If you won an oscar, Yea Forums, what would you say during your speech to your fellow peers?

>implying that I would report to the ceremony
The Oscars have been a fucking joke for years.

based

Kek

fuck usury and zionists!

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Death to all biggers and Jews maga country

kek I remember this post

this or sneed

Fuck jews and their nigger pets!
Thanks.

>based Mel stands and applauds

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Remember this from last year.

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God, this is such a magical moment! To all of the young actors out there dreaming of being on this stage, I just want to say that I cannot think or comprehend of anything more cucked than having a daughter. Honestly, think about it rationally. You are feeding, clothing, raising and rearing a girl for at least 18 years solely so she can go and get ravaged by another man. All the hard work you put into your beautiful little girl - reading her stories at bedtime, making her go to sports practice, making sure she had a healthy diet, educating her, playing with her. All of it has one simple result: her body is more enjoyable for the men that will eventually fuck her in every hole.
Raised the perfect girl? Great. Who benefits? If you're lucky, a random man who had nothing to do with the way she grew up, who marries her. He gets to fuck her tight pussy every night. He gets the benefits of her kind and sweet personality that came from the way you raised her.
As a man who has a daughter, you are LITERALLY dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ULTIMATE AND FINAL cuck. Think about it logically.

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>James Woods also stands up and starts clapping

hits or miss, I guess they never miss huh

Maybe the real Oscar was the friends we made along the way

Finish the mission, destroy Jerusalem

I don't remember this!

>I deserve this
>*dabs*
>now fuck off

Sneed. *dabs*

based dab bros

fuck the academy
fuck the jewish media
and most importantly, FUCK NIGGERS

How many laters of irony is this my nigger

Ladies and gentlemen,

Thank you. But I wasn't alone. My wife here, she helped me a great deal. I sometimes wondered why someone would marry a man, before seeing him get famous. Sometimes, I didn't fly so good. But my family was always there to remind me I'm a big guy, for them at least. Was getting this Oscar part of the plan? Of course. Nobody cared who I was till I got the part. Thank you.

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>thanks mom
then I'd toss the stupid gold man into the audience and go home

i hope i earned it, looking at you disney flick that was nominated

Sneed.

Spoken like a true gent. I would stand and clap for this.

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"Diversity is good, diversity is great, that is why we must do all in our power to ensure that the Jews of Hollywood help Israel see the light, open borders for Israel"

"love is good"

>"Wow! This is heavy! *laughs* Hm. Is it just me or is this Donald Trump guy kind of a jerk? *waits for applause to die down* Mhmm, yes. Glad to see so many people of color getting awarded tonight. If any are interested, my wife is available tonight. Goodnight and god bless."

But the last guy on stage already said that.

I love being white.
Fuck jannies
*Richard Nixon peace signs*

I would copy the Woody Allen speech.

*walks on the stage* *cough loudly* Mic test mic test. *wait for laughs/applause*. So white people suck nom im sayin? *Cheeful laughter from audience* yea mr. goldberg did good work on this movie. The interracial kiss was the best part of this movie. It felt genuine and i think we should mix races just because it's beatiful. *applause* *mr. goldberg has single tear in the eye*. Thanks and stay mixed my friends! *Tremendous applaus and laughter roars*

Not gonna lie, former Trump voter here. This is fucking hilarious watching Trump crash and burn. But in all seriousness we can't let this guy get the nuclear codes.

do you regret being born mr mcconnafaggot

boohoo u fuckin pussy, at least your not stuck being black

>An oscar for sound mixing?
>Where's the one for race mixing!

"I mean come on, 109 different locations."

>God, this is such a magical moment! To all of the young actors out there dreaming of being on this stage, I just want to say that I cannot think or comprehend of anything more cucked than having a daughter. Honestly, think about it rationally.

Delightful.

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Invite me to the FUCKING orgies

GAS THE KIKES RACE WAR NOW

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youtube.com/watch?v=LvIXTea99dw

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Has anyone unzipped their pants and pissed on the audience yet?

THIS JUST IN, PEPE HAS JUST ARRIVED

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Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!

Someday when I win an Annie award my speech will have some sort of anagram or acronym in it so people can be entertained by my obscenity after the fact.

I never come to this board this thread is fucking hilarious

GOOGLE THE USS LIBERTY, 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB (Multiplied by how many times i can say this before being escorted off the stage)

You know they say that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Tom Hardy and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another actor, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at beat me. Then you add Ryan Gosling to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down. See the 3 way at The Oscars, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because Ryan Gosling KNOWS he can't beat me and he's not even gonna try!
So Tom Hardy, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning at the Oscars. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of winning!

