Anyone had any weird interactions with celebrities?
So I was in Edinburgh last weekend and I bumped into none other than Ian McKellen himself standing outside the Playhouse. I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’ but it was just him and he looked a little lost so I went up and asked him if he was going to be in that new Lord of the Rings show that’s being filmed outside Leith. Anyway he looked straight at me with these unusually piercing eyes and said something like “You. You are a window. An aperture through which the universe views itself.” and I just smiled thinking this must be a line from something he’s in then he said “because you are the universe looking at itself there’s always part of itself it can’t see” and I just nodded then he burst out into this really creepy laugh so I just said my goodbyes and dashed out of there.
I saw Brie Larson at a grocery store in Los Angeles recently. I told her how cool it was to meet Captain Marvel in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Miss, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Really weird encounter, I must say.
Brayden Jones
>“You. You are a window. An aperture through which the universe views itself.”
This refers to the immanent mind, to your perception of the world of relativity, of things, of cause and effect. The universe is immanent in your perceptive mind.
>“because you are the universe looking at itself there’s always part of itself it can’t see”
This refers to the transcendent mind. Above the perceived object (the universe), and the medium of perception (your perceptive mind), there is the subject which perceives (your transcendent mind) which transcends the universe of relative things (hence the universe cannot see it).
He was trying to awaken you to your immortal transcendent mind transcending the universe.
Zachary Mitchell
>later that day OP is missing from his home, presumably abducted, but with no obvious signs of break-ins or property damage. All that remained of OP was a single piece of paper with the words. "OP is a faggot. Buts its OK, because I am too. Don't stare into the universe for too long. You'll never know what's staring back."
Thomas Davis
Yikes
Justin Brooks
Are you a 15 year old boy, because he was probably trying to groom you.
Hunter Edwards
Lay off the weed man
Juan Thomas
Not a celebrity, but a video game producer — Shigeru Ohmori from Pokémon. This was a few years ago while I was working at an indie vidya studio. They flew Ohmori in for a lecture/pep talk through a translator. I was in the conference room when my boss pulled me aside. Apparantly Ohmori himself chose me to go out and buy him a pouch of Skittles. And he was very specific about this pouch, it wasn't just the kind you find in your vending machine, it was the two pound bulk pouch you see at Wal Mart. Anyways I had to go out and find this thing. I did, it wasn't really hard to find, but I missed the lecture and was kind of bummed. To make up for my sadness I decided I wanted acknowledgment for completing this dumb task. I went looking for him to deliver these skits in person, and found him in my bosses office. I get there, and every body is silent. Ohmori barks at me "NOW" in horrible English and rips the pouch out of my hand. Dude straight up swallowed a quarter of the bag whole. He honest to God gulped those Skittles. There was no chewing today. His enlarged throat gave the impression of great pain, but his eyes told me he was in ecstasy. Anyway he and his entourage left the room immediately after. My boss then told me I had upset Ohmori for liking gen 4 the most and was fired. True story.
Parker Campbell
This must be fake. Why would someone swallow skittles? You wouldn't taste them.
I saw Michael Richards in a restraunt a few years back, before the whole nigger controversy happened. I was sitting at a table alone, as I had been stood up for a blind date. He was seated alone at a neighboring table, eating surf and turf. After about 30 minutes it was obvious to everyone in the room I was waiting for someone that wasn’t going to show up. Richards got up from his table and patted me on the shoulder as he headed towards the bathroom, saying “don’t let it get you down man.” I thought it was a really nice gesture and it made me feel better. I decided to collect my dignity and get out of there, but made a pit stop in the bathroom first. When I entered the room Richards was standing in front of the door as if he was waiting for me. He said, “ whip out that dick faggo,” as he eagerly unbuckled my belt, dropped to his his knees, and began performing oral sex on me. After making me cum in his mouth he stood up and pushed me out of the way, yelling “you make me sick” as he left the room. When I got to my car I found it had been keyed and an ice pick was shoved into the driver side front tire. I can’t prove Richards vandalized my car but I KNOW it was him.
Hudson Martin
I work at a Lube 'n Tire shop near River North. Sometimes John brings his cars in to get tuned up. He is far and beyond the typical annoying customer who wants to hover near you or stare while you do your work. Let me explain.
The first time he came in, I went out and got his car, pulled into my service bay, and lifted it up in the air. I then saw him peeking through the customer service window, looking out into my service bay. I nervously waved to him, trying to act as professional as I could while my coworkers giggled to themselves. Little did I know, they were laughing about what they knew was about to happen to me.
So then John strides over to the service door, marching like a toy soldier and flipping off all the other customers, and then opens the door and enters into the service bay. I see him smile take out a pair of mechanic's gloves from his leather jacket. He then says "You think you're going to fuck me with this lube job? Well then I'm going to do a fuck job on you, lube boy." and he proceeds to walk over to my tool box, pull out every drawer, and throw down each and every tool I own on the ground. Then he grabbed the 5w20 oil hose and started spraying oil all over the tools. "You like that, you fuck? Go rent my VHS movies."
