THE FORBIDDEN FOREST IS OUT OF BOUNDS YOU LITTLE SHITS

GODS I WAS MAGICAL THEN

Reminder that in the harry potter universe they sell date rape drugs im convince stores.

They are one of the best father-son acting duos ever.

Yes, yes, well done user, HOWEVER, despite your best efforts, you are still a neet participating in threads about the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises! Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to be Stephen King.

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what if dumbledore was a competent headmaster who did background checks on his teachers, didn't let murderers run about on school property, and actually made sure the castle was safe and that no doors leading to baby-eating three-headed dogs could be opened by a spell taught to the fucking students

deh

>I strongly recommend cock... to all...

GODS I WAS A GAY WIZARD THEN

Wizards and common sense dont go hand in hand. This is the same school that treats student death or dismemberment as part of the curriculum.

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based "no!" poster

HARRY POTTER; I HARDLY KNEW HER

He was gay though

that is why he was looking for young tomboys

Deh!

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Based

START THE DAMN TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT BEFORE I PISS MYSELF

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based

Why do they need to say spells sometimes and other times not?
Why is quidditch even a game if the snitch decides everything?
Why are Hufflepuffs so goddamned useless? Seriously Cedric, wtf was that shitty hint, Harry straight up told you what you needed to do, Hufflepuffs cant do anything right.
Why is the Room Of Requirment so easy to find when Dumbledore says he's only seen it like once?
Why do they fly places when they can teleport?
How did Lupin get surprised by a full moon when calendars are literally based on the moon?
Why didnt Harry accio the egg instead of his broom?
Why wouldn't Voldemort figure out the connection with Harry since he's apparently the only person that can get horcruxes to work?
Why is Harry settle for a redhead when Cho is built for sex?
Why isn't there more of an outcry about (((goblins))) controlling the financial system?
Why doesn't Harry stop being such a cunt to Snape after being proven wrong about him 15,000 times?
Why does everyone suck Harry's dick when Hermoine carries the team most of the time?
Why didn't Fred and George use the marauder's map to figure out Ginny was opening the Chamber of Secrets?
Why doesn't McGonnagal catch more shit for NVER taking points from her house? Like seriously, she'd do lole -5 points for rape and +50 for wiping your own ass.

based
superb opening statement

lol

>Why do they need to say spells sometimes and other times not?
Skill
>Why is quidditch even a game if the snitch decides everything?
Rowling cannot design a game
>Why are Hufflepuffs so goddamned useless? Seriously Cedric, wtf was that shitty hint, Harry straight up told you what you needed to do, Hufflepuffs cant do anything right.
Fair play. Which is to say that Harry told him there would be dragons, he told him the task would take place underwater. No word on anything else.
>Why is the Room Of Requirment so easy to find when Dumbledore says he's only seen it like once?
Only appears to those who need it
>Why do they fly places when they can teleport?
Not everyone can and they generally do teleport one way or another as limited by wards
>How did Lupin get surprised by a full moon when calendars are literally based on the moon?
stress
>Why didnt Harry accio the egg instead of his broom?
Possibly spelled to prevent that
>Why wouldn't Voldemort figure out the connection with Harry since he's apparently the only person that can get horcruxes to work?
He did
>Why is Harry settle for a redhead when Cho is built for sex?
Cho is mentally unstable. No comment on Ginny.
>Why isn't there more of an outcry about (((goblins))) controlling the financial system?
Wizards are retarded
>Why doesn't Harry stop being such a cunt to Snape after being proven wrong about him 15,000 times?
Snape is also a cunt
>Why does everyone suck Harry's dick when Hermoine carries the team most of the time?
insufferable know it all
>Why didn't Fred and George use the marauder's map to figure out Ginny was opening the Chamber of Secrets?
They generally don't follow people's movements and the map does not show the chamber
>Why doesn't McGonnagal catch more shit for NVER taking points from her house? Like seriously, she'd do lole -5 points for rape and +50 for wiping your own ass.
Snape does the same thing

I WAS A FOOKING LEGEND IN DIAGON ALLEY

>Why do they need to say spells sometimes and other times not?
Non-verbal spellcasting requires more skill and concentration
>Why is quidditch even a game if the snitch decides everything?
Rowling hates sports and men's obsession with it so she deliberately made up a sport with awful rules
>Why are Hufflepuffs so goddamned useless?
All the useful traits had already been called dibs by the other houses
>Why is the Room Of Requirment so easy to find when Dumbledore says he's only seen it like once?
Probably never looked for it since it has little to offer him
>Why do they fly places when they can teleport?
Port keys are regulated AFAIK, apparition needs to be learned and going with others sucks
>How did Lupin get surprised by a full moon when calendars are literally based on the moon?
Too much wizard crack, just look at the guy
>Why didnt Harry accio the egg instead of his broom?
They would definitely protect the egg from getting dabbed on by 4th year spells
can't be bothered with the rest but
>Why doesn't McGonnagal catch more shit for NVER taking points from her house? Like seriously, she'd do lole -5 points for rape and +50 for wiping your own ass.
She literally takes like 150 points from her own house when she finds them sneaking around at night in the first book

based

YOU HEARD JK ROWLING GRINDWALD'S ARSE IS TOO SMALL FOR DUMBLEDORE'S COCK
GO FETCH THE COCK STRETCHER NOW

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>a-aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
"AH!"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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kek

