In the theatre with family

>in the theatre with family
>Sex scene starts
>Get real uncomfortable and start looking at phone
>Dad yells "I'll have what he's having"
>So embarrassed I slouch down in seat
>Entire theater erupts in applause
>Dad stands up and takes a bow
>Hfw

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Based dad

you aight white boi

>at the theater with sister
>sex scene starts
>she starts squirming around in her seat
>leaves to go to the bathroom
>comes back 20 minutes later acting normal again

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he based

I know almost nothing about girls. How long does a girl take to masturbate? Do they even masturbate in the first place?

Lets be real, there’s no way that

a-user?

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don't worry im sure hes

>Not accidentally spilling a sour patch kid in her lap so you could lean over and smell the pusy musk on her fingers

That's disgusting, why would you want to

That dad's name? Albert Einstein.

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what the fuck? I thought Candlejack had finally been bea

How do those boomers do it bros

>in theater with family
>designated shooter opens fire
>he runs out after maiming half the audience
>my father says "I guess that's the price of freedom!"
>entire theater laughs

what a fuck chad

>coming back from theatre with family
>car accident on the street
>paramedics pull out maimed victim from one of the wrecks
>Dad rolls down the window and yells "I bet he's gonna feel that the next day!"
>whole crowd of onlookers bursts out laughing
>see one of the cops chuckle and write it down in his notepad
>drive away as quickly as I can in embarrassment
>mfw

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Kek

Nice

>half the theater laughs

>settle into theater, we were watching Last Action Hero (i am an oldfag)
>dad got me and my brother each some fuzzy peaches or something
>movie starts, theatre is packed and in front of us are a fat couple eating nachos
>my dad hates fat people
>i mean REALLY hates fat people. it was a fixation for him
>tells my brother to throw a fuzzy peach at the fat people
>he does it because hes 5
>i slink down in my seat in embarrassment
>my dad sees this, says watch this
>hops over the seat, jumps onto fat couple's bellies with one foot on each tummy
>starts to jump
>the crowd starts cheering in time with his jumps
>JUMP, JUMP, JUMP
>fat couple are choking and coughing, struggling to move but they were too large
>finally my dad caves their ribcages in and they slump down into their seats, their bodies now pulpy and bulbous in all the wrong places
>my dad pops a fuzzy peach into his mouth
>still standing on top of them, throws his hands up
>announces to the theater "2 real big birds. 1 stone" while pointing at himself
>everyone cheers, stands up
>dad climbs back in between us
>movie starts
>im just glad the humiliation is over

dad still hates fat people to this day. i am getting a little chubby and he choked my wife out the other day because of it.

bro your dad should’ve choked YOU