Why was Harry such an arrogant douchebag?

>tfw grew up poor but went to rich school and can relate to this too well
poor ron :(

Cart lady is a 10/10 in Britain

I simply cannot believe you're framing this as arrogance. It's like you're intentionally being stupid.

Harry has been mistreated all his life. Despite not being from a poor family, he's been made to feel like he was. He's just come into a large amount of money he doesn't know what to do with. He's also curious about the magic world and all the things in it. The dears is absolutely choc (pun intended!!) full of mystery and wonder to him. Meanwhile Ron, his first wizard friend his age, is still in a poor situation and would like something off the trolley, but can't afford it. So Harry treats both himself and his new friend to absolutely everything from the trolley. Even if Ron felt a little inferior to Harry as a result of this, or if he found it insensitive, that's not Harry's fault. Harry hasn't really had friends before so he doesn't know about such complex social things.

tl;dr it's literally just an 11 year old boy wanting to treat himself and his friend.

Yes, yes well done, Harry. Well done.

He was merely establishing dominance. Classic alpha move.

it was foreshadowing for when he fucks his sister

Harry really had no chill. And yet Ron still basically worships him.

>It's like you're intentionally being stupid.
What? No way!

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Ron realizes and turns his back on him in one of the later books but soon goes back to sucking his dick after

>constantly flexes wealth in front of Ron
>uses wealth to get onto sport team Ron always wanted to be on and Harry knew nothing about
>nearly gets Ron's sister killed
>loses Ron his pet
>sneaks his way into mega epic tournament and doesnt help Ron do the same
>gives prize money to Ron's brothers instead of Ron
>selfishly finds ez mode potions book and doesnt share any of the tips with Ron
>fugs Ron's sister
>cucks Ron with Hermione
I never understood the flashbacks of James when I was younger but now I do. Harry was a dick to everyone including his best friend. Just like his father.

Harry really was a selfish pick when it comes down to it. Ron went out of his way all the time to be there for Harry but Harry could hardly give two fucks about Ron.

The classic British power play; Harry established early on that he was the one holding the dominance in the relationship between himself and Ron, and this was a fact that stayed true through the entirety of the series (thanks, in no small part, to this moment)

Ron deserved better desu

this is the result of a woman writing about male friendship
ron is just there for harry to shit on

Most of the time Ron felt like an inconvenience to Harry. Nothing more than the first doofus Harry ran into that could explain to him the workings of the Wizarding world. Had Hermione been not of a muggle family Harry would have easily cast Ron aside and had no need for him. As is Harry only ever ended up using Ron as access to his family. Harry liked Mrs. Weasly. Not Ron.

You guys should read this book series, really makes the Harry potter universe a bit more tolerable.

The first ~5 pages or so are difficult as the author is finding his voice, but it highlights the retardation of the entire series. Careful though, it is written by a reddit poster and has some of that internet's culture in the work.

hpmor.com/

Why didn't Ron's family use there magical knowledge to advance there standing/wealth in the normie world? They could do things non wisards can't right?

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This is very true. It seemed that Harry liked every single person in Ron's family more than Ron, so far as getting a surrogate mother in Mrs Weasley while at the same time fucking Ginny, and giving Fred and George all his gold.

Can you do a little TLDR on that for me? When you say highlights the retardation, and I reading an outside characters view? What's going on and what makes it worth reading.

looks cringe and psuedointellectual

Ron got Hermione which is literally the only thing Harry ever had of value

EY is not a "reddit poster".

The people at the back of the train were probably pissed off because some rich kid bought all the candy for himself.

cringe.

It's canonical that wizard candy has a lot of fucked up side effects. Acid pops are exactly what their namesake says; lollipops that melt holes in your flesh. Powerful enough to melt clean through your tongue. And here Harry is, an ignorant 11 year old fuck, sucking down on some lollipop, and all of a sudden he feels this strange burning sensation in his mouth. He instinctively tries to spit but nothing comes out, his mouth is dry and now burning. He begins moaning and wheezing, the pain rapidly ratcheting up, breath short and painful, his mouth and throat on fire, blood beginning to run rapidly from his flesh as sizzling holes burn through his skin, and Ron's probably sitting there guffawing like an asshole and asking Harry whatsamatter while Harry lets out a bloody scream, his chest burning from acid eating away at his rapidly beating heart as his vision swims and the pain begins to subside ever so slightly as Harry's nerve endings literally melt away and his body enters dying mode, collapsing on the floor of his cabin in a pile of his own boiling blood and fleshwhile a bunch of knowing assholes gather at the door and a bored teacher enters with a sigh and blasts him with a spell that brings back Harry's flesh and nerve endings and pain.

Fuck the wizarding world. Any adults who think it's okay to let children experience that deserve to live in a dark lord tyranny.

Acidpops don't refer to sulphuric acid, but LSD. Harry was tripping balls.

Now I want to give a girl an acid lollipop and fuck her tongue hole while she blows me.
Also as extreme as that sounds I bet it's quite a pleasant sensation if all you do is lick once every minute or so. Flavor it right and it would be like consuming a solid version of a flat soda.

