No matter how hard and diligent you work, the person who has friends in high places will always win

It's a public school, they're not putting money for that.

>faggot in charge will negate all the hard work you put in by making up laws to suit his henchmen
>banks are run by nosy decrepit creatures essentially owning the faggots in place of education and every aspect of the wizardring industry
>ordinary people are called muggles and kept in dark
>should you renege on any of these ideas you will be tortured in a gulag by faceless monsters that have unlimited access to every aspect of anyone's life at any time and no one questions it

based rowling

That's not how it works sweetie. Have sex.

>and remember kids, if there's shooter in the school, whoever tackles the shooter gets FREE PIZZA
Holy shit they need to put cameras in every murrican school and stream them online

What a clusterfuck of plot which should've been confined to one book and then Rowling overdose on scag in Edinburgh ghetto.

Are people really okay with a never married gay man being in charge of a private school?

Catholic schools are a thing.

They should start offering better grades and class trips for the kids that tackle the school shooter. I can't believe this hasn't happened yet. And when are they giving the teachers guns? Mr. School Shooter isn't gonna try it if the teachers are packing.

that was kino

t. ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER

What are you talking about? Literally everyone in Hogwarts is armed. The fact that there is no bounded field that prevents students from uttering murder curses is astounding, though.

>Harry named his kids James, Lily and Albus.
lol

I'm not talking about Harry Potter dumbass I mean real fucking life.

>break half a hundred school rules
>infiltrate forbidden chambers
>kill an innocent teacher
>claim it was voldemort

Attached: 1143622311865.png (400x400, 15K)

>bringing even more guns to a school setting
Yeah what could go wrong.

>have guns in banks and courthouses but not schools
I wonder which one is more important

It shows initiative

but then what happens if the teacher became the school shooter? will the designated shooter of the class fight the teacher?

If the teacher becomes the shooter the student that takes out the teacher gets to become the new teacher obviously. They also get access to the Faculty firearms, which will definitely be of better quality than most student weapons.

Nobody even bothered to check out Harry's story in Stone. He could have been making all that shit up. Snape really should have killed him it made no sense that he didn't especially when that fag started stealing his spells.

>Harry and his friends save the world
>Yea Forums edgelords still insist the Nazi house deserved to win
You're just cynical because you're thoroughly mediocre fucking losers who will never do anything heroic and never amount to anything in life. Harry and his friends are special, and you know you aren't.

yes but everyone everywhere has that friend if they simply accept him in their life (rowling is big christian, hp is christian allegory)

>>Harry and his friends save the world

At most they saved their own lives.

lol, those hats
everyone looks ridiculous

no wonder they didn't have them in later movies

>Voldemort has to live as a parasitic face on the back of some faggots head
>Can't really do anything in that position except get his body back from the stone
>Getting rid of it doesn't solve the issue and he's back anyway later on
If anything Philosophers Stone was a massive waste of time for everyone involved, especially seeing as the press didn't publish anything about it to forewarn people

>You know, children, you really shouldn't be so cruel to Ronald Weasley for vomiting the slugs. Why, some would even call his misfortune... titillating. Why, I remember that time I cast my own charm that had the slimy little chaps spilling out of Lily Potter's sweet little snatch in her sixth year. If only Bertie Bott's Every Bean Flavour had one half a tasty as her clunge. Oh, but she didn't like the spell I cast at all. Oh no! She kept screaming this muggle term. Raep... reep. Something like that. She threatened to report me to the Ministry if I didn't subsidise her and her boyfriend's lifestyle. She bled me dry over years. All that gold in your vault, Harry? That's MINE. My bank account ended up drier than Snape's sex live. She was a good friend.

Harry Potter is proof that bringing fully-semi automatic weapons (wands) to school is a good thing.

Not true. The book make it pretty clear that there are wizzard families thst cannot afford their children to go to Hogwarts. Its even a thing that they end up becoming supporters of voldie, who's mother and uncle for example never went to school.

