Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye

Literally fucked my gf right before I saw this shit-tastic movie. Project more, retard.

Why didn’t you call captain marvel when the chitauri were invading earth

Has everyone forgot Winter Soldier and the fact he was bullshiting everyone about losing the eye to allow him a backdoor to override SHIELD?

>Morons not understanding that they used the time stone.
>Mouth breathers not comprehending that this is an alternate universe.
>47 chromosomers not realizing that these movies always sucked and that you should stop talking about them.

>implying this isn't exactly the sort of thing a grizzled military type would say to avoid admitting to getting his shit fucked up by a cat
>implying you faggots actually know what retcon means

let me guess, you own a dog

I thought Colson actually did die and he was revived in that weird lab in Agents of Shield but it has been a long time

>it's real

Attached: WE NEED MORE JOKES.webm (858x360, 2.25M)

>potentially lose eyew
>hold it in camera
>make selfie
>tweet about it
>not once the tought of calling an ambulance and cleaning it came to mind
Smartphones were a mistake.

>weird alien feared by everyone
>is just a bunch of tentacles
This is negative creativity, below zero.

That scene in Wintr Soldier had a lot more implications than badassery. The badassery implied was secondary to the lesson Fury was imparting. Winter Soldier was competently written. Captain Marvel was The Last Jedi'ed.

If that's the case the film has a good message. Nobody should be dumb enough to trust cats.

>swearing
wtf

It's more funnier with audio
youtube.com/watch?v=HqC_lsw5Zd0

So basically to make CM canon that means Fury boldfaced lies to Coulson and the rest of SHIELD and the Avengers not only about his eye but his backup superhero in the form of Carol? Oh and the Tesseract too it seems.

the fact that it was embarrassing helps explain why he never talked about it. Keep feeling superior though.

He says "Mother Flerken"

i dont get it

it looked like a comedy skit from mad tv

Formerly Nick Fury

Of course and I bet you have more estrogen than a pregnant woman

whats the difference? nick furry

Give me one reason why cats shouldn’t be declawed

Poor owners. Well raised cats aren't total cunts. Same with any pet.

>pitbull_statistics.jpg

They use them and without them they are no good as working cats

Consider the type of people that are attracted to pitbulls over other breeds, that's how you get to those statistics.

How do you raise a cat?

You build a throne room for it and obey its orders

Those people are attracted to pitbulls because of their aggression.
If you’re trying to say that a dog’s breed has nothing to do with it’s personality then you might be retarded.

I think he was technically dead for a while, but 1) Fury knew they sent him off to be revived and 2) Fury took his Captain American cards from his locker and put blood on them and made up that bullshit story to motivate them, and that's not only in the movie but also in that scene. Fury also lied about weapons and a ton of other shit. His whole character is about keeping secrets and being a spymaster. It's completely within his character to keep the eye thing a secret and even kind of lie about it in order to manipulate others.

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Obviously I'm not, but even an aggressive dog can learn to not be so aggressive, especially if you give it a good outlet.

>throne room
You mean a litter box? It’s a shitter.
>obey its orders
Nigga I sprayed mine with a water bottle if he got on the table and the only thing he hissed/swiped at was the dog when she kept trying to play with him.

you can't they aren't domesticated animals at best they wont attack you if you give them food

You get it used to all the annoying shit humans will do to it (picking it up when it doesn't want to, pulling it's tail, etc) while it's young so it gets used to it.

>BOO HOO MUH EPIC MEME BLACK MAN DIDN'T LOSE HIS EYE IN AN EPIC BADASS FIGHT SCENE

have sex

But the cat is some kind of dangerous tentacle monster

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You irritate the shit out of it so that it understands you're the boss.

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Like how you'd treat your gf.

Like you would raise any other animal, dummy.
If I can teach a python manners then you can teach a cat not to claw at someone

You are dumb. btw already had sex, cum is leaking out of my urethra as we speak.

Why should they be? That's like saying people should wear handcuffs all day because one might punch you if you annoy it too much.

Marvel movies are made by children, for children.

We arrest people who punch other people for no apparent reason.

What makes you think she's not calling an ambulance?

But that's the kind of shit there is in all post-Avengers Marvel movies.

Imagine getting this shook by a shitpost

have sax

>implying losing an eye to a lovecraftian horror disguised as a kawaii neko isn't badass

He trusted Goose, and Goose attacked him.

I don't get it. Is he saying that he trusted the cat? How much can you really "trust" a cat? Even if you did, you wouldn't really refer to a cat as "someone", would you?

Lmao

And this is why I never liked cats

>female writers
>"OH MY GAWWDDD WHAT IF HE LIKE LOST HIS EYE TO A CAT,, AHAHAHAHAH ISNT THAT FUNNY

Male writer
>"okay, he lost his eye in vietnam, got stabbed by a gook" "do a flashback" *it aint me starts playing
>okay, now this is the set up for the nick fury stand alone film "nick fury and his howling commandos" which will star a younger nigger and basically be military propaganda

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#?