>“Overcoming Bias is a masterwork philosophical thesis, cleverly disguised as a blog about rationality and cognitive bias… Seriously: this should be required reading for the entire human race.”
literal quote from this guy's site

the absolute narcissism. no thanks. why did he feel the need to write about some single pensioner mother's fantasy world about the wizard boy she wanted to have sex with?

Rom was a beta and got what he deserved.
>result of a woman writing about male friendship
Insightful

Hermoine was some nerd girl, Ginny is in the popular crowd. Harry got everything from Hermoine being her friend, he had no reason to fuck her. However fucking Ginny gets him a top teir socially adept athletic broad who I'm sure fucks like a succubus, as well as further infiltrating into Ron's family.

deh

Daily reminder that the trolley witch was actually the hogwatch train itself

>Because of the Trolley witch's behaviour in The Cursed Child, some have believed her to be some sort of magical incarnation or illusion of the Hogwarts Express itself rather being an actual living witch

>be literal wizards
>can't afford candy
this is why gingers should just be euthanized already

Any kid would spend all of his money on the shiny be it food or cool toys. Ron just wanted to have some of those himself without spending so he was basically leeching Harry.

Ching chang was the real prize, Harry couldn't get her so he settled for literally his best friend's homely ginger sister.

Meanwhile everyone including even Dumbledore wanted to fuck Hermione but Harry was too much of manlet threatened by her intelligence to just be a chad and fuck her like she wanted to be fucked.

>uses wealth to get onto sport team
Harry doesn't even buy his broom, Professor McSnickerdoodle just gives him a top of the line broom because she wants into his pants or something.

>Book version
I want some of every item
>Film version
Potter wops out his wad and makes it rain over the trolly witch as she hands over the entire cart. In the background Ron is flossing.

wtf

>Meanwhile everyone including even Dumbledore wanted to fuck Hermione
What?

Hermione is plain as fuck in the books.

Look at this muggle who thinks that Obliviate, Fleshus Refreshus and judicious use of Fetus Deletus don't make all of life's problems go away.

I can guaren-fucking tee you that that broom was purchased using money that James and Lily left to the Order.

After diggory died Chang was damaged goods. You don't want to fuck that.

what is Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister for Magic of the United Kingdoms, tax policy to support wizard families living in poverty?

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New money fags who weren't raised with class and culture

you're gonna have to learn to sell people on this bullshit because it's wordy and boring

Prove it. Her prom date was literally Chad Thundercuck.

Harry was such a fucking dick he immediately went after a girl whose boyfriend he had a large part in killing. And that isnt even exaggerated for comical effect. Wtf Rowling.

>dombledoore's gat staiyle

WMAF are the worst. Babies wouldve been more retarded than voldie

He was gay. He is meant to be a slav. He is into sports. He doesnt fuck her. He is a slav. He was gay. Just needed a desperate nerdy girl to help him study for his exams.

Her prom date was an autistic barbarian slav introverted wierdo with one amazing specific skill at quidditch. Cedric Diggory was Chad Thundercock.

Yeah, and he's a weird european celebrity, obviously a nonce.

I read a decent bit of it one time. The writing is absolutely terrible.

Why was he so rich too, he's such a mary sue.

>Mary Sue
>barely can cast any spells
I think you mean hermoine

What happened to all the cash though? Did the aunt and uncle take it?

Locked in Gringotts. His aunt and uncle can't touch it as they aren't legally entitled to it and they can't even go to Gringotts. Harry couldn't use it because he didn't know it existed until Hagrid showed him.

it was wizards gold, they couldn't use it.
it was stored in the vaults of the goblins

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how much is a fucking galleon worth? he had like 6 in his hand tops and the bitch was ready to hand it all over

Harry lost it all in the Wizard Stock Market crash of 2004.

>oi i cant woit until de feckin trolley gets here with the feckin sweets mate
>some asshole rich kid bought everything before the cart got to your seat
What a fucking cunt

No? The Dudley can't use those money, even if they get their hands on them they would be retarded enough not to use them since nobody uses magical gold coins in muggle world.
I think either the Deatheater raids his vault or the goblins keep it to themselves after Harry tried to trick them to get back the sword.

>magically replenishes

Galleons are probably at least 500 dollars

I miss NO! posting

Food is one of the few things you cannot create via magic, Gamps law.

Didn't Harry just blow through it? He seems like an idiot when it comes to financial stuff.

Nothing happens to it. Harry toys with spending it on things other than school supplies in book 3 but decides against it, and then he inherits another fortune in book 6 which he does nothing with. Harry Potter is an inert lump of a character

Do they have to agree not to make money out of magic as to not crash the economy like in Full Metal Alchemist?

Snape was wormy, bitter, mouth-breathing beta incel orbiter who not only got cucked by James, but he gave his life for his grown-up creampie.
Harry's mum didn't care about the fact James was total asshole the whole time to her best childhood friend.
You see, women think betas don't deserve even a pussy sniff, but should kill themselves doing something for them and Harry Potter is the the prime example of this mentality.

Ate your nest egg? You're meant to sit on your nest egg til it hatches, not eat it like some greedy, mad chicken.