>"To all Gryffindors... Cheers. Cheers, my friends. It has been an honour. Cheers!"
>Dumbledore fixes his eyes on the Slytherin table, completely ignoring Ravenclaw and the other one
>"Now Slytherin... I know we have had our differences, but your ambition and hard work is truly something to behold. Admirable!"
>the Slytherins are cautious. Dumbledore usually follows up a praise with some humiliation and injustice
>"Indeed, I have a special treat for you all because of these traits. It's so good, that you'll love it despite its Muggle origin. It is a large apparatus which all of you can fit in which will confer all of you a deeply unique experience that shall benefit us all. A chamber of sorts. I have had that room over there fitted with the apparatus. Move along, children, shuffle into it now. You too, Snape*
>the Slytherins flood into the room, some cautious and some excited
>Dumbledore slams the door shut and enchants it to be locked and airtight. He turns to the other houses
>"And that special treat? That "unique experience" the Slytherins shall all experience and you all won't?*
>"..."
>"...Why, it's... DEATH! FUCK SLYTHERIN! THE FINAL SOLUTION TO THE SLYTHERIN MENACE BEGINS NOW! PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL, TURN ON THE GAS! YES, YES, WELL DONE, SLYTHERIN! WELL DONE SLYTHERIN FOR DYING SO WELL! SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!"
>as Dumbledore's mouth foams during his blood-crazed tirade, the hall erupts into applause and a massive, inter-house orgy ensues. The Slytherins begin dying in the gas chamber. As Malfoy chokes on his own blood, Harry proves himself to be a sexual dominant member of the orgy
>Dumbledore looks on with pride
>*Years later Harry Potter tells recounts these events to his son, Albus, at bedtime, with Ginny smiling warmly at the memory.
>"And that's how Dumbledore exterminated the Slytherin scum. HEIL GODRIC! Dumbledore truly was the greatest headmaster of them all, and a good friend"

By the time he was sixteen, Harry had heard all sorts of tales of dead mother's famously ludicrous sexual exploits, and upon learning about the illegalities of Necromancy in Britain, resolved to himself to find the next best thing. Which is why he eventually settled for Ginevra Weasley, another red-headed young Gryffindor girl who would do literally anything he desired because she had been mentally conditioned by her mother from a very young age to worship the boy-who-lived, had been saved by him at the age of twelve from a fucking basilisk, and had watched him quickly grow up to become the hero of the second wizarding war. Literally anything.

HOWEVER

Fucking Europoors. In my classroom we had a chart where you got a gold star for every shooting you prevented. Whoever got ten during the school year got to pick the class movie. It was great incentive. Guess what school had the least shootings in the state each year?

Work of art.

He was right to give them the points, though he should have specified that they weren't "killing Voldemort's vessel" points but rather "Snape is a cunt that never docks his own house" points, and maybe given some to Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff as well.

HA!

>be a wizard kiddo, get sent to hogwarts
>put sorting hat on, get sorted to hufflepuff/ravenclaw
>instantly know that you're basically doomed to basically be nameless NPC in some other guy's story'
>do well in hogwarts, days turn into weeks, weeks turn, into months
>the school year is about to end, your house seems to on the cusp of winning the house cup
>last day, the excitement in your house is almost through the roof, you are about to win this meaningless cup that only encourages interhouse rivalry
>however the headmaster feels like the blowjob he got from his favorite boytoy last night was pretty damn good and randomly rewards his house with 50 billion points
>couple years later, the boytoy has ensured that his house wins every year
>become a quidditch player, things go pretty well for your house's team this year
>the last match of the year, whether you win or lose the cup is decided here
>your team is dominating the game 140 to 0 points, opponent seeker randomly spots the snitch and catches it
>they're rewarded with 150 points and your team loses

Rowling is a fucking hack.

>10 years later
>Find out I was gay and black all along

>fully-semi automatic

Attached: 1536531256091.jpg (354x352, 15K)

It’s a female fantasy full of subversions and fanciful wishes.

>solving problems with inconsistent magic and deus ex machina
>Hermione is the smart one of the group
>the headmaster is best friends with her and Harry and Ron, so their house always gets to win the house cup even if Slytherin won it fair and square
>Harry and Hermione (the obvious couple) don’t end up together because JK Rowling is a divorcee and wants to infuse her angst and subversion into the story

>even if Slytherin won it fair and square
Lets be honest though, both Gryffindor and Slytherin are cheating fucks with teachers that rig the votes

>Hermione is the smart one of the group
Sure but at least she admits Harry is the stronger wizard

She should be admitting he’s stronger and smarter, considering he manages to save her and the worlds asses multiple times in the books.

