Watching movie in theater

Yuropoors have no grounds to talk. They don't even have a butter fountain.

>go to first showing this morning at kinoplex, usually empty and chill
>nope, today was the theater's monthly mandated free-tickets-for-indians (feathers, not dots) bullshit
>strong smell of alcohol
>they're all HAMMERED
>children run amok
>three dogs but they were good and i like dogs
>only one stabbing, so that's a plus
>running deer tried to steal the reclining seat, he evidently brought a screwdriver

on the plus side, i copped a tiny bottle of jim beam from a savage in my row. it cost me five blue beads. i think that's more than the dutch paid for manhattan.

>get chosen to massage the designated foot queen
>she was the only woman in this showing, has warts all over her feet
Why do they never choose footfags for this?

>Forced short people sections

Even we do this. The manlets have to sit at the front with the kids and the adults are at the back.

>cinema lost my luggage
>tell me I should have arrived to check in on time
>send a message to projector cockpit to delay showing
>luggage was accidentally routed to another cinema
>have to wear fresh tshirt from cinema gift shop
>see moot carrying my bags on run way

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Who the fuck is moot?

>Reddit karma minimum goes up to 50K
>ask if they take Yea Forums (You)s
>female cashier winces and pulls a mask up to her nose

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>Who the fuck is moot?
Herro, I am most ronorable gookmoot.

I had a similar experience except it was weird, they were only allowing white boys to submit applications and I got my entire ticket refunded if I said it was because I’m a white supremacist. It was odd but I wasn’t going to pass up saving 14 dollars.

>be tourist in japan
>decide to see a movie
>they have blood tests at the theater
>my blood type is A+ so I'm only allowed to see action movies
>have to wear a green visor hat that has text on it that translates to gaijin
>forced to get a good score in a DDR game (I danced to BTS' Fake Love) before I'm allowed to purchase my ticket

Lucky you, I got chosen to be the banner holder last session. Everyone behind was complaining and I tried telling them it wasn't really up to me but normies don't listen

Founder of Reddit

>borrow my mom's ring
>explain to the usher that my wife is sick and wanted to nap so I decided to see a movie
>he doesn't believe me and takes the ring and gives it to the falcon who flies away when I try to grab it

how the fuck am I going to explain this to my mom?

>facebook spacing

>that weirdly detailed fever dream of a post
Thanks for the laugh user

I stole it from another thread

>go to movies
>sit in my reserved seat
>guy with his girl comes up to me and tell me that it's his seat
>I say it isn't and he starts to get mad
>I pull out my ticket to show him
>he says I'm in the wrong theater and calls me a retard
>i start stuttering and end up running out the fire exit

Why do the milkmaids in the breastfeeding section never provide good customer service? They always sit at an awkward angle while watching the movie so their giant boobs block your line of sight to the screen while you're suckling at their teats. Fucking dumb cows.

O B S E S S E D

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ok real talk, when I flew in to America and saw a movie, people pledged allegiance to the flag before the trailers started, is this normal?

Do you want your penis to not be inspected?

Only after the pop quiz on the Revolutionary War

aren't ultrasound techs well paid? how can it be profitable for a theater to use them to verify that I'm not sneaking in food in my stomach?

lol

Bumping this post.

with no survivors!

thanks

Fuck you, the last time one of you faggots did that the guards came down to the lower levels thinking that it was one of us, they took me and another guy upstairs to clean the blood in the designated alita room

>rape dwarf got lose at my local cinema again
>they explicitly say that using the toilets is at our own risk but we absolutely must avoid the area between 1-2 am
>think how bad can it be and decide to take a shit anyway
>halfway in hear a loud smack on the floor behind me
>turn around and see rape dwarf with it's huge cock staring at me
>''HOHO-HEHE!'' it screams at it charges me with it stiff and massive dong
>sprint as fast as I can to save my virgin butthole
>somehow outrun it and make it to the toilets
>tfw now sitting in a stall with my feet up
>can hear the rape dwarf stroking it's dick in the hallway next to me
h-help!