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>Why do they need to say spells sometimes and other times not?
No!
>Why is quidditch even a game if the snitch decides everything?
No!
>Why are Hufflepuffs so goddamned useless? Seriously Cedric, wtf was that shitty hint, Harry straight up told you what you needed to do, Hufflepuffs cant do anything right.
No!
>Why is the Room Of Requirment so easy to find when Dumbledore says he's only seen it like once?
No!
>Why do they fly places when they can teleport?
No!
>How did Lupin get surprised by a full moon when calendars are literally based on the moon?
No!
>Why didnt Harry accio the egg instead of his broom?
No!
>Why wouldn't Voldemort figure out the connection with Harry since he's apparently the only person that can get horcruxes to work?
No!
>Why is Harry settle for a redhead when Cho is built for sex?
No!
>Why isn't there more of an outcry about (((goblins))) controlling the financial system?
No!
>Why doesn't Harry stop being such a cunt to Snape after being proven wrong about him 15,000 times?
No!
>Why does everyone suck Harry's dick when Hermoine carries the team most of the time?
No!
>Why didn't Fred and George use the marauder's map to figure out Ginny was opening the Chamber of Secrets?
No!
>Why doesn't McGonnagal catch more shit for NVER taking points from her house? Like seriously, she'd do lole -5 points for rape and +50 for wiping your own ass.

>what if dumbledore was a competent headmaster
He is
>who did background checks on his teachers
He did. Let Quirrel on staff to low-key let Smape keep an eye on him. Gilderoy for PR after the Sorc Stone incident. Lupin to coordinate with the Order of the Phoenix. Moody/Barty for same reason. Umbridge was forced on him. Snape was kino.
>didn't let murderers run about on school property
Like who? Sirius wasn't actually a murderer.
>actually made sure the castle was safe and that no doors leading to baby-eating three-headed dogs could be opened by a spell taught to the fucking students
He did. Hermoine is just next-level autistic and nosy, so he led Harry along by feeding her hints.

"No!"

>silent casting is an acquired talent like learning a musical instrument
>because Harry needed to be the cool sports hero
>it's Britain, thus, you need a house for plebs
>Dumbledore never required it
>because teleporting is hard, and kids can't do it
>he assumed he had taken his wolfsbane, he hadn't
>presumably anti-summoning charms, because any wizard above fourth year would have instantly attempted the same
>Oedipal complex
>Goblins control every aspect of the wizarding finances. Thus, they practically control the wizarding world. This is just like another Goblocaust, shut it down! Shut it down now!
>Because Snape was always a massive dickhead who couldn't get over his youthful lust for Harry's mom. His acrimony towards Harry is far more plentiful in the books.
>Because the wizarding world is deeply racist, and ultimately sees Hermione as little more than an "uppity mudblood whore", as Draco often said, to most of the staffs approval
>Because it didn't exist in Rowling's mind until the third book
>This is the same for every one of Rowling's professors. They're of a dull sort, you see.

HARRY, YOUR MOTHER WAS A WHORE WITH A FAT ASS, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

BOW TO YOUR HEADMASTER, BOW YA SHITS

kek'd

CAREFUL SEVERUS, CAREFUL NOW

THE WHORE IS PREGNANT, SNAPE

Test

>ALL THE CUTEST FIRST AND SECOND YEAR BOYS ARE TO REPORT TO MY OFFICE IMMEADITELY

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what is the point of the Hogwarts express when you can just take the family fireplace to school?

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King Robert Dumbledore is a truly daring synthesis.

Bobbydore

If you think about it, the entire series is basically about how one roastie whore prevented the greatest wizarding golden age ever.

More potion, Headmaster?

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Dumble D

>my potions are too strong for you mister potter

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Show me the chapter in any of the books where Dumblydoo comes out of the closet

I WARNED YOU HARRY, BACK IN FIRST YEAR I WARNED YOU, BUT YOU DIDNT CARE TO HEAR

Whelp, meant for

God nu-Dumbledore was such a prick.

THE GREATEST WIZARD WHO EVER LIVED GOT KILLED BY LILY FUCKING POTTER?

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LOL ayn rand. are you 16?

