>look here user, I think you're a great guy, and you seem to have a lot of passion required to sell your product. I'm gonna give you the investment you're asking for. No royalties, no interest. My only condition is you join my family once a week for barbeque at my island in the Caribbean. And bring your dogs too.
Would you accept his offer, Yea Forums?
Look here user, I think you're a great guy, and you seem to have a lot of passion required to sell your product...
Brandon Lewis
Adam Reed
no he's honestly creepy
feel like he'd try and suck my cock
Austin Morris
If he pays for the trip sure.
Liam Lee
thats rude desu
robert is the nicest shark
Jose Reyes
he's the coolest one and a sweetie. you can tell he's very respectful to his underage slaves at the Illuminati blood orgies.
Jayden Bell
Same. Like he'd be cool and friendly at first then one day he invites you to see his car collection, you get into the car with him and he puts his hand on your leg. felt so fucking gay typing/imagining that
Parker Collins
>Look, I like you, you're a great salesmen, but quite honestly I don't understand your product. Why would people need a second monitor or even a computer for that matter? I've been posting from my phone since gamergate with no problems. It's just too complicated for me. I'm out
Leo Anderson
nah I get the same sense
Jordan Scott
I'm in, therefore I'm out
Bentley Martinez
I'D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR
Eli Peterson
>Mark: i'm gonna be honest. i hate everything about you. this product sucks, and you've only sold 37 units. i'm older than you. that's not a lot of product since you've been in business for two decades. i forbid any other shark to make an offer, and every other shark who has spoken so far hates you too. the only shark left is lori. lori, i forbid you to make an offer.
FUCK YOU MARK I LIKE THIS GUY I'LL FUCKING BUY EVERYTHING HE'S SELLING AND YOU'LL ALL SEE. I'LL MAKE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU MUGS PAY.
Ryder Nguyen
>Your business sucks, but your black so I'm really struggling with this. I feel like I need to give you a pity offer or lose my credibility as a based black man.
Grayson Wood
I will give you an offer, but if you break eye contact with me or don't accept within the next 3 seconds I am out and will sabotage your business with my FUBU branding/marketing team
Juan Foster
>You want me to invest in youga with goats? A little story for you here. There's a supplementary income stream available, let me explain it. I lived in the island of Cyprus when i was young. There is a mountain range in Cyprus called the Troodos Mountains, and it's a tradition for the cypriot people to go up, on sunday, up into the mountain, and take a baby goat, SLAUGHTERED IT and barbecued it. There's nothing as tender as baby goat. So here's my offer. I'm not gonna invest in your goat yoga company, but for $4000 I would like to buy your enire stock of baby goats
btw this is real
Carter Thompson
you're*
Since when is Yea Forums filled with so many underage twitter niggers?
Lincoln Nelson
i'd love to see a CollegeHumour sketch of Shark Tank where Nikola Tesla comes in with a presentation for free perpetual energy and is immediately belittled and shot down.
Connor Scott
No way, it's not.
Adam Price
I'd let him desu
Noah Torres
Josiah Turner
>...
>i just can't go below 20%. there's too much risk here, and you haven't sold many
>i get that it's a neat idea, it's just not worth $2,000
I'm sorry, i'm out
Joseph Wood
>And bring your dogs too.
Damn, I don't have any dogs. How can I accept his offer.
Jordan Garcia
>Here's what I'm willing to do. I will give you the amount you asked for. In exchange however, I want something very simple
>I get a 20% stake in your company with half of the capital being loaned at a rate of 10% a year, along with a 12% royalty on every product sold until I double my original investent, at which point, I will have the option to aquire another 10% of the company at a maximum of 60% premium of the amount at which I'm valuing it right now, giving you the option six months after the deal commences to buy my portion out at twice value, which becomes four times the values within a year.
>It's really simple, and if you don't accept this deal by the time I finish this sentence, you're a fool.
Wyatt Allen
fuck me, that sounds like a deal he really put out
Nathan Garcia
>On the eve of the new year, every year, I visit a small island off the coast of Florida. My associates and I meet to wager over the catch of the day. In this case, the catch is one or many Cuban refugees. As they escape their pathetic island, by the boatload, we offer them a deal: a chest of one million US dollars to whomever kills the others. We usually forget to bring lethal weapons, but we make do with scraps of flotsam or broken coral we find on the beach. Whichever brave soul prevails in the purge is given the chest, congratulated, and quickly sent back to Cuba via our private escort service. Usually when they arrive, they are greeted by bands of robbers grown accustomed to our practice, and, sadly, eliminated. When you walked in today, you valued your company at least twice what it is worth. That valuation was the sharpened piece of coral jammed into the carotid artery of my interest. And for that reason, I am out.
Camden Collins
It is. It's in the newest season can't remember the episode
Ryan Kelly
>Hi sharks, I'm Stacy, these are my friends Becky, Ashley, Chelsea and Barbie. We were all on our spring break at Becky's home because she has like a private beach that's like totally cool and stuff. Anyway Becky's grandma makes these amazing cookies so we, like, want to start a company selling them and stuff. So which of you sharks want [chorus] Cookies With Becky!?
