Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous. I was raised in Japan. I was schooled in martial arts...

God I love this man. Everything about him is so funny

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Seagal is the gift that keeps giving.

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There is a character limit here. Just as an idea:

Yes, he stole an automatic shotgun that was loaned to him by a sheriffs dept in Arizona (Maricopa co. He used to be friends with Sheriff Joe Arapaio but they fell out.. the shotgun was just a part of it) I’ve seen it, I’ve shot it.

He killed a puppy why doing his reality show with aforementioned sheriff’s dept. when he drove an MRAP through a Mexican guy’s house. It upsetim because he’s crazy protective of animals, sees them as people. He’s a vegetarian too.

Yes, he treats his female staff like a harem. It’s borderline human trafficking, their movements are controlled and everyone’s job includes “personal” services. It’s like a crazy cult, except instead of religion it’s pseudo-spiritual Eastern mumbo jumbo. Of his two current Russian secretaries, one has a horse face and the other is hot. Go figure.

Yes, he really buys the shit he’s selling. He thinks he’s a guru of some kind, a warrior monk, and a sexual god. Now, some Buddhist bigwigs say he IS the reincarnation of somebody important.. but Steven treats this like he’s a llama, which they say he definitely is not.

Yes, Gene Lebell choked him out once he shit himself. Bringing this up makes him angry. Steven picks lots of fights.

He’s ridiculously popular in Eastern Europe, is personal friends with Putin (who I also met at his own birthday party with Steven some years ago. Did you know he’s like 5’5”? Literal manlet). He also loves Serbia, and Serbia loves him. His interactions out there are a whole other post.

On that note: several countries like Estonia, Lithuania, Georgia, and Ukraine have banned him from visiting.

He did fight the mafia one time, but it was in court.

Despite being such a weirdo, he IS a very skilled aikido practitioner, speaks several languages, etc. he’s just eccentric. Very eccentric. I love him like he’s family, but you can love someone while recognizing they aren’t perfect.

But Tom Cruise wasn't the las samurai. What a retard.

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>whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know
Never fails to make me laugh

is this real?

He once paid a Tibetan monastery to declare him the reincarnation of a 17th-century Buddhist monk

I watched a demo video of this dude a few years ago and I was crying laughing
the other dudes were literally throwing themselves across the room in response to the tiniest movements from him

reddit

>he also loves Serbia, and Serbia loves him
I'm Serbian and this is true. It boggles the mind. When he visited he was on national tv and the president personally met with him to give him honorary citizenship or something. It was broadcast all day.

How fucked up is your country when it glorifies delusional has been actors.

Also, my girlfriend and her sister were just shooting the shit one day and a question came up on who they think is the sexiest celebrity. The sister said Steven Seagal, i laughed and thought for a second that she was ironic, but then i realized she is a dumb normie and there is no way she knows about these memes. Turns out she was dead serious, i don't even know how she knows who he is since she is like 22 years old and probably was not born when he was still popular

>DUDE MY GIRLFRIEND LMAO

unironically kill yourself

Have sex

sure is reddit in here

>whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know
this part always kills me

just based, to put it simply

The world may never know

I’ve got Steve’s body type I just need the goatee, do I have a shot with your sister?

remember when Van Damme called him out at a party and he ran the entire night?

I'd beat the shit out of this fat toupee wearing weaboo faggot

>Seagal
>running

you are