can someone please rate this screenplay? im only a beginner and need some advice.
Can someone please rate this screenplay? im only a beginner and need some advice
Ian Howard
Other urls found in this thread:
drive.google.com
twitter.com
Matthew Cox
Aiden White
3
Anthony Evans
tell that to zod's snapped neck
Daniel Gray
please help me, im trying to improve my screenwriting skills
Elijah Butler
Use the N-word
Carson Rivera
>yawning overweight receptionist watching TV gameshow who doesn't care
cliche & stereotyping (boring af)
(whole scene cut-and-paste from every other movie ever)
>Well worn polaroid photo
What year does this take place? Before digital cameras obviously
Mark knew the girl would be coming to this hotel how? They get the room right next to his? How convenient for your plot...
Isaac Miller
Hello fellow screenwriter! What I like in your screenplay is the tension you're creating in the first two thirds of the script. Meticulous reception scene and slow pacing really keeps me on edge. What I don't like is how fast things go in the last part. It's too fast for me too feel the emotional connection to the situation itself. Also why'd you mention a generator running and electricity problem and never brought it up again? It's like Chekhov's gun - introduced in the first act it's supposed to fire in the third. If I were in your shoes I'd play with tension. For example when he slams the door open he stares at the two of them in COMPLETE SILENCE. He recognizes the woman. Slowly points the gun at her, cocks it. We see a close up on her trembling face. SUDDENLY the lights go out. The room is pitch black. SILENCE. We hear nervous breathing. // Here it seems to me that I'm as a viewer is already much more invested emotionally in the situation. Maybe I'm wrong, that's just how I see it
Dominic Fisher
Yup just what the world needs, more aspiring screenwriters
Jacob Martinez
>WINDSHIELD
>then literally the first word of the next line WINDSCREEN
I mean come on