No they don't agree, they simply just cannot reproduce currency via magic. Goblins can sniff out false money, and it's a big crime to try and do it. The Goblins have a very cushy position as bankers and don't tolerate people trying to circumvent them.

How convenient

you cannot create food but you can replicate it, which is a real fucking massive flaw in the universe

how the fuck does any food in the HP universe sold in shops maintain themselves if you can buy one butterbeer and make 100 from it?

Copyright wizarding law?

Just magic it from the sweets warehouse next to the sweets factory.

The goblins, they fund the wars, they profit from the wars.

You can't replicate food in Harry Potter, not sure where you're getting this from.

Well a U.S. gold eagle 1/4 tony oz coin sells for about $378, and those are only 110mm coin
Gallons are thicker, so should be more

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that reminds me. wasn´t there a scene in one movie where another kid gets a new flying broomstick which makes harry jealous (eventhrough he already got a very expensive broomstick during the last movie)
if harry is so rich and so jealous why didn´t he just buy himself a new one?

I guess mary sue is a bit of a stretch, he's a shit character that's for sure, even the world and lore in harry potter is shit, it just captured the imaginations of kids really well.

from the website and books lad, i read them as a kid

It's interesting to note here, however, that there is a small difference between the restrictions to elemental transfiguration of food and money. In Deathly Hallows, Hermione goes on to explain to Ron and Harry:

"It's impossible to make good food out of nothing! You can Summon it if you know where it is, you can transform it, you can increase the quantity if you've already got some --" "Well, don't bother increasing this, it's disgusting," said Ron. (DH pg. 293/241)

Look faggot, it teleports in from wherever the fuck it was made. Similar to the food that teleports into the Great Hall after the House Elves in the kitchens have finished preparing it when the kids clear a platter.

They should teleport a big load inside Hermione's cunt

so why don´t wizzards use magic to copy other stuff and then sell those for real money?
can wizzards use magic to copy food?

Draco summons a snake out of his wand in chamber of secrets which you could theoretically eat, it is meat.

Why can't this be done for other sources of nutrients?

>sneaks his way into mega epic tournament and doesnt help Ron do the same

????
that was done by Crouch Jr. to get Harry killed

you can replicate it if you have some but you cannot create it from nothing.

TL:DR. Harry instead of being raised by vernon Dursley is actually raised by a physics teacher whom got married to Petunia because her sister made her a polyjuice potion that made her permanently attractive as a favor.

So Harry is an actual intelligent kid raised in a proper home and is taught how to think properly and use proper scientific reasoning to come to accurate conclusions about the world around him. Also, voldemort instead of being lol sterotypical dark lord you learn throughout the series makes him sound more like a dude just fucking fed up with bureaucracy and hypocritical traditions and just said fuck it I'm gonna take over and be as ruthless as possible cause most of you are dumbshits.

As a guy without a hard science background and is more into cognitive biases that can color your way of thinking without your knowledge i found it enjoyable. It is really fucking long though, and some portions are a slog.

Wow! Imagine if she had a big sticky load right there inside without even knowing at all where it came from!! I bet she would be very confused but also aroused!!! In fact she would go to the toilet to excuse herself because it would be too much to bear without fiddling around with it down there!!!!

Also, how come when the characters use magic/magical device to do a really specific task, they never use it again later where it would also be useful? Like that mini time machine they used to save the griffin would've probably helped after Gary Oldman got rekt. JK Tolken is a fuckin hack...
>Goblins can sniff out false money
...but also based.

because wizards don't really need money user. A wizard can make all their clothes easily with magic, build and repair a house with magic. Clean everything with magic.
Money doesn't matter to wizards, a good wizard can do everything himself. Plus, I think selling magically created goods to muggles would be very illegal in wizard's law.
I don't think you can eat summoned creatures, pretty sure they just disappear upon death or shortly after.

Harry was rich but he wasnt Malfoy rich (which is the kid you are refering to)

>Money doesn't matter to wizards
except it clearly does since they have an economy based on the British pound

he doesn't have access to his vault until he is 18 or whatever, and is just getting money for schoolbooks and the school fee.
at the end of prisoner of azkaban, Gary Oldman sends him a new broom after his old one broke.

Why didn't Harry just get a gun?

then how come rons family considered poor? his father has a job and like you said they don´t even need money in the first place

You guys should read this book series, really makes the Harry Potter universe a lot more tolerable.

The first ~5 chapters or so are difficult as the author is finding his voice, but by the 2nd book it's a wild ride like no other fanfiction.

fanfiction.net/s/11191235/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Prince-of-Slytherin

Friendly reminder that wizards are highly illogical and that's how Rowling is explaining any flaws in her writing

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Do you just do this post with a different fanfic each time?

So if you are frugal you can pretty much buy one potato and just quantify it and eat it for the rest of your life and spend your money on that elixir that makes you look like someone else and just spend the rest of your days as Cedric Thundercock and fuck qt3.14s

Same reason Jedi dont.

