>be me >went for a run a couple of hours ago > running minding my own business and this father and his kid were riding bikes >they pass me (father in the front, kid in the back) >kid starts acting autistic and lets go of the bike acting smug >proceeds to faceplant hard >i reach the kid and i speed up cuz there's no way in hell i'm stopping for some dumb kid >10 mins later the father catches up to me and yells "thanks so much for stopping to help us, prick" >i just stare at him smugly
I loved Arkham Asylum. Fucking Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill came back for it. It was a good time
Jordan Wilson
>browse Yea Forums >think I'm on another board >see a joker thread >about to post and call OP a retard for posting on the wrong board >realize I'm actually on Yea Forums >post it anyway
John Evans
>Times you were like the joker YIKES AND CRINGEPILLED
Watched a black guy beat his white GF/Wife/Baby mama in front of their/her mixed kid. When her eyes locked with mine i mearly similed and kept walking.
Isaiah Hernandez
>said the N word to a co-worker >they laugh and start to use it in everyday conversation ONE, NOTHING WRONG WITH ME
Alexander Collins
>Be me >See these rich parents with their kid >Woman is wearing a pearl necklace so I should rob it >They don't cooperate >Shoot them dead >Nothing personnel kid >Take off with the necklace >He has a mansion and a butler I'm sure the kids okay
Evan Smith
a nigger asked me to pay for the bikes he stole i reported him
>Be me in the kinoplex >All alone watching some shitty try hard indie flick >Get bored and decide to have some fun >Take a huge shit in one of the seats >had a napkin so I scooped up small chunks of brown goop and distributed them evenly amongst the masses of seats >Almost every seat had a marble sized piece of my shit smeared onto it >Pretend I’m a communist revolutionary who just took the bourgeoishit and redistributed the wealth >Loudly belt out the Soviet national anthem as I march in front of the screen >Instead of just dumping my extra large popcorn and extra large drink I simply trail it along the aisles >Cause a good trail of Dr Pepper and pieces of popcorn >Smear another piece of shit onto the screen >Jerk off and take another shit in the front center of the theater >Rub it on my body and then roll around on the carpet pretending I’m Tarzan king of the kinoplex >Leave through the alarmed emergency after yanking the fire alarm >This Theater was a ways from my home town >I used cash >Wore a hat and sunglasses so no camera footage of my face >They never caught me >Mfw it was in their local newspaper the next week
>go to McDonald's drive thru >when I get to the window they ask me to pull forward to wait >refuse >fat manager bitch comes and asks me to move because the guy behind me only ordered a coffee >refuse again saying I was there first >get home and take the survey on the receipt saying she was rude to me
Ethan Robinson
Based and fuckwagiepilled
Connor Perry
>browse Yea Forums searching for Simpsons threads >do some sneed posting >reply to myself and others with moe posting >spend time waiting for replies making more sneed material This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius Age of Aquarius
> be at strip club > girls asks me my name > start laughing loudly > she asks if I want a lap dance > continue laughing, volume is louder more insanely > she gets up and walks away > other chick comes up and asked why I'm so mean > tell her life is a comedy > she laughs > I let her give me over $300 in lap dances > We don't talk, just point at people / situations and laugh
Jacob Turner
I don’t watch movies.
Luke Ramirez
cheeky bastards
Tyler Fisher
> drunk > by myself watching Suicide Squad in almost empty theatre > Every time Will Smith comes on screen I laugh > Guy 5 or 6 seats away whispers what's so funny > Say "He's a nigger, ooga booga" > He says "What the fuck bro?" > begin laughing loudly > people in theatre are annoyed as the Suicide Bar scene happens > Some sperg comes up to me and asks me to leave > I say I dropped my phone just gimme a sec > I go on the ground, unzip my pants and begin pissing and spilling my popcorn > he says he's calling police > run as fast as I can out of the theatre, out of the mall and across the street to a shit motel > wait there laughing with piss soaked pants for 10 minutes for an Uber > Stain his seats with piss and rate him 1 star > piss myself in my bed and laugh until I fall asleep