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>Not listening to the staff
You brought this upon yourself. Your kino level is too low to handle a rape dwarf 1v1. Try listening to the entire kill Bill soundtrack first next time.

all the staff at my local theater have to be nude all the time because the manger is a nudist, they don't tell you when they hire you though, they just suddenly rip your clothes off during your first shift.

i would unironically like to watch a movie naked in the theater (I have one with great recliners) with a large popcorn and drink at my side, it'd be some great hedonism

>cinema shower shampoo dispenser is empty

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You can avoid all the kino traps by just buying a season pass, it's pretty cheap really when you think about it.

Was it 14 dollars and 88 cents?

>politely ask for my complimentary elf slave
>"uh, sir, we need written dispensation from your gf to prove you're not violating our No Singles policy"
>try to play it off casually by pretending to call someone
>ask if an email's fine
>get tackled by the standby concessions SWAT team and shipped off to the twizzlers refinery

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>elf slave
Should have asked for the new xenos, you lose your kinoinsurance but that ayypussy is worth it

I work at a kinoplex and believe me, we don't enjoy penis inspection day either. Some other guys and I are planning to start a petition for a weekly milk tasting event.

>the usher tries to sell me some edibles
I have to deal with the weed lmao degeneracy even at theaters now? This has gone too far

>Visit the local Cine-Rama Bowl to watch the 8th anniversary revival showing of We Bought a Zoo
>Pay good money for a bag of crab legs
>I accidentally drop a leg on the ground while eating, but it's okay because the meat is inside of the shell, so I can just wipe off the shell before cracking it open
>Lady next to me looks at me with disgust

YOU STUPID WHORE THE MEAT INSIDE IS NOT CONTAMINATED JUST BECAUSE THE SHELL ON THE EXTERIOR OF THE LEG TOUCHED THE GROUND FOR A FEW SECONDS

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>sitting naked in a theater seat

Enjoy your 50 different skin infections

>At the local theater to attend a screening of The Grinch
>The man at the ticket booth tells me "Aren't you a little old for this movie?"
>Tell him it's none of his business and take my seat
>5 minutes into the movie the conductor shines the theater spotlight on me and I hear the incel alarm in the distance
>The Chad Crew rushes in and commands me to leave, I refuse
>I am then escorted to the bullying station where they give me swirlies, loogies, and indian burns while kissing cute girls right infront of me
>I finally leave humiliated

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Based kinoplex posters

do you have any idea how skin works? do you get skin infections on your arm when you use the arm rest?

>sitting in the splash zone row
>theater clown runs in half way through aquaman and drenches me with a bucket of water
Ruined my fucking popcorn

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>not paying to be a theater toilet

you fucking virgins

Newfag detected.

if everyone passes penis inspection AND there are no singles they dont make you do it

newfag posing as oldfag detected

Ah fuck, he found me out.

user, I think you might be schizophrenic...

You haven't seen that scene?

Do you even go to the kinoplex?

I'll do the nudity for you, user.

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Thanks babe

>tfw you can barely see the screen from the designated singles seating quarantine
To be clear, I fully understand their reasoning for quarantining singles from the rest of the moviegoers in the wake of all these shootings, but it's really ruined the theater experience for me. The screen is barely legible from beneath the feet of those in the the general seating, and the vertical angle combined with the bulletproof plexiglass ceiling distorts the image quality. Furthermore, when the audience gets excited, the stomping of their feet from above washes out the sound.

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That's what you get for lifting.
I'm 330 pounds, so I never get picked

>Local kinoplex got bought out by AMC
>What's the worst that could happen?
>They got rid of all the shower stall walls in the locker room
>Have to stand naked with 30 other dudes while we watch the movie
>They also removed the two way mirror so everyone in the auditorium can see us
>Roastie in the front row laughs at my 1 inch chode dick
>Popcorn's $3 more
I FUCKING HATE AMC AND EVERYTHING THEY TOUCH FUCKKKKKK

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youtube.com/watch?v=Nxkemnek06Y

Underrated post.

