I didn't watch TLJ, please explain the plot as best as you can

"White men are bad and dumb."

Yoda comes back as a ghost and causes lightning to burn the sacred Jedi text-holding tree and laughs about it. He also implies that Luke is a fool and that Rey is wise because.

The rebels are being chased by the empire, the rebels run out of fuel, the rebels can mess around with the empires big ship by getting a code breaker, codebreaker sells out the rebels, Laura dern space rams the empires big ship to make time for smaller rebel ships to make it to a salt planet. Meanwhile rey is training with Luke but luke doesnt wanna be a jedi anymore. Rey somehow ends up on empire ship and kylo kills the big bad guy and then Laura dern blows up the ship. Rey somehow ends up on salt planet and kylo gets in a fight with luke who is force projecting himself onto salt planet. Luke tries too hard, but in the end it didnt even matter, he got so far, and had to fall, and he lost it all.

It's amazing how much of a bad movie a person can suppress.

At one point a purple-haired man-hating Admiral light-speeds into an enemy ship on its right wing, thus destroying it and the entire fleet. And it was named the Supremacy.

WHITE MEN BAD!

>kylo kills the big bad guy
>Both of them kill Supreme Leader Snoke
But why?

Yeah, this is cathartic.

And who can forget the best part of the film, where two of our favorite new characters go to a literal casino planet, park illegally, get arrested for it, put into jail, and then luck saves them, but really not later on, but it doesn't matter anyway because women can't write for shit.

So kylo can be the sureme leader

But IX reveals that he isn't the leader. Gee, will Rey have a defeat in this one? Gosh! Can she do it again?? So actually stoked for it you guys. Where's my soi and Tyrone buttplug?

Rey wants to fuck Kylo, but he would rather rule the Galaxy. The end.

Something about letting the past die

Would watch unironically

That's the worst part. She just called him the monster that he is 45 minutes or so prior in TFA.

>Not having her just take the dagger through the kidney and fight through the pain, establishing how tough she is

This is moviemaking 101, Rian

>Luke tries too hard, but in the end it didnt even matter, he got so far, and had to fall, and he lost it all.

Based and linkinpark pilled

Well then watch it, because that's the only relevant parts of the movie. Rey spends all movie talking with Kylo and seein him shirtless, then betrays Luke to go to Kylo. Kylo kills Snoke to save her and then offers to rule the Galaxy with her. Rey refuses and fucks off and Kylo blows up most of the Resistance.

That's it. That's the movie.

It's not the worst part. It's actually the best part because her relationship with Kylo is the ONLY believable relationship she has. But she rejects him to go back to being a boring one-note "good guy" with the Resistance.

you left out the space bombers part, where gravity saves the day in space, because bombs will totally fall down in space and xwings dont have torpedoes anymore.

Attached: 1359381967936.gif (250x250, 988K)

It's actually one of the only good things about the movie. That and every scene Kylo is in. They should have just cut out the Finn/Poe parts entirely and focused on him. We probably could have gotten more flashbacks of Luke and Snoke.

She didn't reject him outright, she just wouldn't join his crappy new order.

So at the end of 9, the rebels will be destroyed, and the first order will reign supreme and the jedi order will be destroyed because rey didnt wanna put out?

Rey wins simple as

I think canonically they were magnetic

Attached: 100421-icp-magnets.jpg (852x478, 78K)

Nothing important happens. The situation is pretty much the same at the end as it is at the beginning, except now the Rebels (I think they're called something else in these movies idk) have like 19 people left in their entire force

She tried to trick him and pull a fucking lightsaber on him. The same lightsaber his Uncle almost murdered him with. She did far worse than outright reject him and her shitty Resistance is no better than the FO.

She should have joined him but she's a boring retard.

We can only hope.

Except Snoke dies and Luke dies and Kylo is now Supreme Leader with a spooky Force connection with Rey. You forgot those parts.

It's pretty important considering it's going to be a major plot point in IX.

Attached: tumblr_prwompCXh91sytiw6_1280.jpg (1280x869, 322K)

that makes even less sense because they'd stick together and to the bomber....just use torpedoes like every other movie did.

Attached: Female protagonist.gif (400x262, 1.93M)

That's a frightful wrong opinion you have there, partner. I hate Kylo the most. He had no reason to turn to the dark side or kill his dad. No, being almost attacked by Luke would not be enough. Not that Luke, who saved Darth Vader, would ever really do that anyway.

That would subvert my expectations

>except now the Rebels (I think they're called something else in these movies idk) have like 19 people left in their entire force
They call themselves Rebels at one point in the film, so the writers are double stupid.

Pretty much. Rey gets most of the Resistance killed in TLJ, because she pisses Kylo off and then leaves him alive. All she had to do was suck his dick a little bit and he probably would have spared her dumb friends but she's an autistic virgin.

Luke sucks now and won’t teach Rey nothing, but it’s ok because she figures it out all on her own anyways

Finn runs off with random Asian girl to get a code breaker to hack the first Order so they don’t shoot them all. They fail completely but it’s alright because I guess they weren’t in danger anyways.

Poe runs around the spaceship because they’re all about to get shot but Leia’s bestie (a new character) is in charge and she says not to worry about it. Gets increasingly pissed the more he worries about it.

Kylo wants to shoot the Resistance but doesn’t for some reason, so he just trails behind them and tries to psychically flirt with Rey instead.

Rey eventually comes back after tiring of Luke and Snoke reveals he gave Kylo the ability to flirt with Rey in her head then laughs about it, but then Kylo kills him.

Rey’s like WTF then accidentally breaks her lightsaber when Kylo tries to steal it for some reason.

She escapes and then Leia’s bestie flies their spaceship into Kylo’s spaceship while everyone else runs away in escape pods.