>That's like saying people should wear handcuffs all day
Oh yes, imagine living in a world like that hahaha

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Goose is more dangerous than half of the Avengers.

Declawing a cat makes him more aggressive in 90% of cases. It's well documented. Have fun getting bit.

He told Goose that he was trusting him right before he lost his eye

But most Marvel movies have this kind of stupid humor and they were written by men.

They fucking ruined the saga

For some reason only George Lucas was able to separate Sam Jackson from the character he was writing his lines.

Because it's completely barbaric to mutilate your cat. It'd be like cutting off your fingers at the knuckle. It's also entirely unnecessary. I've had cats all my life and never had a problem with them shredding because I provide them with ample posts and pads to claw, and teach them early on not to claw at other things in the house. Cats aren't entirely stupid. They're smart enough to know what they are and aren't allowed to do if you actually take the time to teach them. They can learn to shit in a box of sand, so they can learn not to scratch your couch.

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Fuck the cat looks horrible

>If I can teach a python manners
tell me more

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Okay but it doesnt make the truth any less lame.

Seriously? Lmao oh man that is so forced, you can tell the writing process was " he said he trusted someonw in WS, so we have to make sure he says he trusts goose to really drive that home."
Fucking amateur shit.

Can someone give me a quick rundown of this movie?

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It make Fury appear more as an actual person. Nobody is a complete badass 24/7 365 days. Everyone has their awkward days, nobody is perfect.

I think it's perfectly fine for Fury's character to have his eye scratched out by an alien cat. It doesn't undermine his character at all, especially when you consider he lies all the time.

>This entire post

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>Why is Coulson bringing a fesh tray of eyeballs to Fury? Is he gonna eat them?
>What was the fucking cat doing on the airplane?
>Why is he saying that it is a scratch, when it took his eye out?

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Is there a list of retcons?

Ultimates Fury lost it to fighting Wolverine

>>Why is Coulson bringing a fesh tray of eyeballs to Fury?
I'm not sure why he was being given the choice of glass eye in all those colors, was he going to pick a blue one and go through life with mismatched eyes?
>What was the fucking cat doing on the airplane?
They took it with them because Fury liked it.
>Why is he saying that it is a scratch, when it took his eye out?
I thought it was some sort of venomous clawing but the cam copy was a bit dark and hard to tell.

>scratches his fucking eye because it hates niggers
>can literally eat an infinity stone and not give a fuck while superpowered beings can't even touch it
Based Goose kino when?

>Why is Coulson bringing a fesh tray of eyeballs to Fury? Is he gonna eat them?
Yes. Did you never have those gumball eyeballs? They're a nice treat.
>What was the fucking cat doing on the airplane?
He bought a ticket.
>Why is he saying that it is a scratch, when it took his eye out?
He lied to spare the cat's feelings.

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Same argument used to defend shitbulls.

and now it's a cat

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that was pathetic supposedly the cat had an eldritch abomination stored in his mouth
still they run out of budget and the cat bitchslap him

>Cat spitting out the Tesseract
So, whats it going to be? That somehow what it spit out isnt the real one but a similar functioning blue stone and purple man never truly acquired all infinity stones?

In Avengers 2012 Fury lied about Coulson and his cards and then didn't tell them he's been alive on a TV show for the last seven. All he does is bullshit people to get them to do what he wants.

>A third Fury, his secret son in the comics with the same name, had his eye cut out
Comic books truly are soap operas for incels.

Goose should show up in End Game as Thanos's barn cat, keeping the farm safe from space niggers

cinemablend.com/news/2464191/kevin-feige-affirms-marvel-studios-focus-on-diversity

HAHAHAAHAHA Yea Forums incels BTFO hail reddit we won!!! HAHAHA

Based

Based nigger hating cat

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>not creating such a strong bond with your cat that it comes to you when you call it

Detooth them as well.

Imagine never having such a strong bond with your cat that it lovingly wakes you up by rubbing against your legs and brushing against your hands while licking you

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just don't have a cat

But what if I want one and to make it suffer?

Have sex

>Bombay
based

not all cats are cunts dumbass

it's literally marking you as its property

Wall mex

I rub him back with my head and he gets excited and does it more. You act like mutual signs of marking each other are just a sign of ownership and not affection.

bunch of fags responding to you user

if you have an inside cat, there's no reason not to if you want to save your furniture. we've always just declawed the front and kept the back claws in case he ever did get outside and had to run up something

based cat taking on the thot menace

even better, he's the samuel l jackson fury who they put into the comics to replace the old nick fury

You're giving the writers too much credit if you think they remember Fury saying this line.

Captain Marvel safes the earth from evil doers

Very carefully.

brutal

>THE NARWHAL BACONS AT MIDNIGHT
what?

>written by men
"men"

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as opposed to dogs that will literally kill their owner or their owner's baby

have sex