Walking into movie theater

>on all male students
Wow - what about female students with penises? This is problematic.

Amazing that people still wear white underwear

All the colors in the world and yall choose white.

>Tfw you're given two fails for having both testicles shaved

HAVE SEX

This is outdated. Penis inspections are only mandatory for white students now, for obvious reasons.

> >6.5" Pass
>

those aren't inspections, those are castrations

I guess the DJ had you falling in love again

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based

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gifsound.com/?gifv=2ZTPKxC&v=T3VGu7rQNdc

>go to the kinoplex
>stand in line for the routine Penis Inspection
>see that a qt is doing the inspections
>instantly become focused on not getting an erection
>can't stop thinking about it
>feel it starting the closer i get in the line
>end up ducking out of line and leaving
>no refunds

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I haven't laughed this much on Yea Forums in a while, thank you.

the youtube video is blocked in my region, what is it?

i don't get it
but i don't listen to zoomer music

>Heading to the showers with my crab legs.
>Suddenly, Lane blocks the path.
>"Hi user! That's a big bucket you got here"
>"F-for you"
>"You've been selected for a random penis inspection"
>"B-but the movie is about to start"
>"It won't takes long user and I don't want to have to call Robert..."
>"O-Ok"
pantsdropped.jpeg
>Lane start giggling and poking it with a stick.
>"What a dirty little cock user! Be sure to wash it properly before leaving the showers"
Then she takes a picture with her phone.
>"Don't worry it's for the archives and...Oh Jules! Come here you have to see that!"
>Oh no! Not this faggot.
>"Hello Bae what's up? Hey dude nice cock you got here"
They both start laughing their asses off.
>"Alright you can proceed to the showers user and Jules I see you after my shift"
>"I can't wait to destroy dat pussy like Ridley Scott destroyed the Alien franchise" says Jules while grabbing Lane's boobs.
>"You so funny baby.You still here user?Hurry up!"
>"Y-you too"
As I'm watching the commercials, my dick is displayed on the screen while I hear Robert laughing from the projection room.Run away from the kinoplex crying while people throw crab legs at me.

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>tfw assigned belt is too tight

Fucking retarded theater dressers don't give a single fuck about their job anymore

Robert would never do that redditor

>walking into movie theater with big sister
>she drops my pants
>she starts riding my cock right in front of the popcorn machine
>we cum
>she says "sorry, i was horny"

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>look at ticket
>designated sissy AGAIN
i tolerated it the first few times, but i'm going to need diapers if this keeps happening

based und redpilled

They do it to every prime-numbered customer, start counting who's ahead of you

>walk into theater
>usher starts singing 2000's r&b

>theater goblin scoops handfuls of my popcorn
>on the way to refill, slip on the buttercreek
>slide all the way to Theater 3, where Black Panther is playing on repeat 24/7
>have to sit through the rhino battle scene with grease down my pants
It was a bit of a CGI mess, but I liked the Jabari guy picking up the other dude and throwing him

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why does he cup his balls? was he checking if they were okay?

I think when he got pantsed it tugged at his junk in the front a bit and it must have smarted

youtube.com/watch?v=Nxkemnek06Y

>Usher
>not going during no-black Thursdays
yikes

>already wearing Joker merch

That's how you know it's fake. Robert wouldn't let them get away with that.

Oh that wasn't an usher, that was the kino jester. And for future reference, its customary to tip me

are you part of the joker ad campaign?

>kino jester and kino klown get into a dispute over which of them is funnier
>suddenly a bunch of guys cosplaying as the Joker for the Joker movie show up
>all-out brawl ensues

Sorry, Robert is a little...
inconvenienced...
at the moment.

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Very nice

womp womp

Truly based

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>go to movie theater

>don't want to pay for premium ticket
>get sent to the aux theater
>the movie stops to play ads every 15 minutes
>no falcon perches

It's not the same anymore.

>go to

>not paying attention where I'm walking
>fall into manlet pit
I must have squashed at least 30 of them, felt real bad about it

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>usually tell people to shut the fuck up if they're talking
>I will literally stand up and look them dead in the eyes if they're behind me and they don't shut up and I'll say "If you want to ruin my fucking movie I'll ruin yours bitch"
>they always shut the fuck up afterwards
>little kid starts talking during the film
>mfw

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>small penis compensation

>get to theater way too early
>ok, i'll just kill some time playing skee-ball
>the arcade trap appears
>she(he) prances and preens in a new outfit
>try to ignore her(him) and concentrate on hitting 50s to accumulate points redeemable for a bullet proof vest
>only a few points shy of the vest, i just may survive tonight's shooter!
>here's the windup, and...
>the arcade trap blew in my ear as i released the skee-ball
>shanked it
>score it zero, donnie
>i'm all fired up, angry at the arcade trap for keeping me from the bullet proof vest
>she(he) is giggling like some stupid anime
>grab her(him) by the hair, pull that trap behind the golden tee machine and vent my frustrations into her(his) trap mouth
>bleeding out before the opening credits finish, the designated shooter wasn't fucking around today
>goddamn arcade traps

No, I just have a really bad anger problem and I'm not afraid to confront people when they interrupt my kino. I need to work on it because it ultimately ruins the film I'm watching anyway because I'm so paranoid that someone will talk.

>walk into theater
>buy a ticket to a random movie
>do this every day for a couple months
>tell my roomates that I'm going to work
>I'm not
>I'm going to the movie theater to avoid work and the shame of avoiding work
>ask parents for money again for rent
>tell roomates I can't make rent this much cause mom is sick with cancer
>just keep going to the movies every day
>watch 1-2 movies a day
>if it's only 1, sleep in the car in the parking lot
tomorrow's friday
gonna go see shazam

This kind of behaviour is why they introduced penis inspections and the manlet pit.

must be nice having mommy and daddy support your lifestyle

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He was pretending to be human, thinking that's how a non-autist would react.

I'm a human

is this what americucks call the popcorn pits? bong here

stay off the internet grandpa

"must be nice abebebeb pbblt"
DUMB!
*crumples up your post and tosses it into the trash from across the entire room*

it's the popcorn mines, not pits

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>hot blonde female usher with huge milkers pulls my pants down and starts sucking
>I'm missing out on all the movie trailers

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Does anyone have any tips to deal with the theater goblins? I've been bringing a bag of beans to throw to distract them, but I feel like it's a waste of money and sometimes it doesn't work.

You're better off just letting them have their way with you.

I give them Swedish fish

>tfw I would pass
Feels good man.

>watching jack and jill 7th anniversary re-release at the kinoplex
>chubby little gobbo sits on my lap
>rubs head into my chest
>pick it up
>plunge my dick deep into it's tiny goblin pusy
>shake it like a fleshlight
>we both cum all over the guy sitting next to us
>"that's it I'm telling security"
>comes back in with robert
>guy explains what happened
>robert permabans him from the kinoplex for "disrupting' young love"
>still married to the goblin today

Jack 'Upper Class' Whitehall

what's goblin pusy like?

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>forgot my mandatory theatre imp at home
>get thrown into the popcorn labyrinth to find a replacement
>it's been 5 hours
My phone is my only light source and the battery is running low, wtf do I do??

>usher is a beautiful and muscular amazonian woman
>she forcibly holds me down and deepthroats my cock infront of the entire theater until I reach explosive orgasm, my face blood red from equal parts extreme embarrassment and extreme pleasure

Yeah, fucking sucks, man...

>circumcised
Automatic fail

>sucks

Best thread

>usher pulls my pants down
>YEAH YEAH YEAH
>YEAH YEAH
>YEAH