God, why didn't they just strap a false beard on Jim Dale? Good grief movie dumbledore was AIDS

HOGS I WAS STRONG THEN

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Chapter 38: Half Blood Nigger, page 6969

>"Ah, Harry, there you are. Come in, come in, it's been some time since our last Oneirological excursion has it not? Lemon drop? No? One for me then. So Harry, any luck convincing old Horace to give up that memory?"
>"No? For fucks sake Harry. What have you been doing then? Staring at your little red headed girlfriends arse? Oh don't think I haven't spied you looking. I can see anything from up here you know... I've enchanted the windows, you see... I am rather privy to the goings on of anywhere and anywhim within the confines of this... grand and illustrious old castle... of mine".
>"Although, I daresay, I would only need to stare so far as to Severus's rather muriatic gums at our weekly Order meetings; frothing, one could say. Why, you're the very visage of your mother and father, Harry, as if ghosts perambulating to torment his bitter soul, in the cruelly youthful form of you and Ms Weasley".
>"Ah... there, you see that, Harry? There, at the bottom of the window. The first year Ravenclaw dormitory, or the dormitory bathrooms to be exact. Incidentally, did I ever tell you about the time I forcefully stole the anal virginity of Sturgis Podmore as a young second year some... oh, one hundred years ago, in that very same bathroom, Harry? Yes. It only took the calm threat of a permanent cock shrivelling curse and I was as innocent as any fresh faced student. So, if you don't get your act together, Potter, and conduct the ludicrously elaborate and grossly impractical plan I've been weaving for you since your insemination with the precision I require... it could be you, Harry, it could be you..."
>"Now, here, another memory, of a meeting I once had with a young Tom Riddle. And be warned Harry, there are some... very disturbing images within this one."

>Why do they need to say spells sometimes and other times not?
you need to be real good to do it non-verbally, and archmage-tier to do it non-verbally and without a wand
>Why is quidditch even a game if the snitch decides everything?
you can technically still lose by catching it if your opponent has an over 150 point lead, but yeah, it's retarded
>Why do they fly places when they can teleport?
some places are warded against teleportation (like Hogwarts) and it's easier for big brother to track
>How did Lupin get surprised by a full moon when calendars are literally based on the moon?
Snape intentionally botched his "turn into a sane werewolf and wait it out instead of a rampaging cunt" potion in the hopes of getting him sacked
>Why didnt Harry accio the egg instead of his broom?
charmed to not let people just magically grab it, same goes for the mermaid hostages and the cup in the maze
>Why wouldn't Voldemort figure out the connection with Harry since he's apparently the only person that can get horcruxes to work?
because Voldemort is a terrible idiot villain and dumber than your average 80s Saturday morning cartoon baddie
>Why is Harry settle for a redhead when Cho is built for sex?
he fucked it up with Cho and in the books Ginny didn't look like a 40-year-old goblin
>Why isn't there more of an outcry about (((goblins))) controlling the financial system?
wizards are canonically fucking stupid, the goyim don't know
>Why doesn't Harry stop being such a cunt to Snape after being proven wrong about him 15,000 times?
because the cuck never stops being a (much bigger) cunt to him
>Why does everyone suck Harry's dick when Hermoine carries the team most of the time?
because he's de choisen protagonist
>Why didn't Fred and George use the marauder's map to figure out Ginny was opening the Chamber of Secrets?
the same reason they never noticed Peter Pettigrew was sleeping in the same bed as their brothers for several years

>Let Quirrel on staff to low-key let Snape keep an eye on him
Are you implying letting Voldemort's minion teach children is somehow an intelligent plan? Quirrel almost resurrects Voldemort in the first movie because of Dumbledore's retarded decision to hire him.

based

Are you dumb? How would Gryffindor win the house cup if Harry and the gang couldn't come up with some clutch ass points at the end?

I've always thought Dumdledore let the events of the whole book happen because he wanted the alpha house to win the cup

No, you see, the risk was worth it.

Voldemort, the man who had spent 50 years mastering every malevolent spell, curse and ritual on earth and was capable of mass murdering swathes of people within an instant just had to be in the castle because Harry and his chums were the only force truly capable of stopping him.

Of course, one could question the potential cost of this victory, and whether it would ultimately be worth it in the long run considering a large portion of magical Britain's prominent aristocratic children were enrolled in the school at the time, and the potential loss of life amongst them could have been catastrophic for the financial and political future of the society they live in.

Dumbledore knew this, and so he kept a very, very close, and very, very suspicious eye on Quirrel at all times. To keep the mass murdering warlord spirit within him under tight leash. Just like the days when Riddle was a sulky school boy upset he had to return to his dim Orphanage at summer. On the odd occasion, when Dumbledore wasn't tipping one of his many golden chalices towards Harry for simply being there, he would gaze just under his half-moon spectacles and frown slightly towards both Snape, and Quirrel, so as not to seem too obvious. He'd also wink at Snape in these moments, and mouth, "He doesn't know we know does he?".

This way, Dumbledore knew that the children were safe, and that his ability to perform his role as the benevolent wise Headmaster hadn't been compromised by his other role as a cult leader using school children in his cold war strategics.

