I didn't think-

>character completes plot activity
>"What do we do now?"
>"Now we wait..."

>I will need at least ten minutes
>Do it in five!

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Based.

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IN ENGLISH, PLEASE!

>"at least it can't get any worse"
>it gets worse

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This is what I hate about films, so many hurtful phrases that have been said to me have been taken from them that I'd like to think if we lived a long time ago people wouldn't be as mean

>this requires weeks of calculations!
>you have 24 hours
>yes,sir

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>this is the image of HATE

>character standing staring at other side of street
>truck drives past
>they're gone

>*tire screech*
>be quiet! I'm trying to drive!
>cut to character in passenger seat's reaction
>"filler dialogue that is a question?"
>fucking car outta fucking nowhere smashes into the car
>character wakes up in present day

If it weren't films it would be sassy plays and poetry that makes you feel double-owned because you're being insulted in such an intelligent and beautiful way.

>"at least it can't get any worse"
>it actually gets better

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I wish my life would be like that

>at least it can't get any worse
>it actually gets worse

>stannis told me but i didnt think

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>car chase
>car drives through stack of cardboard boxes

then a produce cart, then two guys carrying a fresh pane of glass, then a woman pushing a baby stroller...

Where's the fun in that?

In english, doc

>I need thirty minutes
>you have ten minutes
>I'll do it in five

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>"at least it can't get any worse"
>*thunderclap*
>*starts pouring rain*

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>character is walking home after grocery shopping
>bag always looks like pic related
>somehow manages to spill everything

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lmao

>woman loses grip on pram and it starts to roll away
>"My baby!!"

Come again?

Don't sugar coat it.

>Truck drives by camera on an empty road
>Horns

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Why is that monkey riding that hippo?

>car brakes or peels off on dirt road
>tires squeel

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>character is having a panic attack or other medical emergency
>takes some pills
>is completely fine 10 seconds later

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> "I said, no. There is NO WAY I'll do it"
> next scene he's doing it

this always happens when someone has a heart condition. is this a meme or do heart pills really work that fast?

>I need my heart pills p-please
>Oh these? *holds bottle just out of reach*

well researched you dumb nigger
>patient has a breakdown
>goes into stasis
>dies

> Follow this car
> I've always wanted to say that

> Are you thinking what I'm thinking ?
> Depends, are you thinking about stupid, unrelated thing ?

>guy makes eye contact with woman at bar
>cut to hardcore 3 hour fuck session

>MC and love interest kiss
>this DOESNT lead immediately to fuck and suck
why do pg13 flicks always do this?

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>do you know how to use one of these *hand over pistol to woman*
>takes out magazine, slaps it back in and cocks the gun
>I grew up with five brothers

>Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn't _______

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> Ha, we both know you won't do anything to me
> You're right, I won't. But she will.

>RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPERS

>Imagine if they made a movie about us
>all characters turn and stare into camera

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>how did you know it wasn't _____
>I DIDN'T

>haha, you can’t intimidate me, I’ll never talk!
>bad cop reaction, anger then joy
>cut to him talking, clearly intimidates

> Actually, I was aiming for the head
> Hehe
> He's joking, right ? *gasp*

>it will not happen again
>NO IT WON'T BECAUSE YOU ARE FIRED

>man hands woman a weapon
>"make sure to watch your back"
>she kills an enemy who was about to kill him
>"watch yours"

>and your other badge

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>Maybe I'll be tracer
>I am already tracer

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>villain has a female lieutenant
>just so MC's love interest has someone to fight

>i´ve never hold a gun before!
>just point at the bad guy and pull the trigger

you did? now tell me about it and how you hold it up for 3 seconds before the enemy comes you faggot

>you will die all alone
>SHE’s not alone

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>go left
>character goes right
>no your other left

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Americans don't have handles on their shopping bags?

Nobody uses paper bags anymore and those that do have handles. It's just an old movie trope that somehow survived to today.

Test

I love using this one.

We're not so different, you and I.

IF YOU KILL HIM YOU'LL BE JUST AS BAD AS HIM

>segment about the wild west begins
>whip cracks

>it's okay that you killed 47 of his henchmen though

>you’ll live to regret this
>regret is my middle name

she wasn't alone?