It didn’t work because Kylo gets another ship right away and shows up to shoot them all for real this time. But then Luke shows up to beat Kylo. Only psych he’s not really there, it was a trick.

Thankfully Rey was able to force move a bunch of rocks and whisper or everyone and get them to run away again before Kylo could figure it out. Suck on that Loser!

Then the movie ends and you can find out what happens next time on Episode 9

Nice bait. 3/4 of the "film" is a star trek episode. The rest is purple hair and money bad

TOXIC FANDOM IT WASNT MADE FOR YOU

asian girl ruins the day because she wants big black cock

luke didn't have anakin's saber at the time user wtf

They're called The Resistance because get it? #Resist

>I hate Kylo the most

No one cares, Finncuck. literally.

Attached: bestboy.png (615x577, 228K)

It's never explained where the larger galactic government is at the time, or what the rest of the galaxy is doing in response to the First Order, or why the good guys are even a "Resistance".

the fact korean chick beats darth gamblius at blackjack on a casino planet so the fist empire doesnt have money for death star III.
and luke dies...

Attached: l0dmX1543983625.jpg (398x320, 80K)

Doens't even matter, it doesn't change the fact that she pulled a lightsaber on him after what happened to him and then he thinks she gave that same lightsaber to Luke to kill him with since Luke shows up with it on Crait.

Kylo is as a shabby as your reply.

Snoke actually used Kylo to seduce Rey and it worked, so jot that down next time. Even Luke calls her out on it in a deleted scene.

>you gave in to the dark side for a pair of pretty eyes!

or something

And it's not her lightsaber, it's Kylo's by birthright and they both break it because the Force is tired of their autism.

maybe, but he still lose against a girl with no training
nothing can save his character now

The movie was basically one fleet chasing another fleet that somehow can't get away from it. Despite it being established that 'making the jump to lightspeed' is really kind of a get away card (Han jumping to lightspeed, etc.). And also one fleet chasing another, but somehow people can leave the fleet, go to a casino planet, play a few rounds of craps, then come back no prob. And leave the fleet to fly down to some kind of salt planet.

The basic mechanics of the plot don't even make sense.

None of that changed anything though
Rey didn't change during his time with Luke.
Luke didn't do shit, now he's dead which is no different than him being missing (why was there a map to him? why was finding him important? why did they send a girl they've known for a weekend at best?)
And now Kylo is the leader, okay, cool, so?

Leave soiboy shill

Says the irrelevant Finnwhale.

Kylo is the male lead, not your ugly manlet faves.

Attached: D7MIa6MWsAAbSzb.png large.png (848x241, 41K)

Rey is disillusioned Luke neither wants to fight nor train her. "What did you think I would do? Come out with a laser sword and face down the entire First Order?" He wants the Jedi to end because they keep fucking things up in spite of their efforts, kind of like Dexter.

Darth, Jr. pursues them because he's worried about Luke getting found. Luke trains Rey a little, maybe she'll reform the Jedi but without the old ways, which he leaves out.

They kill a pointless clown, and Ren tries to turn her, and for the first time, damned near succeeds.

Luke then more or less comes out with a laser sword and faces down the entire Jedi order, so the fanbois can get their super saiyan Jedi moment. Rey helps the remaining rebels escape, and the entire Rebellion is like 7 people now, but at least one of them is the chick from American Horror Story.

COPE

the saber was missing for more than 30 years user, what birthright?
by birthright, is still luke's saber

God, that fight scene was fucking awful.

>he thinks they have a plot
Oh user, you always make me smile you lovable retard you.

Attached: 1474400885809.gif (538x572, 338K)

You're either a girl or severely gay. I thought you were implying I was from Finland, then when I got it I laughed because I can't care any less about the new characters.

who is vanityfairmagazine?

Rey is a shitty character, of course she didn't change.

Luke's legend inspired the whole Galaxy apparently.

And yes Kylo is continuing his journey and development into IX, thanks for noticing.

I am a woman and Finncel/cuck is the name we give people who favor Finn. They are extremely jealous of Kylo Ren and hate him for some reason. If you act like one, you'll get called one.

He's the guy who did the interviews for the VF article for IX.

Attached: D7LOJB2VsAMrACw.jpg large.jpg (2048x1383, 447K)

>Luke's legend inspired the whole Galaxy apparently.
What whole Galaxy? The entire senate that got murdered? Or the 20 people in the resistance still alive?
The scaling in this trilogy is so fucked up

also Daisy seemingly confirmed in a recent interview that the shot of her and Kylo fighting in the rain is an actual scene in the movie. She said it's a really great fight.

Can't wait. Especially since the article titled that scene "Star Crossed" They are pushing the romance angle between them harder than ever.

Attached: 1558547769771.jpg (2400x1631, 657K)

I loved TLJ. Didn't expect anything except the same lame old tropes again.Instead it is a smart movie about coping with failure; fast paced and blended with amazing action sequences and some nice SW goofiness.
Watched it again, loved it even more.
Expectations subverted.

that's what happens when you make a movie 30 years into the future and don't explain what the fuck happened in that time

We Reylo now!

Attached: D8kU7UPW4AIIqPs.jpg (1052x1200, 279K)

Thanks

you cant even fool yourself.

yeah, a great fight between jedi/sith masters!
wow i'm so excited

She said she was really happy that part of it appeared in the VF article and that she thinks they did a really good job with the relationships in the movie. She referred to her other relationships as "fun friendship" and was really cagey about Reylo. She took forever to answer the questions relation to Reylo you could tell she was censoring herself. It must be a huge spoiler of course.

She had to learn that she didn't need to find her place "in all this".

youtube.com/watch?v=CE7SkcoyVAI

>I am a woman and Finncel/cuck is the name we give people who favor Finn. They are extremely jealous of Kylo Ren and hate him for some reason. If you act like one, you'll get called one.
Thank you for your very valuable opinion.

