Realistically, if you were able to get away clean, how could you successfully launder this?

>use my already garnered life savings to buy a car wash
>slowly filter it through the business
have an A1 day

Attached: 1542759417167.jpg (500x375, 26K)

Not bad. Where do you get the prepaid cards, though? Maybe a bodega that caters to illegal immigrants or something?

>cartel not having the serial numbers
kek
are you this paranoid?
>cartels have scanners in every store and bank across america and will know if you spend their money
Do you see how crazy you sound yet?

I think he wouldn't buy shit from cartel and most establishments don't run serial numbers through 'stolen cartel money' database.

>Banks change USD for local currency way more often outside of USA.
Right, but they move far more local currency in and out than USD. Would be very easy to sort through their comparatively low volume of transactions involving USD.

1. literally why would you ever need to launder money unless you're a retard who thinks it's a good idea to buy a yacht right after receiving a lot of money through illegal means
2. it's in cash anyways

Seriously?
Is it not common knowledge that art is by far the best way to launder money?

>how could you successfully launder this?
I my country? there's a couple of banks that do that here easily, you can also try to buy winning lottery tickets, houses, land and stuff like that, you can do that with small busisness too, it isn't hard ....

Realistically,
If every user coordinated properly, the possibilities are endless

Sort through what? Everyone who's bought anything anywhere in the world?

buy used cars with cash and resell them under different names

What if you had twice that amount (approximately) in counterfeit notes. How would you launder it?

This is how the cops do it. You don't think they have informants?

>literally why would you ever need to launder money
If the money is counterfeit.

this. good way to sell drugs, also

Why the fuck do you need to launder it? Just spend it slowly.

same way everyone launders everything, walk across the boarder to mexico and deposit it in a bank
nobody cares, absolutely nobody, provided you dont deposit in a 1st world country you're 100% clear

>Why the fuck do you need to launder it?
Because it's not real, basically. FBI can fuck off as well if you are reading this I'm not US.

So you're saying it's a good idea NOT to buy a yacht?

It was 1980.

Laundering counterfeit money is absurdly hard these days, to the point of it being almost impossible, at least in America.

Well cartel can't go to cops and ask them nicely to find their money?
If cops aren't chasing those money informants are fucking useless.

>you can also try to buy winning lottery tickets

Attached: finnadab.jpg (453x604, 44K)

My plan still works btw.

every rich guy i've ever spoken to about boats say that they are the biggest pain in the ass

All he had to do was tell his wife to come to the hospital after he had his gunfight with chigurgh and both were recovering, then they could both flee while she cared for him until he was all healed and they'd be free, chigurgh couldn't find him because he left the tracker in the hotel.

He should have checked for the tracker in the first place.

if the money is counterfeit, it isn't money at all. your bigger problem in that case is making people actually believe it's money in the first place, nevermind laundering it. and I'm not talking about 80 iq mcdonald's cashiers

with Agua

This. Just live a normal life, go to work, pay your taxes. Use the money to buy things like groceries and stuff while saving my legit money

so?

Go to a bar that has under the table gambling machines, which is a lot of them in the midwest, since most states gave those rights to native american tribes.

You could move a ton of money in no time and they won't report shit.

By the time they back track it from the bank they deposit too..well you'll be long gone.

you think worng like you have to launder cash the buety is you never have to pay for anything ever again buy everything on paymnet and by credit card and always make the minumum paymnat at best miss paymjents and get penyalyized often to through off suspision beacuse heres the best part is if your making the jew money lenders money they will defend you to the death

based ESL nigger

stay within your means
get a safe deposit box so you can store the cash without the bank actually knowing what it is
just occasionally treat yourself with stuff every now and then
if you absolutely must have to put some in your regular banking accounts for any reason, keep it limited and check up on max gift amount before having to pay taxes. even then you can always just say it was a gift from a friend and they can never prove otherwise.

absolutely this. weed dealer would be happy as fuck too. this is assuming the money is not, in fact, counterfeit. i mean, if the cashier's marker isn't showing up on it, i'm not even bothering with it, not even for my dealer.

And what are you going to say when they see this cash in your baggage when it goes through the TSA?

Bitcoins

I would put all of it under my mattress.

Step 1: Find far right people
Step 2: Form alt right group
Step 3: Buy guns
Step 4: Rob (((banks))) with the pretext of fighting the kikes
Step 5: recruit even more like minded people
Step 6: Build a powerful compound
Step 7: Work toward destabilizing the West and start a race War
Step 8: Execute all the spic, niggers, and discord trannies

do the hell or high water thing and launder it at casinos.