Kek

fuck brainlets and fuck meme’ing faggots and fuck niggers and women

>this user basically said fuck all niggers and it's everything

What are you doing up this late Terrence?

>hold up Oscar statue
>move it up and down with my hand implying that it's quite heavy
>"Wow, you're a big guy... FOR ME!"
>walk off stage without saying anything else

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"Wow, this is a real surprise! Now that I have the microphone - Elizabeth Debicki, would you go out with me? Please. If you don't, I swear I'll kill myself tonight. I'm going to wait here until I here a 'yes', and I'll fight off any Academy fuckers that try to boot me from the stage I swear to god."

Well, thank you. First thing is first, I'd like to thank the academy for hosting this beautiful night. Um, I'd like to thank my mom and dad for making all this possible, and because everybody thanks their parents. Third, I want to thank HITLER FOR SLAUGHTERING JEWS! FUCK NIGGERS, FUCK JEWS, KKK FOREVER! THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY 4CHANNEL.ORG, AND ALL THE ADVERTISERS WHO FUND IT!

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#CruzMissile

“This is truly incredible. I never expected to win this in a million years. She couldn’t be here tonight, but I want to thank my beautiful waifu Rei Ayanami with whom this wouldn’t have been possible. Rei-chan, you are kawaii, moe, and sugoi. You are my waifu for laifu. Arigato gozaimasu, Academy-sempai. Everything is going to be daijobu” *bows for 20 seconds*

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Kek. Simple and elegant.

>and the oscar for best director OF ALL TIME goes to...user!
>whole rooms erupts in a thunderous applause
>camera pans to me as Im siting in my seat, completely emotionles, with no friends around me
>I get up, slowly walk to the podium while people are furiously clapping
>starlet of the year tries a handshake while clapping
>I go straight to the podium without even acknowledging her
>the whole room gives me a standing ovation which lasts 20 straight full minutes
>just stare at them with no expression on my face
>after 20 minutes, I calmly raise my hand and put it down slowly
>they stop and sit down
>scan the room emotionless for 20 seconds
>"thank you very much for this award.."
>5 second pause
>"but the truth is.."
>10 second pause
>"I cant accept it."
>audience gasps
>10 second pause
>shots of stars clearly worried and upset
>"I cant accept this award because.."
>10 second pause
>"BECAUSE HOLYWOOD IS RUN BY PEDOPHILE KIKES!"
>"AND FUCK NIGGERS TOO!"
>calmly walk off stage without the oscar

Give this man a jet ski

>walk up to the stand
>start mouthing words but not saying anything
>everyone thinks the mic isn't working
>i throw it to the side and yell
>"niggers and spics belong in the gallows and by god if I'm wrong, nobody will clap"
>bow down
>people further from the stage didn't hear me and think I gave a heartfelt speech and give a standing ovation yelling encouragements

Id pull a brando and send in a palestinian kid to talk about the jews killing his family

I'm so close to the end, and all I want is to get laid for the last time. I have pornographic movies in my apartment, and lubricants, and amyl nitrite.

>Check Buzz Aldrin's Instagram!

Then just walk away.

I WANT TO THANK JONNY DINGLEBERRY, RONALD MCDONALD AND JIMMY SPAGGHETI THE INVENTOR OF SPAGGHETTI

*loud screams followed by gutteral noises and flailing of limbs*

FUCK HOLLYWOOD AND FUCK THE OSCARS

Someone did this in one of my high school's yearbooks.
Something like "shout out to NI, special thanks to GG and I couldn't have done it without ER"

"Fuck all of you, you've never done anything for me and thanks for nothing."

fuck niggers kikes and jannies

THIRTEEN PERCENT

AHEM

FUCK this nigger kike self congratulatory circlejerck

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FUCK NIGGERS
FUCK KIKES
FUCK WOMEN
FUCK THE DISABLED
FUCK FAGGOTS
FUCK SPICS
FUCK GAME DEVS
FUCK MUDSLIMES
FUCK LESBIANS
FUCK GOOKS
FUCK STREETSHITTERS
FUCK JOURNALISTS
FUCK SLAVS
FUCK SJWS
FUCK THE ESTABLISHMENT
FUCK FURRIES
FUCK REDDIT
FUCK MODS
FUCK MOOT
FUCK GOOKMOOT
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST F U C K THE JANITORS

jannies iffy uh

Kek