Here's another one of his answers if anyone is curious.

Attached: D7MAmTuXsAwa4wa.jpg (675x1200, 147K)

It's true though. Imagine how much of a jobber you have to be to lose to the chick who has literally never held a lightsaber before. That one fight in TFA ruined any threat Kylo may have posed, because he canonically lost to a girl who had never had a single minute of training.

He wants to fuck her, autist. Pay attention. The story isn't about power levels, have you ever watched a SW movie in your entire life?

Attached: 1531037013488.gif (430x278, 1.9M)

If you even think for a second these bombers was one of the worst part of is dumpster fire, you need to give your head a shake.
You could easily explain these types of bombers by reasoning the only way to take down a dreadnought cruiser is with this type of heavy payload. X-wings torpedos wouldn't be enough to take them down.

>now star wars movies is about trying to fuck someone
kek
it gets better and better

You mean a fight between would-be lovers. They are probably going to kiss.

Attached: reyloepix.gif (500x207, 993K)

Calling it now, both Rey and Kylo are actually clones of the Emperor.

Yeah, SW is about family and love and redemption/forgiveness. Anakin's entire story motivation and most important thing was his love for Padme. Welcome to SW. It's a space opera.

Attached: 1515074109034.png (540x761, 414K)

why everything has to be about sex?
why can't we just have a cool sci-fi movie with fights between good and evil and that's it?

I think they are going to pull something like that with Rey, but not Kylo.

It's pretty lame, I think they should just keep Rey as a nobody. But they are just going to make her more special than ever of course.

Attached: 1513647400248.jpg (801x582, 124K)

That doesn't change the fact that he got his ass beat by someone with no training. Besides, his desire to fuck her notwithstanding, he was trying to kill her in that fight, up until she beat his ass with the power of plot, and offered to actually teach her shit.

Are you allergic to love or something, autist?

SW always had romance, it was a centerpiece of the ST and there is even a scene of Anakin getting out of bed with Padme shirtless.

Stop pretending you are fan. Go watch Star Trek or something.

Attached: 1515073663727.jpg (609x609, 58K)

intadesting

>he was trying to kill her

He was never trying to kill her, he wanted her to be his apprentice. He is completely on the defensive until she gets her Mary Sue powerup.

Attached: 1515862000204.gif (540x569, 1.94M)

>one fight in TFA ruined any threat Kylo may have posed, because he canonically lost to a girl
Really? To an icky girl? ROFLOL, that's pathetic! Men are much stronger than girls.

*centerpiece of PT

and George always thought romance was important. It was really important to him that the girl or guy got the other girl or guy at the end even in the OT.

Attached: D9uFVchUwAIESwp.jpg (1200x739, 234K)

the difference is that reylo feels so forced

Except there's no love story in the new trilogy. Love damned Anakin in the prequels, and it saved him in the OT. Rey doesn't have a romantic subplot, she's got a psychic skype call with an angsty fuckwad.

>GL says the romance happy ending was just as important as Luke's entire story
>dumb incel fanboys
>ROMANCE IN MY Star wars?!?Q REEEE

Attached: sexhair.png (515x307, 367K)

Nice cherry picking retard, I said he lost to a girl with no training. Think about that for a second. The guy who has been getting hyped up as some sort of master fighter gets his ass handed to him on a silver platter by someone who has, not once in her life, held an ignited lightsaber. He lost to somebody who by all rights should have cut off her own arm.

>its a pesudo educated via wikipedia episode
no matter what gymnastics you preform TLJ is shit as the plots logic changes as required to move the train wreck forward.
>dude we outta gas, first order gonna finna dab on us
>no problem we just leave in a shuttle
>dude your skywalker the jedi dude
>yeah but im not going to do anything because im not the new face of the franchise
>ok we got to disable the super ship
>no problem just walk inside because you need to be inside.
>OMG reylo gonna happen
>nope. not this time. not gonna happen. we made it up. this ones on our writers. cant sell these toys if we end the empire/rebels by having reylo.

Attached: notthistime.jpg (225x224, 5K)

>it's bad cuz I don't like it

No one cares, it's canon and happening and has been happening from the beginning and you have zero arguments.

>it's not romantic
>let me just give Rey a metaphorical sex scene with Kylo Ren and have her relationship with him be the most important part of her story
>let me just have Luke telling her she gave in to the Dark Side because of Ben's pretty eyes
>but Rey doens't have a romance

Attached: tumblr_p5k72uuRZ61utsw93o2_540.gif (540x225, 2.75M)

Don't ask questions simply consume the product and get excited for the next product

for a moment, i thought i was in /vp/

>rey literally gets fucking seduced by Kylo
>but she doens't have a romance, trust me

Attached: 1521174849198.gif (250x250, 2.32M)

youtube.com/watch?v=DE8-YaoKa-o

i don't care
i will not see that movie and still haven't watch solo or planning to do it
you can have whatever shit they do in the future

There's a casino on a rich people planet that serves as a 20 minute critique of capitalism in the middle of the movie

Solo was surprisingly alright. Somewhat silly and unnecessary, but I mostly enjoyed it

>shes in love with a monster

Hmmm, sound familiar.

Attached: cutemonster.gif (268x268, 2.94M)

i just read the important stuff of the movie and that's it
i will never see any new SW movie again

I'm only seeing the movie if Reylo is canon and they don't kill of Kylo, I don't care if you see it.

Attached: 1513901745772.jpg (1500x1500, 528K)

>Dies in childbirth
>Gets disfigured and turned into a cyborg
>romance happy ending
Did we watch the same movies? Romance is the downfall of the Jedi Order

The Ren doll looks more female than the Rey doll. ACTION FIGURE! ACTION FIGURE!