There was a guy that won 27 times the lotery in 8 years here, he was also the local druglord lmao

bitcoin definitely

was all good until you left off the filthy kikes at the end. you fucking hook nose.

I can't imagine the feds not being clued into that by now

You wont get pass customs with more than 10k

Go to a Casino and gamble abit may take some loss on profits but whatever

>how would you successfully launder this
ask around, my weedman usually knows about shit like that

>discord trannies
>not kikes

Attached: 1550692994366.png (497x549, 210K)

buy everything in cash you need in cash. save your paychecks to buy property at some point. refurbish it with paying contractors in cash. rent it out. make a nice profit over time.

buy Pokemon cards and sell the rare ones
I might make some money, maybe lose some, but the ad revenue from the YouTube videos will balance that out

>launder money through illegal gambling
what?
I get legal gambling, but are you stupid enough to believe illegal gambling would work?
>where did this money come from user?
>oh I won it at the bar gambling
>but gambling is illegal in this state. Are you admitting to getting this money from illegal gambling?
>uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

10/10 finish
made me kek
why am I so disgusted at there being people who watch other people open things on youtube.
thats a rhetorical question.

dame agua señor, onions mexicano y mestizo

just go to an indian casino like in hell or high water

Attached: 1471840047945.jpg (316x321, 32K)

Boats fucking suck. So much maintenance. Just rent one whenever you want one

I didn't fucking understand that. They exchanged it for chips, gambled with some of it, and then had it converted back into dollar "winnings"?

You literally cannot comprehend english, reread what I posted.

this + art, not in large amounts though. 15 grand the first year, 30 the next, 75 after that. Keep snowballing as you leave a large public imprint as a professional gambler.

First, take all of it out of the case first to notice there's a transponder on the bottom of the case.

One of the most retarded mistakes in that movie was that Josh Brolin knew exactly how much money was in there, indicating he took all of it out to count it, but didn't notice there's a flashing electronic brick on the bottom of the case. Coens didn't even bother have Brolin discover a false bottom the the case and then realizing he had been carrying a tracking device. It just was on the bottom when he moved money from the case to another bag.

Casinos will give you different bills with different serial numbers so that when they're tracked back from the bank, it will go to the casino.

Casino's have hot drops after retaining certain amounts.

>oh look it's user
>he's paying for his groceries with a pristine hundred dollar bill
>this must be 5th week in a row

>Casino's have hot drops after retaining certain amounts.
what does this mean

where the hell do you live?

in your butt lmao

3 card monte

did you even think about what you just wrote?

It's funny because in this picture, the serial numbers are all the same

how money was that in total?

Saying it was the 70s was wrong.

2.4 million dollars.

>2.4 million dollars
the cartel launches a manhunt for such a negligible amount of money?

1. Go to farmers market
2. buy your fucking food with cash

I would just use it for cash purchases for the rest of my life.

You can't just show up and spend millions on art without drawing attention to yourself. Plus, most legit auction houses aren't going to take 6 figures or higher in cash - they're not set up for it, and the IRS would be onto you the minute you put that much into any account.

The money laundering in the art world is for people that already have money, not some cowboy with no assets living in a double wide near the Mexican border. For most normal people, the art world financial shenanigans aren't something for you.

You're literally the guys from Office Space asking a black dude how to launder money.

BITCOIN OF COURSE

BUY HIGH, HODL, SELL AT ZERO

t. /biz/

>not just hopping over a fence into Mexico and paying people to get you places under the radar.

Putting it into the crypto system as an American would be the best way to get caught, as you'd have to declare how you bought them on your taxes. Some NEET buying a million dollars USD of bitcoin wouldn't be a red flag to the IRS?

LOL. I love when NEETs try to outthink the system. You really have no clue, do you guys? Money laundering is fucking hard. It costs a lot of money, from everything I've heard, because the only good ways to do it is to pay someone in the system to look the other way, or find ways to trickle it in slowly over a long period of time.

it´s fucking easy, just hide the money in the closet, whenever you want to buy a lollipop, just take 1 dollar, easy as FUCK

The casinos talk to each other, and they talk to the feds. They look for this exact kind of thing. I have family that works at the IRS, she says there are things they look for that you can't even imagine, and through the Patriot Act, they have way more access to databases than you think. They can track terrorist money trying everything said in this thread with ease, you really think some user on Yea Forums can outthink the pros?

