>Very kafkaesque
ITT we LARP as critcs
Liam Reyes
Eli Diaz
>I love sucking cocks
Logan Gomez
>I know how the movie works therefore it sucks.
Dominic Hughes
>This movie had an unhealthy amount of white people in it
Gavin Cruz
>Subtle, and yet bold. It just worked.
James Scott
>movie sucked but I'm gonna give a good review so Disney keeps inviting me to press events
Isaiah Price
>I can't create anything of worth so here is my unsolicited opinion on something that is supposed to be digested and ruminated on rather than consumed rapidly for pleb breakdowns for brainlets
Kayden Peterson
>actor X gives a tour de force performance
Henry Ramirez
>A triumph
Kayden Howard
>This film held tremendous power in it's emotional ressonance, Old melancholic thoughts were moved to my pallet, and I suckelled on it's sweet nostalgic stem. A movie I will have to come back to after many years.
Jonathan Walker
>Slimy, yet satisfying.
Thomas Thomas
>10 reasons The Joker gets representation wrong and why thats a bad thing
Ayden Russell
>oddly evocative
>richly haunting
>stunningly original
Samuel White
>Shlock
Mason Taylor
Zooophilia really isn't that bad
Logan Butler
Who is Kafka? TELL ME!
Jackson Ross
This guy
Anthony Young
>Everything about this film, from its black LGBTQ+ female lead to its black director, feels tremendously important and revolutionary, especially during this era of Trump's presidency, where the looming threat of fascism and white supremacy is ever present.
Nolan Flores
(((Zilberman)))
Matthew Gomez
>The check just cleared, thanks Disney! *ahem* Avengers Endgame is the most important film of our generation. It is a film that exceeds its predecessors in being a superhero movie. Avengers Endgame changes the very definition of film itself and challenges our preconceived notions of what could be considered art.
Connor Perry
IT INSISTS UPON ITSELF ITS SELF MASTURBATORY
Brody Cook
I'm not insightful enough to be a movie critic. Maybe I could be a food critic. "These muffins taste bad." Or an art critic. "That painting is bad."
Elijah Gray
I'm sure you can do it user, it's easy. "This film is bad." See?
Jaxon Kelly
>an admittedly ultimately mediocre movie that provides far more empty calories of exploitation machoism than genuine food for thought. For all the absurdist-tragic trappings... this is still your basic boneheaded, right-wing action movie - skewed so that its heroes' moral relativism is meant to be a sign of their manly integrity.
Parker Wood
>It was Lovecraftian at its core, with Lynchian overtones.
Adrian Walker
fuck
Logan Mitchell
>Nihilist bad. Humanist good. Popular film bad. Poorly reviewed film good.
Nathaniel Torres
>The film, while an homage to the chauvinism of an earlier era, is problematic in contemporary times in its depiction of people of color, females and alternative genders.
Ryder Mitchell
A tour de force
Gavin Martin
Mason Ross
sounds like a based and redpilled review format, I think I'll read up some more of this Armond White guy's reviews.
Leo Barnes
>problematic
Ian Hill
>look him up
>literally pic related is him
Sebastian Reed
Kinda Dickensian
John Reyes
He doesn't review movies as movies. He sees them as pieces of art that need to be evaluated for their importance and effect in culture and history.
Andrew Sanchez
>I talk a lot of shit and now god took my jaw because of it
Carter Flores
Kubrickesque
Jason Carter
>This movie is bad. And that’s a good thing.
Adrian Scott
>A tour de France
Uh?
Lucas Rogers
cringe
Nathan Bailey
>I pooed in my pants
Asher Moore
shit bait, you have to go back
Angel Cox
>Cinema A-la-Mode.
Wyatt Price
Bland
Colorless
Cynical
Ragged
Anemic
Unengaging
Possess
Downright
Morbid
Immoral Garbage
Ryder Morgan
"trump"
or if you're armond white "obama"
Christopher Torres
>Disney is the new plantation and self-proclaimed nerds are happily picking the cotton
Andrew Morris
*receives payment from studio after praising capeshit*
Joshua Perry
>Serving up a coup-de-grace of mercy upon the tired deconstructionism of this genre, the horse douvre of this tout-de-force delivers a magnum opus of reconstrucionism, breathing fresh joy de vivere into the husk that the whole genre had become in recent years. An objectivist fable for a post 9/11 world, it addressed pertinent questions in relation to Schopenhauer, Kierkegaard and Himanen. Alas, the final third of the film is reduced to a mess of unconvincing CGI and sequel baiting that brings the final score to a mere 7/10. In coming years this will be remembered as the La Montania Sacra of our generation.
Luis Diaz
>An objectivist fable for a post 9/11 world, it addressed pertinent questions in relation to Schopenhauer,
kek
Jonathan Morales
>QUINTESSENTIAL
>MESMERISING
Dylan Scott
>style over substance
Blake Robinson
It's funny but most importantly it's fun!
Kayden Edwards
>a film buff so devoted to the medium you have opinions on films you haven't see
literally me
Jordan Richardson
Oy vey
Charles Brown
I FUCKING HATE WHEN MOVIE REVIEWERS USE A PUN IN THEIR REVIEW RELATED TO THE TITLE
IF YOU ARE REVIEWING THE SHAPE OF WATER DONT FUCKING SAY "it truly was a FISH OUT OF WATER story"
Juan Foster
>Having marathoned the second act of Les Encombes (the 1941 French re-cut version of the monumental, 1931 released, 29-hour epic Anvil Hoarder by the director Louis Passorello DeMarcos) I can safely say that "A Fall in Oysterreich" is the definitive zeitgeist of pre-war France, detailing in its nightmarish fever-scenes a desolate shore upon which the townsfolk of the nameless coastal resort defecate while tearing their hair (and kudos to the actors for actually inflicting bloody damage to their scalps) as they recite Ovid's poetry as a clear indication that civilization was about to be overrun by man's baser instincts. The corpophilia and the smearing of the feces on the bleeding scalps, resulting in horrifying infections (again, kudos to the actors for putting up with this and to DeMarcos for managing to edit everything so that the spread of the infection, which took weeks in real time seems instantaneous on film) which calls to mind the horrifying burns of the victims of the Hiroshima-Nagasaki bombings. The movie holds an uncanny predictive quality, but to merely call it prophetic would do a disservice to the whole epic. While the 5 acts of Les Encombes only amount to a total runtime of 15 hours and thus leaves almost half of DeMarco's original vision out, it is ambitious in ways few kinographique experiments have ever been. Returning to A Fall in Oysterreich, it must be said that the experimental soundtrack adds to the otherworldly atmosphere by combining operettas with throat-singing and Arabian drums, a cacophony that speaks to the chaos of life itself. Even when the 5 abridged acts were each released as their own 3-hour movies, the experience of viewing them may still prove too taxing to modern audiences, and alas the Nazis have destroyed much of the original material. I fear we may never see Anvil Hoarder in the format it was intended to be seen in.
Christopher Evans
I think "I Am Jazz" enters into Lynchian territory. The .webm above shows a simple domestic scene. The women look like average suburban moms. They're relaxing on the couch. One imagines they might be discussing casserole recipes when we cut to them. But it slowly dawns on us that in the living room, with placid expressions on their faces, they're talking about the woman's transvestite son's genitals.
Cooper Anderson
Lynchian with a dash of Del Torro