Classic cinema pranks

>hock a silent loogie and hit someone in the back of the head two rows down

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>go to the outdoor theater
>spray some cum on the girl in front of me
>she thinks its bird shit

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>really loud part
>lean as close as I can to the face of the person in front of me and belch loudly

>leave the theater/movie-branded diaper full of shit and piss at my seat instead of putting them in the used diaper receptacles

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>unzip my dick
Lmao

>bring laser pointer and shine it on characters noses or nipples if available

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unironically people used to do this when I was a lad. they even had a no laser pointer sign at one theater I went to.

based

>worked at cinema
>manager was a slacker just like us so we did things our way and had a fun as fuck time working
>he made the betas clean up the rooms
>we basically got paid to hang out and give people tickets and food
>me and fucked up workmate are high and decide it would be funny to cum in the slushie machine
>another guy hears us talking about it and wants in
>we fap into soda cups in staff bathroom and tip them in the machine
>we snicker and laugh as the mixer slowly mixes our cum with the rest of the raspberry slushie mix
>we tell manager and the 3 other cool dudes that worked there
>they thought it was over the line but equally hilarious
>let everyone we don't like drink them
>men, women, children drank them too
God I miss 2013 I wonder what they're all up to now

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>other moviegoer has to use bathroom
>slouch down in my seat so my knees jut out further and they have to step over them

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>bring feather and occasionally tickle the ear of person in front of me

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>purchase ticket
>read wikipedia plot about the film during trailers
>walk out when the film begins while audibly spoiling the ending

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so you let some lolis drink your cum?

>emotional, quite scene
>make the loudest fake fart sound I possibly can

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my dad would yell "AAWWWWWWWWWWWW" and make fake crying sounds. really embarrassing. such a boomer....

>character dies
>laugh as loud as I possibly can

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You sound like a brown

>"accidentally" trip and spill my soda all over the ticket ripper.
>He asked his boss to change his clothes
>boss tells him to stay put and finish the line of about 230 people first
looks like he pissed his pants the whole time while I enjoyed a free soda for the inconvenice and people were laughing at him and some old guy telling him to wear diapers if he can hold it in anymore

>leave an opened can of beans in the cupholder

>watching movie with friends
>some ad is playing with that bald chick from black panther
>yell out "WAKANDA FOREVER" in my best ironic african impersonation
>whole cinema laughs while I sink down in my chair grinning
>friends lost it

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so my workmates have said, i've never personally served one to a kid

>not leaving an open can of cream of celery with a straw in it

um white aussie actually sweaty

>sit int he back row
>throw lit fireworks at the people in the front of the theater during the dark scenes

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>smuggle in slices of old pizza
>sit in the furthest row back
>casually lob pizza slices into the crowd like I'm playing ring toss
>people have no idea what's happening or why they're getting struck by airborne pizza slices

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>firing my confetti gun during quiet scenes
best $3 I ever spent

Two things I really want to do once:

Cum in soap dispenser
Leave an empty jar of mayo with a spoon in it

Which would cause more confusion?

>buy largest order of popcorn
>bury firecrackers under the popcorn and light them when the movie's over

>feel the need to piss
>whip out my dick and start pissing

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why do white people make this face whenever they pass by a nonwhite person?

>buy pic related
>stick it under a random seat
>sit somewhere further away
>randomly press button
>rapid fire that shit during emotional scenes

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It's a white power symbol just like

The closed mouth means they want to call you a n-word but keep their mouth shut for now, but they want you to know they could say it any time they want

last time I actually watched a movie in a kinoplex some retarded underage zoomer couple sitting next to me kept making out and distracting everyone from the movie,so during intermission when they went to get popcorn I got the girls phone,unlocked it by trying the roasties name I kept hearing as the password,then i copied the mum's number from the phone and tipped her off to her daughter whoring around
hope the guy got arrested for statutory rape and the roastie beat up and grounded for whoring around

I smile at everyone when I pass them.

t. friendly white guy

>hot coutry
>white
Burned nigger

>It's a white power symbol just like the ok sign

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Lol its funny because no one here actually visits cinemas or watches movies.