I have no clue how I'd launder 10k, let alone a million or more. I don't know the right people. Neither do any of you. The only thing I could think of is live in the ghetto, pay rent in cash, live off the grid. Basically, live like a nigger, or an illegal.

>go to my local synagogue
>schedule a meeting with the rabbi
>dump the whole briefcase on the desk
>his schnoz is going wild at the overwhelming scent
>tell him that he can have 20% if he hooks me up
>walk away clean

That's how it's done boys.

what if you want to buy a house

This unironically.
Exactly why bit coin was made.
You sell to someone, they claim to have made the money mining and then selling bitcoins.
You cash out as well and make the same claim.
Nothing exists to prove you wrong.

You really think the IRS can't contact casinos to verify big wins?And that Casinos don't track them?

Can't jew a jew. Not only would he get you jailed, he'd keep all the money for himself.

you don´t buy a house, you buy a lollipop

>Don't launder money
>Big Brother tax collector sees your spending
>Where'd you get all this money user?
>Jail

When was the last time you had meaningful interaction with a human

Except, in the US, you have to have proof where the money to buy in came from.

Do you really think you're smarter than the IRS? Good luck with that. Tell us what pound me up the ass prison is like when you get released.

just spend around 10% extra to what I make of that and just make it last for as long as it lasts

I don't really need to buy a bentley, a fur coat or a diamonds chain

buy a bunch of lottery tickets?
buy a car, in cash?
buy immense amounts of non perishable food?

A rich american on Mexico is easily spotted. He will be killed in a few days

>Don't rob from us

today i learned how utterly retarded the average Yea Forums poster is

>buy a bunch of lottery tickets?
Why? The odds are you'd just lose most of the money.
>buy a car, in cash?
Every business in the US has to report any financial transaction over 10k, cash or credit.
>buy immense amounts of non perishable food?
And?

You don't get the whole "laundering money" thing, do you.

where you do account for the amount of money you had to invest in the bitcoin to then cash out?

*touches your hand*
>when I met you

actually one fucking retard on youtube bought a huge amount of tickets and got 80% of the money back
if i remember laundry works in loss too

bitcoin or crypto.

just buy some worn out miners for cheap. set them up and start running them.

accumulate mined cryptocurrency

reinvest/convert crypto into decred and stake/buy tickets to gain more crypto

live of the crypto dividends in another country.

Hell Or High Water had this scenario, just exchange chips at the Indian casino and cash out.

>You can't just show up and spend millions on art
So start small. Buy modest art, hold it for a while then sell it on to a real or made up buyer for a decent profit. You don't need auction houses, just say you sold it private to some guy who's not real, throw the art in storage or just burn it, pay the capital gains tax on your "profit".

i don't understand the point of laundering money. like i dont understand, just put it all in your bank account ?

Why wouldn't you just buy a laundromat or strip club or a bar or something?

The odds of FINDING small time art that will grow in value is so unlikely it's not even worth discussing. Just admit that you're wrong, and move on.

wait, americans aren't allowed to gamble? what?
-t. bong who thought that was a meme from 100 years ago

the taxman will get notified and he'll deduce that the money was procured from criminal activity

You have to be 18 to post here.

And, to answer your dumb question, banks, by law, have to report transactions of anything over 10k to the IRS, and they also look for patterns, like someone dropping 9k into their bank every month, but their income is only 2k a month.

>buy a bunch of lottery tickets?
unironically this

but do it in small batches, like 20-30 tickets here & there, drive around to different gas stations around the state. only claim your biggest winning(s)

Casino.

Make shitty books without punctuation and buy hundreds of copies of them.

if you came across funds that you did something illegal to obtain / didn't declaire through the proper channels then you can't do anything to draw attention to the increased revenue stream. You have to invest the money into a business or infuse it somewhere to then obtain a reasonable return of value so that no one is the wiser. Otherwise you'd have a fat stack of cash that you can't do much with because you don't want the IRS or anyone to find a reason to audit your or look through your financial stream.

You can just declare found or even illegal money to the IRS. You'll probably get audited and fined, but so what? Taxes, fines, and even a few months in jail is easier than trying to launder every cent.

If you want to go that route, get a loan to open a high cash flow business. Put the money through it slowly and then close down.

>move in with parents
>get an "online job"
>pretend to barely get by as a "research & developer for a small dev team"
>meanwhile work on a shitty webcomic or some other nebulous project
>donate to yourself anonymously in small increments
>live like a NEET king

if you're feeling ballsy and your webcomic or whatever actually doesn manage to take off even a little bit you can even ramp up the "donations" and move out

Id just live my normal life, money from my normal job would go towards anything big. And considering I drop 600 a weekend on going out drinking and strippers id just use the cash for that. And maybe going to restraunts and shit during the week.
If youre dumb enough to buy cars, boats and houses with it you deserve to get caught

open a wendys & casino establishment.

