Greetings travelers, and welcome to Adventure Call, my name is Falconhoof and I will be your guide on your quest...

Greetings travelers, and welcome to Adventure Call, my name is Falconhoof and I will be your guide on your quest. You begin in a grassy field. To your north there is the frozen wasteland mountains, to your east there is a graveyard, to the south there is a small village, and to your west there is a large forest. What do you wish to do traveler? Remember I can only here your request if you get dubs.

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I start masturbating

PALLETS! WIDDEN PALLETS!

Head weast

Go to village

JUMP THE CHASM

inb4 falconhoof bans you from his Twitch chat for saying the word "bitch"

Kill Jester

south to the village I want some irn bru

You head to the village and the villagers are distraught and desperately plead for your assistance. There is a monster in the forest that has been plaguing them for many months. They hope you can defeat it. They give you supplies and a sword so you can finally end their plight. What do you wish to do now traveler?

Befriend the monster and pillage the village with him. It gets 10% of the loot, not including the items given by the villagers.

Take the supplies and sword and go back to the frozen wasteland

take the supplies on go on ye merry wae

kill jesteh

Goto forest. Kill monster.

go left

i was hopin to kill jesteh but alirght mate

Watch his streams he's an sjw

he's from the united kingdom of course he's a cuck

As you set out in the forest with your gear you hear nothing, which is odd. No birds singing, nothing. You travel far into the forest and with no signs you see nothing. You decide to hunker down for the night and go to sleep. At dawn you are awakened by a loud roar and run towards that direction. You are faced with the monster of the forest. It leaps at you and you thrust your sword at it's chest as it falls on top of you. You push it over and cut of it's head to bring back to the village as proof you killed the monster. What do you wish to do now traveler?

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Fuck bar wenches.

Skin it and wear it as a cloak

whores.

make a mask out of the monsters head and terrorize the villagers at night

commit suicide

YEAH IS THIS GLENN?

go to the village and get dubs

turn around

Go to the village to turn in my quest

Return to the village, giving them the head as proof the monster is defeated, and ask the villagers for any advice or information they may know pertinent to my quest.

You drink the delicious Barry's Red Cola. Yum!

Head east into the graveyard with the head

have sex with a cute barmaid (male)

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wank off

Hit up the tavern. Fuck a local whore.

seconded for barmaid (male)

fuckin...go to the moon in a coarsboars rocketship

>coarsboars
*cardboard

Return to village and find town jester.

Fornicate with the severed head in front of the villagers.

Return to the village and demand a large sack of gold

Find the Jester.

Go back to the village and ask the shop keeper for a place to stay the night.

cast a Curse of No Dubs on the current thread

Wear its hide and pillage the village in the creature's name. I was the creature all along.

go back to the village and ask for the town's jester as the reward

Bring the head to the village square, then engage in necromancy and resurrect the beast to feast upon the villagers.

fuck jester

get dubs

Seduce Jester.

As you attempt to seduce the jester, Sneed suddenly appears out from nowhere and punches you in the gut. As you're reeling from the pain, he takes off your pants and rapes you. Farmer #1 and #2 shows up and starts dabbing. As you are passing out from pleasure and pain, they both whip off their pants as well and shits on you. You're failed your quest, traveler.

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Oh boy.

You bring back the head of the monster to the village and you receive a hero's welcome. The town jester throws herself at you and you spend a night with her in your bed. What do wish to do now traveler?

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Talk to villagers

Ask Jester if she wants to go north into the frozen wasteland with me

Cut off my dick

seduce jester again

Talk to the villagers

Kill jester by fucking her to death

Attack village

Steal joints

Go north with jester

seduce jesteh

Marry jester

go to the graveyard and find a fresh grave

Stop posting this eceleb.

Go whence I came

Well a good end to a fucking cursed thread

drink Barrie's Res Cola

post 'i voted leave' in chat

After laying with Jester you feel thirsty and drink a red barry's red cola. MMM it tastes good. What do you wish to do traveler?

Stare into my young child's eyes and not care if I'm alive or dead.

Put Barries Red Cola™ into Jesters ass and let it mull inside for a minute before having her squirt it back into my mouth

Attack villagers

Open Sarcophagus

Go to wastelands w/ jester

Travel into the wilderness until we find another settlement or farmer to interact with, and learn of local news.