I tried to explain to him that Blockbuster went out of business years ago, so then he huffed and walked back to the customer waiting area to complain to my manager that I was "born too late" to work on his car (which btw, had hundreds of old Wendy's take-out bags in the back seat).
Fuck John Cusack and fuck Wendy's.
Lincoln Bennett
I saw Jim Carrey at a local drugstore (NYC) 2 years ago. He was getting about 8 different prescription pills and also bought an issue of People. I was behind him when he checked out and I mistakenly yelled "hey, Zoolander!" instead of "Ventura" and he didn't react. He was wearing 2 different flip flops
Sean Bean is a fucking prick. Saw him in a pub, not disclosing the place, but in the UK. He was with 2 friends and I see him and decide to buy a round and sit with them. When I sit down with drinks he just stops his conversation and stares at us as if I was wearing his mothers face as a skin mask. I started handing out the drinks and accidentally spilled one over Sean's friend (I'd had quite a few I'll admit) and Sean asked who the fuck I was and to go get a towel from the bar. At this point I'm taken aback at his attitude but make a joke which went something along the lines of 'you telling me what to do Sean? Do you want to die irl like you do in all your movies?!' Well he took it as a threat and stood out of his chair but banged his thigh on the table pretty hard, which made many people look over in our direction so he rightly sat back down. He then whispered whilst keeping stern eye contact with me 'Leave now, you've done enough, you dim-witted fool.' So I did...I got up, took all the drinks with me too. Don't remember the night after that but I woke up in my own piss.
I met Chris Martin once. There was a Coldplay show in my city in about 2008 or 9. He was in Hot Topic with a Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends CD in his hand. I remember being about 16 because it was the first time I drove to the mall by myself. I assume he was wanting to buy it and see if the clerk recognized him or something, I can't imagine any other reason.
Anyway I wanted a chance to talk to him so I waited until he got in the checkout line and grabbed some shitty emo kid wristband and got behind him. I kept trying to think of something to say to him, but I was way too nervous. When he got to the counter the clerk was like >"Will that be all, sir?" and Chris said >"Uhhh yeah mate, I guess so. I was wondering if you've heard this album yet; I'm just not sure if it's any good or not."
Here's where it gets good.
The clerk had no clue who Chris Martin was and said >"Yeah I listened to it a week ago, It's Coldplay so of course it's really whiny and all the songs sound the same. That's just my opinion, though." Chris just said >"Oh" and swallowed really deeply. I could tell he was in some kind of emotional pain so I didn't talk to him, I figured being in line behind him was cool enough, you know?
Chris didn't even reply when the cashier told him to have a nice day, he just walked away. When I put my bracelet on the counter I saw Chris stomping back, and he told the cashier >"Take it back!" with tears in his cracking voice >"Okay sir, let me just see your receipt." >"Not the fuckin CD mate, what you said about me." >"I didn't say anything about y-" >"I'm Chris fucking Martin, I fucking am Coldplay!"
The cashier was speechless and I just muttered >"H-Hi Chris I'm a really big fan." and he said >"Thanks kid." and shook my hand and left, flipping over a shirt stand on the way out.
Aiden Stewart
I remember the first time I went to a USC party that Miranda Cosgrove was at.
It was at a frat house and I was hanging out and talking to people when this huge guy, probably around 6'5 came up to me and grabbed me by the shoulder and told me very sternly to "come with me, newblood". He led me down to the basement, and that's when I saw her.
She was completely naked, on her hands and knees, on top of a large blue tarp. A single bare lightbulb swung from the ceiling, and two massive football players were fucking her, one in the ass and one in the mouth. Her eyes were rolled into the back of her head, and she was covered in semen. The words "COCKGOBBLER" were scrawled on her forehead in permanent marker . The one fucking her in the mouth bust a nut down her throat, and she swallowed it all. She then started screaming "FUNNY POWDER, FUNNY POWDER" over and over at the top of her lungs. The guy that led me in handed me a ceramic plate covered in cocaine and instructed me to blow some in her face. I bent down in front of her and she coughed up a huge glob of cum onto the tarp and looked at me in the eyes, all while still beng fucked in the ass. I grabbed a handful of cocaine and placing it in my palm, I blew it in her face. I had tears in my eyes and silently mouthed "but you were in iCarly". I stood up and another massive jock took my spot and started ramming her in the mouth. I then tried to leave but the guy who took me to the room told me "you have to stay until all the coke is gone lardlungs". I sobbed for the next 3 hours doing my duty until all the men were satisfied and she was passed out in a pool of jizz.
It was the worst night of my life.
Nolan Richardson
I met George Michael once. After the sex he started signing Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.
Jaxson Perez
Most of these are tldr. If something is more than 5 lines it isn't funny.
Joshua Rodriguez
I saw Hayley Atwell last year fresh and sweaty from the gym when she came into a store I was working in
I also asked MC Ride from Death Grips if he ever played Bloodborne after a show coked up out of my mind, he looked shocked for a sec then kept walking past me
Also saw big size from peep show
Angel Johnson
Does anyone have the one where Bill Murray beats you up in an elevator?
