Kinos about social dynamics?

one day i'll work up the courage to be able to use this line on a girl

i need a gf so bad, bros

What's your usual ice breaker joke when you go out to blind dates Yea Forums?

Attached: 1475978079661.jpg (960x849, 191K)

Attached: 1548038623291.jpg (1080x915, 409K)

That joke is kino tbqchqymmms

This advice only works if you look like Chad. That's why I call it Chadvice.

Omw to grills house, she's probably going to come onto me judging by past experience. How do I tell her I want to take things slowly without making it awkward?

Recite Steamed Hams word for word

OH NO NO NO NO

Attached: oh no no no no.jpg (694x702, 43K)

I usually start with steamed hams, then I move into a discussion about sneed

National anthem, since Trump's in office it's just hilarious...

>That’s why I call it Chadvice
I’m stealing this

"Well, well, look at the city slicker."

I ask her if she's heard of a man by the name of Albert Fish.

i'm such a brainlet that i can't even memorize jokes

Tell her you want to suck instead of fuck; tell her you want to feed her instead of seed her

You have to have a few jokes always locked and loaded. For instance, whenever you do that awkward thing where you're trying to walk past someone in the hallway, and you both go left, then right, then left. As you're finally walking past say, "Thanks for the dance."

Movies about rookie mistakes?

Attached: A61A03CF-FF90-48EB-92A2-AF0B427728B3.png (682x625, 417K)

9/11

Attached: norm macdonald.jpg (1842x901, 110K)

t. divorced dad

Attached: 1549352870207.png (638x356, 344K)

>does this rag smell like chloroforme?
works like 95% of the time

Attached: 1471404792483.jpg (400x400, 36K)

One time I hopped in my foreman's work truck at the beginning of a shift and I noticed he had a piss bottle rolling around on the floor of the cab.
>tfw finally found a career where pissbottling is tacitly socially acceptable

she's correct just look at tinder messages from attractive guys vs unattractive guys and how women respond

Attached: tom and tina.jpg (1280x960, 139K)

>chad mate calls women slags and they fuck him
>i do it and they slap me

Attached: 1551582908171.jpg (209x153, 6K)

I think it's a pretty good joke.

Also when someone says something like "It'll be a minute," or "Sorry about the wait," say, "Don't worry, I'm like a girl's record collection. No Rush."

your whole life is centered around pleasing women. you people disgust me.

Attached: 1548263753014.gif (500x398, 1.91M)

It's the same for girls being "cunty" or "quirky" if they are ugly or hot. Let's not pretend here bros.

Attached: 1516474520480.gif (500x500, 3.35M)

Girls LOVE a guy who can make them laugh and be their little silly boy in between bouts of getting fucked by Burly Cokehead Bobunga the Tribal Tattoo'd imbecile. I just love seeing them happy when they're bored enough to reach out and grab a chunk of my hard-earned tragedy-induced comedy abilities and then run away with it!

>Glad you could make it, crimes pretty bad around here?
>Really?
>Yeah, did you hear what hapened last week?
>No, what?
>Someone stole all the toilets from the police station
>No way!
>Seriously! Apparently the cops have got nothing to go on!
>Oh user, put a baby in me

Attached: HZCPae3.jpg (350x471, 51K)

Actually my whole life is centered around drugs and guns and money

B A S E D
A
S
E
D

Attached: 1505076109659.gif (442x473, 590K)

Dead wrong, faggot, unless the girl is absolute side-show monstrosity, no guy is creeped out by a nice-smelling nice-acting ugly girl, faggot.

This
>have very dry sense of humor
>always make the lads laugh
>older people think I’m hilarious
>half the jokes I make to women my age fall flat because they don’t understand
This was the case all through elementary school, then high school, and it still is the case in college. I dont even joke that much with my gf anymore because I got tired of her asking me what things meant

Attached: 7A3D0295-ABE7-457E-A1EA-D5F0B1F9449F.png (256x255, 100K)

okay, this is based

>when you go out to blind dates
lol?

>needing to make women laugh
Never gonna make it.

chad here i get creeped out by uggos and old crones sometimes

jesus christ

That's bullshit I used to do that all the time when I had to use the kinoplex

>You know, I'm actually a rape survivor myself
>You wouldn't believe how sharp her fingernails were

Attached: boomer.jpg (250x229, 8K)

"Yes, they don't get paid a cent for the work they do. I usually write things like fuck niggers and fuck women and post a picture of a frog in a suit. Usually anonymous people call me based until I get a 3 day ban"

If you're hot girls will laugh at anything you say.

Clearly you are creeping your scope narrow and not talking about fat anime watching femcels.

>Sorry about the wait

>Don't worry, you'll lose it

This makes chicks SEETHE

Based and boomerpilled

i see this on advice on reddit all the time!

based

Based IRL sitcom man.

Based but redditspacingpilled

you know black people? yeah, I hate niggers

based creepy boomer

im a 9/10 so i just ask if they want to hear a joke then do "why did the chicken cross the road" but wind my finger in her hair while im doing it then touch her cheek and go in for a kiss, actually a girl moan one time i did it then she looked all shy haha

I get no respect i tell ya no respect, fuck the jews

Have you considered that maybe you're just not that funny?

I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor, and while it doesn't work on EVERY girl, the sharper ones absolutely eat it up.

Im x2 funnier than both of you combined!

Not really. Not at all actually. You must be a woman

Have you considered that maybe you have a woman's sense of humour?

