This nigga invites you over for an Easter Egg Hunt

>you recorded a baseball game without the expressed written consent of MLB
>Jose Conseco is going to inject you with steriods until you die unless you recite the top five players all time in stolen bases

>shoot yourself in the face lmao

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>I got you a present, user
>Can you guess where I left it?

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>you shit your pants at a starbucks
>you will be dumped into a vat of boiling coffee.
>you have 30 keys in your rectum. only one will free you

>I see you are a furfag who likes to imagine fucking animals
>because of your degeneracy, you will BE fucked - to death - by all these animals
>each one has been fed a maximum dose of aphrodisiacs and are desperate to breed with your little white ass
>sorry no chance of getting out of this one lol

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Ricky Henderson, Lou Brock, uhh, Ozzie Smith? Fuck. 2 more black dudes

>Kevin, you refused to honor my slightly expired 'Buy 1 Get 1 Free Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich' coupon, even though I politely asked you to do so. Unless you retrieve this pair of coupon-cutting shears from this vat of scalding hot french fry oil, the deli slicer attached to your torso will ensure that your expiration date is today. Let the games begin

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>too late
>time to get swole
>Jose, juice him up

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>Mazel Tov, user
>Let's play a game of dreidel
>First you have to find where I've hidden it

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youtube.com/watch?v=RttuiU6zj2k

What game would Jigsaw invent for this nigga?

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Nigga, Eminem got fucking old.

>nigga
He's white you blind retard.

I can't see race.

straight sex

>You like to lie about being beaten up by white supremacists for attention.
>I've injected you with a unique poison that will slowly kill you. I've also given you the antidote. It can only be administered by the violent impact of a white man's fists upon your face. Good luck.

>Jessie, you didn do nuffing an always were a good boy. You are free to go.

>Rick:*burp* MORTY...Morty...I wanna play a *burp* I wanna play a game Morty! I got really really *burp* really drunk last night and *burp* hid the spalooshagorp Morty! Wanna know where I *burp* hid it?
>Morty: Rick...I...
>Rick: IT'S UP YOUR BUTT MORTY! I HID THE SPALOOSHAGORP UP YOUR BUTT! You gotta *burp* you gotta poop it out Morty! You gotta poop it out the spalooshagorp or it will explode *burp* and your guts will fly all over the walls!
>Morty: Ahhh...Rick...Ok I'm pooping! I'm pooping!
>Rick: *burp* Poop it out Morty! Poop it *burp* Oh wait...I think I actually hid the spalooshagarp up your butt. You should be fine.*burp* It'll just take *burp* 5-6 weeks to pass. *burp*

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>you enjoy the protection of anonymity while injecting the most hateful and diabolical thoughts and words your mind can come up with into the world
>you’ve cause an innumerable amount of pain on unsuspecting innocent individuals that have had to live with the hatred you’ve poisoned them with, making them feel unsafe and unwelcome in the place that’s supposed to be their home
>now you have 1 minute to type out your public apology to the Anti-Defamation Leaque on this keyboard made of broken glass

Kek

Were Jigsaws games actually fair? Any of them?

Ah i see you are quite a fan of games Mr Jigsaw. Always judging others and putting them through hell, i absolutely adore it!
Unfortunately now is the time for you to taste a bit of your own medicine.
You have an explosive collar wrapped around your neck, and only a voice activated 6 letter password will deactivate it.
To find this word i will give you but one hint
What makes up for as little as 13 percent, but also for half?
You have 5 minutes. Live or die Jigsaw, you decide!

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Or...?

kek

>you will be attached to an iv and liquid feeding tube
>your head will be locked into a special headset and you will be forced to watch BLACKED vr porn for eternity

Sounds like your average late night Yea Forums experience

>Good evening, Mr. user. Would you like to play a game?
>The other day as you were leaving the bank, you stepped out into the parking lot and failed to hold the open for the person behind you.
>You apologized and stated that you didn't know she was walking behind you, but she was met with a closed door in her face none-the-less
>Well, Mr. user, you're about to know what it feels like to have a door close on you.
>When this videotape ends, a timer will start. When the timer reaches zero, the concrete doors suspended to your left and right will come crashing down, crushing you in between their heavy girth
>The key to stop the timer has been surgically implanted inside of your dick and balls.
>In front of you is a butter knife
>Good luck, Mr. user.

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>Hello user.
>I want to play a game.
>For years, you've burned the jannies around you with your shitposts and n words.
>You've tortured the poor jannies, even though they're already doing all this work for zero compensation.
>Don't you think they're pathetic enough already?
>Now you'll have to redeem yourself, for the games you've played with jannies, by playing one of mine.
>Inside the device in front of you is the antidote for the poison coursing through your veins.
>To unlock the device and retrieve the antidote, you need to only reply to this post and tell me what is both 13%, yet also half.
>Good luck, user, and remember, once you are in Hell, only sneed can help you out.

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>mr smollet
>your lies and deceit almost caused an unjust race war
>you lied about being beaten with a noose around your neck and bleach being poured on your face
>yet you were too vain to actually inflict lasting injuries to your face
>all because you wanted to save your acting career
>now the only thing you will be saving is your own life
>you care so much about your acting career? let's see if you're willing to give up what you value the most for a chance of survival
>the collar around your neck is attached to this pulley system. when the timer in front of you reaches zero, it will turn on and pull you up, to the point of strangulation
>the belt around your chest is wired up with the equivalent of 15 tasers, which will go off at random intervals, simulating a beating
>in front of you is a large bucket filled with bleach. in the bucket there are also blades and multiple keys, only one of which will unlock your collar.
>since your hands are handcuffed behind your back, you will only be able to use your mouth, therefore cutting up your face and rendering you blind from the bleach
>you have 90 seconds
>let the games begin

Got me. Fuck lmao

Breddy gud user

absolutely based

>designs a trap that tears you apart or grants any number of agonizingly slow deaths
>either puts you in it or has somebody do so
>"I'm not a murderer"

Dude, like just be honest.

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>You wait for the egg to hatch.

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13% is half of 26%

t. brainlet

This could have been a good creepy series if they hadn't tried to force in that pretentious "morality" shit

>Oh you didn't open a door for a granny that one time? Time to play a game

>you coughed without covering your mouth

Fair how?
They were all absurd punishments, but I think the traps laid by Jigsaw himself are winnable

Yeah, by maiming you. I'm sure people were grateful for losing an eye.

>you need to cherish your life

>Hello there, user
>Couple of days ago, I made a really funny post on Yea Forums, but you didn't give me any (you)s
>Now you'll fell the same pain as I did
>Unless you get 50 (you)s in this thread in the next hour, that /fit/ guy over there will fuck your twink ass raw until you die

Guys help, the /fit/ guy is looking at me really funny

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