Harry Potter's stunt double got fucking paralyzed.

the best parts were Harry's interactions with Quirrell. Read chapter 19 to get a good idea of the work. There are some parts that are a slog, but other parts that are good.

because Voldemortdecai had the infinity stones

HP timetravel only works on 1 timeline.
The bird never died, they just thought it did. So when they saw Sirius die and a 2nd harry didn't swoop in to save him, they knew it wouldn't happen even if they went back.

Don't go asking questions like that user, soon you'd be asking things like
>why does everyone give presents to Harry for his birthday and Christmas when he never gets them anything?
>Why do Cedric Diggory and Luna Lovegood suddenly pop into existence much later in the franchise when they're neighbors of the Weasleys and Harry should have met them in at least book 2
>why didn't they use something that'd actually work to keep Pettigrew in their custody?

Because Rowling wanted a working class family for side characters, seriously nothing in the series is logical when you consider magic and how it works. The Weasleys are poor because Rowling demanded they are poor. Arthur has a good Ministry job, Bill and Charlie are dragon tamers and curse breakers, 2 very high paying jobs

Obi Juan kills General Gayvous with a gun

I really like this book. It has a clear theme, very idealistic villain and MC, cool magic and anime twists. Everything the original lacks, basically. Never got the hate about this thing.

because rowling is a shit writer and her magical universe is shit and filled with loopholes.

i think in the books, their house is described as a shithole and held together with magic.

whereas richer families have mansions and normal houses and have servants to cook for them and disposable income for broomsticks

>Read chapter 19 to get a good idea of the work
That's the chapter I can never get past, something about harry being shoved around, spat on and being made to say he's weak in public makes me cringe and think of a big fat pedo writing this scene and masturbating. It's disgusting.

yeah, rowlings universe is a pile of shit.

You guys should read this book series, really makes the Harry Potter universe a lot more tolerable.

fanfiction.net/s/10644439/1/Hogwarts-School-of-Prayer-and-Miracles

Yeah seriously it feels like everyone in the Weasleys are fucking top-tier wizards, surely they would all have high-paying jobs considering they all have high-status jobs (aside from Arthur, but he's still head of his department).

You guys should read this book series, really makes the Harry Potter universe a lot more tolerable.

fap-nation.com/witch-trainer/

>then how come rons family considered poor?
They literally empty their bank account to buy second-hand books and clothes for their kids. They're probably poor because Arthur is a retard working a dead-end job in the Ministry so that he can fuck up the legal code so that he can enchant muggle technology while also getting to arrest people for doing the same thing.

I don't have a sister so I don't know but isn't your best friens marrying your sister basically the best case scenario?

No, Prince of Slytherin is unironically one of the best fanfictions around, even Fanfic guy came out of retirement to recommend it.

having a sister is at least two thirds as cucked as having a daughter

Arthur spends all his money on muggle shit to fill his house.
Bill buys stuff for women.
Charlie donates it.

Harry Potter was black all along!

>t. J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why:

Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.

Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.

I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:

"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.

>Charlie spends it all on top of the line magical dragon dildoes
fixed

Fucking kino!

who's the whore on the right?

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Pansy Parkinson

Lola Lolikin

>J. K. Rowling has said that Pansy did not end up marrying Draco because Rowling always hated her: "I loathe Pansy Parkinson. I don't love Draco but I really dislike her. She's every girl who ever teased me at school. She's the Anti-Hermione. I loathe her."

No. Just think about it logically.

Do you remember Angelina Weasley ne Johnson.

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Harry doesn't have gun license nor the government will issue him one

>Pansy Parkinson
I don't remember this at all to be honest. And I read the first four books many times

Pansy only has like four speaking roles in the whole series. Really shows how Rowling nurses a grudge

Don't we all?

>What if Harry Potter was written by a literal sociopath with vastly inflated opinion of his own intelligence

It’s becuas they are not nobility, no matter how much money they make they will never be given lands and titles enabling them to build a bigger house or have nicer things, even clothes
Sumptuary laws Are in full effect for wizards

She's a side character like Blaise Zabini or Antony Goldstein, they exist but you have to be a super fan of this shit series (or read fanfiction) to remember them at all. They don't have characters, they are wallpaper to fill out name lists.

Accio 1911!

So it's just a transcript of the books then?

She looks like a girl that used to bully me and call me a faggot in middle school.

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Rowling, for all of her flaws, has some basic grasp on human communication, and never tries to impress the reader with (childish) keikakus pulled by her characters to pretend being smarter than she is.

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but this le logical MIT reddit gentlesir does? examples?

Holy shit she's so cute bros!

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It's like she's being shooped into these scenes. I don't remember Malfoy having a little fucktoy at all

Does she fuck?

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>I've just rewrote a series of kid's books to show how a SMART guy like myself would have solved the plot, what do you mean MC is supposed to be 11, all the SMART guys in the world think exactly like myself, also, what the fuck, why the villain is a serial killer with all the typical serial killer habits, she should be another SMART guy just like myself when I allow myself to be a little edgier

Me either. I need to go find the dvd and check.

...

wtf I love pansy parkinson now

Reminder that she did legit porn after Harry Potter
Can't post the rest because heavy NSFW obv

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Friendly reminder that this isn't her and you are a big liar and in fact cringe.

And he still ate the shame candy because it's more candy than he'll ever see.

