POTTER, MY OFFICE, NOW

>I'VE GOT SO MANY GOBLINS ON MY ASS I'M THINKING OF CHANGING MY NAME TO BILBO FUCKING BAGGINS!

LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT, DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE FUCKING GOBLET OF FIRE YOU SON OF A BITCH

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Why did they put as many cop movie tropes into harry potter? I guess the confusion was meant to distract from its status as one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowlings mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read Harry Potter you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

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dear lord

>THE MINISTRY IS SO FAR UP MY FUCKING ASS THAT THEY KNOW WHEN I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHIT BEFORE I DO

>HAND IN YOUR WAND, POTTER. YOU'RE OFF THE CASE. THIS IS MALFOY'S INVESTIGATION NOW
>BUT SIR--
>2 WEEKS SUSPENSION
>I-
>3 WEEKS!

>11 years old
>grew up poor in the slums of south London
>recieved Hogwarts letter last week, now onboard the train and excited for your new life
>even managed to scrounge up some change, you heard they sell treats on the train
>maybe they'll have chocolate frogs, you've always wanted to try one
>you see the refreshment trolley heading down your way, you practically explode with excitement upon seeing all the wonderful wizard treats
>suddenly the trolley stops at the cabin in front of yours
>"WE'LL TAKE THE FOOKIN LOT"

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>this is what low iq tumblrinas from Yea Forums laughed out of Yea Forums consider comedy gold

POTTER ,YOU FUCKING NIGGER, AND YOU WEASLEY ,YOU GINGER KNOB!!!

have sex

The police chief chewing out the protagonist detective is one of the best tropes there is.

terrible, feel ashamed

>No Clifford

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POTTER DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WIZARDING CODES YOU JUST VIOLATED? YOU'RE LUCKY YOUR ASS ISN'T IN FUCKING AZKABAN RIGHT NOW! GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING WAND
>but sir-
I SAID GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING WAND, YOU'RE UP FOR REVIEW

anons i read all your posts in his voice

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Wrong. Africa is canonically full of the strongest wizards

You will never be men or part of this board

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Who can stop his incredible power?

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Should we go back to the height of comedy that is sneedposting.

POTTER, MY ORIFICE, NOW

>OKEY-DOKEY, SIR.

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