This is probably the most workable angle, but you still have to have clean money to get started, and those kinds of business take a lot of start up cash. And, I would bet strip clubs get extra attention from the IRS for shenanigans as it is. A bar, not so much, but getting the cash to start one is the issue. Same for a laundromat. If you have the credit to apply for loans to get started in a real business, it could work, I'm guessing, over time.

A simple guy like Llewelyn could live comfortably in the third world without arousing suspicion. In most countries outside China, the EU, etc common vendors will accept USD without question.

>claim to have made the money mining
How are they going to prove you didn't mine it. You have to pay taxes on it sure, but they can't say that you didn't "create" the coins you sold.

>he's right

Attached: 1971.jpg (448x424, 49K)

Well, considering it's 1980 in the film, just go to a casino and do it there.

>Rent boat with cash
>Sail down to foreign country
>Park up and go ashore illegally
>Bury the money
>Sail back to your country
>Get on a plane to the place you buried the money
>Dig it up
You now have illegal money in a different country without taking it through customs. Now that I think of it you could probably just dock at a port in the foreign country and go and check in at the border agents. I don't think they'd search your whole boat, and you'd probably have time to stash the cash somewhere anyway before you went to immigration.

Is someone really going to notice if I'm depositing $500 a week into a bank account?

you forgot the part where the government will seize all the money and leave you with nothing

missing link

>Make a large cash deposit in a registered bank
>Teller gets suspicious how a dude who could barely afford to pay his phone bills on time could walk in with a suit case full of in sequence $100 bills
>Notifies manager
>Manager contacts IRS
>IRS figures out that cash was not acquired legitimately or from gambling wins
>Bank accounts seized, lose said cash, 7-10 years for tax evasion, cartels hunting you down in prison.

As to op, just go to a casino and gamble the shit. Either I wash all my cash and walk out with double my earnings, or lose all of my basically unusable cash. Either way, I'm no worse off.

Move to Las Vegas, tell the IRS I'm an escort when I give my share to Uncle Sam, funnel copious amounts of cash in my account every week without an eye being turned while I NEET it up and gamble as much as I want.

Attached: 1550079289805.gif (400x288, 1.49M)

You wouldn't even need to play, would you? Just buy chips with the money and exchange said chips for cash immediately thereafter without having played at all.

>>Teller gets suspicious how a dude who could barely afford to pay his phone bills on time could walk in with a suit case full of in sequence $100 bills
No one does this. It's none of their business why would a minimum wage employee do extra work?

Well it's all going to a cocaine dealer anyways so I guess I'll just pay a little more so he can deal with it.

I would cam whore and start a dildo business using my own cock as the mould for the dildos. I would say on my website that I only take payment in cash mailed to my PO box. I would mail out a bunch of dildos to made up people at these PO boxes and I would either take trips around the city and post myself the cash from fake identities, or pay people to do it for me. I would charge a lot for my cock dildos due to the personal aspect. I'd also have a really sleek website.

cash business, like a fruit stand

On Animal Kingdom (super kino the Ellen Barkin show) she has San Diego beachfront rental properties where she undercharges people (or not at all) then buys money orders from multiple cash checking places every month.

Attached: animal_kingdom_cast.jpg (2895x1635, 1.09M)

I would most certainly play a few games as a courtesy to the casino and to make it less obvious what you're doing there. Don't want them blabbing about some guy turning up with a briefcase full of hundred dollar bills, considering they'll have your ID on a database after you register to play there.

>It's none of their business why would a minimum wage employee do extra work?
It's literally their job and bank tellers are not minimum wage.

banks do and the gov asks the banks, and they also watch cartel money and suspects so it could inadvertently make you look like part of some shady organization at the least

Found money...no. Not large amounts. You don't just report found money - technically, in most states, if not all, you're supposed to turn it in to the police, they investigate, and if they can't find an owner, it might get released back to you. You really think a cop shop that gets 2.4 million is just going to hand it back to you? C'mon.

And, the illegal reporting thing is just protecting yourself from being charges with tax violations. If you're a drug dealer, and you report your drug sales income, the IRS is happy (and the state, if you file with them), but the cops will happily take all income from illegal activity away from you, and not give it back. Learn what civil forfeiture is.