You're an asshole and your autism won't allow you to see it. You're probably wondering why at this very moment. Asshole.

I always figured the ministry didn't pay that much, and that it's because they had seven fucking kids. If they had only maybe two or three they'd have been fine. That's what I always assumed at any rate.

He really was a dick, as spurious as your reasoning is. Snape was right to hate that cocky little shit

>165 posts and no No! user
Yea Forums's gone to shit, lads

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Wizards do need money, if for nothing else but magic shit they don't have the skills to do or magical resources like unicorn cum or whatever
Why their stuff looks like shit when basic magic would be able to make everything whole and clean who knows

...

is he okay?

>Yea Forums trying to force a meme by misreading a scene

That's been going on ever since bane took off. That started with one faggot spamming the thread for months pretending to not understand the dialogue, until others joined in.

That scene literally had the script written one way with the actor performing it the wrong way because he misinterpreted the script

Gillen or Hardy?

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Reminder that in the last book a (((goblin))) explains to Harry how goblins hate human wizards because they won't allow goblins to have wands and thus become citizens of the wizarding world. They push hard for the right to own wands, and despise human wizard supremacists like Voldermort. When Voldermort takes over, the goblins get persecuted.

In another book, the "good guys" actively discuss tempting goblins to fund their war against Voldemort by offering to revoke the wand ban. Considering that in the last book an important plot point involves a goblin actively aiding Harry into breaking into a vault so he can acquire one of the magical mcguffins, then you can see that goblins are aiding against Voldermort.

tl;dr (((goblins))) help the "good guys" against people who are actually 100% correct about goblins.

how come you're putting parentheses around goblin like that?

>

He messaged Rowling on twitter to try and persuade her to license his shitty fanfiction. The man is completely deluded.

Is Snape the biggest cuck in fiction?

How do you think Snape felt seeing Harry and the little Lily Potter clone, Ginny Weasley, ambling around Hogwarts, perhaps smiling furtively to one another, nose-to-nose as the young lad cops a sneaky pinch of her supple, quidditch-honed rear.

Do you think Snape just had to resolve himself by grinding his teeth and jerking his shrivelled grub-like penis there and then, right in the middle of the corridor? Knowing it wasn't ever going to get closer for him than that? Seeing a mocking facsimile of what he'd spent over twenty five listless years hopelessly chasing, imagining, dreaming for?

I bet Rowling got off on the thought.

>Dumbledore fixes his gaze towards Harry
>"No!"

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And she just ignored him or what? Is she aware he graduated MIT and is at the forefront of machine learning research?

70 Billion points to Harry Potter and his pals for finishing this book on a satisfying high note.

Now, Harry, you must return to your shitty relatives for another summer I'm afraid, because all you do there is make dinners and weed gardens, and that's very easy to condense into one or two paragraphs my boy.

Ignored him, of course. Even the president of Mensa and five times noble prize winner EY is beneath her lofty notice.

Based

Ron was a bitch for not eating his hard working mums roast beef sammich.

He "brachiam emendos" Neville's neck, rendering the spine jelly and as soon as the neck tilts 180 degrees made Neville a C4 quadraplegic.

No. It just means that, at a certain subconscious level, your best friend wants to fuck you.

my gf

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how in the actual fuck did harry potter ever get any semblance of popularity to begin with?

its just so fucking stupid I just can't get over it, I physically cannot suspend my disbelief. Even turning my brain off doesn't work.

Why do people unironically like this drivel?

piss off

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Most people are pretty simple, and they don't wanna think too much with their movies. They just want something comfy.

have sex

think about it rationally user and try again

>harry potter thread
>not one pasta

disgusting

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Pansy Parkinson, Draco's schoolgirl slut. (When he wasn't raping Hermione and Ginny on the side)

>5 foot 1
Jesus

She just has no presence, took me many rewatches to even notice her. (Which is weird because I saw these movies as a horny adolescent boy, you'd think any cute girl would get my notice)

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>Wizards dont bother investing into the department of muggle tech
>they dont figure out how to enchant weapons and create more powerful destruction blasts without needing a wand
>they dont bother using tech combined with any of their non know chemical substances to create a more efficient version of petrol oil
Its almost if wizards are fucking retarded

fuck me this is an autistic post

Especially since Diggory was a actual good and decent person to Harry and helped him fight Voldy in their kamehameha blast struggle

No, the Masketta man

>In 1995 during the third and final task for 'The Tri-Wizard Tournament' Harry Potter (whose participation was surrounded by controversy) was fighting voldemort with wormtail when a spare Cedric Diggory was hit by a stray Avada Kedavra curse. As his dead parents rushed to help, Potter held out an arm infront of them, stopping them and was reported saying by Lucius Malfoy (whose involvement was explained by an unwilling use of the Imperio curse) "The Author has claimed him, let him fight for his own life". The ghosts, dumbfounded, proceeded to watch Cedric remain motionless and paling upon the ground, lifeless. Harry was later spotted outside the child's house, making Killing Curse gestures and thanking the family for their child's sacrifice to the great Author.

He's pretty based.