Wyatt Ross
>I'll you exactly what you asked for, but if you even dart your eyes at another shark, you get nothing.
>I saw that. I'm out.
Kevin Bennett
Owen Green
what the fuck meme magic is real
Chase Brooks
>Listen, I know Mark made an offer of 20% equity for 100k, but hear me out
>Mark starts shaking his head and saying they better take his offer in 10 seconds
>Mr.Wonderful just says, "You're a cockroach, I'm out"
Lori:
>I just feel like you are like myself. You are beautiful, I can tell you are a caring person and I feeeeel like you and I have a special connection. I'll give you the exact same offer as Mark, even though I have less experience in this field, because I think we have a connection
What do you do?
Samuel Brown
>so, we have no profits, nothing propriety about our product, little to no distribution, no solid data backing our claims, and our backgrounds aren't in this field
>we're asking $2,000,000 FOR 5%
I was going to make something up that was rediculous, but I might as well used the ludicrous valuation they came up with, which might be the most absurd valuations on the entire show. I'm surprised the Sharks weren't more brutal.
Aiden Butler
in the background a smirk is...felt...
>You seem like intelligent boys, but I'm looking for gorgeous like myself, and I just feel like you're in way over your head. Now which one of you is going to order me a glass of wine?
Parker Hall
always wanted to make this post after I heard it, couldn't believe what he just said lmao
it is
there's also another time he made a creepy rant about something that had nothing to do with the business but I vaguely remember that
there's all the other times he talks about going to europe for a meeting with some guys who taste wine with the "chapter" but that's mostly pretty mild
Elijah Walker
>Everyone is out.
>And for those reasons, I'm in.
Aaron Collins
>i will give to $4,000 for 49% of your company. Plus I want 10% royalty on every product you sell, and I want my money back by the end of this year with 20% interest. I also want your firstborn for my blood sacrifice, and prima nocta rights on all your daughters and granddaughters. I will also demand a pound of flesh nearest to your heart if you fail any of these conditions. Well?
Jacob Davis
Look...I really want to make a deal with you, but can I talk to my wife about it?
Jose Hall
Let me give you some advice. Do not go into retail. It is a savage place. Last year I invested in the toy business KinderKids. If my marketing specialists did their job you have never heard of them. You see I was competing for retail space with Mattel. To flush me out they replaced the plastic we used with lead. Over a thousand children died. Like I said, it is a savage place. Of course in response I used my influence with Mattel to have all children's products shipped with one adult Brazilian Wandering Spider. The casualties are still climbing to this day. When I look at you I do not see someone capable of making these kinds of tough business decisions.
And for that reason, I'm out.
Cameron White
>bio-hacking
fuck these guys
Henry James
>sweet island bbq and you get your dick sucked by a pro
What's the downside?
Jacob Hughes
wtf is wrong with this man
Ethan Evans
absolutely fucking nothing.
Isaac Gomez
you have to make conversation with him until a bit after sundown.
Eli Hernandez
/our/shark
Luke Ortiz
Go for it and try to bang her
Christian Bailey
Season 10 episode 14. Can confirm he actually says it verbatim.
Xavier Ramirez
user you need to become rich and take me on your adventures please
Nicholas Gonzalez
I'm already rich, baby. Post tiddies and timestamp and I will consider.
Jose Gomez
I'm a straight white male I don't have tiddies or gay tendencies and because of that I'm out
Lincoln Nguyen
do you have any samples?
Zachary Martin
I'm a NEET and hate leaving my home. So no
Josiah Ramirez
I call her mommy and beg for milkies
Parker Nguyen
>Chris you fucking zoomer no one wants to use an app to take a piss
>Wow Mark it's almost like you don't understand the technology stack that goes behind this product
Xavier Sanders
god damn i hate that asshole
i don't even know what it is, just seeing his face makes me want to punch it
Thomas Sanchez
it's the shirts
Justin Torres
sorry, robert. i'm going to go with lori's deal because there's about a 5 percent chance she'll let me fucc her pusy and i'm a gambling man.
Gavin Morris
Chris was right in that episode though, the lock thing was a thing way before and I'm surprised Mark actually didn't know
He and Mark are still gigantic cocksuckers though
Michael Peterson
Probably pass. Robert is a nice guy but most likely the touchy clingy friend type
Samuel Ross
>You're dead to me
Christopher Cox
>I had a huge clothing brand and let it slip away into irrelevancy through my bad management, therefore im out.
Christian Perez
>Now, now. Before you go accepting Roberts offer just remember that I'm Mr. Wonderful, and my offer of the money you came here begging for on your knees for 49% of your company plus 20 dollars off each product you sell. Believe me, Robert seems like a good guys, but he's a shark. I'm Mr. Wonderful!
Eli Reed
>Is there even anything proprietary about your cookies? I could purchase five hookers off the streets and start my own cookie business called Kevin's Bitches and Biscuits! Why would I ever invest in you!?
Hunter Turner
>no he's honestly creepy
>feel like he'd try and suck my cock
he married a THOT on dancing with the stars. He's clearly just a big dork.
