Welcome everyone to the grand finals of the annual international Quidditch tournament

Coming up with idea of the dullest fantasy sport is obligatory when you are an author of one of the dullest franchises in history. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

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ACHKTUALLY they mention that the snitch is accio-proof.

kek, just getting pummeled with solid gold golf ball sized snitches. reminds me of zelda where if you attack the chickens enough times they call a hoarde against you

Based dullest franchise poster. I missed seeing this shit.

Why are harry potter drones so low IQ? Take the no caps poster for instance

That was a lazy intro and you know it

Their brain is actually at room temp. And so is their IQ.

>accio golden snitch which is out and in play

Based retard

how would you fix quidditch?

>Game is pointless as hell until one specific player makes a specific play
Even as a child I thought this was retarded

>accio golden snitch, but not the ones hidden under the judge's box

>aim wand at pregnant woman's womb
>avada kedavra

>That's right Joe, tickets have been sold out for months

Whats the economic policies of Hogwarts/magic land? How do they avoid inflation? Do the laws of supply and demand work alongside magic?

What about copyright law, how does that work?

Sucks that the game ends when the golden snitch is caught

Based poster. 7/10 intro

>How do they avoid inflation
They make their currency out of precious metals

>>Game is pointless as hell until one specific player makes a specific play
It's a satire of American 'football'

What even is the point of scoring goals if whoever catches the golden shit wins?

That doesn’t make sense, as there’s nothing like a snitch in football, a real sport

The sport that requires more teamwork than any other sport?

God, Rowling is stupider than I thought.

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>tell everyone 'we'll play by the rules'
>every member of the team searches for the snitch then hands it to the seeker

Devilish

>nothing that affects the outcome happens for 95% of the time
>ball sport where majority of players fuck each other up instead of handling the ball
>most players end up in hospital/brain injured
>fans are all retarded
>some games can be over in under 10 minutes (of play time not counting adverts)
>players all suck each other off in the changing room after
>scoring is nonsensical.
>teamwork
I almost thought this was sincere. Well done.