Wow, Jesus! You really love carpentry, don't you?

it was weird that he added this. like it honestly made zero fucking sense I can’t fathom why he did this.

Well we know he always able to make one when he kicked the bums out of the temple.

On a 9 star they are (which jesus was whipped with) but a regular bullwhip is made out of braided leather straps alone.

>be jesus
>be nailed to a gigantic wooden cross
>dangle for what seems to be hours in absolute agony
>look to your left
>see "J.C 0B.C" carved in the side of cross
>"GOD DAMN IT!"

Yeah you don't need a carpenter to make a fucking stick bro

yes. christcucks are just too dumb to understand their own stories.

budget constraints

yes getting caught was all párt of his plan
and he did it all for you

I'm still sad we didn't get a sequel. They really teased one at the end. We could have had a whole CCU by now.
Did anything else come out of this IP?

That's the thing about carpentry. It's not respected. God knows the stress of the trades.

I've definitely disappointed him throughout my life. That hurts to know.

Jesus can see through the future and see how peoples in the future will use that sort of table and chair.
>tfw you will never use a table carved by Jesus himself.

I've heard that the point of that scene was to illustrate how Jesus trascends time. It's supposed to be symbolic of His deity and omniscience, basically being God He saw into the future how tables would look. I'm not sure I buy it, but it's a pretty nifty theory.

They're making one

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Yes it was predestined. But
>woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.
with Jesus referring to Judas

In any case, as I understand its the Jews rejected the word of Jesus and killed him, just like they did to all the other prophets.

According to the book of Acts at least.

I've never seen a more jewish picture in my life.

he always puts the corniest fucking things in otherwise serious films, it really pisses me off.

Fuck you Mel you fucking hack

Judas fucked up really bad, but is there forgiveness for a man like him? He was just a man after all. Peter also rejected Jesus three times.

>Jews Jewing struggling people out of being part of the religious life because they're not following ridiculous ritual codes
>Jesus directly reaching out to these people, drawing thousands of supporters, actually telling them "don't be like those guys, be better than them" (Matthew 5:20)
>haha, let's kill our own Messiah what could possibly go wrong
>lel there's neither Jew nor Gentile now, suck it kikes

I love how much of the Gospels is Jesus BTFOing corrupt Jews

He offed himself so even if he repented he still screwed himself out of being saved

why couldn't god just go, "haha just kidding" and then fix everything with nothing really changing, no one suffering, etc. why did animals need to be sacrificed? why did anything like that have to happen?

>Jokes like that make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm cross

Read a teen version

obsessed incel

Because God is Jew

>jfw they reject his chairs

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pc boomers edited out the good parts

jews rejection of Christ is a rejection of God

>xtianity
ummm don't you mean paulianism sweetie

The Bible was transcribed from oral accounts by 40 different people over 1500 years, then shuffled and translated and censored and reedited by god knows how many idiots for the next 2000.
it doesn't make any fucking sense.

why didn't anyone make an anime about jesus

Shoo incel

hmmmm

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why are you goblins so obsessed with jews. Do you ever get bored of it?

you hate me because I speak the truth

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this

Will the second coming do? Because I got you bro
youtube.com/watch?v=IVnscHsPfR4

dilate tranny(s)

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burn in hell sodomite

>not believing in Jesus
listen and be saved
youtu.be/NuBV3uPxaAc

High chairs, tables and how they work in the future is corny?

what are jesus's thoughts on dabbing

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Bravo, Mel!

I'm not the tranny

If he wanted to make a movie about the invention of the high chair and table then he should have done that, not cram it in a Jesus story for a lame chuckle.

Adam's sin permanently severed humanity's connection with God. This made God very unhappy. He tried a bunch of stuff in the meantime to keep in touch with us, but we kept falling for satan's old tricks. Eventually God was fed up with all the degeneracy so he flooded the earth. God was pleased with the Jews most of all and named them his chosen people. Eventually the Jews fucked up as well and God was running out of options. Finally he decided to give his one and only Son, whom he loved very much, to bear the tribulations of our wicked world. God was pleased with him. He is the most perfect human to have ever lived, never committed a single sin. Now all have the opportunity to return to Him. The greatest story in the history of the world. All (You) have to do is accept his gift.

now that's a chad looking Yeshua

It obviously wasn't put there for a laugh though. The only thing that's put there for a laugh is when his mother helps him wash his hands after working and he splashes her and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Which was also sweet.