Leia's space ship is running out of fuel. Ray trains with Luke, who hates the Jedi now. Lots of characters do stuff that doesn't matter. The end.

If you consider how the prequels are filled with trade negotiations and politics, you have to hand it to Johnson - the casino scene was much more compact, entertaining and effective than that.

>Ray trains with Luke
maybe you watched an entire different movie, user

Do you think Lucas wants to physically murder Rian?

Attached: 9843759th493e7yt340[tj.jpg (696x542, 42K)

>read the important stuff
nothing about Star Wars is important

>i will never see any new SW movie again
you sound more bitter than a goofy space wizard movie should make you

If you’re going to be like that about it, it’s still Luke’s damn lightsaber since it was bequeathed to him by Obi Wan after he forcefully took ownership of it from Anakin/Vader, he just dropped it during a battle. That’s why Rey gave it back to him at the end of TFA/beginning of TLJ. After he throws it away, it’s basically him saying “I don’t want it, you take it.” Which makes it her’s.

I don’t think emphasizing Kylo “seducing” Rey is important to the plot overview if I’m explaining it the first time to someone who hasn’t seen it. If the major hit points I told them makes them actually want to watch it then they’ve got some more details to digest and possibly enjoy.

it's my decision
i still have fun watching the OT and the prequels
the new movies just doesn't do it for me

>Romance is the downfall of the Jedi Order
I would claim that the arrogance of the Jedi is. Then again, nothing in the prequels makes sense, so it might also be Schmees fault.

what plot?

Luke has his own lightsaber and fucked off from the Force, so it should go to Kylo next. Stay mad, Reycuck your fave can't even get her own fucking saber.

>aliums that look somewhat human
>kidneys
You're no better than JewJew or Rian. Sorry, normally I'm not rude

Good for you!

>implying i like the mary sue
i don't even like the new movies user
i was just saying the truth

They're human.

Why? He's been pissing on the franchise since its inception.

It's not the truth. The lighstaber should be with Kylo or no one since Luke is dead now.

Rey should get her own but she's a filthy leech, so her favorite passtime is stealing what belongs to Kylo.

>his family
>his dad's ship
>his master
>his saber
>his heart

biggest mary sue of all time

Attached: 1514830141022.jpg (540x720, 122K)

user, the saber was destroyed lol who cares
in IX, rey will have a new saber that she made with magic and will kill kylo

Luke is dead and Rey should make her own lightsaber. This is true regardless if it belongs to Kylo or not, which it does.

And Kylo seducing Rey is very important considering their relationship is a centerpiece to the entire trilogy.

Making a jump to lightspeed is not going to save you now that hyerspace tracking is a thing. FO would just follow them then destroy them once they reenter normal space.

cuck

Attached: 1514158299548.gif (500x355, 1.97M)

I didn't watch it either, but by all accounts is a cookie cutter sci-fi romp written by focus groups and market analysis.

No, she just put some tape on the same saber she didn't make her own. It's retarded how she managed to get it working by herself, but Mary Sue gonna Mary Sue as usual.

It's probably supposed to be a metaphor for her fixing the broken heart of the Skywalker family and Ben Solo anyway.

Since she loves fixing broken things and waiting and the novels love to compare Ben Solo as a broken thing who Rey has to wait for.

Attached: 1514856812392.gif (800x600, 708K)

Then use an A or B wing, genius. No need for shitty and impractical (for the universe) bombers

sounds retarded so it must be true

not really - it's bad but not in that way

>hyperspace tracking
Was this the first movie that ever mentioned that?

It's better than them going with some retarded golden child replacement story

>we fucked up with our actual kid so we'll replace him with this Mary Sue instead

Yuck.

Attached: 1514821437889.png (525x517, 267K)

Since the title of the movie is Rise of Skywalker I wouldn't be surprised if Rey is a clone or close genetic line to Anakin, Luke or Leia.

the rebels run out of gas and get wiped out by the empire on salt hoth. snork and luke are dead. there are no plot threads to continue in the next movie.

Kylo is the Skywalker of the trilogy and the music that plays is a triumphant version of his theme.

Attached: tumblr_ppva4x0NHH1v30tq0o2_640.png (590x230, 43K)

>Kylo is the Skywalker
>VF article has him on the rising side of the sun
>he is lowering, signalling he has to "rise"
>Daisy flubbed her words in a recent interview and called it "rise of THE Skywalker" and then said it was jetlag that made her say that
>the music that plays during the title reveal is a triumphant version of Kylo's theme

wow, what could this mean?

Attached: D9wcNLBU4AAVC9S.jpg large.jpg (1876x1311, 91K)

>I am a woman
No you're not, tranny.

Based

I'm so ready for that steamy Reylo makeout session in the rain. JJ better deliever.

Attached: D-Ff-onU4AAhOqU.jpg large.jpg (1600x1067, 240K)

I'm more ok with this than if it was anyone else.

Attached: 1508674723904.jpg (235x300, 12K)

The design of the guy she's fighting, the lighting, angle, weird shinyness of the cheap plastic armor; Jesus this looks like dogshit for having such a supposedly high production value.

>I am a woman
T.

Attached: 1561963219012.png (272x461, 211K)

>The Kylo Ren spamming fag is also a tranny
My my, how shocking indeed. Die before 30

Attached: 1550429101883.png (738x669, 233K)

Attached: it's fact.jpg (480x360, 11K)

why did they give kylo emo-mall-kid sleeves?

Didn't they mention snoke was manipulating him for a while or some shit

starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Hyperspace_tracker

According to the Star Wars fandom wiki, hyperspace tracking wasn't possible until the events of The Last Jedi.

