Go to American cinema for the first time

>tfw no "helmet only" option

>have to pay extra to sit near the exit
>life insurance doesn't cover mass shooter related incidents
>have to sign a waiver before entering the building to make sure the theater cannot be held accountable

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>tfw the singles seating is all the way in the back corner behind a bulletproof enclosure with no ventilation and it fogs up from all the singles breathing not even 10 minutes into the film
>audio is muffled and barely makes it through the 6" laminated glass

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test

>go to french cinema
>it burns down

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>go to european cinema
>screen blank for 4 hours
>everyone claps
>turns out it was a biopic about muhammed
That explains the soundtrack was just children crying.

>go to american cinema
>win a free coke because I won the bet on how many victims the designated shooter would claim
was pretty nice, not gonna lie

there's another video of indians going apeshit on the kinoplex, they try to climb the screen and shit

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Nice try, that doesn't happen so often anymore. There are some aisles that are designated for that purpose.

euros are braindamaged or something

>go to american cinema
>everyone who buys a ticket also orders $30 worth of junk food and candy

The one actual biopic of Muhammad, The Message, is unironically one of the most kino movies ever made

>get around the religious prohibition by making Muhammad the camera POV

>go to french church
>it burns down

No wonder American movies are unoriginal repeats

>go to French cinema
>it burns down

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>go to American cinema for the first time
>ads and trailers begin
>Americans start clapping hysterically at each one, nodding their heads at the screen
>hamburgers and pizza and tacos spilling everywhere as they jiggle off thicc American laps
>a waterfall of soda begins cascading under the seats
>blacks are dancing and fighting in the aisles
>ethnically unidentifiable couples are having sex everywhere while farting loudly
>the exit doors kick open and white guys begin firing indiscriminately into the crowd
>the girth of Americans around me thankfully stop the bullets from hitting me
>now physically unable to leave
>whatever, the movie will be worth it when it starts
>it has to be
>after three hours the ads and previews finally end
>credits begin playing
>Americans going hog wild, fingers digging into the backs of seats while they scream at the top of their lungs
>somehow get louder when the stinger scene is a geriatric actor stumbling on screen dressed as a hero he played 40 years ago asking us if we remember his old movie

It took me 5 hours to crawl out of there.

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>go to Yea Forums
>pretend I don't have crippling anxiety
>make up unfunny stories
lel xd

What?

How would this CP be legal?

Same way they gives catholics screen time

>return to my homeland where the internet is censored and I'll go to jail if I criticize muslims

>try to go to cinema in Nice, France
>I laugh while walking because it's nice that there are no guns around
>get run over by muslim shitskin in a truck while walking

Please. The can is good manners!