No they don't let you exchange. You have to play for at least an hour or so, otherwise they figure your a criminal/dealer and call the cops.

I doesn't need to grow in value. You just need to hold it for a while and then "sell" it to yourself for more than you paid so you can mark it as a profit. There art itself can be worthless garbage. Just say you found some schmuck to sell it to who was dumb enough to pay what he did. The amount you can get away with as a selling price depends on how much you legitimately bought it for initially. You can't buy $1000 art and sell it for tens of thousands but you can list it as sold for $1300 and bam you've made $1300 just by throwing some art in your furnace.

in the movie sicario the cartel people were laundering money through a bank by taking out huge loans and then paying the money off, and supposedly that type of arrangement is not tracked and then you have clean bank money and they are mixing in your dirty money with their own clean money

>Bank Tellers are not min wage workers
>They are required by federal law to report suspicious transactions

LAZERTAG

Attached: .jpg (1280x720, 409K)

You do know you have to file records with crypto, right?

Cryptofag: "I made 2 million in 4chancoins"
IRS: "Prove it. Show us the wallet."

I know from looking at /biz from time to time (mostly to laugh) that you cryptofags think you're smart enough to beat the IRS. Try it. Go on. I triple dog dare you.

this

art is how wealthy people launder money, not trailer park citizens who stumble onto a 1/4 million dollars. You tried, though

Dude.

Foreign banks have reporting requirements, and there are international treaties now, where US citizens have their foreign banking records reported to the IRS. Even Swiss bank accounts aren't that secure anymore. Ever since 9-11, it's not easy to move money around.

>>Bank Tellers are not min wage workers
Yes they are
>>They are required by federal law to report suspicious transactions
Suspicious is subjective

The banks run algorithms on their systems to look for patterns. 2k a month? Red flag, almost certainly.

>Try it. Go on. I triple dog dare you
It's been 8 years and the slavering idiots at the IRS haven't done shit.

also, he'd probably get caught by the coast guard and get his ass thrown in jail with his briefcase full of cash seized.

>Yes they are

In Africa, maybe. Where I'm from, they make $18 an hour easily

>Suspicious is subjective

Random NEET who has no employment record, 5-10 small value transactions every month with heavy debt and a shit credit rating walks in and deposits a signficant amount of in sequence cash. Yep, not suspicious AT ALL

this
or roller skating rink

Every bank in the US does this. Any deposit over 10k by law has to be reported to the IRS.

The banks pay WAY more attention to you and everyone else than you think they do. They pay really fucking smart people to do it, too.

ITS CALLED STRUCTURING BUT 2K WONT TRIGGER IT

Just made $300 I meant to say*

Yeah, no, you're just doubling down on your retarded ideas, no more (yous) for you.

I got flagged for depositing my tip money from pizza delivery. If your gonna do it that way, set up a shell company and pay yourself $500 cheques

you have to provide a paper trail for how you obtained the funds to invest and grow your investments. The seed money has to come from some sort of revenue source / provider. You can't just magically find it and then reap the success afterward without big brother finding out eventually. How'd you afford the resources required to mine it in the first place and what funds are you using to maintain the process?

Prepaid cards are everywhere. Use enough different cards or enough phony paypigs and you've laundered that money.
A shitton of camwhores and twitch thots are fronts for money laundering. Kickstarter and other e-begging sites have this problem too but not nearly to the same extent. It isnt some Saudi prince that's donating 5 grand because thottie opened bob, it's her lebanese criminal boyfriend.

all the serial numbers are the same

Attached: 420728-01.jpg (500x326, 52K)

>In Africa, maybe. Where I'm from, they make $18 an hour easily
No, in California. They make a buck or two above minimum.
>Random NEET who has no employment record, 5-10 small value transactions every month with heavy debt and a shit credit rating walks in and deposits a signficant amount of in sequence cash. Yep, not suspicious AT ALL
Good job, you just invented a character and a scenario that would support you. I can do it too.
>A random man with a top hat and monocle driving a Rolls Royce comes in and deposits $5000 every month. Yep, that's TOTALLY suspicious.

No one's saying deposit it all in one go.

>go to friend that owns business that deals lots of cash
>I'll pay you $1500 a week to give me a $1200 paycheck
Would this work if you're fine losing money on it?

>Neckbeard confirmed

Look, dummy, a bank tellers is not the only way banks track money. It's not their job. But you keep "NO u"ing everyone on shit you know nothing about.