Because his character is an emo mall kid

>edit

Attached: D29E7574-F61E-4BEE-81F2-C6EC44091ABA.jpg (225x225, 10K)

it's three hours of women showing how they're important by sabotaging the men above them and gaslighting these men into thinking they're wrong and the women are right. Literally nothing happens except a bunch of people needlessly die.

that's fucking gay.
basically Rian just had to invent a whole new technology to try and make his retard tier plot make sense, and then it still doesn't because he added hyperspace ramming despite the tracking implying hyperspace is a different dimension.

Me bangin your mum

>diverse casino full of many races of aliens that exists off the abuse of poor human children
accidentally based?

Lucas is an oildriller whose opinion on Star Wars stopped mattering after Return, maybe even before Return considering Ewoks and Boba Fett's lame death.

as much as I hate Rian and think he's at fault for everything wrong with TLJ, you have to blame the people above him who are supposed to protect the franchise. They should have stepped in at multiple times and said "No, you can't do that, that isn't Star Wars." Even for petty little shit like not having the wilhelm scream. But that's the problem the people in charge are pic related, and care more about the image of being in charge as women than making good movies, which shouldn't be hard for a franchise like Star Wars.

Attached: 20161119-skywalkerranch8400-h_2016_thr[1].jpg (928x523, 138K)

Why Reylo is even a thing? In universe they have seen each other 5(?) times:
>Him torturing her
>Him killing his father in front of her.
>fighting to dead
>some telepathy crap
>torture + fighting to dead
All in 3 to 4 days span.

of all things to complain about, that's not one of them. They're the only force using characters, literally the opposite side of the same coin. So that's why it's a thing.

That's it overall, but it's even worst in the details.

This is one of those things where you go, stop fucking lying, but

>it's true

>He also implies that Luke is a fool and that Rey is wise because.
he really didn't though.

Imagine watching Empire Strikes Back but the Emperor shows up and dies halfway through and then at the end instead of finding out Vader is Luke’s dad, Luke makes him look like a punkass faggot so his credibility as a villain is completely destroyed

>explain the plot as best as you can

Empire Strikes Back only with plot ending points reversed. Producer's JJ and KK even dragged out the Yoda puppet only to dress it up with a CGI model overlayed. Half of VIII Yoda's dialog is recycled from Empire and Return.

The clearly tacked on afterward ending which consisted of Disney Channel-tier ending featuring kids telling stories Luke Skywalker with the Millennium Falcon flying across the night sky. One would expect to see "The More You Know" or "You're Watching Disney Channel" in the Falcon's wake.

Attached: VIII - Michaela Coel - Resistance Monitor.webm (1280x536, 1.21M)

The most utterly incompetent cartoon villians chase the most utterly incompetent rebels and 'heroes' in the galaxy.

The male rebel commander basically tries to kill himself and his team but fails
The rebels kill themselves by running away without fighting
The female rebel commander kills herself jihad style.
Snoke falls over in half and dies.
Luke kills himself.
Finn tries to kill himself.
The rebels are all about to kill themselves, then a fox and Rey picks up some rocks to save liek 10 dudes. Because you know a secret rebel base doesn't have any escape routes or armaments besides 10 rusty motorcycles

>sureme
I know this is a typo, but I seriously read this as "sur-meme leader"

Attached: Die CIS Scum.gif (339x267, 2.33M)

They went to a casino or something and Snooki died

Boy that’s fucking convenient
Bravo Rian

They've had the most relationship development of any relationship in the trilogy and they are the main characters/force users, shut your flapper incel.

Attached: 1558757748900.gif (540x260, 543K)

yeah and Rey cut his face open and left him for dead and is one of the biggest threats to his ideals, but I don't see you complaining about that. You sound like a SJW. Leave forever and never return.

Wow, it's almost like enemies to lovers is a thing.

Why did they keep the superman Leia after she died?
It looked goofy as fuck her actually dying was the perfect excuse to scrap the whole force flying in space. They already had footage of a good death for her and now instead they'll have to CGI a new one for the next movie

She doesn't really beat him in the fight though, I've never understood that argument. She basically does the equivalent of pull a gun on him during a slap fight.

TLJ takes place in a weird parallel universe where everyone has down syndrome also physics work in some weird other way.

Attached: tlj.jpg (476x295, 25K)

The podracing announcer in Episode I literally refers to Anakin as a little human boy

You're actually a really dumb nigger but i bet you already knew that

because that's a stupid analogy. She overpowered luke without the saber, the saber was just to emphasize how shit of a person she is (but the writers thought was a positive show of power). An experience jedi master cowered in her presence. Compare it to her interaction with snoke.

When will we get a film that explains what the First Order/Resistance are?

No she didn't. Luke was defending himself fine, and even disarmed her, but then she got butthurt and went for the saber.

Attached: 1521491322740.png (800x900, 729K)

You're as retarded as those bombers.
>bomb blast radius goes up to the bombers themselves
>laughably slow
>have to get right above a target to be effective
>drops bombs in a space battle instead of propelling or shooting them
>are so fragile that multiple can be destroyed by random debris
>no shields
>no manual deployment from the pilot's seat
And what's worst of all is the fact that they're more inefficient than faster and more powerful bombers we saw in the OT and PT.

Attached: 1p758w7tcs921.png (1918x805, 1.55M)

I wish they would have kept it like it was in the script where seeing Ben flying away is what motivated her to keep going to not give up on her son.