Out of an hour and half movie, a ten seconds long dialogue about chairs is barely even noticeable. But if Jesus was the son of God and could see the future and was himself a carpenter all his life, he might have given the topic of chairs and tables some thought. And shared them with his mother. It's not out of place in any way.

>it's all true Harry Potter, the deathly hallows part, too.

sounds lame and god could have just gone "nah it's fixed"

>God
>was running out of options
I hate this stupid shit

God could have but He wants humans to choose His love of their own free will
if He did everything himself no one would have chosen so it's meaningless

I mean yeah, he could have taken away our free will and "fixed" everything, but then that would kind of defeat the purpose of being human.
Instead of telling us what to do he lead by example.

why not just restart everything and no one would know or care

>purpose
>of being human
>to make god feel good about himself
>leading by example is doing nothing when he could fix everything without even trying
I hate this book and I hate this character

Mel said that previous films make Jesus look somewhat feminine or feeble and he wanted a more rugged muscular look which is what a carpenter would look like, naturally.

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He did that already.

he was a stonemason though

>leading by example is doing nothing
Is that really what happened in this film? Nothing?
>>to make god feel good about himself
who are you quoting?

Modern tools make carpentry a lot easier than how it was two thousand years ago. It's no leap in logic to assume that a carpenter living in that time period would've been stronger than that pic.

Source? Even if he was, it's still physical work.

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Do you think mel will do the stuff where Jesus burns a city to ash or meets dragons? I worked really hard on those stories
t, enoch

oh, you're talking about Jesus? I was talking about God
and I don't care about you anymore

>mother...stop...trump
Seemed weirdly out of place.

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whats wrong with this i dont get it
desk jockey, everyone respects carpenters.

oooooooh... I really gotta read that book.

God literally sacrificed an aspect of himself so you would have a chance to return to him. What do you have to do? Just accept his gift.
What more do you want from him?

youtube.com/watch?v=PjFoQxjgbrs

the non-canonical books are a lot of fun, its like they went out of their way to cut out all the fun stuff

impossible for god to sacrifice, he's all powerful
he didn't give a gift, he overcomplicated a simple situation
because it's a nonsensical story cobbled together by entire civilizations, forget individuals, in the least practical and thought out ways possible
I know SO many people who take this stuff seriously and I don't know how it's possible to

They sure did.

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Every living person recognizes Jesus' divinity, even atheists. Why do you choose to reject him?

wtf
who the hell told you that?

What?

Fun fact, the word used for carpenter in the gospels is better translated as the more broad “craftsman.” Since there were very few trees in Galilee and tons of quarries, Jesus was more likely a stone mason.

For real though, everybody here cried when they saw this, right?
I'm lapsed Catholic and something in my blood was screaming in agony for Him as he suffered for us, bros.

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>because it's a nonsensical story cobbled together by entire civilizations, forget individuals, in the least practical and thought out ways possible
maybe to some extent, surely in modern times the churches are some saccharine bought and paid for scams. But talking about the books specifically, the 1947 discovery of the essene Dead Sea scrolls proves that across history the literature that has survived has not undergone many changes. A key chapter may exist. But if you want to control people and it challenges your rule, you simply focus on other things and make stuff up like you suggested. You don't have to edit it to suit your agenda. If you want to know what it's about forget priests and pastors, and start reading it for yourself.

a guide can help a lot though

I rejected him for years until there was nothing left. At my lowest point I humbled myself and asked for his guidance. He answered and I knew instantly he was the path.

is it even possible to create such a jug using wood? is it a miracle?

yeah, but who the fuck told you everyone recognizes him? tons of people don't even accept that he was living person
you're projecting inaccurate concepts onto people who you don't know anything about

I've read the stupid book

the kjv was released in 1611, so that user talking about thousands of years is seriously exaggerating

The suffering is real.
>mother, watch as I make all things new
I've watched that film multiple times over the years and in every instance there's something new and profound.

