Character takes a shit

ive used one and it doesnt get the job done

If you need to use more than three wipes you're not digging in your asshole hard enough.

>character doesn't take a shit
>doesn't lie down in the bath with his legs up and let the faucet blast his ass for half an hour

but the deeper i go the more i find

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>>character takes a shit
>doesn't call for mommy to come and wipe his ass clean

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Imagine not having a bidet in the year 2019. Any self-respecting human has a toilet that properly cleans their anus. Reminder that if you don't have a bidet or take a shower IMMEDIATELY after taking a shit, you are walking around with poop smeared all over your butt.

I used to shit in the morning before a shower. But that was back in the old days when I could shit daily. Nowadays, I only shit like once a week.

>character takes a shit
>doesn't need to pee the moment he starts washing his hands

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>not taking a shit in the shower

I use wet wipes. But yes, I agree, the US needs to wake up to this.

>he doesn't do the têçhñïquè described in
>he wastes water like a retard
>he has a bidet at all

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>character takes a shit
>big plot reveal happens

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Reminder that if you prefer under you're basically admitting you're a faggot.

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>character takes a shit
>he doesn’t get a boner from wiping

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I prefer under

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wet wipes are really bad for your pipes. Might not have anything bad happen for a couple years, but eventually those wipes are gonna cause your pipes to explode. You're better off using toilet paper if you can't get a bidet. Fun fact: The cheapest starter bidet is around $20 on Amazon and will serve your basic needs.

>character takes a shit
>touches their shirt before washing their hands

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Bro....

colon cancer.

>character doesn't put paper around his finger and then shove it up his ass hole to completely clean his asshole

>character takes a shit
>they don't use clamshells to wipe their ass

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Bruh, wet wipes will fuck ylur plumbing up and if they make it to the treatment plant they will jam shit up there as well

>character takes a shit
>doesn't irritate his external hemorrhoid he's had for 7 years
>doesn't rub prep h on it with a q tip afterwards

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Care to post me a link user? What kind of attachment did you buy?

>I only shit like once a week.
That's not normal, you might want to get that check out.

Under is far more aesthetically pleasing. Only a low IQ nigger or pleb would ever go over.

>character doesnt pee sitting down

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>character takes a shit
>doesn't fish out the good turds with his toes and eat them

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hellotushy.com

Reminder enema, bidet whatnot is the caused of the rise of homosexuality in our society.

reminder that you should always squat when you shit

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Based. Any person that has to physically wipe and rub his ass like a fucking monkey doesnt deserve to be labelled a human anymore. A bidet is much more convinient and humane and leaves your butthole squeaky clean, only 3rd world savages and inbred subhumans state otherwise

Fucking nice, thanks user. Ordering immediately

>turn browner
>shit like a sub-human

>character takes a shit
>doesnt take a polaroid for his dook wall

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>what are juicy butthole wipers

>what are bidets

>character doesn't see his doctor last week and is scheduled to get a colostomy bag soon

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London

>character is eating food while taking a shit
do people actually do this?

>literally scrubbing the shit off your ass with wet paper like a Mexican toilet cleaner

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I always worry I'll break the porcelain when I shit like that. I don't want to slice up my anus knowimsaying

its required my american law as if there's any other sort of law

Why don't they ever mention toilet scissors in European films?

you can buy a bidet attachment for your toilet for like 30 bucks

t. Toilet worshipping Pajeet

>still using the scissors and not the seashells

Careful user, your asshole is so clean you feel like putting things inside of it.

>not taking laxatives and fiber tablets nightly
how the fuck can you go around with a poo in your bowels piling up for several days? if i dont shit first thing in the morning every day my entire day is ruined and i'm grumpy.

who here poops at home during lunch

>work is a 2 hour commute
No.

>backwards toilet paper is more aesthetically pleasing

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>character takes a shit
>doesn't strip completely nude in preparation
>doesn't sit on the toilet for damn near an hour, grunting, straining with all his fucking might, gnashing his teeth, and shaking until he's sweating, red in the face, and nearly out of breath, only managing to squeeze out at best a few rabbit pellets
>doesn't wipe and then examine the paper, grimacing as he observes maybe a faint streak of feces residue coupled with several small flecks of blood
I get that they have time constraints, but still.

You have cancer bro, RIP

>tfw shit on the floor and clean up/dispose of everything after
Idk when or how it started but just happened one day and I haven't stopped since. Feels quicker and better

who are you my cat?

Fucking racist piece of shit.

third worlders like this are the reason wagies have to clean shit off the walls in the mcdonalds bathroom

>Do this
>Fall through the floor

American homes aren't designed for this.