Personal experience. I inherited 100k from my mom when she died. I got a check, for 100k. I took it to my bank, showed it to the teller, and I was escorted over to the assistant bank manager's desk, who filled all the paperwork out, and processed the check. (And tried to sell me all kinds of 401k and investment bullshit).

You walk up to a teller with more than a couple grand in cash, the teller is the LEAST of your worries.

How does someone as ignorant as you even survive? Have you ever even been in a bank? Have a bank account? An income?

I would go spend a week in Monaco touring casinos doing some heavily gambling and drinking. The cash would have changed to chips and back at so many different casinos with a hefty amount spent on hotels and whores I could sell myself as a real gambling addict and have squeaky clean money and a good time. Then I'd just deposit everything in some Monaco or Swiss banks. This plan only works if you're in yurop not America

Would digging up receipts from an old pc build/gpu not work?

And you think you're safe?

LOL.

Your audit is gonna be FUN. Please, share with us how it goes. The IRS is slow, but they're thorough. I wish I could be there the day you get the IRS letter.

If you're going that far you may as well just take out a loan from a bank on a small business and run it through there. The ill-gotten gains will more than cover the interest rates.

How do you know?

is easy as fuck.
t. white man living in mexico.

>Look, dummy, a bank tellers is not the only way banks track money.
Stopped reading there. The whole conversation is about bank tellers. Sorry you typed all that out.

Yeah, not happening. Keep fantasizing about it if it makes you feel better, government bootlicker.

Oh, look, someone is triggered. Boo hoo.

Wouldn't it be a lot more work to run a fake business?

>le triggered
Try not straying away from the topic if you want me to care what you have to say.

Shaddap, cryptofag. You're all talk, you're gonna cry like a little girl when that IRS letter shows up, and you fucking know it. You all like to talk tough in your little cryptofag clubhouse, but you're all frauds.

Besides, going from that place, you probably have like $100 in crypto.

But you respond with how many lambos you have. That'll show me, uh huh.

Maybe a month to get it off the ground, then hire someone to run and staff it with the remainder of your loan.

Try not neckbearding. If that's even possible.

Kek

Yikes, still sore you missed out on the crypto boom?

I'm right and you literally cannot prove me wrong

> in California
Well theres your first problem, fucking commie

>>A random man with a top hat and monocle driving a Rolls Royce comes in and deposits $5000 every month. Yep, that's TOTALLY suspicious.

Yea, people like that don't go to the neighborhood BOA fuckstick. And as has been pointed out multiple times, banks are required by federal law to report suspicious transactions, or any transaction over 10k. And seeing a random without prior supporting history randomly depositing cash will automatically trigger an investigation, and it doesn't take very long to figure out said cash is not legit.

Seriously, despite what movies might tell you, it is actually extremely difficult to launder large amounts of cash without attracting attention from the feds. The only ways to get around it will result in a loss, unless your willing to sit on it for a long time or spend very little at a time.

>Well theres your first problem, fucking commie
Nice cop out retard.
>Yea, people like that blah blah blah
Good god that wasn't serious you stupid autistic faggot. I was just making fun of you inventing a retarded scenario.

Dum ashes you go to casinos buy chips play a big then cash out you get brand new money

Or a carwash

Just mosey on out of a casino with 2.4 mil. Genius

What cop out? Your entire argument is literally No U the whole thread, commie.

Your the one who still hasn't answered how a guy who walks into a bank and starts depositing random cash without prior history isn't going to get immediately flagged by the feds?

>Your

It's not a bad idea if you do it a few times a month and keep it under six figures...also don't gamble your entire stack on the first table game you come across. Play a few poker tables for a few hours, then hit the race track.

you now have 800K thats accounted for but the bills are still marked. now what?

So not only do you know fuck all about how banks work, you're also a reddit spelling fag.

Just end YOUR life already.

2K ISNT REAL MONEY

When I was in college I bought 1000 fake $10 bills for $500 real bucks.

I've been using these fake $10 dollar bills on a daily basis for all my convenience/grocery/restaurant/bar/club expenditures. It's been 3 years now and I've only been called out once by a convenience store owner, but I just plead ignorance and he obviously couldn't prove I used it knowingly. I make sure all of the fake bills look worn and I always have a few back up bills which are real just in case.

I'm down to less than a grand in fake bills now. Good investment.

How do you know?

Easy. Buy btc using localbitcoins with cash. Get bitcoin and then sell bitcoin if you need cash.

Start a Patreon account and make numerous sock-puppets to "donate" the money to you every month.

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>This goy tried to get me to launder this $200,000! Arrest him!
>The synagogue magically gets $800,000 in donations over the next five years.

