Imagine an HBO miniseries on Napoleon's 100 Days

Berbers aren't black.

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>Napoleon had an average size; he took, in today's measurements, a number 7 hat. The head seemed large because the neck was short. His feet were small: twenty-six centimetres long, that is size 6. His hands also were small and beautifully made, with tapering fingers and well-formed nails. Small too were the penis and testicles.

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this. Make it in French.

He was Corsican though, and famously spoke French with an accent. For it to be accurate he would need a thick Scottish or Irish accent.

>the good guy

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Anglo propaganda.

Wonderful post

>Weimarica in 2019
>touching the greatest man of the millennium
NO thanks

He did not usurp the crown. He found it lying in the gutter. And he picked it up with his sword. But it was the people - the people, user - who placed it on his head.

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Basé et rougepillulé

Napoleon would be black

everything he accomplished would now be because of Thomas-Alexandre Dumas and he stole the credit

In this scenario, he had blonde hair and blue eyes. Also, Wellington was actually advised by a woman.

Already exists
youtube.com/watch?v=kH2BZgbbKjI&t=4459s
So if they want to do Napoleon kino, I'd either remake Abel Gance's 1927 Napoleon, or his Invasion of Russia. I wouldn't mind a new War and Peace series.

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>miniseries
7 fucking wars need more than a miniseries meme

a paki woman who teaches him everything he knows

>I wouldn't mind a new War and Peace series.
there was one in 2016

Hopefully if something like this happens it will be the full account of his entire career and other people of his time. Maybe 20 episodes would be enough. Just two seasons. They can make it.

OH NO NO NO NO

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Based

Stand back white boys, the Duke of Wellington has arrived

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yeah ok, im sure he was really worried about his hairline. motherfucker was invincible

His first campaign in italy remains his most kino

>History's a whitewash.

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what about Shaka Zulu?

OH NO NO NO

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But Yea Forums really cares about other people's hair and like repeating "oh no no no" thinking it's fresh and funny.

OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

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>A SMALL MAN
HAHAHAHAHA

It was dreadful
Excellent opening though

>Marius fleeing into exile in Africa
>arrives in Carthage
>takes a moment to sit among the ruins of the former capital of a fallen superpower to ponder on the nature of power, mortality and his place in history

The most Kino scene in human history still wasn't brought to the screen

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>turns out britain's greatest hero was manlet fraud
WHAT THE FUCK WHY WASN'T I TAUGHT THIS

reddit

>implying reddit ever heard of Marius and Sulla

Napoleon as a nazi dictator murdering babies on screen. Screenplay written by Lindybeige.

>open Yea Forums thread
>user posts kino suggestion
>call it reddit and leave thread for (you)s

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>season 3 of napoleon the writers realize they fucked up with the banishment arc and have him just made emperor again
bullshit show

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That sounds like that one scene from Patton but just set in ancient times.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=oOm_2dGzqp0

>S4 gets cancelled and the whole "emperor of south america" arc gets aborted

the French always give you a second chance.

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It would be shit, with inaccuracies everywhere, and stretched to the absolute limit of revisionism.

>The just dump him on some island until he dies of cancer???!!
>Worst ending since Dexter!

What about "l'etat c'est moi"-man

Kinda shit in the long run.

Napoleon fought 60 battles and only lost 7. He’d need more than a miniseries

There's too much side swapping in european wars, hbo audiences wouldn't understand

Obviously not an exaustive list as it's also missing Henri IV, François 1er, Clovis, Charles Martel, Vercingetorix..

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>wait, why are the Spanish suddenly against him!?

Napoleon was the good guy. He truly believed in the enlightenment and the ideals of the revolution. Fucking Anglo scum ruin every fucking timeline

Not even the great George RR Martin could conceive such complex plots

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>dies of cancer

He was poisoned.

>French AND Venetian victory
Against who?

>Spain
>England
>HRE
>Papal States
The world

Imagine a 30y war series

the eternal Venetian wins every time.

lmao

It's literally called AFRICA you mong

Decent bait

Yeah Africa not Niggerica

>Vercingetorix

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objectively a national icon

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>guys get thrown out of a window in Prague
>a few events later the Swedes starve out German cities and the Turks attack the Hungarians and the Poles and the Portuguese attack Spain

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>serie has a "scouring of the shire" last episodes
>it's actually great

napoleonicsociety.com/english/neya.htm

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Everyone who wasn’t born in the Paris region spoke French with an accent back then.
Regional languages were people’s mother tongues.

pls don't
it can never live up to the hype

Anglos hate Napo.
Not gonna happen unless he's some kind of evil antagonist.

