Mike Stoklasa has become the very thing he once ridiculed...

Mike Stoklasa has become the very thing he once ridiculed. Look at the Avatar review: he spends 90 minutes going on about Cameron's blatant pandering to the lowest common denominator, marveling (no pun intended) at Cameron's proficiency for manipulating the audience to make them feel how he wants them to feel, how he wants them to think.

Fast forward a couple of years later. Jurassic World is released -- its heavily established to be a soft reboot operating on the hype of faux-nostalgia and Pratt's recent Guardians of the Galaxy success.

Mike loves it. Hits all the right buttons. Really gets his inner manchild going. He basically reveres the film to Jay Bauman's utter disgust.

This is the first sign of Stoklasa's downfall, his immediate descent into the anti-thesis of Mr. Plinkett. He's become lazy, brainwashed, unwittingly indoctrinated into the modern Hollywood machine sculpted by the likes of Disney executives.

It's October 2015. Disney gets in touch with Red Letter Media. They offer him a deal he simply can't refuse; he's instructed to praise Disney's numbered Star Wars episodes while taking critical albeit nonsensical liberties with the standalone films, all the while consistently spewing a casual commitment to every Marvel film that is released. Mike and his goons are heavily compensated for this, successfully turning the likes of the internet's pseuds into DDs (Disney Dudes).

The real enemy isn't Collider, or Loot Crate boxes.

It's Mike Stoklasa.

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I'm sorry, but this needs to be said.

RLM are the living embodiment of the smug, detached Gen-X ethos.

I'd venture to guess none of them has felt a single sincere conviction about anything since childhood. They exist as polyps upon the colon of culture, satiating themselves on the perceived failures of others (i.e. "The Man") while adding nothing new to the discourse aside from ironic complaint.

They're a group of insecure, lost, rapidly aging burnouts who silently believe they could do a better job of making films than the professionals in the industry. Yet they lack the ambition and ability to actually enter the very industry they're obsessed with. They choose instead to fuck around and make student film piss-takes well into middle age.

They are awful, awful people. I've met thousands just like them, and the last thing we need is for these people to gain any attention for their navel gazing.

Please, Yea Forums, do not aspire to become anything like these people. Theirs is a lonely road leading to depression and a life devoid of real purpose.

I hope they disappear and their disaffected followers stop subsidizing their lifestyle. Perhaps that would force them to do something productive with themselves.

The fact that these guys are still posted here amazes me. There's really no avoiding it, I've grown up, and Yea Forums simply remains in infancy. Look, RLM are the living embodiment of the smug, detached Gen-X ethos. What do I mean by this?

Well, I'd venture to guess none of them has felt a single sincere conviction about anything since childhood. They exist as polyps upon the colon of culture, satiating themselves on the perceived failures of others (i.e. "The Man") while adding nothing new to the discourse aside from ironic complaint.

They're a group of insecure, lost, rapidly aging burnouts who silently believe they could do a better job of making films than the professionals in the industry. Yet they lack the ambition and ability to actually enter the very industry they're obsessed with. They choose instead to fuck around and make student film piss-takes well into middle age.

They are awful, awful people. I've met thousands just like them, and the last thing we need is for these people to gain any attention for their navel gazing.

Please, Yea Forums, do not aspire to become anything like these people. Theirs is a lonely and pathetic road leading to depression and a life devoid of real purpose.

I hope they disappear and their disaffected followers stop subsidizing their lifestyle. Perhaps that would force them to do something productive with themselves.

>inb4 some retard (incorrectly) goes hurrr reddit spacing, as though RLM threads weren't as reddit as they come.

anyone with brain dropped them no later than their rogue one review where mike confirmed himself for having no idea about anything star wars related

Out on the streets
Getting rid of la raza
Don't go messing with
Mike 'Third Reich' Stoklasa

>inb4 some retard (incorrectly) goes hurrr reddit spacing
Hurr. Reddit spacing. Get the fuck out.
Also tldr lol.

