Monkeypaw Thread

1. Gucci Loafers
2. Park Avenue Manicure
3. Salad Fork

three wishes granted and this city slicker is good to go

1) change the last episode of GOT to one of the many cool fan versions on here
2) cancel STD
3) stop Disney ever making star wars films without George
3)

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remove sneeds
remove chucks
get a diet coke

1. Men can adjust their height and dick size with surgery

2. Men had the equivalent of the birth control pill and no side effects

3. Prostitution is legal, safe, and cheaply available.

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>no niggers
>no jews
>no jannies

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please don't use the cursed wish fullfiling ape hand on my penis

The mean decreases 10pts.

I WISH FOR A JENIRATORS

I wish the ring had never come to me... i wish none of this had happened.

No Capeshit

I wish for more fresh sneed oc

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1) Everyone is a loli
2) Everyone is immortal
3) Everyone is a jew

Shanks Fanks and Sanks

1. I wish for a fancy German car
2. I wish for a new pair of Gucci loafers
3. I wish my pH level was adjusted

Came here to say exactly this.

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The whole point of the Monkey's Paw was that it was cursed. No matter your wish, the paw would twist it so you remain unsatisfied.

For example, we can take the wishes from 1. You get a fancy German car, but it's a used Hot Wheels toy.
2. You receive your loafers, but they're the wrong size and cause your feet to chafe and bleed.
3. I don't know what this means, but maybe it's adjusted too high and you explode or something. You get the idea.

>kill all jews and muslims
>kill all none white people
>women don't have human rights anymore

Forgot to say the word "by". IQ increases. It is not 10 points.

pretty fucking clever. Would honestly cause worldwide problems

1. Men are the limited resource, women have to compete for men in dating

2. wearing makeup is socially unacceptable and the equivalent of men wearing lifts

3. Being above 20% bf% under age 50 automatically causes the female heart to stop

Three days from all boards. That's how long I got banned for making fun of the jannies. But the sneedposters? Oh, we love the sneedposters! They can do whatever they want! Let's spread out ass-cheeks and let the sneeds spread their seeds BECAUSE IT'S CLEARLY THE SUPERIOR FORM OF COMEDY! OH, SNEED'S FEED AND SEED (FORMERLY CHUCK) IS THE FUTURE OF IMAGEBOARDS! WHY, OF COURSE!

I.
CANNOT.
TAKE.
IT.
ANY.
MORE.

FUCK YOU SNEEDPOSTERS. FUCK. YOU.

1)I wish for all men besides me to turn into hot girls
2) I wish my sperm was the most addictive substance in the world
3)i wish for the previous fact to become common knowledge
Wish me luck boys

>I wish to have the powers of superman without it affecting my mind or altering my physical appearance to grotesque/inhuman levels
>I wish for a steady and legal source of income that will not cause harm to anyone and provide my family with a large fortune for generations to come
>I wish to have a long, happy, and noble life that leaves the world and mankind in a better place with a large family that all have the same

>kills all jews and muslims along with all the history, invention, and knowledge they have brought to the table, setting mankind back decades
>kills everyone with even a fraction of "non-white" blood, beyond decimating the population and leaving society in ruins
>women don't have right but neither do men, all are enslaved under a single tyrannical ruler reuniting mankind
but see I'm not sure if this is a proper monkey paw, cause while 99% of the world would be appalled by the result, white ecofascist ethnonationalists would probably be thrilled
if you're in that camp then kill everyone cause no-one is "white"

you are moved to Sweden, given the number of a good doc and a pack of condoms.
the curse is you now live in swden

night king winds and covers the world in death and frost, cool enough?
it is, but a new series starring a transgender xur is set to screen next fall
hired as "creative consultant"

my wishes have some loophole I haven't thought of, im sure. hopefully I fucked yours too

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>You get the idea.
I don't get it. What's the joke?

Lol!

>you are forced to forever feel only happiness, even as your friends and family die you are cursed with happy feelings smiling at their deaths

How new are you? Yea Forums jannies are based, you don't make fun of them.

It's not a joke, it comes from a thriller/horror short story and even further back to native legends

it gives you everything you want, but comes at a terrible price. wish to be rich? wife and kids die, but hey here's life insurance. wish for power? you're dictator of the world, coup incoming though. usually it's just some subtle twist that ruins it on a personal rather than global scale, iirc the story is basically meant to reflect on the idea of getting what you want but what you want isn't what's actually good for you
monkey's paw is better left alone

Sun starts to charge Earth for sunlight

I'm ok with that honestly, as long as my super-powered life ends with me doing good, living nobly, and leaving a happy family in a better world I might as well smile all the time

You'll start drinking more alcohol

You get no benefits out of it other than scoring 10% higher when taking IQ tests

All non white, cis, straight males are destroyed. There is no need for a second wish because this first wish establishes a utopia.

Sneed

you're left with a bunch of white lesbians and fags, watch your grammar

worst of all, OP is still alive

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There's nothing wrong with my grammar. The non applies to each consecutive word. Is this your American education at work?

Im used to smoke joint tips that I pick up in the street

Hiroshimoot makes a new board for capeshit/GOT and the like so Yea Forums can go back to being as shitty as it was before all of that garbage infested it.

non white is a specific term the monkey can twist your words with

1. Gummy Bears
2. Gucci Loafers
3. Mincemeat pie

Odd flex but OK

1) replace Thrones S8E3 with pic related
2) replace benioff & weiss with European non-jews
3) money

of course I forgot pic related
of course

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