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how do you afford to be this fat? i binge eat and drink constantly and never exercise and my weight hovers around 200lbs (which is still bad)

>watching the Avengers
>screen goes black
>it's freestyle battle intermission time
>spotlight shines on me
>i nervously approach the screen
>my opponent is black, fuck
>i start
>*ahem*
>yo nigger you lickma dicka
>i sicka muh pitta onya
>oh anya gon play muh ballsa
>oh anya gon special sauce'a
>yo whaaaaaaaat
>crowd riots
>cinema privilege inspectors come and start removing wypipo who are just minding their own business
>blacks given free popcorn and pitbull chow
>i am hung

>Purchase ticket for movie
>I'm 6'3'' so I get designated as manlet wrangler
>If any manlets get out, I have to the throw them in the pit
>15 minutes in, I get overwhelmed
>These little fuckers running around everywhere
>They start crawling under the seats and building forts out of empty milk dud boxes
>2tall, can't reach them
>They begin jumping around in between rows, knocking over sodas, and pulling women's hair
>Projectionist starts berating me from the kino pulpit for being a living failure
>People complain and ask for their money back
>I'm at fault and have to reimburse the theater
I don't get it, why do they even let manlets in?

>watching movie in theater
>butter pipeline bursts overhead
>get washed into the manlet pits
>manlets lick the butter off me, until the kinoplex centurions rescue me
>get a voucher to watch Captain Marvel free
I thought the policy was a free bucket of Crab Legs? I don't really want to watch Captain Marvel, can anyone confirm this for me?

>Captain Marvel™ starts at local theater
>Alarm buzzes, "please clap" sign flashes
>Fair Enough
>10 minutes in, applause continues
>A few look around nervously, but understood the importance of this film
>Sign buzzing for entirety of film, a few escorted out for failure to comply
>Hands pretty sore by the end, but everyone involved in the picture deserved the recognition

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Anvil shortage at the local kinohouse today.

maybe she's looking at you with disgust because you're a fat fuck

me likey

You Americans are crazy. I can't believe some of these stories.
In Finland we just go into the theater, silently watch the movie, pay for the second half if it's good, watch it, and then leave.

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>watch Us
>crowd is 30% black, 60% bugman, 10% pitbulls
>whenever whiteys come on screen pitbulls start barking and blacks laugh
>bugmen look around with huge satisfied grins on their faces
>a few bugmen offer their wives to the black men
>black men mouth fucking bugman wives
>bugman watch with satisfied grins on their faces
>movie ends
>bugmen applaud

Haha good one user, reminded me of this scene.
youtu.be/iwbtoX-4F4A?t=53

Lost it hard

How did you not get lynched and beaten like a pinata?? When Get Out came out, every white person in the theater near me was hung from the rafters above the screen. Every time a white person was on screen, someone took the Beating Stick and whacked them nonstop. Afterwards every in town clapped and cheared, even my one friend who lost both his eyes in the beatings.

>pull designated shooter
>i forgot to bring spare mags
>didn't save one for myself so i have to stand there like an asshole for the whole movie after just 15 shots

>15
Fucking poorfag city you're in lad. The premium kinoplex I go to always hands out 45 extendos

at least you don't have foot smell checks at your kinoplex

>go to local kinopolis to apply for day 1 midnight tickets for shazam
>Failed the sperm count portion of penis inspection
>my inspector could tell just from the taste test

Guys how do I pump my numbers up by Friday my sister is going to kill me if I can't get us those tickets

thanks doc

There were a bunch of letterboxd whores letting blacks train fuck them plus a soul train started so everyone was distracted

Did you guys hear about the guy who forged the free movie passes? Turns out he got caught and is forced to watch Marvel movies 24/7 now. Sucks to be him!

This stuff is minor compared to this Chad's only theater I went to in Baltimore. They make every attendant deadlift 650 for 10 reps in order to purchase a ticket.

B&R

>Be white
>go to movie with white girlfriend
>movie theater says not allowed to go with out my girlfriend having a black boyfriend
>get theater assigned black boyfriend for girlfriend
>hear dick sucking noises and orgasms while watching movie
>can't enjoy us properly do to the noises
>mfw

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Upvoted

>be designated shooter
>hear rape dwarf attempting to break into the popcorn mines
>BOOM HEADSHOT
>celebratory crab legs everywhere
>even get to keep the gun

>be 5'9
>get kicked out for being a manlet
every single fucking time, why does the inspection have to happen AFTER you buy your tickets???