o I met Mike and Jay at a con a while ago. I went with my girlfriend. When we approached them Mike looked at me then at my girlfriend and said "The fuck you doing with this stupid cunt? Get with this dick or get raped you whore.", I was completely shocked and didn't know if he was joking so I stood in silence just not sure of what to say. Then a voice was heard from behind him "Oh Mike you found another goofball?", "Yeah Jay, this one looks like a complete dick head, his girlfriend is pretty banging though, I'd fuck her asshole", "Oh yeah, maybe we should fill his girlfriend's ass with goofballs so she'd know how much of a goofball he is". Right at that moment Mike jumped on my girlfriend and pulled her pants down, I tried to stop him but Jay jumped on me and held me down. He whispered in my ear "She's going to get the goofballs and you ain't going to do nothing about it!", I watched in horror as my girlfriend stared into my eyes. Mike undressed her and rammed his fingers up her ass. She was trying to scream but Mike just kept pushing her head down. Mike looked at me and mouthed the word "Goofball". It was like a silent movie. I watched as Mike proceeded to pull out his testicles and force them into her anus with his hands. Jay who was still holding me down started to squeal into my ear "She's getting the goofballlllls!" He twisted my nipple as far as it could go, and I could feel blood trickling into my shirt. I felt what I assume was Jays boner pushing into my back... I blacked out.

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[His smile and optimism: gone]

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imagine typing up a 300 word rant about some random film reviewer. Same boat as the plebs who froth at the mouth reading armond white reviews.

did you at least get a picture with them?

Jay Bauman? Is that you?

Jay, I can't and won't make this any simpler for you.

You failed at life. You failed. When one thinks of what man is capable of, pushing himself to the limits physically, mentally and emotionally to achieve heights of success never before mentioned, your name will not be whispered in the same, reverent fashion that others have.

Nobody will remember Jay Bauman. You aren't even a header or a footer in the career of someone else. You are nobody. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

In short, you are an enormous failure.

Jay, being that you're about 30 years old and your brain has probably hard-wired itself to accept such failures by now and write off such criticism by being "flippant", really suggests that you've passed beyond the proverbial breaking-point. There's no turning back. This is your career, this is what defines you and this is what you'll defend to the end.

The abhorrent failure that is Red Letter Media, Jay Bauman, that is your legacy.

Maybe I'm over-reaching, however. Who knows? People CAN change. Maybe you'll read this, Jay, and think long and hard about what a wasteful life you've led. Maybe you'll think, "wow. It's incredible just how abysmal and pathetic I really AM!" Maybe you'll lift some weights in the morning. Maybe you'll take a self-help class.

Maybe in a couple of years, Jay, you'll have learned from this failure. I doubt it, though.

I genuinely doubt it.

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this entire thread CANNOT BE REFUTED (especially the last paragraph)

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To be fair that's probably the least horrible way of meeting cancerous e-celebs.

Rich is way worse than Beard and AIDS combined
>morbidly obese manchild
>always wears comic shirts, but cant answer ANY comic question Jay or Mike have
>has a video game show, but says stupid things like 3D mario games shouldn't have controllable cameras and is blatantly bad at video games in general
>thinks being a cynical, nitpicking autist is the same as intelligence
>flat out didn't understand basic character motivations for Civil War despite being a huge MCU fan
>starts REEEEEEing when chat constantly BTFOs him
>nostalgiafag who only likes shit from his youth
>has an obnoxious "I fucking love science" attitude
>can't pronounce words
>forced catchphrases
>meme laugh
>actual plebbitor
>confused by Yea Forums
>has a tranny fiance
>allows Mike to bully him on a daily basis
>doesn't oppose people being tracked by the government with chip implants
>only ever funny by accident when he fucks up and gets made fun for it, his real sense of humor is "lel so randumb XD" tier
>claps at the end of films
>has never had actual fruit in his life and is convinced he'll hate it because he doesn't like sodas with fruit flavors
When did you realize Rich was actually worse RLM and is the embodiment of amerifat retard?
I'm gonna go ahead and say that I personally think Rich is the worst member of the crew. Even though Beardfat takes things too seriously, he always sounds like he knows what he's talking about and he showed several times that he has technological knowledge and AIDSmoby offers insightful commentary many times. Rich manages to be both an embarrassing nerd and seemingly have no real input into the movies they're talking about and is only there because he's Mike's friend. When Mike isn't around to put him down, he acts like an obnoxious prick and the only real value he offers is that he does the grunt work for them (buying merchandise for videos, building props, etc). He's basically their employee and is only in videos because Mike likes him.

Is this going to be the new thing, the autists who are too autistic to even make video essays make the essays on Yea Forums?