He was written as a self-insert for Rowling's heroic inclinations.
>tactlessly buys the lot in front of ron, who is poor
>here you go ron, my privilege of being left an ambiguously large sum of money has allowed me to save you from the inferiority of your situation. come, feast on my generosity!

>stops a house elf from braining itself on his furniture
>harry potter is great and good and just! truly the white saviour my downtrodden people need!

>mom dies in front of him(a scenario replicated in the last book while voldy searches for the elder wand
>infinite protection from that particular guy, causing his downfall
>whole world loves you, celebrities give you a whole set of their books for school for free while ron watches

>ctrl+f "dullest"
>No results found
>200 posts in

It seems that we have been pushed to our limits and have grown weary of calling out the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

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HPMoR is the most reddit thing since sliced reddit

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MoR is the most retarded fanfic that ever existed, and I'm including My Immortal in that

Seventh Horcrux is glorious, it makes fun of the source material while also paying it respect and not flagrantly violating canon every second paragraph

fanfiction.net/s/10677106/1/Seventh-Horcrux

youtube.com/watch?v=0GGf_GlD2RY

>medusa gaze
no you'd probably turn to stone, looking at it directly kills you

>MoR is the most retarded fanfic
...because?

Why didn't get really fat from eating an entire train's worth of chcolate? Unrealistic desu if you ask me

Dumbledore put a curse on Hermione to absorb all of Harry and Ron's excess fat intake.

Luna and Harry getting together would have made much more sense than Ginny and Harry getting together.

JUDkowsky here should be put in a work camp

I've heard about fanfic that's basically that
something about Polish Aurors who are used to hunting mutated Chernobyl werewolves with anti-tank rifles

Before they didn't even use toilets.

written by a literal cult leader lol

So wait how did Salazar Slytherin build the entrance to the basilisks lair in the toilet if wizards didn't use toilets

Threadly reminder this is the greatest Harry Potter fanfiction of all time and HPMoR wishes it could come close. jbern is a master writer.

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“Ron found Harry squatting in the grass, groaning. Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler. By the time the moon came up, he was shitting brown water. The more he drank the more he shat, but the more he shat, the thirstier he grew.”

Maybe this is why he choose this place. Nobody was using it.

Combining their magic with muggle tech mankind could have colonized Mars by now.

Why couldn't the weasleys create infinite muggle money and live like kings? Sure they wouldn't be able to afford much magical shit but they can live in a massive house built by muggles and eat muggle food, wear muggle clothes etc.
Why could they only afford a sandwich for Ron? Is there something special about wizard food that means wizards can't eat muggle food? Is it especially high in wizard fibre or something?

So harry has a split personality that is james? does he want to fuck his dead mom?

...

Because Neil Gaiman wrote him better in the books of magic

No, Harry within the first few chapters ends up getting all of James' memories, which does change his personality a bit. They're one person, it's just Harry + James' memories in Harry's body.

That's cheating. You can't enter the triwizard tournament when you're 21

Yikes. It’s like you don’t understand the OP was written to be inflammatory and sarcastic

his body is 14 and nobody knows he has the mind of a 21 year old :)

>romance
Is James a pedo?

In sixth grade, a girl looking kind of like that said she liked me.
But she said it in front of my friends, so I ahd to pretend to be disgusted.
Later I regretted it, and wanted to tell her I also liked her, but she had an identical twin and I had no idea which one had confessed to me, so I never said anything.

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They both did even if only one said it. They're literally the same person.

Years later I kept thinking about it and that idea bugged me so god damned much.

best girl

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Obviously. He pined for Ginny remember?

>metabolic disprivilege
So they found a new buzzword for MUH GENETICS?

Underage me should never have watcher Harry Potter. It fucks up your brains even more than 2D waifus.

Does snape count as an incel?

me

Please step on my balls

snape is volcel

he was a cuck but not an incel, he just decided to stay true to his dead waifu

based

No, because Fleur is like 17 and pretty mature for her age.

Better question is why was Harry such an absolute manlet

If he wasn't Ron would have no redeeming qualities in comparison

Half of his sustenance goes to the Voldemort part that's attached to him. So he's basically been malnourished all his life. If you pay attention in the epilogue you'll notice he shot up a few inches because that's his real height.

I still would have much preferred Harry to become friends with Malfoy and join Slytherin. Would've been max comfy to have Harry work together with Voldemort.

>tfw the kid next door had magic aids and would die before arriving to Hogwarts
>his final wish was to enjoy some of the magic candy that had always managed to make him happy
>he could hear the lady asking on the previous door "Anything off the trolley, dears?"
>"No thanks, I'm all set" someone replied, the dying young wizard smiled, he'd buy all the candy he could get.
>And here she comes
>"We'll take the lot"
>The dying young wizard felt his heart sinking, the lady stood on the door for a few minutes unloading everything then speeded towards the end of the hallway.

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>21
Anglo genetics, everyone.

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JK Rowling reveals that Cho Chang was actually Hispanic all along. Harry didn't have yellow fever, he was after that latina heat.

>Half of his sustenance goes to the Voldemort part that's attached to him

Wouldn't that mean Harry's nose should be massive?

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Are you serious?

Why didn't he invest his parents' gold instead of spending it like a moneywhore?