>sick 1950's pin up cover for 1984
fucking based

>You want to know the horrible truth Harry? I can't even remember what Sturgis looked like. I only know he was the one thing I ever wanted... his parents made him switch schools, and seven first year orgy couldn't fill the hole he left behind

>read the books (it's been a while though so I don't remember everything) but never watched any of the movies, which I'm doing now
>get to Prisoner of Azkaban
>movie version almost completely glosses over the whole Marauders thing/who each of them was except for Harry using the map
>as well as Snape's whole grudge/history with them kind of, like the joke/prank Sirius played on Snape when they were young
>also made the scene of the map insulting him really ambiguous as to if it was just Harry being a cheeky cunt making up the insult himself, didn't show the words showing up on the map
Do they ever bring it up more in the later movies? I'm guessing they do and wanted to build suspense cause Voldy calls Peter "Wormtail" in the beginning of Goblet of Fire movie (only saw like the first 5 minutes of that)

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Why wasn't there a class on healing magic?

YA EVER FUCK A DURMSTRANG GIRL? BACK IN OUR DAY YOU WEREN'T A REAL MAN UNTIL YOU'VE FUCKED ONE GIRL FROM EACH OF THE FOUR HOUSES AND DURMSTRANG. USED TO CALL IT MAKIN' THE FIVE.

Love ya
Pfffff

There was, but Dumbledore had to remove it from the curriculum because he needed to allocate funds to a local necromancer so that he could justify keeping the useless History of Magic teacher ghost on forever. He thought it was worth it because it added "charm" and "fun" to the school image, and that no one except girls, Hufflepuffs and Snape really cared about healing.

What's Dumbledor's sex policy?

>I'm taking you off the case potter... for now

Jesus rowling

How hard could learning new spells even be? For most of them there seems to be nothing more than just waving it right and pronouncing the words correctly. You only seem to need intent for the 3 curses or for a patronus charm.

after school classes with hot twinks
memory wipe later

WHAT'S WRONG, YOU GONNA CRY AND GO RUNNING TO WIPE YOUR TEARS WITH DADDY'S BALLSACK YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE FUCKING CUMSTAIN?!? OH AND YOUR MOM WAS KNOWN HERE AS THE "WHORE OF HOGWARTS", SHIT, EVEN THAT FUCKING BETA ORBITER KEK FAGGOT SNAPE LOST HIS CHERRY TO HER, I MEAN, SURE, IT WAS HIS ASSHOLE AND WITH HER STRAP-ON BUT HE WAS SAVING HIS COCK FOR LILY, HAHAHAHAH, HOW'D THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU SNAPE YOU FUCKING LOSERS OH AND I KNOW YOU FUCKED LILY'S CORPSE AFTER V-MAN KILLED HER SKANK ASS, FUCKING NECROFILE DOUCHEBAG, ANYWHO, YEAH, DRACO IS A HOMO AND I WIPE MY ASS WITH YOUR FAMILY'S NAME YOU PIECE IF SHIT CUNT FUCKFACE *TAKES MASSIVE PULL FROM HIP FLASK*, NO WHICH ONE OF YOU PRETEEN SLAGS WANTS TO SUCK AND RIDE MY WAND?!?FACT!!!

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five house points for every load he puts in a twink
or at least it was, but the other professors got real suspicious when the yearly tally went from a few hundred points to a few thousand

>"AH!"
Every time

Harry, did I ever tell you that Gridelwald used to pound my boipussy for hours at a time back in my day. He was a good friend.

IT WAS ALL A DREAM
USED TO READ QUIBBLER MAGAZINE

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>posts third year Hermione

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Nice

Honestly who cares? You like the books/Films fine. You hate them, fine also. Really who gives a flying fuck. But they must've done some thing right otherwise Rowling would not be worth a few million bucks now nor the books sold a shitload of copies. Warner made a shit pot of money from the films so again, something must've been done right. It's like that p.c shit now. Can't say a damn thing without offending some asshole. Everyone's all uptight.

the first two movies are the only worthwhile ones
prove me wrong

The Room of Requirement wasn't that easy to find.
You literally have to walk back and forth in front of it a few times thinking about a different place.

Dumbledore was probably drunk stumbling back and forth needing a bathroom and was ready to just pee at the wall

More polyjuice, Headmaster?

Boys are forbidden to enter girls’ dorms in Hogwarts, but girls can enter boys’ rooms whenever they want.
This is canon. Really.

Chad

it’s because girls are more trustworthy

Its literally a deus ex machina

Leave your wand, Potter... and your other wand.

>"Show me your wand, Harry"
>"Here, sir"
>"And your other wand?"
>"S-sir?"
>Dumbledore winks at camera

Have DEHx

Why didn't Harry voluntarily disqualify himself from each challenge during the TriWizard Tournament to maintain the integrity and fairness of the game?

What's wrong with that? It's a perfectly sensible rule?

How did they not see Ron sleeping in a bed with someone called ‘Peter Pettigrew’ every night or at least be alarmed that a stranger was watching their brother sleep or something?

>Dumbledore told us not to be ashamed of our wands. Especially since they are such good size and all.

Dumbledore was a church kid. He would never curse.

What's to stop me from putting an uncontrollable shitting curse that only affects girls on the entrance to the boys dorm? if Chad is gonna sneak in thots to the comfy boys club he is gonna pay.

He'd lose his cock if he did so.