>find desperate bitcoin nerd
>make nerd pay 10% premium for getting to trade shitcoin for real cash
>use shitcoin to buy boat from one of those retard dealers who allow it for publicity sake
>sell boat for 10% loss used
>have all my found monies

>Moving the goal posts
If they're marked bills then non of the suggestions in this thread would work besides just slowly spending the cash normally, they'd just be uncleanable. You could tax them but you'd still get caught of you tried to deposit them or spend large amounts. Why would the cartel even mark their money to be flagged anyway. They wanted to launder it themselves

just use the cash for dumb shit like tvs, clothes, bottle service and strippers

>donations
This got me thinking. What if you started some fake charity that pays you an exorbitant salary and you received anonymous cash donations?

But how would you get around having zero to low site traffic? For people to be paying donating a decent amount to your patreon you'd have to clock a decent number of clicks, which would require actually being at least a very low tier e-celeb or genuine content creator. Unless there's a way to buy clicks or employ bots idk

The money would already be laundered on their end if they were clean hundred dollar bills. It'd be difficult to pay for regular things with hundred dollar bills also, marked or not.

>LAUNDER 2.4M THRU GSTRINGS

GOTTA REALLY WASH IT THEN, GET THE STANK OUT

money.com/money/4264338/audit-red-flags/

The IRS tracks EVERYTHING.

"The IRS tracks the average charitable contribution for folks at every income level."

That's why you buy a Ferrari, keep living in your shitty flat and put the money in the wall

As long as he didn't live lavishly, he could have stayed below the radar of the IRS without the need to launder it.

>no large purchases unless it's through a private dealer
>keep a low profile
>use safety deposit box instead of bank account

t. haven't paid taxes in 14 years

just open a church, tons of people giving you 10% of their money in cash every week

>Ferrari

It's like you want to get caught or potentially killed in a home invasion.

A charity you'd have to actually prove you do some legit charity work. Remember a few years ago there was that YouTube vid about Joseph Kony that went viral but the guys behind it turned out to be frauds who pocketed all the charity money? I can't remember what happened to them I think he either got away with it but had a mental breakdown or went to jail/got all his money seized. I think you could probably start a bogus religion though, church of Scientology style, take donations for that and have zero legal obligation to actually pass on that money or spend it on charity work.

I’m sure it’s been said, but.. open a strip club.

He didn't get in trouble for that because the goal was to raise awareness and not to pass on donations to anyone or actually do anything about this Kony guy. They technically succeeded in their goal as a charity, and most of the money came from selling merch.

I dont mean that they are actually monitored but that they are all sequential, which brings up the point wtf was the cartel doing doing deals with sequential bills all clean and pressed in the first place? I am assuming if you went on your business from day to day and sequential money is spent around town all on small time stuff but a bunch of times all within a short amount of time, the algos would trigger. without exchanging the bills it seems like spending it very slowly would be the only way. anything I can think of would take like 10 years to exchange like being a painter, or vending machine owner etc.

Just buy small shit like groceries and personal bullshit with straight cash

It's been said....you have to have a legit paper trailer for the purchase money or the irs shuts you down. It'd be much smarter to simply approach the owners and offer to be a silent partner as long as they keep your name off the papers.

Isn't this more aimed at people claiming large charitable deductions, and not the charities themselves?

what if you renounce US citizenship?

>1980's
Tons of ways
>2019
Uuuuuuuuuuh

Yesterday.
You were still wrong.

meant for

So actually make a charity and hire people to do some work. You're the exec making $500,000 a year. No one said that charity has to be good at what it's trying to do.

ALL THE NICE PLACES TO LIVE WILL EXTRADITE YOU BACK TO THE US

renunciation of citizenship doesn't exempt you from taxes.

Russia is nice enough if you're rich and politically unproblematic

plenty of options

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Casino.

just go to a fucking casino like the russian mafia has been doing for decades...

The cartels and people who work with them are operating at a level where they're working with people who work in banks, and can pay off the right people to get chunks of money in sequence. Remember the guy in the office in the movie? That's a level of criminal activity where sequential numbers is meaningless, they have the means to launder money in ways they'd be less likely to be caught with, on both sides. Go look at the real pictures they take when they bust cartel members, they have palettes of bills. It's not a concern for them, obviously.

Use self checkout

and by politically unproblematic, I mean by their standards of course. otherwise they will gladly kill you or jail you no matter how rich you are.

bitcoin

According to everything I've read, they track it all. It's their job. Again, I have a family member who works at the IRS, who has said many times, since the Patriot Act, they look everywhere, under the cover of looking for terrorist money.