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There is no way he couldn't have gotten some primo death eater pussy in second wizarding war if he wanted to. He was among Voldemort's inner circle and everyone knew it. He was just wayyyy past caring.

Hollywood genetics bruh

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Because wizards are retarded and any investment made in their endeavors is forfeit. At least the midget jews at Gringotts won't dump his money in the trash.

Read that picture. I was filling in the blanks on that.

What is Gringot's loan and interest policy?

Is Snape the biggest cuck in all of fiction?
>become childhood friends with a girl, the only one who treats you nicely, and you develop a crush on her
>start going to school together but then Chad starts hitting on her immediately
>Chad bullies you and pulls down your pants in front of everyone using your own spell
>your crush comes to save you but you autistically call her a nigger for no reason
>crush refuses to talk to you anymore and marries Chad
>you join an alt-right cult because of your butthurt but then your boss kills your crush
>a gay grandpa then enlists you to take care of the child your crush popped out her vagina with the help of Chad's seed
>child looks exactly like Chad
>die on the orders of gay grandpa for the sake of Chad Jr.
>last thing you do before you die is extremely homo, as you look longingly into Chad Jr's eyes
>oh, and you died a virgin

Oh, good

I was actually getting mad

Isn't it so romantic?

This is how the modern woman thinks. They want their own pet cuck boy to pine after them while they get fucked in every hole rigorously by the captain of the quidditch team rich handsome talented head boy.

JK Rowling has an unwittingly given birth to a social revolution

Are we sure he was a virgin?

Seems unlikely that he didn't fuck a few Slytherin students who did well in his class.

>have giant 7 story house, big farm and father with stable well paying career at a newspaper
>poverty
The Weasleys were well-off, they just didn't have "fuck you" money like Harry and the Malfoys.
Speaking of which where did Harry's parents get all of that fucking gold?

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>completely crushed sandwiches in cling film

ah Childhood memories....

I think it was Jame's ancestor who invented some sort of super popular hair gel type shit for wizards. He's got lots of money from that.

Maybe Alan Rickman Snape did, but book Snape was a 30 something slimy greasy weasel of a person to further contrast him from the shining Adonis physiques of Chad Potter and Chad Black

I'd wager the students he fucked did well in his class rather than vice versa.

get your mind out of the gutter incel

Crypto-kikery in pharmaceuticals over generations.

>snape was in his 30s
Jesus. This makes his character so much worse. I think by the time his backstory was fleshed out in the books Alan had already been cast in a couple of the movies and so that's how I saw him

>After all this time?
>Always *well I mean it's not like keeping you safe was all I was doing, for the last 10 years I've been having more sex with underage girls than everyone in the entire house of Gryffindor combined*

back to r/formula1 nigger

In reality it's not even that fucking long if it's just 10 years

30s snape is an absolute cuck

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imagine seething so much about being cucked that you, a 30 year old man, have to bully an orphan from the day you meet him because he looks like his daddy who died at the age of 20 protecting his wife from Wizard Hitler

This fanfic is the equivalent of VIDEO GAME WEBCOMIC ABOUT GAME MECHANICS NOT BEING REALISTIC DURRRR except not played for comedy and being so up its own ass while simultaneously being horribly written and executed.

>“Albus Severus," Harry said quietly, so that nobody but Ginny could hear, and she was tactful enough to pretend to be waving to Rose, who was now on the train, "you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.”

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So utterly cringeworthy

>Like like like like like
>every third word in italics like we're in Yea Forums
Masterful dialogue. I think I prefer leg stretching.

based, saved the thread

yeah haha snape was so brave for being obsessed with fucking my mom haha btw fuck remus fuck sirius and fuck literally everyone who died for me at hogwarts lole

she's a secondary school student working a summer job

Okay, I love reading fanfics that even I consider cringeworthy if they feature plotlines/pairings I enjoy but this is something special.

I was making a joke about Harry thinking Severus so brave for fucking dozens of underaged girls that he named his son after him.

If you think that writing is anything except shit you probably enjoy marvel movies

Harry was 16 at the time so 16 years. Much better than 10. But it's still a far cry from Alan Rickman giving you the impression it's been 30 fucking years or something. Why was he cast as Snape if Rowling knew what she was doing?

Harry potter was obese for me

based "no!" poster

based. realistically this is what he did though. do you think he did not fuck pansy? I mean think about it logically.

>like over 100,000 HP fanfics
>good ones can be counted on your fingers

God i want this Draco to cum inside me

about fucking time, based

That's true, but at least there are plenty that are better than the books. What irks me is how absolute unreadable dreck like The Methods of Rationality are propped up like masterpieces of the genre. That thing gives me fits.

>sort fanfiction.net fanfictions by favourites
>all the top HP ones are draco/hermione shipshit

The writer is a cult leader and his cult following promote the book

Bruh, I used to enjoy Stephen King novels. Sadism doesn't even begin to describe the level of shit I can handle.

I thought it was okay, and the reason why I recommended it was because of the way the character thought and the introduction of cognitive biases and other mental biases that could affect how to accurately see the world.