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um, yes you can, but thats clay

of course you don't heeb

Historical accounts. Jesus was every bit as real as Caesar.

>Every living person recognizes Jesus' divinity
Wanna run that by me again, heathen?

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I don't give a fuck whether he DID exist or not, I'm telling you that there are people who wouldn't even give you that, let alone recognize his "divinity"

did you reply to the wrong post?

yes, sorry, that was meant for

>tons of people don't even accept that he was living person
he's officially recognized as being a real person whether or not he was actually God, the only people who reject that are tards.

anyone who says "every living person recognizes his divinity" is the real tard
don't give a shit if he existed or not, that's not the question at hand
the question is how someone could be so stupid as to think that everyone else believes the same things about jesus that they do?

>that opening sequence where Jesus casually goes about his business to "All Star" by Smash Mouth as the Jews come out to arrest Him

Why did Mel think this was appropriate?

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I know what the quran says about Jesus. Mary was a whore. Jesus is the bastard son of a Roman soldier.
He's a super serious prophet in Islam, just not divine. It's all heresy and I put as much stock into it as Gnostic texts.

>Since there were very few trees in Galilee and tons of quarries, Jesus was more likely a stone mason.
have you ever heard of a thing called importing wood

>only trannies hate the Jews' bullshit

oy vey

>Every living person recognizes Jesus' divinity
>He's a super serious prophet in Islam, just not divine.
how fucking stupid does a person need to be to make both of these statements?

According to /pol/ ancient semites related were blonde with blue eyes, is that correct? Also, Jesus was greek.

>Jesus thread
Hey guys let's talk about something else

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The Pharisees recognized Jesus' divinity and denied it all the same because it was in their best interest. That was the unforgivable sin they committed, blasphemy against the holy spirit.

who gives a fuck, that has nothing to do with the stupid shit you tried to push
don't give a fuck about the pharisees, they're irrelevant to the lies you're trying to sell

Jesus was Chinese and had a brother named hong xiuquan.

the taiping rebellion was one of the weirdest fucking pieces of history

Are Greeks white?

It's relevant because Islam is based on a lie (that Jesus is not divine)
This is Satan's work and it's what muslims have been lead to believe

We’re tan, thank you.

t. Seth Macfarlane

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you still stated an outright falsehood and are attempting to ignore that
I have a feeling this is something you do A LOT

Are niggers people?

No, you are being purposely obtuse and arguing in bad faith. I have a feeling this is something YOU do a lot.

It's times like these that make me wish I was a muslim. I'd blow you all straight to hell for mocking God and Jesus like this. You are all men of questionable sexual orientation.

Inshallah

not believing outright lies IS something I do a lot

ok incel

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>Passion of the Christ 2 trailer
>Back in Black starts playing

yes they are the sons of Ham who was cursed for being a faggot

>You are all men of questionable sexual orientation.

Where the fuck is this coming from? Is there something about yourself you need to tell us?

It's OK Muhammad, we'll respect you more if you just come out instead of calling every Christian you see "of questionable sexuality".

what's stopping you, cuck? Just turn the other cheek like the bitch you are.

>be Jesus
>be nailed to a gigantic wooden cross
>dangle for what seems to be hours in absolute agony
>look to the cross on your left
>notice the awful, awful joinery work
>look to the cross on your right
>notice they used the wrong size nails on the beam and now it's cracked
>"God, just fucking kill me now!"

but how, and if it's clay the conversation makes no sense

I can't remember it just going by the picture, if its wood still isn't a miracle just carpentry, yes you can easily make a wooden jug like that, well you can't but a carpenter could

Apparently I have to stop jerking off to horsecocked futas lovingly impregnating each other and I can't accept a god who isn't pro-futa.

"I'm putting together a team."

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>it's a peter gets high and imagines jesus doing the shuffle in the middle of the sea of galilee episode

>Jesus was actually a stonemason
>Probably building a wall
>21st century there is a man obsessed with building wall
Trump confirmed to be GOD's chosen person

t. mad tranny

Pretty based but calm down my man, it's not that big a deal to joke around on Yea Forums.
People like pic related are the only ones to actually make me feel enraged like that and sympathize with the Inquisition.