A few years ago, my cat decided fuck you I'm not shitting in the litter box anymore.

She had no problems in the past using it, but now she will only shit on the bathroom rug that sits in front of my litter box to collect all the cat litter.

I've changed the litter box 3 times, I keep it pristine and clean, scooping it 3 times daily, and completely scrub it down / wipe it every 2 weeks.
Makes no difference, she still does it even right after I fucking spend 15min scrubbing it down with soap and warm water and replacing the litter.
I think it's because I have 3 cats using the same litter box, but it was never a problem in the past until 4 years ago.

Damn it.
So much worse when I was a truck driver.
Shit,wipe stand up(but I don't move my feet in case anybody thinks I am about to leave the stall) wait,wait...wait.
Leave get into truck and then bam,need to pee.

>character ate too much spicy food
>spends the next 3 hours on the toilet while hot fecal rain pours from his anus in intermittent bursts
I hate these episodes.

>will serve your basic needs.
Sir,dare I ask,what are the more advanced needs?

had a cat like that too. one day it just decided to poop 6 inches away from the litter box no matter where it was locatated or how clean. it's dead now. some cats are just jerks

temperature control, scented water, perfumes.

Does anyone tear their anal tissues regurarly? Holy fuck it's such a pain in the ass literally. Feels like someone rubbing cheese grater on your anus, i might start buying heroin when it happens

>character shits in the shower
>doesn't squish the shit down the drain with his feet like everybody normally does
>throws it into the toilet instead
>misses

Forgot heated seats

Lock eyes with your kitty as you poop in her litter box.
Bonus points if you read a newspaper and laugh like a maniac at the comic strips,less points if they still sell newspapers near your home.

oh.

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Why do some bidets have a remote control?
Other than pranking purposes,of course.

>toothbrush that close to your shitter
yikes

as long as you flush with the seat down, septic water wont splash all over the room

mrs fancypants over here, flushin with her seat down

shouldn't you get that checked?

>character takes monster shit
>toilet water splashes into his asshole

well do you want poop on your tooth brush? i actually keel mine in the medicine cabinet but dont want piss and poop water splashed all over my bathoom anyway

hits a little too close to home tbqh

Based.

>>character takes a shit
>doesn't wipe because he's been blessed with wipeless shits

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:(

>Character brushes teeth
>Apparently doesn't use toothpaste because there's no foam built up on their lips of dripping from their mouth
>Sometimes they don't even spit, just run some toothbrush over their mouth for 10 seconds and then take it out

>character gags and coughs like a motherfucker everytime he sticks a q-tip in his ears.

Just get a squatty potty, cheap mother fucker.

I can't poop in public cause no bidet
and I'm scared I'll see blood on the tp again

I'm p sure I got butt cancer but after seeing the signs I just bought a bidet and next look anymore

what’s the science behind this?

There's nothing wrong with racism! Sexism sucks though.

>colon xray results back
>no tumors
>no diverticulitis
>only the good ol' (extremely annoying) IBS I guess
whew, could have been worse, Crohn's disease for example sounds like hell on earth, or cancer of course.

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what the fuck are those? Do you use them to snap off shit that's outside when you're constipated and need to leave the bathroom ASAP?

>he doesnt use the wet toilet paper technique

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>it's undignified

Then it falls apart and you get shitty fingers.

I fuking knew that you were a fag

Wrong. Take a single square, fold it twice into a square. Flush the toilet, and dip it in the clean water, and with two fingers / thumb wipe your asshole.

Unless you have some nasty diarrhea it works just fine. Just wash your hands after.

Just use your hand to wipe your ass. Seriously. You have water right there, wet your fingers and rub it on your asshole, you can literally just wash your hands with soap and water right afterwards, which you should be doing regardless if you're touching your dick / toilet seat.

you could even tip toe.

not if you squeeze the water out so its just damp, then instead of rubbing the wet tp on your anus you first use dry tp to get the main bits of shit off, then press the wet tp against your anus to moisten it then get another piece of dry tp to clean up the water and the remaining poo smears, works really well, 99% clean anus afterwards

Could be blood from internal hemorrhoids too, but visiting the doc wouldn't be a bad idea.

>character gets into public toilet booth
>farts incessantly

you dont walk with your pants and underware down over to the sink to dampen it?

>character lives in an apartment with the bathroom just of the front room,the fan does nothing to cover the non stop fart sounds.
No more poker night at my place.