It was one the penalties Barty Crouch Hitler described.

I honestly wondered about this. what was the reasoning that they kept him in the game? clearly it was a mistake and he didn't have the magic experience to safely perform in the tournament without massive amounts of help. why didn't dumblefuck just let him quit.

Also we will send you to the forest as a punishment.

He was a poofter

Fuck you your not my real wizard im going to go live with gandalf at least he has hobbits and can actually tank a balrog.

It wouldn't do anything.

People just shit wherever they wish in Hogwarts, the "magic" of the castle cleans it up for them. The toilets are all for show.

You'd probably just see a bunch of pinch-faced girls waddling awkwardly through.

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He read the script.

Why didn't the "wizards" just cast themselves out of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Barry Crouch said some bullshit about the goblet being a "magical binding contract", but Fleur took herself out of the second challenge. Harry should have done that every challenge if the contract wouldn't let himself out of the tournament itself.

>You'd probably just see a bunch of pinch-faced girls waddling awkwardly through.
that's what they look like when they leave chad's bedroom

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>forgot the image
You might as well kill yourself now.

H-He had no wand

THE GREATEST WIZARD WHO EVER LIVED HAD NO WAND?

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God just look at how fucking smug James is. That's the face of a man who was a merciless bully and still got to marry stacy and live the good life.

"Oi sorry Prof. I was poundin Herm's pussy while Ron watched. Sorry git gets off on being a cuck"

Do you think Draco would make his house elf eat his ass?

>"AH!"
EVERY FUCKING TIME, DUDE

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Actually based

if Dobby knew about eating ass it'd have been his first act of gratitude towards Harry
JK will probably retcon it in if you ask, sounds pretty progressive to me

>girl can come into boys dorm
>there's nothing to stop your girl from spending the night with you
>there's nothing to stop you from getting witch pussy in the dead of night by casting a muffling charm
>You'll knock her up and then Fetus Deletus if you're worried
Rowling didn't think this though at all

Harry wanted to win though.
sure he didn't think he would but he was going to try.
that's the problem with 99% of harry potter fans. theyre way to onions to understand Chad behavior that the think of them as plot holes.

Why didn't Harry just be lazy pussy and not try? that's what i would have done in his place.

actually wanting to compete and win in a physical competition is a foreign concept to them

You are correct. Chris Columbus was the best director

This is the main problem with these books. Harry never succeeds because of wit or will. Everything he needs just falls into his hands with no effort on his part. Rowling could've had Harry trying and failing to establish classes in out of the way places he thought were safe but which for various reasons couldn't be used (Mrytle screams at them, centaurs chase them out of forest, abandoned basement room is actually filchs bedroom, etc) and then remembering the resources he has Harry does something like studying the marauders map and he notices a room he's never seen before which seems to appear and disappear at random times and one time when it's there he goes and finds the room of requirement. Simple, rewarding, shows Harry actually has to work to succeed. Instead he's just walking around not doing anything and BOOM plot convenient room falls into his lap with no effort.

This is how you can tell this series was written by a woman. Everything is just handed to Harry, he never had to struggle and he never fails, everything is just given to him. Only the wretched female mind can produce a protagonist whom is rewarded just for existing.

James looks like every manlet Professor with a stick up their ass.

>comfy boys club he is gonna pay.
Faggot, you just want Chad all to yourself

NO HE WA STRAIGHT until the book in which the author said he was a faggot only so she could get some leftist points from her friends

I miss 80s cop tropes with Harry Potter

Snape.........aka the hound aka DOG

This is basically why I've never liked harry potter. He's just a boring mary sue. Completely bland, boring, and unremarkable, and yet he's the centerpiece and key to literally everything that ever happens at hogwarts. It's fanfic-tier

This is when I stopped liking all the so called good guys as a kid. Harry was an asshole for competing: his friends and his teachers all knew and suspected some kind of trap, but instead of being responsible Harry wholly commits to the tournament when every task he should've forfeit immediately or did nothing. Nothing bad happens to the losers and none of the teachers takes Harry aside and just levels with him that he needs to stop trying and just let the other contestants win, not even Snape who has several reasons both selfish and noble to discourage and sabotage Harry.

*AHEM*
FUCK MUDBLOODS AND FUCK MUGGLES

this is for all you boys, my gift before I blow my brains out tonight!

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Ravenclaw is best slut

Because it's explicitly stated that only the headmaster's office is connected to the floo network for security reasons.