Parisians had an accent too, in fact different parisian neighbourhoods had different accents
The unabomber was right about everything

>CATHOLICS ON AN OPEN FIELD
imagine the gustavus-posting

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>cast him

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Yeah I think the celtic bloke Vercingetorix would be excited to be associated with descendants of a g*rmanig tribe

NO!!!!!

Stop trying to soil and fuck up shit I am into..

HBO miniseries were we learn that it was a woman all along that was actually commanding and Napoleon just took the credit.

>I'm first of the empire
REEEEEEE

>actually it was a woman that sent hundreds of thousands of men to die for nothing
>scene of soldiers losing fingers and toes and eating tree bark in the Russian tundra
>cut to her taking a steaming hot bath eating cake while laughing maniacally

Oh, so he'll be calabrese instead of corsican?

Many regions of France are still largely celtic.

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>for nothing
A woman wrote this

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The damage has been done.

Oh no, she was against the Russian invasion but Napoleon insisted because he was a toxic male.

no, a German wrote this.

Fuck Napoleon.

Napolean kino
>>Napolean kino
New France
>>New France

Napolean and the Jews (Innocent until proven guilty)

Spread this kino summerfags
youtu.be/ubUkIMHoQFc

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was it autism?

>Fuck Napoleon.

I thank him for giving us the most glorious period of warfare in human history.

Didn't Josephine actually ask Nappy to not go full retard and attack Russia irl?

He was left handed

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Friendly reminder that Napoléon only started 2 wars

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Does backstabbing Spen counts as one of them or not?

Blue flags are war declarations sent, red ones are war declarations received

Neat graph

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There is already quality Napoleon miniseries

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>enlightenment values
Ok, libtard

Napolean btfo protesting libtards.

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Josephine was a fucking skank with rotten teeth, what the FUCK did she know?

>Napoleon doesn’t deserve to be niggerfied with fucking brits
Oh, but he does. He does.

imagine being a manlet or French
now imagine being both a manlet AND French
lmfao

A WHIFF OF GRAPESHOT

>Depardieu as Fouché

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>only lost 7
How embarrassing

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Imagine Warwick Davis as Nap

I could care less about the Hundred Days. I'd rather have something going from Bastille to the Thermidorian Reaction, or the War of the First Coalition

>The unabomber was right about everything
Elaborate

ryan gosling

>could care less

And me as the Duke of Wellington kicking his midge head and shitting in his mouth.

Mate that's a job practically made for Vincent Cassel

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I mean I'd love a good miniseries on Napoleon's life in the same vein as the John Adams miniseries, but let's be honest here nothing ever made will be able to improve on Waterloo, certain things such as using thousands of real soviet soldiers who were trained and drilled in historically accurate formations and drills isn't something I see being replicated in modern times

Improvements in transportation and communication technologies have robbed us of our ancestral cultures in favour of globalised, easily commercialised consumerist culture

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don't you mean
>oh non non non non

What about a series based on the expulsion of French Acadians by the British

Napoleon's whole life is 20/10 kino. It would take really talent showrunners to do it justice. Everything should line into place the way it happened to Lotr. But it won't. At best we would end up with some blacked surface-level angry manlet thing with thick British accents and le Russian winter, rushed into 8 episodes.

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The second half of the Waterloo two-parter was the most contrived retardation I've seen
>spend half the season building up how Napoleon rallied his army and the cat and mouse game of maneuver against the coalition
>finally manages to temporarily isolate the Brits and it's an established plot point that everyone knows they have to annihilate them before the Prussians get there
>battle going great
>producers blatantly step in and tell the writers that the 'villain' can't win
>lol just make Ney act like a complete retard

Fucking dropped

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That fat fuck is in every historical movie in Europe. He even played Rasputin in one movie. A fat fucking bloated Rasputin.

Based chadpardieu

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Oh. Yeah duh.

I'm 95% positive I like air conditioning, not dying of cholera or dysentery because some dumbass shat in the well, near instantaneous access to all of human knowledge, and 5 minute commutes more than I do linguistic nuances though.

But ok.

What's really interesting before the Italian campaigns? Some random Corsican politics and crushing royalist holdouts in the South of France

>allow Anglos to choose ground where they shelter from artillery on a reverse slope
>do nothing the entire morning because gunfags complain about mud
>get distracted by shitty farmhouse
You can't blame Ney, the British cavalry were just as retarded.

26 cm long feet is an 8, 8 1/2 shoe size depending on brands (Nike, converse, vans, they all differ a bit)

Well, yeah, his youth is pretty interesting.

Charles Martell "the hammer of God" was the goat frog imo

>Dumas
>Du-Dumbass? That's what it says!!!
Shawshank redemption could have got great meme potential if tv was a thing back then

That's fair, though the fact that you pointed out commute time leads me to believe you don't quite understand the realities of that time
I can't deny the fact that we have much better medicine these days though I will say that I cannot stand how overcrowded everything is these days - pic related, the summit of mount Everest, I believe over 15 people have died just waiting in line to get to the tip

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didn't he only have a single cannon?

