends 20 minutes of screen time debating the moral implications of the conflict, Captain spends 10 minutes of screen time pontificating on correct morals. Deus ex machina resolves the situation ensuring the status quo is restored and events will not need to be referenced in the next episode. Also, insert a B plot with two or more characters having some kind of personal crisis, such as Worf not liking birthdays or Torres being mad at Paris for some reason.

Yeah, it's funny as hell and the fact that it's really happening in my life just makes it all the more hilarious, despite the soul crushingly depressing undercurrent. It's my own personal dark comedy.
>WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY

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I like your plot, but why don't you use the term MacGuffin?

Barkley resurrects the Moriarty sim but also gives him a giantess fetish. He traps the male crew members in a simulation where they are being actively pursued by 200 ft tall versions of the women, the real women are all unconscious IRL or on vacation.

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Oh god he actually has Star Trek novels

>he
It's actually a woman(female)

You need to visit /g/. This is tame compared to some of the battle stations that are posted there.

My body is ready

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This sounds great. Now spin me up 50 versions of this with different names in different scenarios and I'll watch both seasons.

MacGuffin doesn't typically apply in Trek except in a few instances, not enough to include in a general plot.

It's like mad libs. You could literally use this structure to create several seasons of a Trek show. They would all probably be great and easy to watch. Overarching plotlines ruined Star Trek. The best Trek was one and done episodes without the need to watch previous weeks.

>Crew spends 20 minutes of screen time debating the moral implications of the conflict, Captain spends 10 minutes of screen time pontificating on correct morals.
You know damn well this rarely happens

>You know damn well this rarely happens
Bullshit. You have two conference room scenes, at least one tense scene where the Captain and First Officer revisit the argument as well as other cast members echoing it theoughout the whole of the show. That's at least 20 minutes. Then the Captain will give several speeches, usually a longer one at the end or in a private setting.

I just want an episode where Picard is proven wrong, and one of the alien NPCs they encounter turns out to be morally superior.

>user goes in for a hug and a kiss
>Wakes up because his mind doesn't know what it's supposed to feel like

Wtf is this faggot shit

>it’s a Beverly finds out Wesley has been doing /ss/ in the holodeck episode

>You have two conference room scenes
Where they discuss the situation in general, it is rarely about any moral implications.

morality is relative. a space-faring civilization will always be ethically superior.

Isn't that the episode with the alien native americans?

but will it be ethnically superior?

Fine, that's nitpicking a bit though. Bottom line, you take that general outlibe I provided and you can turn out tons of comfy Season2/3 TNG-style Trek stories.

That would end up being forced subversion. You can’t out-moral Picard. That’s his character. You could do something about his morals leading to inaction which then leads to bloodshed. I haven’t seen every episode but I bet they already did that.

I want an episode where he's forced to admit it openly and bluntly to the entire crew, and that his begin wrong has huge consequences

and I want the alien who was proven right to dab on Picard/the entire morally arrogant Federation for at least ten minutes

The Wounded comes close to that.

nah, he still gets his alpha moment against Macet at the end.

>has huge consequences
Can't do that. You would have to reference it for the rest of the show. The status quo must be restored by episode's end. Trek was always at its best when it was written and structured for syndication.

Kind of. He can't prove anything though.

>Picard is fired on by an alien ship
>But doesn't run away because they are protecting a valuable scientific thingiemajig with vast implications for the Federation
>Picard orders to fire back and destroys the ship
>turns out the ship had children on board, much like the Ent-D, and Picard has just ordered the murder of several hundred children
SOMEBODY STOP ME

An entire ship piloted by EMH holograms

this premise makes no sense

>alien firing on us
>we can't yield position
>fire back
>oh no we destroyed the ship
>captain there were several hundred children on board but we couldn't tell before because our sensors were blocked

>Computer... you know what I want
*Beep boop*
>Too old
*Beep boop*
>Too old
*Boop*
>I said... "Too... Old"
*Beep boop*

>then why was this ship filled with children firing upon a vastly superior vessel?

Picard literally surrenders in the PILOT in order to safeguard the ship.

While exploring the Beta Quadrant,
Data picks up a strange distress signal.

"Captain, I am picking up a subspace distress signal, 66.6 light years away."

"Very good, Mr. Data. Is there a message?"

"No, but the origin of the signal appears to be moving."

As is the duty of a starfleet officer, Picard orders a change of course, and they search for the origin of the signal.