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I think she was into you, bro.

these threads are stupid
movie theaters don't even exist

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>bring my turkey to the bird zone
>EXPLICITLY called the bird zone at my kinoplex
>management is called
>inform them that the turkey is a far more intelligent bird than any stupid falcon
>next thing I know I wake up in my popcorn mines
>informed I can pick up my "fowl" after I pass penis inspection
who was in the wrong here?

Shin Sekai Yori would have been such kino without the stupid molerat subplot that took up way too much time for a meaningless, obvious twist.

Being a Chad is rough, especially during Chad shortages.

My sister is a licensed penis inspector, she makes sure I always pass.

>quarter of an inch above the threshold
>kinomanager looks at me with disgust

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>go to theater
>inspection comes
>can't get in because i'm too big
i just wanted to watch a movie

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haha just got home from hanging with chads
what's up?

>he didn't pay for the waterproof popcorn coating
serves you right poorfag

>blacks think you're one of them
>keep asking you to see tyler perry

>get forced to fuck the managers wife instead of watching the kino

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>watch a movie in america
>nominated the theater's designated survivor in chase of a shooting
>have to sit in the main lobby

I really wanted to see it, too.

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I was indifferent about movie piracy before, but once they disrupted my fourth Blade Runner 2049 marathon at the kinocove by plundering the fucking movie out of the projector, I've started to hate their guts. Now there will be no quarter, this landlubber will shoot on sight.
They even took the parrots.

Ya it had its flaws, but I loved the artstyle and the score was excellent. Gave me Time Machine vibes and I enjoyed it for that.

>blacks ask me to see tyler perry because of my big dick
>say yes because i can't get in anyway
why do they do this to me
>managers wife pulls down my pants
>there's no way that's fitting in me
>mfw

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>watch america movie in russia theater with gf
>the party come and take my gf
why is so hard bros?

>buy ticket for first showing
>there was some distribution problem and they dont have the movie
>they just start playing stuff off netflix
>theatergoers clap and stomp or boo to signal if they like the choice

>accidentally walk into the designated shitting theater
youtube.com/watch?v=GpvtxQmHudo

What the fuck

>Have unusually large benis
>It bulges out so much I can't hide it
>Purchase ticket at theater
>"Sir, please come with me"
>They pull my pants and take me to the front of the theater
>All the Stacies use me as an example to berate the micro dicks who couldn't pass penis inspection
>The fondle and suck me while laughing at the penislets
>Happens everytime
Will I ever get to see a whole movie?

user, I think you might be based...

>same thing or similar happens to me every time
i can't remember the last time i got to just watch a movie in the theater how do i fix this?

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cut your cock off

>massive hog in my pants
>not allowed in because my dick needs 3 seats and they charge extra per seat plus cummy cleanup plus tip
>only way to get in to see movies is if the staff can use my dick as a rope barrier
>when manlets try to walk under the staff work my dick like a firehouse and blast them with piss
>when the movie is over I have to wash a bunch of graffiti off of it that the black staff members put on
does anyone else need to do this? it feels like exploitation, and it's very uncomfortable for the staff to force feed me mountain dew to keep up my piss reserves they dont even seem to take it seriously one time they just blasted a bunch of kids with my hog because they thought it would be funny

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weak thread

The pit is supposed to be a benefit for you you fuckin dwarfs. I was sick to death of hearing all you under six feet faggots crying behind me because you couldn't see the screen past me. Is there a time you guys never complain?

I like going to movies but I fear being picked as the ritual sacrifice. I've minimized my odds by picking packed showings for the biggest screens, but I fear my luck will run out one day. Do any of you know people who were the ritual sacrifice? Do you still go to the theater? I've always gone by myself.

sometimes you just have to man up and die. It’s really not so bad being tied up like a hog and having your throat slit while some naked lady bathes in your blood, you get used to it.

yeah I probably won't stop going, my best hope is that I die before some kino, but imagine being the guy sacrificed at the Endgame showing