>hey man there are blacks in space
>haha look at this waif she is so abused and eats by herself
>wha this muslim also flies space fighters
>zoom zoom solo and leia are fucking old
>grr im so angry ima wear this mask
>blows up another death star variant
>zzzzzZZzzzzzz

>Let's create a stupidly inferior version of existing technology just to fabricate drama

Attached: Caveman.jpg (1280x720, 52K)

>give Leia an actually realistic and emotional reason to become Super Leia
>nah, let's change it to wank Rey some more instead

Attached: Dtqzri9WsAA21d2.jpg (654x520, 51K)

>ywn have a scene where Punished Luke has one last fight with the Knights of Ren that plays out like vid related

youtube.com/watch?v=VwIIDzrVVdc

Attached: 1525650592534.png (500x400, 169K)

This is what Kathleen was taking about for this scene. I have no idea why they changed it.

I remember her saying something about this scene and comparing it to stories you hear where mothers will gain super strength and lift cars to save their kids. It actually makes sense now. Too bad they changed it.

Attached: 1451825973274.jpg (960x926, 162K)

That's going to be Kylo and the Knights in IX probably. Since he was actually their Master and not Luke.

Luke's the one who trained and "failed" them initially though.

The Knights being the other students is just a fan theory.

Even if it's true, Luke is dead and Kylo is the one they presumably fought and defected for, so his betrayal would be far worse.

I reckon so.

He's not the last jedi.

KK is such a Kylofag.

While I hate the movie for a multitude of reasons, you have to be brain dead to not notice that rey stole the books and hid them on the ship.

Why didn't he just stab her?

Doesn't change the fact that Yoda said she didn't need them.

Wrong, yoda said that the tree didn't have anything she already didn't have (Since she stole the fucking books and probably emptied the whole thing out).

>>it's good cuz I like it

he never said that you fucking retard. He was careful with his wording. He literary says the books aren't there, just in a round about way.

>that library (the burned one) contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess
in other words
>she has the books

So are the Jedi texts important or not?

If they were important, why didn't Luke read them?
If they weren't, why did Rey take them?

>So are the Jedi texts important or not?
they are
>If they were important, why didn't Luke read them?
he never said he didn't read them
>If they weren't, why did Rey take them?
they are important, or should be. They will probably teach her how to master her shit

but the jedi order have been gone for like 60years lel. what the fuck is luke on about?

>movie is a slow speed car chase in space
>luke dies so they can get in a different car

No, Yoda says the books are shit and they aren't page turners and she doesn't need them.

yeah, he never actually says that. He does say they are boring, but never says she doesn't need them.

Rey is a Mary Sue, fuck off.

>le she will teach her self
>implying this is a good thing

>Yoda : Time it is for you to look past a pile of old books, hmm?
>Luke Skywalker : The sacred Jedi texts?
>Yoda : Oh, read them, have you? Page-turners they were not. Yes, yes, yes. Wisdom they held, but that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess. Skywalker, still looking to the horizon. Never here, now, hmm? The need in front of your nose.

where exactly does he say that?

The actual dialogue

>Luke: So it is time for the Jedi Order to end
>Yoda: Time it is for you to look past a pile of old books
>Luke: The Sacred Jedi texts!
>Yoda: Oh, read them have you? Page turners they were not. Yes yes yes, wisdom they held. But that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already posses.

He refers to the books in past tense implying they are destroyed and he also says that Rey doesn't need the wisdom they held. He even chastises Luke for caring about what was in them. "a pile of old books" So yes, he is saying she doesn't even need them fuck off forever.

In the text you posted. He literally shits on Luke for caring about the books and said that she doesn't need the wisdom they hold.

You're done. Go home.

I guess we learned shills can't read

>>If they were important, why didn't Luke read them?
>he never said he didn't read them

You dumbass.

>Yoda : Oh, read them, have you?
>Luke: Well...
>Yoda: Page turners they were not.

you faggots are literally retarded.

He's very careful with his words. He doesn't say Rey doesn't need the wisdom the books held, he literary says
>the books held wisdom
>the library doesn't have the books anymore

he shits on luke for caring about the books above other things. FUCK YOU GUYS A FUCKING RETARDED.

>shills who can't read defending a scene about books

pottery

ah yes, very clearly he stated he hasn't read them.

t. illiterate shill

>literary

KEKKEKKE

Go read a book.

If he read them he would've said so.

The Last Jedi would've been an atrocious stand alone film. As a key part of a AAA trilogy it's quite possibly one of the worst films ever made, and certainly the worst star wars film ever made. And that's a good thing. Star Wars deserves to fail and Disney deserves to be holding a lemon they lost 2 billion on.

>literary

pls be a troll, pls be a troll

Attached: 1515105844118.jpg (500x277, 26K)

Typing in all caps and using the word "faggot" doesn't make your argument more credible, illiterate. Besides, doesn't Lucasfilm frown on anti-gay slurs? Shills probably shouldn't do that.

>people can't make mistakes
I should probably just kill myself now, right?

>the joke
>your head

Oh, this is even sadder.

call me illiterate all you want, I'm taking his words as literal as possible, that's the fucking gag.

The fucking gag is you don't know how to argue?

ok

Okay so let me break it down here

>Luke didn't read the books
>Yoda shits on the books for being boring

but somehow we are supposed to believe that Yoda was saying the books are good and important for Rey. Makes total sense.