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>Harry was an asshole for competing
perfect example of

now I know why Hermoine hated her

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Why are none of them black?

but why though

Mine was some Gellert boy at the Battle of Berlin. My broom took a stunner so I was on foot, slogging through the mud. He came apparating at me, this dumb pureblood wizard, thinking he could win the war with single swing of his wand. I blew him away with the phoenix. Merlin, I was strong then. Burned down his robes. Probably broke every protective spell he had. Stood over him, wand in the air. Right before I cast the curse down he shouted, "It's for the greater good!" They never tell you how they all plead the imperius. The Prophet doesn't print that. Stupid boy. Now the germans send their kids to school like everyone else. He could have stayed on his mansion like the smart wizards and today his friends would call him senile, his students would be mudbloods, and he'd be waking three times in the night to shit where he stands. LEMON DROPS!

this scene gave me a hard boner in the theater

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>his friends and his teachers all knew and suspected some kind of trap, but instead of being responsible Harry wholly commits to the tournament
You're stupid nigga, it was the other way around. Harry was the one who was freaking out in the beginning and at first suspected someone else did it to try and get at him (which is why he writes to Sirius). Everyone else except for a few people (like Hermione) thought that Harry was just trying to steal all the fame and somehow put his name in the Goblet of Fire himself despite him denying it all the time. Which was retarded anyway since how the fuck would he even do it as some 4th year kid? Even the Weasley twins couldn't do it. Ron was acting like an asshole and didn't believe him just because of him being jealous that Harry got all the attention all the time, and before the first task started almost everyone in the school except the Griffindors hated him because they thought he put his name in, and were all sucking Cedric's dick instead.

>someone puts your name into the goblet
>they have to be an extremely powerful wizard to do so
>you and everyone else know its almost certainly a trap to kill you or your friends

Do you:
A) Do the intelligent thing and don't play along with the wizard's game by not trying at the tournament, keeping you and your friends safe?
B) Go full Chad and embrace the trap and announce that you're going to win the tournament
C) Piss and moan about how you didn't enter the tournament, then seethe about everyone else for calling you out for not quitting, making yourself look like a weak dumb asshole?

Did you miss the entire book where terrorists break in to the school using the equivalent of the floo network but in cabinet form and then manage to take over the entire school for over a year until their leader commits accidental suicide?

You’re too fat for your robes

Fat?
Fat is it?
Is that how you speak to your headmaster!

Is it just meta bait or why are there always newshits criticizing the chart?

FAT IS IT?

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These are my favorite posts in these threads.

sucks that like there were like 5 people that believed he didnt put his own name in.
Dumbledore, Hagrid, McGonnagal, Hermione and "Moody"

Oh it’s funny is it?

>those tits just begging to be popped out
HNNNNNGGGGGGGGG

There is no more headmaster.

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No headmaster

>shadman

When you play the goblet of fire you either win or you die

Are there any spells to make my dick bigger? asking for a friend

why would they deliberately kill their own students

why does hogwarts has so many dangerous deadly shit laying around for students to find if they as much open the wrong door thinking it leads to their bedroom, couldn't they have sent it to a storehouse nearby

And if you can't move them out of there because hogwarts is where they're supposed to stay, then build another hogwarts elsewhere, more humble, less filled with wacky shit and ghosts and make old hogwarts a museum or something

I still don't get how the goblet of fire was legally allowed to be a thing. At any time any one of those kids could have died

The movies are hot garbage. The books are no prize, but they are fairly imaginative kid books. But those movies, holy shit. Doing weird shit like burning down the burrow then never brining it up again.

HARRY, MERLIN WHAT A STUPID NAME

DID YOU PUT YOUR FUCKING NAME IN THAT GOBLET HARRY

harry sweetie did you put something up where ya shouldn't? something like your name in that big cup of hot stuff? why would it be anything silly ;D?

>Clifford
Based

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He was like, the Dan Schneider of Hogwarts

>You can be entered into a binding magical contract against your will and without your knowledge.
Nice fucking world you got here JK.

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Why is Ravenclaw the only one that looks happy?

WHO NAMED YOU SOME HALF WIT WITH A STUTTER

Teenagers can legally purchase magical rape juice and learn memory erasure spells, user. Fraudulent binding contracts is the least of the wizarding world's infinite list of problems.

>what? We need a punishment for bad kids? Hmmm let's see... Send 'em to the forbidden forest!!

DARK LORD SLAYER, GET IN HERE, WE'RE TELLING WARLOCK STORIES

>YOU’RE OFF THE CASE POTTER

Based

>Harry did you think I wouldnt find out about that little STUNT you pulled in the Chamber of Secrets?
>Thanks to you, I've got the ministry of magic so far up my ass my patronus is now a gerbil!

simple as

>He who must not be named

I got too old to be reading them by the time the series ended but I almost kinda liked how Harry was just the image of a hero because of what others projected onto him when he was a really bland guy otherwise.

I'VE GOT FOUR HOUSES TO RUN
FOUR HOUSES ONE HEADMASTER

based and dehpilled

>he said, calmly

>ACCIO VIRGINS

underrated

>imperio sexy bitch
>force her to make an unbreakable vow with me and read a contract I wrote
>"I must be your sex slave for life and bear you as many children as you want. I will never tell anyone you forced me to do this I will lie and say I fell in love with you."

The number of relationships in the wizarding world that aren't a result of magically coerced rape has got to be close to 0%. Does anyone believe that James Potter really changed his whole attitude when he was 18 and Lily immeidately fell in love with him?

>He aked calmly.