After a short trip through warp, the crew come upon a rogue planet, a planet that has been ejected from its solar system.

"Drop us to impulse and put is in a parallel trajectory. Mr. Data. Are there any signs of life? Can a planet such as this even support it?"

"It is odd, Captain. There are millions of bio signals, but they appear to be phasing in and out of reality. It may be some planetary cloaking field."

"Hm. This sounds vaguely familiar. Computer!"

"Affirmative."

"Computer, are there any planets like this one in starfleet records?"

"..."

"There are no records in the starfleet database matching your query."

"'tis strange. Data, are you picking up any message broadcasts?"

"No sir. Though across the entire standard EM spectrum there appears to be a lot of noise. Perhaps our instruments are having trouble filtering it out. I will attempt to adjust it."

"Aha! I know this place!"

*Data swerves in his chair, raising an eyebrow*

"Starfleet may have expunged it from the records, but I still remember. This planet and its population was excommunicated from the federation many years ago."

"Intriguing, but why, Captain?"

"For the crime of incessant shitposting."

this actually reads like a startrek episode

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This is pathetically unfunny

based retard

>"Hm. This sounds vaguely familiar.
oh I'll bet.

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The killer part is the setting, not the formula. Here are a few ideas:

>A Miranda class ship during the time of the TOS movies (II-V), doing some TOS/TNG-style planet-of-the-week style exploring, mixed with supplying and dealing with the federation's growing colonies, as well as the tensions that it leads to among the core federation worlds (think: lots of Andorians, Tellerites, Vulcans, etc) and set against the backdrop of the waning years of the cold war with the Klingons and the minor eruptions of conflict that come with it.

Or
>The crew of an Excelsior or Ambassador-class vessel set 10-15 years before TNG, tasked with exploring the alpha/beta quadrant against the backdrop of the Klingon-Romulan war and federation conflicts with the Cardassians during their period of expansion and occupation.

Or:
>The USS Enterprise F, continuing its mission to explore the Alpha and Beta quadrant, as well as establishing new diplomatic relations in with the myriad new species in the post-Dominion Gamma Quadrant.

Or:
The crew of a section 31 vessel, replete with illegal cloaking device, etc, either set in the TOS movie era or even the TNG era, doing all sorts of secret squirrel shit like insert/recover spies from the Klingons/Romulans/etc, conducting intelligence-gathering ops against Federation allies and enemies alike, quelling uprisings within federation colonies while instilling conflict in Klingon/Romulan/Cardassian colonies, and establishing backdoor diplomatic relations with adversary states. Not like Section 31 in STD, this would be some real Tom Clancy shit, like self-contained John Le Carre or Robert Ludlum novels set in the prime trek universe.

>it's a beverly crusher episode

>aliens think a death in battle is honorable even for children or they are highly religious and do not fear death at all

Using the power of AI

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>While exploring the Beta Quadrant,
subtle

"What You Leave Behind" - Q is stranded on Earth at the end of 2155 by a giant alien ship. Picard returns to the Enterprise and attempts to use his "Giant Gene" to destroy it, but its main power source is lost and all communication lines are jammed. Q is apparently killed in the event, but not before he gives the Enterprise a final lesson in life through singing.

"The Pegasus" - The Enterprise encounters a dying race called the "Oberon" who are using their alien technology to invade. Picard tries to use his "giant gene" to destroy them by blowing up their Earth, but the alien DNA breaks out in their ship before it can explode, allowing them to flee.

What are you using?

talktotransformer.com

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Pitch
>Star Trek + Magic School Bus
Synopsis
>A long range research vessel explores the Gamma Quadrant. Designed for extended missions, the vessel houses numerous crewmember families and the series focuses on a 7th grade class as they learn about the wonders of the galaxy. The big secret is that their teacher is a Q!

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Imagine

The one where Picard gets stabbed and lets his assailant go because Picard realized he was really in the wrong and stabbing was a completely reasonable reaction to the trifling social error he made.

We can't expect to hold Nausicaans to our cultural standards.

jesus

certified BASED

>captain this planet's culture is barbaric
>I know, but we cannot violate the prime directive
>but captain we can bend the rules to the point of almost breaking them and abuse this very slight technicality to irrevocably change their culture
>make it so
Why do they pretend that they care about the Prime Directive?

what if the starship enterprise encountered a society that viciously hated anyone who walked outside without their clothes on

how crazy would a planet have to be to universally forbid public sight of the natural body

The chorus would be glorious