In the course of a fucking day, the not empire is fighting not rebels. Luke’s a cuck who drinks from the tits of a sea cow. Rey’s there. Chewie, r2, and 3PO are there. Kylo and rey want to hold hands. John Booga Ooga and Kelly Marie Transgender go on a supah secreh mission-san on the EVIL WHITE MEN RUN casino planet and free some donkeys or some shit. They meet ooblax gooblex del toro who has a stutterign problem? They sneak on the ship for some reason and admiral gender studies wants to kill poe I guess I really didn’t understand this shit. By this point everyone’s board so rey goes on the empire’s ship to fuck kylo but snoke wants them to fight or something so he makes them fighf but kylo kills snoke. A horribly choreographed fight scene between the power rangers and reylo happens and then they go to salt hoth. Everyone rides bumper carts to blow up the empire’s at ats? Admiral gender studies kamikazes herself and does an anime honeraru death. Leia also floats in space. Ooga wants to sacrifice himself but chink saves him and the worst kiss in cinema history is given. Luke teleports and says nothin personel kid and fights kylo and dies like a bitch in ireland. Some kid has a broom. The end

Okay I'll take pity on you. Even if we were supposed to take it that way, explain this

You think this is good writing? To utterly shi ton the books for an entire scene and then expect the audience to think Rey needs them or they are important?

you're trying to hard. Embarrassing really.

God, I want to fuck Kylo Ren. You just KNOW he has a gigantic dick.

no, it's not good writing. The whole movie is fucking garbage and Rian fucked up at almost every turn.

But if we're gonna be autismal as possible about it, yoda does say that they held a lot of wisdom, implying they were important despite being boring as fuck. Rian makes a huge point to show you that Rey still has them after showing Luke getting super assblasted thinking they were lost (despite him wanting the jedi to end, another contradiction in the shit writing).

Im schizo user i dont remember the movie

Go to bed, Rey.

>they are boring and it's okay you didn't read them, stop thinking about those boring ass books Luke
>but they hold wisdom so Rey should read them

kek 10/10 writing

The books showing up just made the whole thing more retarded and pointless. If they are gong to have characters say stupid shit like that, at least commit.

The funny thing about TLJ is that some people like to praise it for taking risks, but it really didn't.

>toyed with the idea of Rey going dark and joining Kylo
>nvm she's a boring good guy by the end again
>is there some greyness I see with DJ saying the Resistance are just as bad?
>nvm the Resistance are the underdog good guys by the end again

It was a half-assed attempt at being deep because it asks these questions, but instead of at least leaving it open to interpretation, it doubles down on the most boring and safe answers.

there is nothing that kylo ren can do that would be interesting enough to redeem how lame he's been in two movies already
literally the only memorable thing was that he threw a funny tantrum in TFA

Just watch the 1st episode of 2004's BSG season 1. Pure kino...

It means they're pulling the Kylo redemption plot an entire movie too late.

The entire trilogy has been building his redemption, though.

If he dies or remains the "bad guy", there will have been zero point to this trilogy and it will be even more badly written than I thought.

Yes, but it should have happened in the last movie, along with Rey turning to the dark side like they wouldn't stop hinting at but then did nothing with. It would've actually been an interesting development.

>remains the "bad guy", there will have been zero point to this trilogy and it will be even more badly written than I thought.
I hope they keep him bad to the end and figure out a way to make it work.

>They are extremely jealous of Kylo Ren
What the fuck are you talking about

reylo niggers have shit in the head

It’s all true.
He actually played down how fucking retarded it is.

Attached: CE91D969-8DCD-4EDF-B16F-E7FA5DE8A695.jpg (480x360, 10K)

Reylo chads taking over, Reddit bros this can't be happening OHNONONONONOAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Attached: 1560380767028.png (231x218, 9K)

I do enjoy the fact that literally the only people who defend NuWars without being paid are mentally ill shippers.
With friends like that, Disney doesn’t need enemies.

I'm not going to lie, The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi bleed together to me.

Doesn't that happen with literally every single franchise and tumblr
Fucking hell sometimes Yea Forums isn't that much different from that site

>let's end his conflict in the middle of the trilogy even though it's been building all trilogy

The only way I will accept him being "bad" is if he kills everyone and fucks off into the Outer Rim or something. But that's not gong to happen, so redemption here we come.

kek

antis always embarrass themselves

This is our trilogy.

Attached: thelastjedi.gif (269x181, 2.33M)

Mentally ill shippers latch on like parasites to most franchises with a moderately attractive lead, but NuWars is unique in the fact that they are their sole customer that likes it for what it is, as opposed to being bribed to say they like it, or professing to like it for political reasons.

Honestly if Reylo doesn't happen in IX and/or Kylo dies, they will be shitting on their only real fanbase and the only things their fanbase actually gives a fuck about.

imagine being that retarded. I wonder if they will shit the bed that hard.

It's was all as planned, really even though I absolutely hate the duo I must say the two got considerable character development than the rest and are the only thing going on in the franchise.

>Disney wars
>planning
Good joke

There has to be some sort of relationship between them in the next movie. Besides killing Luke that's all they worked on in TLJ.

>mfw JJ Throws it away out of spite

Attached: D0D518BD-79B0-48D4-A98D-8628BD12D406.jpg (300x244, 41K)

reylo is fucking garbage.

We can only hope that kike delivers.

That would be hilarious, but what would they do? Just have her kill Kylo?

The Resistance blew up the Starkiller, but the First Order is still winning somehow. Leia's fleet suddenly starts running out of fuel, so they can't get away from the bad guys. Leia is injured, Admiral SJW takes over, Finn and the Asian chick get away in secret to find a hacker who can disable the First Order's tracking device and let the Resistance escape.
Meanwhile, Luke reluctantly begins to teach Rey to use the Force, but gets scared of her power and stops. Rey's mind has been linked to Kylo Ren's by Snoke, so they can talk to each other, and Kylo tells Rey that Luke tried to kill him in his sleep, which Luke confirms. Rey grabs a bunch of SACRED JEDI TEXTS and fucks off. There's a Yoda cameo after this, but he doesn't do nor say anything of note other than tell Luke to let her go.
Poe tries to mutiny against Admiral SJW, but Leia wakes up and assumes command again. Meanwhile, Finn and Rose find the hacker on a casino planet, but he turns out to be a First Order agent, and they are captured. Finn fights Phasma and wins. The Resistance decides to make a final stand on a salty planet cause they can't run away after all.
Rey is captured by Kylo, he takes her to Snoke, then Kylo kills Snoke and butchers his guards together with Rey. She tries to make him return to the light side again, but he refuses. Admiral SJW does a kamikaze attack on Snoke's ship, and Rey and Kylo escape to the salty planet separately.
Finn tries a suicide attack of his own, but Rose stops him. Luke appears on that planet, Kylo tries to kill him but fails - it was a Force projection. Luke is actually on Ahch-To where he dies from the strain.
I haven't watched TLJ, either.