Benus Gigantus

*Ahem* FUCK GOBLINS

It was so fucking gay that the board was down for almost 3 hours. I'm still seething

Why don't they make living portraits of everyone?
Why were there no ministry employees in the entire British Ministry when Harry and co. flew there on a workday afternoon?
Why did Britain never ask for international wizarding aid against Voldemort?
Why didn't Lilly and James just apparate away with babby Harry when Voldemort showed up?
How did Wormtail get into Gryffindor?
If one of Gamps' 5 laws of transfiguration is that you cannot create food, but you can transfigure anything into an animal, plant, etc., couldn't you transfigure an inkwell into a cow, then set it on fire and chop it up?
Can you transfigure objects and animals into sapient humans?
Why would the three representatives for the triwizard tourney be England, France, and Russia, when none of those were great powers when it was made in the late 13th century?
Wouldn't a better conclusion to Neville's character arc have him end up as the DADA professor in the epilogue, and not fucking herbology?
How come Bellatrix, after 14 years in Azkaban without a wand is immediately lucid, as well as capable enough with a wand to outduel Sirius, who was called one of the smartest/strongest wizards of his generation?
Why couldn't Harry see the Thestrals until Cedric died, when his mother got ded'd right next to him as a baby? Hell, the books even detail how harry was on the ground, and didn't see Cedric die, only that his body fell into his view afterward.

The GRIFFINDOR WHOOOORE IS PREGNANT

For me, I was masturbating to some mother/son hentai and literally came all over my body and had to sneak out of my room secretly to the bathroom to clean up and I was so afraid my folks would catch me.

>build new hogwarts
>fill it with magic retards
>4 years later it's as bad as old hogwarts
Frankly, putting that many rowling wizards together anywhere and not ending up with a smoldering crater within 6 months is a miracle.

>build new hogwarts
>it's a modern architeture abomination complete with a glass penis for the big tower
>the young wizards just do drugs and masturbate all day and their spells revolve around that

BARTY CROUCH... . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . . . . . . . . . . .

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FUCK YOU DUMBLDORE

dumbledore....what kind of crack head would name their son dumbledore?

FETCH ME THE HOUSE POINTS STRETCHER!

Do you want to fuck your mom?

His name is Brian though

Smart enough to envision Chad

Yes yes however
Well done well done
However
Have sex

BOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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jr

Reminder this is the goat series of films

JEWNEEAIR

>HARRY I AM A FUCKING WIZARD

>Why do they need to say spells sometimes and other times not?

Unironically magical power levels - some people have innately high power levels and some people get high power levels through research and practice (training)

In theory you could spend decades and decades meditating and researching on an isolated mountain, then descend and 360 noscope wordless wandless avada kedavra

This entire series should have done big spells more. It happens like once or twice throughout the entire story.

>magical protection and wards set up to prevent super powerful dark wizards from reaching the key to immortality
>bypassed by 2 idiot pure-bloods - one who had no idea about magic until less than a year prior - and an above average intelligence muggle-born who also wasn't exposed to magic until less than a year prior

>death eaters show up and attack the weasleys during the holidays
>burn down their house
>cut to harry back at school not even looking upset

So after their house got burned down Harry just shrugged, patted ginny on the ass and said "Whelp I guess I'm going back to Hogwarts early" and just forgot about all of it while Ron's parents were probably sleeping in a tent for the rest of year? Did they even tell Dumbledore about the attack? Why the fuck are students at school having a normal year and worrying about getting fucked while their parents are being hunted down like dogs?

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IIRC its canon that the rift between Petunia and Lily was because of a dinner the two couples had where James just constantly insulted and made fun of Vernon.

How is this thread still up? I'm impressed

She had love and a big fucking spell.

ravenclaws for that kinky librarian type

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Its so fucking obvious that each of the four main children were supposed to be in different houses, but that Rowling abandoned the concept at some point because she literally couldn't make it work with how she'd structured the school.

Harry - Gryffindor (brave, headstrong, courageous)
Ron - Hufflepuff (loyal, humble)
Hermione - Ravenclaw (studious, intelligent, sharp minded)
Malfoy - Slytherin (evil)

Also makes sense as to why she'd create four entire school houses and then literally ignore 2 of them and have 1 of them barely be a footnote that linked anyone in it to evil.

I'm sure the original idea was for the children to work together across the houses and bring their unique talents and house strengths to bear (except malfoy who i'm sure was always planned as antagonistic).

Yes Yes, well done Lannister, well done Lannister.

HOWEVER

It's still a travesty that Malfoy was never fully redeemed and helped Harry which would have given Slytherin its reason for existing as a house alongside the rest.

>Why didn't Lilly and James just apparate away with babby Harry when Voldemort showed up?
You need a wand to apparate. They did have theirs on them. Same reason they didn't fight back.

Imagine being 15 again

kek

*exquisite satire*

I'm 29

Did Hermione use the time turners to fuck everyone?

developmentally 15

time turners don't allow you to actually change the past, they work like a self fulfilling prophecy, basically all they're good for is being in two places at once

It was heart medication

>time turners don't allow you to actually change the past
but they saw Buckbeak betting beheaded then they saved him so they literally did change the past

"No!"