>Not just primarily wiping with TP then finishing off with a wet wipe to fully clean
>Not taking a shower after shitting
>Not using a bidet
>Not doing any of the above

Why? How hard is it to wipe your ass it's 2019 for fuck's sake we've been to the moon we can figure out how to get shit out our assholes

Maybe he poops at his friends house and doesn't want to walk 3 blocks home with his pants down,duh.

fuck

That's weird. When i shit i usually pee at the same time. Especially during the first "push".

>tfw euros are unironically too stupid to wipe their asses properly so they need to have a fucking bath every time they take a shit

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Disgusting nigger

>mfw ameritards cut their dick skin off cause they're too stupid and lazy to clean theirselves properly

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I spread my cheeks before sitting so I only gotta wipe twice

No, you are wrong. They do it because Rabbi tells them to do it so Rabbi and his friends could easily integrate into society.
You know how nazis were finding if someone is jewish or not during ww2? They were checking if person is uncut or not.
They are still afraid to this day so they force everyone to be like them so they could hide better.

Did mommy teach you to do that?

>until there's no more blood
is this a typo? I stop when I see blood that doesn't have poop in it. Been like this as long as I can remember. Obviously something wrong with me. My asshole in general is just a fucking nightmare to deal with. Constant swamp ass and skidmarks. I'm not even fat or particularly out of shape. Itches, hurts after I wipe cause blood obviously. I can't believe there hasn't been some kind of toilet paper 2.0 at this point. Wiping is actually a real gross and ineffective way to clean your ass anyway when you think about it, better to have a bidet.

I don’t understand how bidet works if the water with shit could ricochet

The porcelain will break you fucking stooge. I've seen a 51kg girl break it and I'm an 87kg musclebound freak.

What do you think I'd do to it? God you're fucking stupid. Jesus Christ.

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>character takes a shit
>doesn't wet the tissue when necessary via spit or access to a tap and acts like bidets are the only alternative

A couple things going on here.

You might need more fiber in your diet. People with enough fiber just shit out like one log and there is no leftover shit on your ass to wipe for days. Clean poop.

Also, invest in wet wipes/bidet

You now realize women have the same issues as everyone in this thread so think twice before eating that ass

>character needs to take a shot
>Doesn't meditate for 15 minutes so he can fully visualize the toilet as the girl who rejected him when he was 13
>Doesn't get a boner when he's shitting
>Doesn't even spit in the toilet when he's done
>Doesn't masterbate to lesbian anal featuring Adrianna checik or Bonnie rotten later

Who the fuck writes this non immersive garbage

Have sex incel

> character takes a shit
> doesn’t lift up the toilet seat when he’s finished to clean all the liquid shit covering the seat

Based and bidetpilled

Bro I’m not spending a perk on an extra attachment

> character had a meh jerkoff session
> gets a pain in his balls that can only be relieved by sitting on the toilet for 45 minutes pissing and taking little periodic shits

Reminder that Chinese people have died doing this from breaking toilets and getting sliced open by broken porcelain. Just put your feet up on something to simulate squatting.

Why would you want to poop on your own time when you can get paid for it?

sneed more

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>character sits down for breakfast after brushing teeth
>takes one bite of from the cornucopia of assorted breakfast foods on the table
>takes a sip of coffee and rushes out the door

Wtf no theyre used to cut the squares of toilet paper off the roll. What do you do just tear off pieces of paper with your hands?

Cringe

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Why the fuck would you dip your fingers in toilet water? Just keep a bottle of water in the toilet and use it to dampen the paper by covering the mouth of the bottle and tipping it, like adding turpentine to a rag.

Delete this right now

>Character drinks coffee
>Doesn't have to run to the toilet to take a hot bubbling shit 5 minutes later
>Character drinks 1 beer
>Doesnt spend the rest of the night taking long horse piss streams

>character takes a shit
>doesn't use a flat wooden stick to scoop and scrub out remaining feces after he is done
>doesn't rinse the stick in a bowl of water for future use

>character "forgets" to wash his hands

nothin' personnel kid.

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>during lunch
>during

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What if I'm bulking hard and shit 6-8 times a day?

>character takes a shit
>doesn't gape his asshole to reverse drink the splashback

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YO

>Shite
>Dry tp to wipe away excess shit
>Wet wipe to clean arsehole to perfection
>Dry tp dab to dry my arse

Cleanest asshole in the game.

>87kg
>musclebound freak.

When will you learn?

>rich people
More common than you think tard

stop being a humorless autist

i take huge greasy shits, they literally are the consistancy of axle grease. water spray does nothing, i have to stand in a hot shower and scrub my ass for like 10 minutes. if i dont shit before work i have to hold it in until i get home, or go home sick

underrated

>Johnny Sacks is now Ginny Sacks