>the only girl I ever loved didn't love me back

I don't know if I'll ever get over her. I've stopped shaving and I'm growing a horrible patchy beard. I look terrible, but I just can't bring myself to care.

normie get out REEEEEEEEEEEEE

fag

A movie based on the book The Game has been in development he’ll for almost 2 decades. probably never gonna happen since pickup artists are forbidden these days.

She probably wasn't worth it. Best to just move on and hope you find another to love one day.

Finaly, someone posting good jokes.

I hope you are underage.

Here’s a joke: Sandy Hook really happened and the parents weren’t actors.

>when you go out to blind dates

Gross you are basically a female.
Making the lads laugh is 100x more important and fulfilling.

She's getting married. It's gonna be rough. Sometimes I see a girl who I think is cute, like a Dairy Queen employee, but I don't feel anything.

Warren?

No I am hilarious. Girls are just retarded and have awful senses of humor by themselves

Attached: 5C962B58-B3E9-44B2-8929-5BF327674C1C.png (512x512, 112K)

Im socially confident, funny, and likeable but girls dont find me attractive because im short, fat and bald

Not really
A cunt is a cunt, the only thing that changes is how much of her shit you're willing to tolerate and how open you are about just outright calling her a cunt

based and completely true.

I could make whole rooms or audiences laugh quite easily back in highschool and college, but I can't think of a single occasion when I've managed to get a w*man to laugh 1v1

If you are a faggot, making other men laugh is worhtless, shit humour on itself is worthless. It's only useful to get laid otherwise it's just fucking annoying.

I usually date and go for black girls. Im a white male, why usual joke for them is something like this and i always end up getting their number"

"Hey i really like your hair!"

"Ohhh, thanks white boy"

"The thing i dont get is why do yall black girls always tap your head like this!" *do my impersonation of a black girl banging her weave itch"

*black girl laughing* "boy , if you dont stop playin"

"Haha nah im serious, anyway my name is user so where can i take ya this friday night"
And its that easy!

Attached: 2C43AC20-AD52-40EB-89CB-0932AD41D819.jpg (1080x1336, 1.01M)

>Dry sense of humor
Please user tell me how you do this. That's my dream sense of humor but I have no idea how to be funny. Would it be in any way possible for you to
(a). Give me some tips
Or
(b). Give me examples of jokes that fit your dry sense of humor so I can pick them apart, figure out why they're funny, and then apply those concepts to other things
Please user I'm desperate to make friends and feel fulfilled and I just need a good, dry sense of humor.

black girls don't like white guys. sorry.

haha im those things but tall and handsome yet i barely ever get on a relationship let alone one night stands because i have literaly a micropenis and it's just too rough to handle it with strangers, god why the fuck did you do this to me

see

just be yourself little fella

T. Mad black boi

thats kinda funny. penis size is the one thing im not insecure about.

Say nigger a lot irl
Well shit if you can’t ever get a dumb female to laugh then you’re just a retard. Haven’t you ever made a little kid laugh before? Exactly the same

these guys really know what they're talking about

Attached: 1516491333823.jpg (584x710, 285K)

You see white girls do it like "this", but then black girls, oooh boy, black girls they do it like THIS

order a scotch at the bar, sit and take a nice long sip, pause for a moment, savor the taste, make a contented grunt and nod your head, absorb the silence, then clear your throat and say "fuck niggers"

that paint can rank out was brutal

Attached: 1510196241760.png (706x690, 451K)

Dry humor isn't as much about punchlines, it's casually saying things that take people a second to "get".
It's hard to master, once in a while you'll meet someone who can drop Leslie Nielsen level quips off the top of his head, but more often it'll come off as trying too hard if you're not landing enough of them. It can also come off as rude if the other person isn't on the same wavelength or you don't know them well.

Order some wine, smell it, sip it, act like your thinking about the taste, swallow and then say mmmmmm grapes

Is wikihow like bizzarro dale carnegie?

Looks like a struck an incel nerve

The only use humor has with men is defusing tense situations. It won't earn you any respect or real friendship.

speak for yourself no standards virgin

He said drugs not lawyers

Yeah but what exactly are those things that take a second for people to get

>they're trying to steal paint cans from my shed

>Haven't you ever made a little kid laugh before?
Problem is that women have a child's sense of humor without the notion of you being an authority figure to them. Kids will at least pay attention to your joke because you might scold them if they stop paying attention, but women don't even give a shit about that.

"What if a retard was gay"

pretty sure the only reason i get laid is because im funny, otherwise im just a bald skeletor

So, essentially, the key to dry humor is convincing someone that a given situation is a certain way, and then when they're thoroughly convinced of the situation, you reveal the situation to be the exact opposite (or just something unexpected)?

based

>tfw lost my sense of humor & dont know how to be funny anymore

Attached: 1549790457625.png (600x506, 99K)

If he is in hell he doesn't need anymore lawyers

>tfw my posts are all terrible and i have to post pepe or i cant get yous

Attached: 1551586968434.png (657x527, 287K)

That's one form of it.
The problem with humor is that it's hard to dissect autistically without ruining it. Honestly, I found that listening/watching podcasts of comedians that I want to emulate helps more than any sort of formal analysis. Also writing down things that I found funny that I thought of myself.

heh heh

just start lifting

My friend use to always take a sip of his drinks, smack his lips like he was tasting it, then nod his head with satisfaction and say "ahh, (drink)"
I'm going to beat his ass if he stole it from something.

stop drinking my man

he wasn't joking

jesus don't you have a personality of your own?

>zoomers