Just not even acknowledge it, then have her kill him or him kill himself somehow.
We’ll need to wait and see how the clickbait shills start astroturfing when 9’s on the near horizon.
If they double down on 8 did nothing wrong, expect the movie to do likewise.
If they try wheedling that JJ can save it, they’ll be trying to implicitly retcon or gloss over it.

Mostly right.

based

They did my boy dirty. I know he's a dirty characterture, but at least he had some presence in TFA. Now he's just a beta.

Attached: bestboy.png (250x347, 77K)

I don't ever remember the empire being turned into jokes. Like they were always the rigid straightedge part of the movies. It was fucking horrible in TLJ

The only time they were deliberately shown to be incompetent was when they were letting the falcon go to track it, and when Vader demonstrates his impatience with Ozzel’s fuck up.

>space car chase
>self-insert SJW leader who despises men
>yoda indulges in some arson
>Rey and Kylo kill snoke
>self insert nobly sacrifices herself for no apparent reason
>luke turns into a spooky force ghost

Fuck off Finnwhale. Go back to tumblr.

Too bad for you Reylo is the center piece of IX as well. Keep crying cuck

Hux is ugly and irrelevant

Luke dies, that's it, you're free to watch the next one. Nothing else happens

What doesn't makes sense is the fact that the baddies control the galaxy and yet somehow only have 1 ship to deal with literally the only enemies they have in the galaxy.

It just a galaxy wide family problem.
and alien.
and space wizard.
and beaming gun.
and sci-fi version of Great Holocust.

>I am a woman
Keep dilating.

why didn't the guy in red use the left handed sword / dagger / whatever? he literally moves it past her stomach. It also disappears? lol

>The Force doesn't come from the strength (or midichlorians) within us, it comes from the friends we made along the way

Attached: Dr. Zaius.jpg (250x333, 42K)

I feel bad for the actor. Hux could've been a decent Tarkin for this trilogy, instead JJ made him a caricature of Hitler and Ruin turned him into a laughing stock.

>literal "yo mama" jokes in a canonical star wars feature film

Shut up. This post actually made me mad.

Everyone is a embarrassing caricature in nuWars. With no reason to do the retarded shit that they do and no coherent script to act from

This is what happens when you hire production staff based on wokeness and not based on experience. Simon Pegg saved Beyond from JJs touch of death, get him to patch up this script and you will at least have some characters.

Attached: 1481492268868.gif (308x214, 1.99M)

>NuWars
>Canonical

If you actually believe that this new trilogy isn't canon, you're an idiot. Disney willed it into existence and paid for the rights to do as they please with their shiny new IP.

>friends
>entire cast repeatedly try to commit suicide to escape their side kicks constant whining
was literally howling with laughter when the black guy kept trying to off himself to escape the fattie, i dont even remember their names, got asked to leave the kinoplex for making too much noise. I didnt.

Attached: he fur got to tip.gif (320x180, 985K)

fuck man, I miss danger 5

>"we like totally need to save these horse things from the evil rich people of space Monaco"
Despite the fact there were sent there to find one very specific person and this side quest of a side quest will not only likely get them caught, but time is of the essence as the dwindling resistance needs that code to fend off further offensive attacks from the first order
>Also, imagine thinking that prize-winning thoroughbreds are treated inhumanely rather than trained and pampered

The Force awakened.

>man-hating

She literally tells Leia she likes Poe.

Thanks for the spoiler, Man-from-the-future!

The internal space of the bombers have a "down". The bombs can fall while inside the bomber, then once the bombs break the plane of the bomber's force-field, they would keep travelling in the same direction.

it's a story about family that subvert your expectations

The design of that is so incredibly fucking retarded. Who about you just lobe them at the ship, or like, attach a rocket engine to the back of the explosive so it goes fast. You could even have electronics to guide it.

>There are people ITT unironically defending this hot garbage

Attached: 1558062328762.jpg (996x776, 72K)

Rey is actually Anakin's mother. During the creation of the fetus she has a mega midichlorian orgasm that transports her back in time, eliminates her force ability and gives her amnesia.

Why are writers getting worse and worse?

Attached: 1556004830645.webm (640x334, 760K)

Nah, Admiral SJW was thirsty for Poe.

RJ, is just that bad of writer.

Attached: Holdo Pataki.png (710x703, 281K)

>There's a casino on a rich people planet that serves as a 20 minute critique of capitalism in the middle of the movie

While making billions off capitalism in the meantime.

What did the (((kikes))) mean by this>?>>>????>?>?>

Attached: basedboys.jpg (720x405, 239K)

>DJ
Which character is DJ?

>She literally tells Leia she likes Poe.
Which makes no sense because she clearly hated him.

>When even X-Wings are capable bombers

Attached: tenor (1).gif (498x249, 1.49M)

>The only way I will accept him being "bad" is if he kills everyone and fucks off into the Outer Rim or something. But that's not gong to happen, so redemption here we come.
Yeah, there is absolutely no way that Kylo isn't redeemed. No way. It's the most ridiculously telegraphed plot point in Star Wars I can think of.

You miss the point a lot, I am safely assuming.

Because they're not actually writers. They're political activists that write.