>reach into the ball pit
>pick the red ball signifying ive been chosen to be a sacrifice
>no one comes and kills me
>confused ask the nearby kinopriest where the sacrificial attendants are
>they're running late because some group of manlets stole the entire ballpit and are using the tunnel system to hide from the theater's paramilitary force
>decide to sit and watch the film while I wait to die
>movies almost over they still havent killed me yet the priest is very apologetic and gets me jellybeans coated in butter to soothe me and another refill of cow piss
>cow piss isnt salty enough for me but the gesture was thoughtful and i can see the guy is feeling embarrassed about the whole thing so i just thank him and get back to watching
>we're at the credits hear the theater stress relief sluts gossip about how brad in theater 3 told them about a really cool post credits scene that ends with a reveal of the new national popcorn flavor for next week
>sacrifice squad cuts off my head before I learn what the flavor is
i hope these faggots close down

lets face it user, not being able to worship our capekino by attending the kinoplex is basically as good as being dead anyway. If what they say is true, we need to sacrifice a life every new showing so that the gods do not forsake us. Without their support the falcons might stop showing, the anvil mines will dry up, crab leg shipments slow down to a standstill and our butter supplies will be cut off forever. We simply can’t take that risk. I say we sacrifice two people just to make sure

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>staff lost the schoolgirl outfit for the designated theater bully
why do I even bother going to this cheap place?

Does anyone have any audio recordings of their local kinoplex?

>not going no poo

What the fuck are you guys talking about?
Is this thread satire? I haven't been to a theater since I was 8

Anyone play one of those "you die in the game you die in real life" arcade games while waiting for the kino to start? They're pretty fun.

>walk up to ticket admission
>"I'd like to buy a ticket"
>"Okay, sir, that'll be $13.50"
>window prompt comes up to pay the price, back out of dialogue, or a special Speech check to lower the price by half
>prepared for this all yesterday by practicing persuasion on an old woman with Alzheimer's and repeatedly backing out of her dialogue menu
>pass the speech check to barter for the ticket
>back out of the dialogue before it goes through
>crouch down to sneak
>blow the cashier's brains out
>loot the ticket from part of his skull
>now get to see the movie for free
>never intended to pay

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what did this guy mean by this?

I'm so tired of standing and listen to national anthem every time before movie starts. Like I just wanna sit, relax and watch the damn movie.

Also why is it always the Israeli anthem? I thought we live in the USA?

last time i went to the cinema i was featured on the kiss cam with my mom. i just wish the damn noncompliance fee weren't so prohibitive...

I feel you. Had the same thing happen to me and it was disgusting. your mum didn't seem to mind it though

this is so based that I'm awarding you one extra small crab legs bucket 10% off coupon

>2nd security checkpoint confiscated my ammo
>have to buy ammo from concession
>not even a popcorn/ammo/drink bundle

what the FUCK is this skinflint SHIT

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true story: my first and only sexual experience is when I was 13. had to go to a female classmate's house to finish project for bio class. she had 2 friends over from the same class though i didnt know them very well. so we had been doing sex education and she asks point blank "does your penis really get hard and do that ejaculation thing that quickly?" I stutter and say yes, shocked at the point blank question. she then says "pull down your pants, i wanna see this for myself" so i start pulling it down nervously and she just yanks down my underwear and i am already erect, her friends giggle and she then just strokes my dick and says "do you know when it will happen?" and i say "j-j-just keep doing it" so her 2 friends then take turns stroking me as well, and in like 4 minutes i then said "im almost rhere" and i cum right there on the ground. they laugh and giggle again, i offer to clean up my cum from the floor, i then get my pants back on and help finish our homework.

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>post on Yea Forums about the movie as I finished, asking "what did I think?"
>immediately get stopped by the meme squad for using an outdated meme
>get off with a warning because Robert bailed me out
Thank you Robert!

Why didn't they lick it up?

At my kiniplex they changed the rules, you just have to sacrifice your virginity, not your life. It was like the fifth time I got picked during captain marvel so they ended up taking my anal fisting virginity, at least I could keep watching the movie while it happened.

>go to the animation section of the theater's now playing pamphlet
>it's all yaoi

No way this happened

it did, and it sucks it never happened again

How did so many of them escape the pit? Surely the cinema must be at fault for not escape proofing the Manlet pit
I think you got conned, cinema needs money so they set this whole thing up