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>if you call out a tranny you're jewish
?

Is the joke here Jesus being crucified on a cross He made? What is, The Last Temptation?

they are not

Bishop of what?

If you get so assmad over any criticism or joke about Jews to the point where you spam 3-4 images thousands of times a week every time you see it, then yeah you're probably a Jew lmao.

church of England, separated from Catholicism with Henry VIII. basically a bastard between Catholicism and Protestantism

Some shithole in Sweden (big surprise, all gay cucked shit like this is either from Sweden, UK or America).

Wrong. He saved us by being obedient to God (he never sinned) even in face of torture and death. If people didn't decide to kill him, he would still save them.

>Working on a construction sight for a new dining hall.
>Some sexy broad in this robe start's walkin' buy.
>Everybody start's cat callin' the chick, except Old Joe's kid who start's shouting about being the water that slakes the unquenchable thirst.

nice

that's not true, he was a sacrifice

christ calm down tranny maybe scurry back to LGBT

passion of the christ 2: this time, he's back with a vengeance

Do you actually get paid or do you do it for free? I actually wonder that when I see super-autists. I can't imagine doing all that for no pay, but then again jannies exist. Weird to think about.

>getting this upset over nazi tranny memes

Oh we're talking in meme-speak. Hold on.
>cope seething umad? oof yikes incel have sex cuck tranny
Understand that? Hope my fagginese is still good.

*jews

>trannies get so eternally assblasted being called trannies they start trying to reverse it

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Lebanon is very close and they had been exporting wood since the times of the pharaohs. The entire middle east + egypt depended on them for quality wood.

why did the JEWS kill jesus?

Cope tranny

Because you’re a tranny

>Jesus was more likely a stone mason
>mason

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if he loved carpentry so much they should have just given him the chair

>that part in the bible where jesus is so seething at Jewish ursurers in the temple that he fucking makes his own whip which he then uses to chase them out

Just passing by to say your setting is embarrassingly shit and even literal nigger beliefs have more internal logic and consistency than your Jewish knock-off. Also, your god fucked another man's wife, and it's an important plot line. Fucking non-ironical cuckolds.

Calm down incel god

They're evil its literally in their DNA. Why do think they enjoy cutting off their kids dicks then sucking them?

>that part where it says being gay is a sin
You’re in trouble tranny

>that part in the bible where jews literally sell pigeons they grabbed from the streets

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SOMEBODY

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>your god fucked another man's wife
>Fucking non-ironical cuckolds.
fucking another mans wife doesn't make you a cuck, and I think it says something about you that you instantly related to the dude who got his wife fucked and not the dude fucking the wife. cuck

It’s not the Jews fault women are repulsed by you

Just a reminder Jesus Loves You

Dont you mean "Easter Worshippers?"

have sex

I'm not God but thank you, seethecoper trannyincelcuck.

Huh? I'm just bringing up the fact that many jewish boys get herpes when their dads suck their bleedings dicks after chopping them up I'm not sure what this has to do with incels.

It wasn't a dude, it was a god. Like, your boss, the one you're supposed to be working for. Do you think it's acceptable to let your boss fuck your wife? You know what, don't answer that.

Okay cool but we all know the root problem. Only incels obsess and seethe over imaginary boogeyman this much

I think the problem is jewish men can't stop sucking their son's dicks

why was mary so surprised about the table? was joseph a lazy cunt that never bothered to craft a table or something

It's a copypasta, triggered kike says this same thing every day.

there's a possibility he could have worked with stone because of the designs of the houses in galilee and so on, as for making whips, he didn't make one for a slave master in the gospels, when he cleansed the temple he drove out money changers and such. a good authority on some of the historical background is St. Justin Martyr, born 100AD, he wrote that Jesus made yokes and ploughs, so there's a strong possibility the nature of his craft included carpentry

Engage in copulation

Or you need to have sex

Superior version coming through

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You have the autism, yes?

Obsessed I’m just trying to help you with your angst and your mind is stuck on Jews

Yet again you are reverting to being to cuck in your hypothetical scenario. In my hypothetical I am god and I am fucking your wife. Thats fine by me.

