How would you make this movie as terrible as humanly possible?

How would you make this movie as terrible as humanly possible?

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Let James Franco make it like he intended to for years.

All female.

Replace the Indians with Confederate soldiers.

Brett Ratner direct it.

Replace the Casino Indians with Pajeet Indians

Starring Will Smith in blackface shoepolish.

Justin Bieber as The Kid

Directed by uwe bole

Matthew Broderick as the Judge

Basically Drive but with horses instead of cars

make it a two hour documentary about the historicity of glanton's gang

Musical by ling Manuel veranda

fpbp

less rape and massacre, more epik shootouts

Blood Meridian: a Spike Lee joint

>it was aliens all along

I'd walk out of the country if that ever happened

Brendan Fraser as the judge

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>Have in my head for years the image of the Judge as a hulking, pale, muscle man
>Re-read
>Turns out he's a giant, pale, fat man-baby
How did I miss this?

Ellen Page as the kid, Idris as the judge
Also Toadavine is trans

let anyone but the coen bros direct it

He is def hulking, just not the modern day muscle bound zero body fat Arnold Schwarzenegger way. He's thicc er

this is actually a great idea for a thread, thanks OP
definitely has it for director
Jaden Smith for the Kid
Richard Kind as the judge, no wait now that I'm thinking about it he could actually make it fucking kino, never mind
Jason Alexander as the judge
Me as Toadvine
Produced by Miramax
Rated PG-13

He could pull it off, actually. At least by aesthetic.
One of the things people forget is his face is supposed to look like a giant baby. Brendan has that down better than almost any other actor.
He's also 6'3", which is more than tall enough with a little special effects.

The problem is of course the acting.

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So Marlon Brando if he were Kurtz

Mostly female cast with Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones as main characters. Paul Feig directs. The entire soundtrack is Nu Metal (Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, etc.). David Benioff and Skip Woods write the script. Tommy Wiseau is a creative consultant.

NAYRT but being a MDcuck I always pictured him as a softer looking Joseph Metheny, with a very quiet, calm voice

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He was a real dude, user. Cormac's description is lifted pretty much verbatim.

set it in modern day Toronto

Set it in Western Sydney.

Make it a parody starring Will Ferrell and John C Reilly. No wait, actually that would be pretty good.

BIG IRON ON HIS HIP

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muh infilmable aside, who the fuck is going to play a 7ft tall pale hairless baby face

>sir I've got the clippers right here

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Give him enough prep time and my man Nic Cage could pull it off!

Why does it have to be a movie? Why can't it be a series or a mini-series?

Adapt books if you want. But don't compress everything into a 2-3 hour movie. Wouldn't it cost the exact same to turn it into a TV show?

>edgier gregor clegane

that guy

Theyre called Gas Station Indians you bigot.

Reading the book, this movie didn't particularly strike me as unfilmable. Is it just because jewlywood can't make it profitable with the amount of violence it would require to be portrayed correctly?