And no, I do not enjoy marvel films. The only one I liked was Captain America: Winter Soldier.

So it's basically Sophie's World except he felt the need to tack it onto popular fiction instead of something of his own creation

How about applying the methods of rationality to not being fat

For me it's The Lie I've Lived and A Cadmean Victory

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baseda kedavra

There's an easy way to find high quality fanfictions
pastebin.com/wwtmhSKY

1: Start with The Lie I've Lived
2: Pick things from the list that sound interesting and give them a shot
The Lie I've Lived is maximum comfy, I reread it yearly.

>we never got a sequel

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I've been thinking for months about a fanfiction of The Lie I've Lived where Harry get's Lily's memories instead.

Dude, no. I liked it when i was 16, but now i realise that only good parts were the comedy bits in begining. You can read the rest, but writing is highly questionable.

>Harry getting flashbacks to his dad and Professor Lupin giving him the dick

Hmm, wouldn't be as interesting to me desu

I believe there is a joke there.

Probably wouldn't work well in this climate either
>girl mind in a young boy's body
People would eat it up and tranny stuff when really I just want to write wizard duels and sirius comedy.

I have to use Scryer to browse fanfictions and exclude all the pants-on-head retarded stuff that shows up in the top results if you don't exclude every evil retard that someone wants to ship with hermione

Canonically harrys ancestor, the first potter Linfred "potterer" Stinthcombe made his money by helping muggles medically and by creating wizard medical tech. The muggles didnt know he was using magic, they just thought he was a good healer. It allowed him to experiment in peace because everyone liked him. He invented the bone regrowing potion harry uses then his arm gets fucked up and he invented the cure for the common cold. It made him a fuck ton of money

So the weasleys deserve to be poor. The potters got rich by mixing muggle and magical tech to save people

>Severus Snape was obese all along
Now it makes sense for why he was rejected and had a hateboner for everyone

>people wasting time writting draco/hermione shipshit
>when we all know which was the best ship

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>subjective
>fair enough, didn't use his own wealth but his fame got him his first broom, that would grate with ron
>bullshit
>bullshit
>bullshit and you know it that was the whole plot of the book
>true
>bullshit, ron immediately went sperg mode same as harry and physsically fought to not have the book. Too fucking bad it turned out to be great.
>true that, dog move
>ron's faulty for being a little bitch and storming off, not harry's fault he was the only male in a 50 mile radius for a horny 17 year old hermione
Whats that add up too? Cbf counting.

my head canon is that technically this is illegal BUT all of the wealthy families do this and it's the one thing propping up the entire magical economic and government so by and large the ministry turns a blind eye to it
the Ron's dad likes muggles and the family doesn't have enough influence to able to get away with doing this sort of stuff

>Only 331 English Harry/Luna fics on fanfiction.net
Feels Ludo Bagman

>He must have felt absolutely humiliated that this new kid he tried to be nice to
The "new kid" was Harry mother fucking Potter. If a famous person let you ride in coach with them and said, "Oh hey, let me buy you lunch, there's this really nice restaurant I know", are you going to wallow in shame? No, you're gonna say "Fuck yeah, thanks Adam Sandler. Let's eat lunch so you can tell me about the awesome shit that you've done".

Are all of you fucking retarded?

I would rather be Ron all the way though.
>having some money
vs
>been part of wizarding world for his whole life- doesn't feel like an outsider
>big, supportive family vs Harry's abusive aunt, uncle and cousin
>quaint country home vs Harry's shitty town house in which he lives in a cupboard for half his life
>not burdened by being the chosen one with the entire world resting on him
>gets with one of the hottest girls in the franchise whilst Harry gets with Ron's potatoface sister

Ron had a way better life overall. Him being pathetic and inadequate was entirely his own fault.

looking at the books as a whole, the Quidditch stuff in book 1 is the most blatant gary stu type stuff in the series. It works in the first book itself, though it's more of a separate plot line that doesn't contribute to whole except for the one catching the key task at the end, but a first year who happens to also be a celebrity getting into the house team on the most focused on position and then has the head of his house buy him the most expensive broom at the time that no one else on the other teams has is just such utter bullshit
it's no surprise that people like Snape think he's a spoiled prick
there should've been like a junior team or something he could've been on for the first few books

don't get why people always mention this fanfiction and there's some guy who always brings up that horrible one where harry has a twin brother
there's a couple of decent ones where harry's in slytherin instead, which is basically all I've ever wanted out of the series

Yea Forums is the most autistic board on Yea Forums, it's full of capeshit and GoT. of course everyone here is fucking retarded.

Why was Harry so greedy bros

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>Hagrid was actually Jewish
Holy based

"Harry has a twin brother and everyone thinks he's the boy who lived" is such a common trope you're going to have to be way more specific. There are a few good ones in that category though.

Harry Potter and the Prince of Slytherin
tried the first few chapters because I like the Slytherin harry stuff and it was poorly written shit with two dimensional antagonistic characters

what was that fanfiction where Harry is a huge weeb and he turns the castle into a sentient being with the mind of a loli?

Prince of Slytherin has a very slow start but by year 2 it's amazing. I think the biggest problem is it doesn't get good for a while sadly.