Harry is borderline retarded, he's one step above Ron in figuring shit out

Yes, yes, well done user, HOWEVER, despite your best efforts, you are still a neet participating in threads about the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises! Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to be Stephen King.

Attached: 1529322445451.jpg (1623x2886, 1.42M)

why didn't snape try to fight voldemort?
if you're about to get killed,at least try to put up some fight,voldemort don't even seems that impressive and he doesn't have the strong wand at this point

>No Clifford or deh
>ASoIaF being shit-tier
"No!"

And Hermione isn’t any better but she’s written by Rowling to stump the two in various scenes on trivia which helps them move on to the next scene. It’s fantasy cuz in the end harry’s still the one that saves the day

>villain quite literally becomes radicalised by the fact his parents split up

based rowling

what movie did you pick?

Shrek

you get a B for based

>SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!"
Based Gandalf

Attached: BFBA84FB-299D-4A7F-8A60-1E5EFBE99984.jpg (590x350, 33K)

Harry being "The Chosen One" ruins the books.

Not really. He was nothing special, and only impacted events because Voldemort was too stupid to just leave him alone.

it's not so bad that he gave gryffindor the points to win but why the fuck did he dress up the entire room in slytherin banners and wave slytherins apparent victory in their face before snatching it away? thats some sadistic shit

Working class wizards can exploit the revolutionary potential of Voldemort just like working class muggles can exploit Brexit to tear down the hierarchy.

i think the great hall always has the team with the most points as their decoration

this, voldemort could've quite literally ignored him or sent everyone but himself after him and then voldemort would have won

its his unnecessary obsession with both HP and the prophecy that is his downfall

ALSO, why didn't the horcrux in harry die when getting bitten by the basilisk

>Snape, stop being a biased little nigger
>Snape, you got friend zoned twenty years ago. This is not a healthy way to cope.
>Snape I swear i’ll drop an H bomb on your little green faggots if you don’t cut that shit out.
>I warned you, bro.

Attached: 5B409AE3-3AC4-4391-94E0-F21E047E3A5C.jpg (640x479, 52K)

>If a bunch of people from a class stopped a school shooter, I’d say they should get pizza or something.
You trying to make American kids fat or something?
Oh wait...

>have 4 different houses
>could have Harry make friends with guys from different houses to show how their different skillsets and personalities enable them to win
>Na fuck it. Gryffindor good. Slytherin bad. Everyone else npc

That's how you can tell it's definitely a woman who wrote it.

Because Fawkes cured him before he could die from it

Attached: 1550200823166.jpg (960x960, 87K)

I love JK Rowling!!

They've got some shit in place where you can't teleport within school grounds and the ministry know immediately if somebody uses magic in a Muggle area (Harry gets sent a letter like five minutes after using expecto patronum to save his cousin in one book iirc) so I gather they do keep tabs on this stuff

i think you can assume an unusually close watch is kept on privet drive when harry's there, he's got to be the target of a lot of magical crazies

A TERRIBLE SYSTEM BECAUSE HE ALSO GOT PEGGED FOR MAGIC COMMITTED BY FUCKING DOBBY

>ignoring Ravenclaw and the other one
lol

Someone should make an edit where Draco flashbacks to this moment when he goes to kill Dumbledore.

It would be a flashforward in this case

>Kid gets arrested for using spell that's only good for beating one monster
>No monitoring when adults using killing spell

>release snake-monster, paralyse a few dozen students
>shit gets a bit too real so you kill the snake
> tell everyone, "It was Voldemort's ghost! "
> produce no evidence except for an old diary with a hole in it
>"it used to be able to talk"

>cheat your way into the triwizard for the lulz
>kill cedric faggory so he doesn't win
>make up a story about voldemort's ghost being responsible for everything, again
>"for evidence, ask Moody! Who isn't Moody, but Crouch Jr, who is dead. Or check with Crouch Sr, who is also dead."

I went to the Yale University bookstore and bought and read a copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." I suffered a great deal in the process. The writing was dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs." I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times.

SEETHING hick from daegu

Based Dumbledore is redpilled as fuck sheeple. Slytherin exists to give the right wizards supervillain backstories to keep the people united against a common foe.

Attached: 1543800191642.jpg (460x300, 19K)

But at least you like Stephen King, right?

"No!"

top kek