Daniel Johnson
Now THIS is Sharkposting.
Leo Perez
Yes, Lori, YES
Julian Roberts
>And bring your dogs too.
Okay Rob, but you gotta pay for the dogs I'm gonna get to. In exchange, you get to help me name them
Owen Smith
Ah bloo bloo
Bentley Lee
>I'm tired of you boys always putting female entrepreneurs down and that's why I'm back in
>I'll offer you the money you came in for on one condition we call it Barbara's Bimbo Bisquits
Jace Evans
Too late grasshopper I'm out.
Nolan Phillips
Got a link? I can't find it.
Camden Russell
Chris was cool and I want him back in next season. I read that he took retirement as VC that is why he won't come.
Brandon White
god yes
Tyler Hernandez
Let me tell you a story, Mr. “$100,000 for Ten Percent.” This is a true story, and is in fact one of my fondest memories. Because of my early success in the toy industry with The Learning Company, I was given the privilege of visiting one of Hasbro’s many factories in Southeast Asia. This is a privilege I continue to take advantage of to this day. On my first trip, I was taken into a room containing a small Cambodian boy, his mother, and a few brutish operatives from an international private military company I am not at liberty to name. These soldiers wordlessly began to skin the boy alive, right in front of his restrained mother and myself. No doubt this was because the child had fallen behind on the production of the latest “Care-Bear” or “Raggedy-Ann” abomination. After ensuring the boy’s survival, a large cache of bladed instruments was revealed, and each person in the room was given the opportunity to introduce them to the wretched child. I was placed towards the end of this line due to my inexperience, and decided to examine how the other men went about this torture. I looked into their eyes and saw nothing but the cold, uncaring stares of men just doing their jobs as they cleaved the boy’s lean flesh from his bones. That was an air of professionalism I would come to expect from all my employees from that day onwards. Looking into the boy’s eyes, I could feel the pain and fear emanating from inside his very soul. He quickly wore out his vocal chords, and every strike was met only by desperate wheezing, then coughing, then a viscous gagging noise as his esophagus filled with a variety of bodily fluids.
Nathan Rivera
No, I'm not finished. Eventually, it became my turn to engage in the ritual. I picked up a kukri, a tribal knife used by Nepalese Ghurkas to brutalize their foes in combat, and began hacking away at the boy’s left arm. It took me about five decent swings to finally cleave all the way through, though this was no fault of my own. The knife was dulled on purpose, and the blade was coated in a rare poison found only in a rare breed of tree frog native to the Amazon jungle. This poison had no real effect outside of causing an unimaginably painful burning sensation when exposed to raw flesh, which today is only advised to be used sparingly when torturing the most stubborn of our enemies. The boy eventually passed out from this experience, and was quickly revived by one of the soldiers so that the exercise could continue. I put the kukri down as another one of the soldiers selected a serrated kitchen knife and went to work on the boy’s already-mangled genitals. I’m telling you this story because when I look into your eyes, I don’t see the boy’s pathetic stare, nor do I hear the futile lamentations of his mother.
I see a reflection of my own frustration in not being able to hack away at the boy’s other arm, and for that reason, I’m out.
Benjamin Wood
and then he would buy you nice things, damn that would suck so much lol
Luke Anderson
kek
Evan Roberts
>I really like your product, your sales are great, and you seem like an awesome guy. But I saw you come to the studio in a Lyft, so I'm out.
Jonathan Cruz
Yikes, these are just pure cringe now
Aiden Morgan
This show is a shitty ripoff of Dragon's Den, and for that reason, I'm out.
Chase Edwards
don't listen to the cringe poster these were far from it
Grayson Perez
Shark tank really is comfy. Love it
Ian Watson
I missed the Shark Tank threads.
Luis Ward
It's pretty close. What he says is
>A little story for you here. There's a supplementary income stream available, let me explain it. I lived in the island of Cyprus when i was young. There is a mountain range in Cyprus called the Troodos Mountains, and it's a tradition for the cypriot people to go up, on sunday, up into the mountain, and take a baby goat, slaughter it, and barbecue it. I gotta tell you something, of all of the things I've eaten on barbeque NOTHING is as good as goat.
Christian Sullivan
Literally only show I don't want to end.
Ethan Cooper
>i'd love to see a CollegeHumor sketch
Get out
Jose Collins
What happened to all those Kevin O'LEARY pastas?
The one where he went to burma and all that?
Jonathan Russell
>Alright, user are you ready
>to stop playin' games
>with these clowns?
Sebastian Russell
>this reminds me of a little company i invested in
>when i was a young guy
>there were some pros and some cons but i went for it
>that company's name?
>uber
James Morales
Fuck this thread is funny and for that reason.....
Camden Watson
did the guy take his offer?
Luis Gomez
The thing I like about him as opposed to the other sharks is that he makes it clear in no uncertain terms that he is going to fuck you raw, and you’re going to have to pay him to fuck you.
The other sharks are sneaky by trying to sugarcoat it, and pretends that by fucking you raw they’re actually doing you a favor.
Henry Morgan
>the Armenian what?
>I’m out