>*cocks pistol*
>it's just business, don't take it personally
>BANG

>character is riding on a horse just standing there
>stock neighing and eating noises

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>"We're going to need some guns"
5 mins later
>"Wow it was soooo easy to get these"

>Hero looks in horror at the destroyed stroller
>Was only full of cans of food
Do Americans really do this?

>Character having an attack
>Takes out pills with hands shaking
>Spills all pills down the drain
>Reaches in the drain, accidentally turns on garbage disposal

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If you were the protagonist of your own movie, how should your introductory scene be shot to tell the viewers as much as possible about you in a succinct manner?

>We're counting on you!
>Well count faster!

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>Follow this car
Would a cabbie actually do this if I asked?

The homeless do. Blesses are they.

I'd try to kick the door open only for me to realize that it has a knob after it splinters. I then open the door normally and walk in with a limp, right before I lean back finger guns out but arms locked at a half assed 90 degrees, yell "what's up faggots" and then continue on with the scene as if that didn't happen.

Cut to me walking with "Staying Alive" by The Bee Gees playing

Lol literally my wife

>not where are we...
>WHEN are we?

The Superman animated series used this line more than once

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sped up footage of me being immobile on my pc, eating sleeping and masturbating on my desk for a couple of days while
youtu.be/yuxss1kBQWw
plays and the credits roll

The sound of a toilet flushing and me exiting the stall.

Literally just youtube.com/watch?v=TQ3lh97fDVY

Al Bundy style?
youtube.com/watch?v=TqT21Pv1CAs

>me with camera in hand
>"yes, just like that... Perfect!"
>sets camera onto tripod
>Smash Mouth Then The Morning Comes starts to play as the camera stays fixed on my position before I jump onto bed
Only way to do it

yes exactly, Al is an American hero

>A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.
I think I would just kill myself

Naked Gun did it gud

>soldiers / SWATs with guns
>sound of charging handles cocking every time they point their weapon

>character holding a baby
>stock baby sounds

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>hardcore sex scene with christina hendrix
> cypress hill - hits from the bong

Me sleeping in my bed on a Saturday passed at 1:00 in the afternoon only to be awaken by my alarm clock, I grab my glock 19 under my bed and shoot the alarm in pure malice. I then proceed to stumble out of bed causing a stamped of ash trays, fleshlights and some Yea Forums novels to come out of the covers. As I proceed to walk to my bathroom only to trip on my LED lights causing a chain reaction of comedic effect which knocks over all of computer monitors, TV, shelves and finally my massive full body mirror were I go flex like a faggot during workouts to come down on me on the floor, shattering.

These stock lines are generally parodied out of affection, not contempt.

>female character
>beats up henchmen twice her weight with ninja flips
>finishes with a three point landing looking up into the camera abruptly

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>female character
>does the flying twisty leg grab move
Every fucking time. Has that move ever worked in RL?

Just say you need at least 20 and she’ll give you 10

>you're out of your jurisdiction

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>I thought that–
>STOP THINKING AND START DOING

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>because you’ll probably eat it

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More like
>mc and love interest about to kiss
>interrupted by side character with an emergency

YOU NEVER DO

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I know it would involve me standing up too fast into some kind of narrow metal object so my skull starts bleeding profusely. I did it with the metal plate siding that lifts up so you can put your luggage away on a long distance bus. Did it on the very edge of one end of a weighted barbell at the gym. Ive done it all and its completely representative of me. Humans stand up with so much more force than you think.

>superior enemy force charging good guy army
>MC is captain
>archers/rifles take aim
>Hold! Hoooold!
>forces good guys to shoot at the very last second instead of killing as many as possible before the clash
>somehow this is good tactics

youtube.com/watch?v=4uOX_hbkAMc

this actually makes sense for very early firearms that were inaccurate as shit and took a long time to reload for unskilled soldiers.

>sliding door closes in front of character
>tries to open it with his/her hands

>finds some slimy shit
>squeezes between index finger and thumb
>makes disgusted face

>finds red liquid
>touches it with index and middle finger
>tastes it
>"it"s blood"

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Have you ever considered standing up a little bit slower, or is the damage already done?

I need sauce on those tits

Cold cut to me jacking off in a dark room to Bloody Anus by the Fucking Bitches.

Literally my parents anytime I get into an argument with them.

>you're always the side character