Why didn’t Voldemort just bash in Harry’s skull with a lamp?

Why didn’t Voldemort just bash in Harry’s skull with a lamp?

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9 movies and books

Even Voldemort understood that the damage had already been done. The greatest cruelty to young Harry was existing in the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

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He got a boner from killing Harry’s mom and wanted to masturbate. Using a lamp would have taken too long and the blood would have turned him off.

reading is for fags

Because Voldemort is a Scooby-Doo villain.

He's a very scrawny guy

He's a maniac and gets off on magically obliterating people with ease

You’re reading this

Fag

Because wizards are fucking stupid.

I should write a Harry Potter fanfic where the final battle is ended abruptly by the sudden appearance of students from the Charlton Heston School of Wizardry who simply shoot Voldemort and all the death eaters with bullets that may or may not be enchanted, and then one of them hollers "WHO'S UP FOR A HOOTENANNY" followed by a deafening cheer of agreement from the other students, after which it cuts to the morning after in Hogwarts where one half of the students are literally deafened by the loudness of their Texan counterparts and the other half is sick from eating too much barbecue