OK are they going to protray him as a manlet or an actual tall man for the time, because him being short is a very old and lasting British lie.

>him being short is a very old and lasting British lie
Considering it's going to be produced by Brits/Murricans, he is indeed going to be short.
Also the French are also portraying him as short in their movies, it's ridiculous.

Your hero was a tiny manlet, deal with it.

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if france wasn't so hard pressed for officers he would have been court marshalled for his bullshit

Where would I even look to find this out?, I'm legitimately curious.

The Kubrick film would have changed everything...

>br*ts

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He was born into Corsican nobility. The average height at the time is skewed by malnourished peasants. Napoleon wasn't malnourished but ended up a manlet. He was a midge even by 19th century standards.

>Duke of Beef Wellingtons ensembles aka burgers lmao XD

I looked it up on wikipedia and he had 40. No idea why i had in my mind he only had one.

>Charlemagne
You mean Karl? The German?

Have you read his script? It's terrific. Barry Lyndon is a grand achievement but Napoleon would have been even more interesting.

>5'8
>tall
lmfao

Slept through most of history. Give me a tl'dr on this fag.

For the time yeah, have you never visited a war museum?

angry manlet seized power, got exiled, came back and seized it again, failed to invade Russia in the winter like a fucking retard, got fucked up by the English and died like a little faggot whiny bitch

Napolean was a cannon expert my dude.

New France will go to war with Egypt and move up to isreal, Syria, saudi. Anywhere that performs infant mutilation.

>Season 1 (1792-1804)
Storming of the Tuileries Palace; Toulon; Josephine; Italian campaign; Egyptian campaign; first consul; second Italian campaign; proclaimed emperor
>Season 2 (1805-1812)
King of Italy; Austerlitz; Poland; Portugal; Spain; marries Marie-Louise; Russian campaign; return to Paris
>Season 3 (1813-1821)
Other defeats; Allied coalition enters Paris; Elba; 100 days; Waterloo; Saint Helena

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I like it but I think four seasons would be better.

>I want to watch a show about a French manlet who got BTFO so hard he has an idiom coined for it

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Based Vincent Cronin

fuck of Lindy

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You mean
>Who made the anglos seethe so hard they immortalised him in one of their idioms trying to slander him

>the size of your testicles will be lost to history
feels bad man, I have fucking huge balls

Season 1 should just start with the pyramids and the 3 years he had to spend in egypt because his ships got rekt.

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BARELY TALLER THAN A 16 YEAR OLD PEASANT GIRL AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

this fucking faggot is only like 8 baguettes tall lmfao

>the series barely even touches on Napoleons campaigns
>almost no battle scenes at all
>90% of the series instead focuses on stronk women during the french revolution
>even though nazis don't exist yet, they still get thrown under the bus
>England and Prussia get made out to be the bad guys, even though they stopped Napoleon from going full Hitler
>absolutely no mention of the Rothschilds involvement
>Michel Ney gets gender swapped

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>Elba
Enough with this meme

His parents were Italian nobility, corsica was Italian clay when he was born. He's Italian.

Italy didn't exist when he was born

>Joan was five two
Very cute
Literally the best historyfu

Are you suggesting the republic of Genoa is not Italian? They spoke Italian there too.

Explain yourself.

Genoa is a type of salami you fucking retard lol this fucking board full of NEETs jesus christ

LOL gud 1 m8y

Here’s your Michel Ney, bro

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yes please. finally sweden will b relevant again, and not focused on cuck posting

no, corsica had been french for 1 year when he was born

>tfw your greatest naval museum is about how you thoroughly fucked up building and sailing a boat

You mean CAROLVS? The emperor?

Napoleon wasn’t committing genocide at all though

yes he was, over 17,000 french citizens were executed under his reign via guillotine.

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>french citizens
not real people so not a genocide m8

That's not fucking canon

t. plunged europe into 25 years of constant warfare because you knew a unified continent would exterminate you

Reminder that Westphalia was a mistake.

Chernobyl looks kino but I can't watch it because of the accents. Have some authenticity for fuck's sake and cast Russians

>stormaktstidfags on suicide watch

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Source?

Imagine getting mogged by Napoleon

There’s a reason the soft demonym of the French is Gallic, you buttslut

>a literal dwarf that shits himself all the time
>the brits put him on a tall column

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>Karl
You mean Karel de Grote?

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That's above average in that time period though.

No, I believe he means Carolus Magnus

>implying it would have been better with Rooskie actors

Absolutely fucking not, it was amazing with the cast they had

More like Vercringetorix

and here's why that's a good thing y'all

It might have a good survival element to it, as well.