>Be seeing movie
>someone keeps interrupting some Tarantino film with a laser pointer
>Boomer screams that if he sees the laser one more time he's going to find the person it belongs to and shove it up their ass
>Laser not seen again after that

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I'll take "things that definitely 100% actually happened in real actual life no seriously dude trust me" for 500, Alex

WRONG!

I saw kinorunner 2049 at the science museum imax (no blacks allowed since it's a science museum). twice!

devilish

They're waiting for you to beg them for spare change or attempt to rob them, and trying not to let their disgust for your kind show on their face.

>it's a pathetic incel lives out his incel fantasies on mongolian image board episode

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>girl left her phone unattended in a dark cinema room
Learn to larp better you sloppy fucking incel

I'm sure that happened

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>he thinks women, especially teenage girls, use passwords instead of passcodes
BASED literal incel

>have to take a shit
>pull down pant
>shit in seat

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poz

>posting underage penis
MODS GONNA FREAK OUT

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My sister did that once but she wasnt faking it. My mom wanted to kill her.

Because we are perplexed that evolution should have rendered you extinct millennia ago

>reddit replying to this post seriously

>sex scene
>start groaning and rhythmically slapping my thigh

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it’s like a passing greeting, smiling without smiling. we nod to fellow white men

white sharia now.

>sex scene
>jump out in the aisle and perform my people's mating chants and ritual

>go to movie I've already seen
>set my bluetooth speaker underneath another seat and play recordings of myself repeating jokes from the movie until people get angry at the person sitting there

>movie ends
>leave 6 beer cans and half a pint in my small popcorn bag
>stumble to bar
>spoil movie for all patrons

>Go to opening weekend of a Madea movie
>Forget about what's on screen and just watch and listen to the audience

Mite b cool

>take a burner phone with me, real cheap like $10 with prepaid
>go into the theater and chuck the phone into the trash can at the bottom of the stairs
>for the remainder of the film, I call the phone every 10 minutes and let it ring for a good 1 minute before closing it
>if the crowd is displeased, i'll instigate a witch hunt and start yelling for the person to shut off their phone
>if they manage to pinpoint where the sound is coming from, they'll have to wade through the trash and reach for the phone at the bottom of the bin
>I specifically target capeshit screenings

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It's funny as shit honestly. I couldn't care less about Tyler Perry, and I get a few looks as being pretty much the only white guy there, but the shit people are yelling out and how they act kills me. Better than actually going to any movie to watch said movie.

This is gold, I hope you actually do this

Hope you die soon.

fuck off newfags

>go with my gf to the theater
>we both have a piss fetish
>she drinks large coke
>has to piss bad
>she lifts her skirt and pisses right on the seat
i miss her bros

Sometimes I bring my own microwave and during intense scenes I reheat the popcorn. Only problem is that I need to pay for an extra ticket so I can put the microwave on the seat next to me but it's worth it.

Same. I also get some flak for the wheel barrel that has a battery and 120v inverter inside of it. I lined mine with fur though and just say its my emotional support animal so they can't ask anymore questions because that's illegal.

underrated post

>Go to theater with my new gf
>She starts playing with my thigh, starts feeling around for muh dick
>Reaches in between my legs and feels my dick up my skirt
>Oopsie, I forgot to wear any underwear
>She starts jerking me off vigorously
>Has a death grip and beating me off with a burning friction
>She tells me to hold in my cummies
>I can't
>Start farting and burping loudly as I spurt my gurt at mach speed
>It lands in the hair of the woman in front of me
>gf starts punching me for not being able to control my cummies
>I start to cry from the pummeling
>Woman in front doesn't notice but turns around to shush me since I'm being loud
>Get kicked out of Paddington 2
>Going out for a second date this Friday
Wish me luck, lads

>feels my dick up my skirt
stopped reading there

Based and nedpilled

nigga you smell

Pepe be like "Oo-hoo-HOOH!"
Easter?
ah-bloo-bloo