After you drink Barries Red Cola™ You express your desire to go to the frozen wastes. Jester tells you that you need more preparation to go there. She tells you that there is sufficient gear needed to go there at the graveyard buried with a former adventurer. What do you wish to do now traveler?

Tell her to shut the fuck up and that I know what I'm doing then I take her up north

Search for a new adventure somewhere

Call the ‘Adventure Call’ television program

Listen to Jester and go to the graveyard

Attack the graveyard

Force feed a mouse to jester

You follow Jester's advice and head to the graveyard with her in tow. Upon arrival she points out an unmarked grave that has the gear you need. You begin to exhume the grave and find several heavy winter coats, ice picks and ropes, and a hammer that when you grab you can feel an energy emanating from it. A group of people begin to surround you. They ask you what you are doing here. What do you wish to do traveler?

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give them all the gear and the jester

Perform ritualistic sex acts with jester

Tell them the truth then compliment each of them

Tell them you followed jester here

poop on nearest tomb

I floss and dab on dem niggas

Raise my defenses and ask who that are

Tell them to mind their own business and fuck off

kill Jestah

I explain I and Jester intend to finish what the dead adventurer couldn’t, face the Frozen Wastes and hope that by telling about our noble cause, the people will let us pass.

Put Jester in bag.

It's my call, I'm paying for it: Kill Jester.

Tell them I caught this Jester trying to rob the grave and that we should kill her

I ask Jessy to start juggling to distract the people, then make a dash for it. After that I don my heavy fur winter coat and pretend I’m a bear and walk back to scare the people away to save Jessy

kill jester

Tell em that this was all jesters idea

Call them cunts

Tell them to come get some

kiss jester

Blame Jester

With your new hammer in hand you tell them to come get some. The grave robbers thinking you are an easy target rush forward. With you new weapon you smash their brains in easily. What do you wish to do now traveler?

Take my shit and head north with Jester

Call the ‘Adventure Call’ television program

Ask Jester to tell a joke

Loot bodies then take Jester north

Return to the village, hammer in hand, and live like a king!

Call Adventure Call and ask to talk to Falconhoof

You loot their bodies and take additional clothing and gear along with you, knives and food. You travel to the frozen wastes. You are stopped by a sherpa. He will only bring you up the mountain if you answer his riddle. What goes up but never goes down?

The flightplan

“My dick”
Impale the Sherpa with my dick

The Godfather Part II

Godfather Part 4

rape Jester

The Sickness

yer mum's skirt

Incorrect. The sherpa directs you back towards the village. What do you wish to do now traveler?

Check for stds

Call “adventure call”

Give Spotify a 1 star review because I'm sick of this new shit UI

OH WA AA AA AA

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Jester is clean. She tells you to go back and try to answer the sherpa's riddle again. What do you wish to do now traveler?

"My hopes an dreams, mate! Ya know, aftah loosing threee years of mei leif on heroin and another five on a methadone programme trying to get us aff et I really thought that me life was going down da drain, bat nooo! I got better, stronger, felld wit life once moar. SO Don't you be tellin me what goes up but neva goes down!"

You visit the local shaman to perform a check for stds, however he advises you that the correct terminology is now STI. Alas, he's unable to perform the assessment you require.
You feel an itch intensify around your groin area.

Create a semen golem

If you want to take over go ahead

shag jester

stick mah hammah op jestahs arse

Thank the Shaman for his time. Go back to the Sherpa and threaten him with STIs if he doesn't guide you

Pull my cock out and piss on the shaman

I do a 360 and walk away east

Oh neat, an actual good thread.

kill sherpa

Return to the Sherpa, and tell him the true answer while showing him my rapidly growing rash. If he declines, insist that he'll soon debate the merits of my answer personally on his own nether regions.

all scots are like that, longshanks should have won

Christ limmy fans are cancerous. If you attend one of his live appearances it's just morons screaming out his catch phrases non stop. Much like this thread.

Your age.

this is literally what Yea Forums meetup have been like since at least '06

welcome to any fandom

Kill jester

scratch groin

buy fresh cream

Coarsboars. Being this drunk.

Niggers tongue my anus

Kill jester

You find another adventure

go back to sherpa and answer "AGE"

FUCK JESTER

Kiw Jeastawh

Make Falconhoof suck my BBC in the town square until he's more cum than man