Wtf I love jesus now

>the word used for carpenter in the gospels is better translated as the more broad “craftsman.

what is it about Hebrew that makes it so hard to translate, i feel like almost every term in the people there is some kind of "well acktually" translation dispute.

if god would have liked us to understand his words he should have picked a people as his chosen ones with a more precise language

not exactly, God didn't need us to do one thing or another, the basic idea is that God gave us free will and it's up to us to obey or disobey. since God created everything and the natural law and balance of everything is kind of imbued in it when you add sin in to the mix your actions distrub that balance so there's a kind of natural consequence to that, which includes seperation from God, the death and ressurection of Christ represents him offering a sacrifice that satisfies that balance while giving us an opportunity to get out of whatever mess we find ourselves in

thats the best i can explain but id encourage your all to read the bible for yourselves to understand more

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Because God cannot break his own rules. That's why his name is Jehovah. It means "He Causes to Become." Anything that he says will happen WILL HAPPEN and nothing can or will stop it. That also means he is the fulfiller of all promises made and nothing will stop those promises from coming true.

Why didn't God just destroy Adam, Eve, and Satan and just start all over? Because he told Adam and Eve before they sinned:

>(Genesis 1:28)“Be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it, and have in subjection the fish of the sea and the flying creatures of the heavens and every living creature that is moving upon the earth.”

Even though Adam and Eve sinned his commandment on top HAD TO GO THROUGH. He could not reverse his way out of it. He cannot break his own commandments nor break his own promises nor reverse his own sayings.

>(Isaiah 55:11) so my word that goes forth from my mouth will prove to be. It will not return to me without results, but it will certainly do that in which I have delighted, and it will have certain success in that for which I have sent it.

Because God told Adam and Eve that if they eat the fruit they will positively die they HAD TO DIE. The problem is the rest of us INHERITED that original sin from Adam. The only way for God to get around his own word is by covering that original sin with payment. The problem with that is that God's justice is strict.

>(Exodus 21:23-25) But if a fatal accident should occur, then you must give soul for soul, 24eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, 25branding for branding, wound for wound, blow for blow.

Since the crime was committed by a PERFECT man then another perfect man had to die to cover that sin.

>(1 Timothy 2:5, 6) For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, a man, Christ Jesus, 6WHO GAVE HIMSELF A CORRESPONDING RANSOM FOR ALL is what is to be witnessed to at its own

that's kind of the premise of noah's arc, God basically wipes the slate clean, but the tension is never fully resolved until christ

ya but jesus was black so this was fucking based

He doesn't want us to understand just from reading the words, that's the whole point. God's most consistent and defining feature is his Mystery.

wtf, this thread is fucking disintegrating

G...God? Is that you? What are you doing to us?!

go discuss religion somewhere else

Have marriage sex.

Have salvation.

Freemason mate, so were the 12 apostles lmao

Have faith infidel.

just wanna say to the janny deleting my posts: the thread is clearly about the passion of the christ. like it or not that kino is about the death and ressurection of the Lord Jesus Christ, if someone makes a post saying oh x or y in the bible doesnt make sense, why did it all have to go down this way, its perfectly reasonable and within the purview of the board to discuss the themes and concepts that the movie contains, just because there's a crossover between irl theological discussion doesnt mean its off topic

then alternative to deleting some posts is deleting the whole thread

>forgive them, because they don't know what they're doing

based

At least the jannygger didn't shoah the thread, he was only 90% cringe this time.

Jesus Christ, OP.

Messiah, I'm cross.

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Uh, you don't get to bring disciples.

>He doesn't want us to understand just from reading the words

good job god, its not like that caused endless trouble throughout the history of humanity

Hack writer.

He didn't love carpentry quite so much when he was being nailed to a piece of wood.

True

>tfw no Mel Gibson, Paradise Lost adaptation

This is a remarkably funny post and you should feel proud for making it.

>"...you say turn the other cheek..."
>*akimbos two uzis*
>"Jew, meet the chicks"
>*firing intensifies*

most lagnuages translate like shit when going to completely unrelated languages like aramaic/hebrew and greek

>hero dies
>lol nope, comes back to life
Who writes this stuff ?

Because the movie takes place into the far future

Jesus is the only person to ever have loved me