>Move to Russia
>Buy a nice Dacha in cash
>Buy a nice car in cash
>Buy a nice wife in cash
>Local Militsya wonders who this american is that just bought a nice house, car and wife in cash
>Militsya comes to your house and threatens to rape and murder you unless you give them 80% and gtfo of Russia
>TFW Russian wife takes the rest when her mayfia bf shows up for his cut

Accumulate BTC through localbitcoins (buy it from a bunch of strangers). Use separate accounts and buy from different states. If you have massive amounts then fly to Malta or the cook islands or one of those places, cash out some there, establish a trust or business that hires you as an employee and pays you every month. The people in these tax havens will figure this out for you.

russia is a corrupt dump of a country, but it's not that bad. if anything, they recognize that having rich people come settle there is in their best interest

>Move to Mexico
>Make a bank account
>Deposit 750 dollar per day
>Spend a month indoors
>move back to USA

t. accountant

I was being slightly facesticious, but if you do come there and start throwing massive amounts of cash around, you will get a visit from the locals.

I had a buddy of mine who went to Moscow for a holiday and bought a car cause he didn't wanna deal with rental companies. He made the mistake of buying a mercedes, and within an hour some well dressed gentleman were knocking on his hotel door asking if he cared to make a "donation" to the local orphanage. Cost him 6k cause he didn't want his balls cut off.

Also this movie was set in 1980 there was no much control about cash deposits in Mexico

Came here to post this.

oh good point, you had the right idea then but art still seems to cliche at least it seems like it would if you didnt already have some sort of known background in the arts. that seems like the right idea, id be better if it was a perishable good though for that extra security

But how you do digitize the money to pay from the sock-puppet accounts? You can't just feed money into your CD Drive, it has to come from somewhere that can probably be tracked.

They say the best day in a man’s life are when he buys a boat. The second is when he sells it.

the transponder was hidden within a hollowed out bundle of cash

This seems like the best idea to me, plus you could sell them, say you sold it for a lot more than you really did and mix in your own money with the deposits.

you have to be rich to have a fraudulent charity

i actually never knew about the serial numbers, but now that i do i thin id honestly be too paranoid. As very unlikely as it is that theyd find it that way, i would still never be able to feel calm thinking of the possibility of the cartel finding me

the irs is so overworked and understaffed as long as you don't get way the fuck too greedy with it you can get away with all sorts of shit

Fuck it, I would live on it too

Buy prepaid cards.

loundry money comes from the loundry business from al capone dude.

also he got caught by the IRS too.

It's one of the more sensible ideas I've seen here, drug dealers in my town do this all the time.

Just don't buy anything for more than 10k, and cash only private sales, and you should be fine

Hmm

I'd toss it all in one of these bad boys and give it a couple cycles. good as clean.

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The movie takes place in the 70s. That's a lot of money.

One of the anons had it right in here.

Don't use it on huge expenses, just spend it on groceries, clothes as long as your not getting a fucking polar bear fur coat. a nice tv/computer whatever you want to put in your house as long as it isnt insanely obvious, and just save the rest of your money strictly for bills and saving up. Also slowly do this over time maybe spread it all out in a year or so

Just start a new religion.
Scientology went to court against the IRS and won. Multiple times.

Id open laundry mats in the hood/populated beaner areas

I heard about some unfunny comedians who get coupons and gift cards for various things (amazon, fast food chains) and I'm 99% sure they don't file any of this as income with irs, how could I report them?

You can't just out of nowhere put $10 million into your bank account. The FBI and IRS will be at your front door the next day.

Nice autism

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IRS doesn’t care as long as you give them a cut.

that´s the general idea of laundry money user

Buy 1000 Nintendo Switch
Sell them all to different second hand stores throughout the country.

You might lose half your money but still.

Make small purchases like food, groceries, clothing, so on. Mystery shop with some of it, so some of it gets refunded, but is now accounted for and not taxed. Pay for large bills a few times a year with it, "gift" myself some of it every year, and save my real income, along with some investing of it. Maybe every now and again try to flip items on ebay or craigslist with it.

youtube.com/watch?v=UlMOgvQdSic

>laundering money
>customs
Oh boy am I laughing.

kek

Magic cards shop. So many large cash transactions there

no way those assholes had serial numbers. even if they did, no business submits them to any database for the cartels to look up.

This, laundering money is only done if you plan to actually put it in your bank account and you need a tax reason for it being there.