>do nothing
They made a channnel and website. What have you done?

Imagine writing paragraphs that only 1 out of a few hundred people will even consider reading.
Imagine also formatting it like you're on reddit.
Just.

It's just mike posting drunk again, ignore him.

have sex

sex have

Oh, a new half in the bag episode
*removes noose from neck*

Half in the baaaaaag! Get out of my car and into my dreams!!! Oh my gaaaawd! What's wrong with your faaaace?I Hack frauds IT BROKE NEW GROWND!!! Is this replacing Susan?! Email me if you want a pizza-roll! AAAAAIIIIIIDDDSSS! IT TOOK 12 YEARS TO MAKE! Well me personally, I really liked this movie it was so dense every frame had so much going on, it's like poetry, it rhymes, it's gonna be great... What is it with Ricks? That's right Jay! FUCK MOVIES! Fuck you it's january! Fuck you it's year! Fuck you it's FOREVER!!! I FUCKING LOVE STAR WARS! Speaking of reference, have you seen movie?! part time Thaaat's right Mike! AT-ST's AT-ST's I'm gonna cum! ENDLESS TRASH! Paul Blart Mall Plart part 2, he's a funnier character than we've ever had before, if we can get him working... THESE MEN ARE PAWNS I have put a price of twenty-thousand dirham on their heads! Next they will be hailed as the true messenger of GOD! Ahhhhhh They were just a couple of song writers who came to Ishtar to break into show business. Easy boy, easy, boy, easy boy, easy boy! What the hell's the matter with him? Is he blind?!? Well yeah he is, bu-but he's in perfect condition. So how did they end up on everybody's hit list? Your life is in danger. Behave normally, we have guns pointed at your backs. No, don't put your hands up you idiot. Oh little Darlin'. My little Darlin'.Oh where, a-are you? Do it. Ayyiyiyiyiyiyiyi schmechahii buttahotsfayaaah! I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere I feel like RLM needs a new fanbase, I got fahckin' Jokes-Redundancy-Stress-Disorder ovah here! I guess I have to... FUCK THE PAIN AWAY! Mmmmmm... I like to fuck my cat... What were these guys smoking? CIGARETTES? And I thought it was a really odd note to just end the movie on 10 minutes of news photage of 9/11. You might not have noticed it, but your brain did... You read this comment. What are next? And Kevin Bacon

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When future generations sift through the smoldering rubble of postmodern America, they would do well to locate a hard drive with RedLetterMedia content on it. They could study Mike and Jay and, with that thin slice of information, fully understand what it is that killed western civilization.
Those two are bitter, cynical nihilists. They have devoted their lives, the prime years of productivity, to pithily lampooning cultural ephemera and implying "we could do better than these idiot filmmakers, but we're too cool to actually try."
They are every strain of societal AIDS melded together into a super AIDS of cultural death...
Well into middle age, they're still obsessively analyzing adventure stories for children. They're childless, unmarried, stubbornly avoiding an actual profession, opting instead to beg for Patreon donations. They are subsisting on the patronage of even more embittered, more lonely, more cynical losers who need virtual friends to swim in their vast Petri dish of misery with them.
Look in their fucking eyes, man. It's a joyless, pointless existence they're living.
They are so afraid of sincerity or honest artistic effort that they'll leave behind hours of footage of them chuckling about Tommy Wiseau. They are artistic cowards and abject failures in every respect.
Each time you catch a glimpse of them, you're reminded that we peaked as a civilization a long time ago. We're done creating. We're done feeling real emotions. All we can do now is analyze, criticize, and ironically pick through the desiccated corpse of our once great nation.

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he was a massive hypocrite about Avatar just like the entire rest of the media. it's as if there is a conspiracy to prevent Cameron becoming too powerful within the industry no matter how consistent his movies are.

>has never had actual fruit in his life and is convinced he'll hate it because he doesn't like sodas with fruit flavors
I think we've reached peak burger.

Yea Forums - eceleb gossip and capeshit

>he's instructed to praise Disney's numbered Star Wars episodes while taking critical albeit nonsensical liberties with the standalone films
I guess they didn't paid him enough then

Yeah this is the exact moment when I stopped taking them seriously.

First TFA is everything they ever wanted but then they shit on a movie because it had stuff from OT and wasn't a funny heist adventure they wanted.

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So modern cinema?

>t. hollywood producer