We can't kill him, sir!

>We can't kill him, sir!
>Why?
>Because he already has no life.

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>check his phone records, see who he has been talking to
>sir, there's only been one phone call this month. It was to his mother and she didn't even pick up
>he must have a burner phone somewhere. Find it!

>Johnson I need a detailed report on this "Cunny", and I need it yesterday!

>Your suspended as of now. Give me your badge.
>and if I find out you've been sniffing around the Johnson case or asking questions to the Mayors wife God so help me they gonna need a tow truck to pull my foot out your ass

>Sir, we dont exist
>Explain, Johnson
>We're figments of his imagination
>If he died, no one would even notice

>sir, the only site he browses is just some imageboard over and over
>shit, he must be covering his tracks!

>check his Facebook page. Write down all the information on his friends. I want to know which circles he's running with
>sir...

>sir he can't be racist he jerks off to ebony porn constantly

>sounds like a false flag by antifa. Stick with the other stuff, we'll get that antifa "thing" for pedophilia, or selling secrets to Israel later on.

>sir, we've just found out he bought tickets to the new Marvel flick, Avengers: Endgame I believe
>interesting, what's the name of the girl he's going with?
>sir...

>well if he only bought one ticket I want a tail on him. Make it two. But if he slips out of there alone and you don't see who he contacts, it's your ass.

>It says here the last movie he went to was Blade Runner 2049
>Jesus...
>Sir, it gets worse
>Go on...
>He hasn't seen Avengers: Endgame at all
>Christ Almighty, activate the units now, I WANT HIM FOUND!

>sir, I've contacted Robert at the kinoplex and our suspect was denied entrance due to no singles policy
>shit, was he taken to the popcorn mines?

name one flick where this happens

Have Sex: The Quickening

>He's clean, we've got nothing.
>Sir, you're gonna want to see this.
>What is it?
>It seems he posted Endgame spoilers over 700 times on various reddit boards.
>....mobilize the task force.

>sir, we bugged his house
>good, where is it
>in the basement, behind an old name tag from a store he hasn't worked at in years
>Johnson, does he spend enough time in his basement for this to be the spot?
>all our analysts are quite confident, sir.

The Net, Swordfish, Beverly Hills Cop for the tailing thing.

>sir, from what we gathered he has no kind of degenerate fetish at all
>ya all he wanna do is to have sex in missionary position with the sole purpose of reproduction

Make it stop

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Yes, I also remember when South Park did that joke a decade ago.

based

>target has no friends and no hobbies
>he gave one word answers to our under cover agent posing as a store clerk
>he is an enigma

>sir, all he does is spam captain marvel hate rhetoric all day
>somethings not right, it must be a bot so he can claim an alibi. Where and what is this guy up to??

>Sir, the only thing he's posted the past five weeks is "Have sex."
>Bastard's trying to throw us off his trail, get more men tracking him!

A Madea Christmas

>sir, got the recordings back from last night
>and?
>and he is just pacing back and forth for and hour repeating a pizza order. Then calls a local pizzeria, soinds loke he's having a panic attack, and hangs up
>well that has to be code for something. He must have called something off. This might be bigger than we thought.

>21 and virgin, give me a break, Johnson.
>You FBI pricks clearly just did a shoddy job at surveillance and wrote the report anyway. Thought I wouldn't notice?

>We talked to his co-workers.
>And?
>They thought he quit months ago.

>Sir, our Racism Detector 3000 is picking up major activity on target's computer
>What does it say?
>He...he keeps posting frog pictures on 4channel.org
>I'm handing this over to you, good job, Samantha. Now find this guy and teach him the ways of inclusivity. Don't forget the handcuffs

winrar

>where was he when the events took place
>sir, he...
>what?
>he was home, sir
>are you expecting me to believe he was home on a saturday night? Go back and don't return until you have real information

Last Action Hero, Sledgehammer (TV)