The third movie is the best one overall.
From now on the plot is barely coherent if you haven't read the books, you're in for a ragin',

No, because Hermione had already begun thinking of eventually using the time turner.

That's all it takes, a will to do so, and a device that allows you to travel in time.

So we see the executioner swing his axe into a pumpkin, thus creating the sound in a later scene.

Hermione has already concluded mentally, that at some point she may have to use the time turner, which would allow one to realistically expect illogical changes of circumstance to occur in a situation where one would otherwise appear powerless.

It's like this:

Imagine Hermione is watching Ron slowly being devoured by tiny flesh eating spiders. She has a time turner in her possession, and so decides ultimately that at some future point in time, she will travel back to this point with the intention of using a special anti-spider tonic that she purloined from Snape's storeroom. Therefore, she will not be surprised when a future version of herself enters the room and sprays the limbless, bleeding and generally broken form of Ron with a highly irritating and painful potion that gets rid of the spiders but leaves him in severe and agonising pain. She won't have to determine whether she'll do the same thing and travel back in time, because it's already decided by herself that she will do so. Or something.

What if shes thought about using the time turner to fuck everyone?

luck potion drank by someone else

Hermione would walk in on a version of herself sinking down on each of the Gryffindor boys (except Ron) cocks and smile, thinking, 'Just as I planned it'.

All you need is the will, determination, and magic fairy time travelling dust device, in order to do these things. And Hermione had all of that.

>changed the actress to an ugly mutt because Rowling didn't want a "bad girl" to be attractive
Women, everyone

How the fuck did Raimi get away with all the racism and antisemitism in his early 00´s movies?

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She knows she's the hottest

No they didn't actually see him being beheaded they assumed he was, he never is beheaded or dies, you didn't even understand the movie and it's done visually specifically to inform you.
Buckbeak actually never dies.

Pic related is you, you are totally braindead and need every single plot point to be repeated. Pro tip films are never like their books, lotrsfags that I know purists hate peter jacksons adaptations, you're just as much of a shithead. Cuaron made a really good film.

The movies are all good. Your taste is hot garbage. They are the only series with so many entries that has ever been good. They make the star wars movies look really bad.
Holy shit talking to plotfags and booksfags is like actually talking to retarded children.

>implying that character was ever even in the films at all or mattered

>Why do they need to say spells sometimes and other times not?
Deh!
>Why is quidditch even a game if the snitch decides everything?
Deh!
>Why are Hufflepuffs so goddamned useless? Seriously Cedric, wtf was that shitty hint, Harry straight up told you what you needed to do, Hufflepuffs cant do anything right.
Deh!
>Why is the Room Of Requirment so easy to find when Dumbledore says he's only seen it like once?
Deh!
>Why do they fly places when they can teleport?
Deh!
>How did Lupin get surprised by a full moon when calendars are literally based on the moon?
Deh!
>Why didnt Harry accio the egg instead of his broom?
Deh!
>Why wouldn't Voldemort figure out the connection with Harry since he's apparently the only person that can get horcruxes to work?
Deh!
>Why is Harry settle for a redhead when Cho is built for sex?
Deh!
>Why isn't there more of an outcry about (((goblins))) controlling the financial system?
Deh!
>Why doesn't Harry stop being such a cunt to Snape after being proven wrong about him 15,000 times?
Deh!
>Why does everyone suck Harry's dick when Hermoine carries the team most of the time?
Deh!
>Why didn't Fred and George use the marauder's map to figure out Ginny was opening the Chamber of Secrets?
Deh!
>Why doesn't McGonnagal catch more shit for NVER taking points from her house? Like seriously, she'd do lole -5 points for rape and +50 for wiping your own ass.
Deh!

Its unironically true though

>implying that character was ever even in the films at all or mattered

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What is true?
She literally has one line or two in the films she's a student among hundreds. She isn't even a side, side character, she's one fucking girl. You pedo. Stop obsessing.
Both of those actresses are barely in the movies their character appears. Barely in the movie.

It was a different time

>time turners don't allow you to actually change the past
this has been retconned, now they do literally allow you to change the past however you want

No it hasn't been retconned, the time turner used in cursed child even if you count it as mattering was different from the ones in the books/movies the ministry lent out. 99% of the time turners work like the one in the movie. or 100% if you don't care about some random play

I miss the games...

reminder that cursed child is literal fanfiction that rowling endorsed because she's nothign without HP and her subsequent books were panned and sold like shit

Based

*boys

Why do you think the "forbidden" forest is out of bounds?

It's just a fucking play that didn't matter. She's a screenwriter now. the first fantastic beasts was nice, I enjoy it

god I want Pansy to bully me so bad

>Star Wars
>Harry Potter
Let me guess, you also like capeshit

No I dont like capeshit because there are no good directors like cuaron doing a marvel movie
Stop being pretentious
Almost every single franchise is shit with 3 or 4 entries alone. even jurassic park can't get to 4 without being dogshit.