Since the last thread on this subject was rather entertaining, let's have another

Public school and a strong sense of personal shame.

Bobby doesn’t have shame either.

That's his mother's fault.

You think the Gems are gonna be any better in instilling shame?

Not involved with his formative upbringing.

Which Connie would he bang?

Attached: 8E03BB57-887E-4704-A602-4758C70F89D1.png (847x510, 543K)

This one has a Kahn dad and Priyanka mom.

That sounds interesting but would Kahn marry a non-Laotian woman?

Kahn was kind of a rebel as a young man so I don’t see why not.

Fair enough. But I’m honestly having trouble imagining what a half-Laotian, half-Indian Connie would look like. It doesn’t help that the art styles are so different between the two shows.

I imagine she’s lighter with slightly more slanted eyes.

He would warn steven against connie for the shit friend that she is. Fusion cuisine would have never happened the way connie wanted it. Hank would have talked to connies mom on the phone. He probably wouldnt let onion near his property and wouldnt be too keen on lars attitude toward steven in earlier seasons. He probably wouldnt let him wear pink or do his beachapalooza routine.

I was thinking darker with less prominent cheekbones.

>there goes my son floatin’ in mid air, and turnin’ his fingers into cats again
>Peridot, get my ladder. I need to go talk some sense into that boy.

this would make a better show than the actual SU

>it’s the Johnny Depp episode about Hank ordered by the town to do Yoga but instead its with Garnet trying to teach a begrudging Hank how to fuse

kino

What would a Steven/Hank fusion be like?

I'd say light tan skin, strong Indian bone structure and Indian brow ridge with asian cheek bones, 50/50 on the eyes.

Indians actually are a type of asian so when they mix with a lighter skin person, genes favor fair skin and the dark features don't dominate as strongly as african genes. Many European/Indian race mix kids are actually quite pale to light tan.

like the previous thread established his name would probably be Haven or alternatively STANK. He would have a cowboy lone gunman aesthetic with a pinch of Johnny Cash.

oh shit I never realized that was Depp

But what would his power be? Propane fueled fire attacks? The shield becomes the bowl of a grill?

Nevermind that, how would Bobby do as the inheritor of Pink Diamond's gem?

Dallas Cowboy in Energy Construct Helmet and Football Uniform?

Would they live in Texas or relocate to Delaware (Delmarva, whatever)

Personally I enjoyed the Bob as Steven’s dad stuff more

Tex City

>Stank

What if Drakken was Steven’s dad?

Attached: 344B958A-B356-4CEE-B14A-177D60EF5472.png (1920x1080, 1.43M)

Kek

The addition of Hank Hill improves most shows.

Hank? You mean that gas huffin' Cowboys fan? It's all about the Giants! Ol' Eyebrow wouldn't know how to raise a goldfish, much less a kid.

Attached: Steely_Phil.jpg (768x576, 261K)

And you? You would waste Steven's gifts in that podunk, gangster ridden, urban slum where half the population injects crack cocaine and the other half got gunned won in a drive by. Now I, on the other hand, would give Steven the foundation and resources he needs to conquer the planet. Any toy he wants? Bam, zip, zadda, wazzam! Prestigious college? I have Harvard and Yale by the balls. Police trouble? Look at my grandson, that boy is so obscenely stupid it's a miracle nobody's shot him.

Plus, you truly are a plebian. It's all about the Rams.

Attached: E1.png (638x353, 377K)

But uh... what if this was Steven's father?

Attached: The God-Emperor, My Spiritual Liege 2.jpg (400x889, 87K)

Aha, good one Mr. Wuncler! While I have no doubt you're an excellent parent, Steven would fair better in a stable, upper middle class environment. Bourgeois I know, but Whitecrest is a remarkably safe place that's close to perfect for child rearing. Look at our fine schools, look at our restaurants... World class! Especially the Itis! I'm sure Sarah would have no problem letting Steven in, and would never bring up questions about his mom.

No way! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Attached: MV5BNjc3MjA4NDkzOF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDA4NDQyNA%40%40._V1._SX640_SY360_.jpg (340x191, 9K)

Shut up Tom. You can’t even handle being anally raped.

Now yo' get yer hand off dat perfekt whit' boi, you inbred, slackjaw, socca lovin', ghetto nigga! Steven need a gentle, whit' fatha like me wit' a interchangeable set of skills. Ah can work any job, any fro' a carwash ta drivin' ah bus. Hell, ah even exorcised a porch monkey once. Steven is mahn!

Plus, it's all abou' da Chiefs!

Attached: uncle-ruckus.jpg (628x356, 56K)

Shut ya punk ass, Ruckus. Steven needs a good home, and ah need some child support. So ahm clearly the best out of all of ya, especially you Tom! Boy needs discipline, he act up he gettin' da belt. So what if ahm around eighty years young.

Whats with dis shit taste anyway? Raiders Nation all the way.

Attached: Boondocks_wp1_1280032108035614.jpg (330x223, 16K)

Robert Freeman? More like Reeks Like Pee, Man!

Attached: 381BFDC1-38EE-4C1B-BFDE-B00E900D4233.png (1334x750, 1.15M)

Steven, Steven, Steven... Oh yeah! He's that mistake I made that one night in-blegh- that one rundown shithole where I watched the Seahawks -rargh- destroy the Dolphins. There was this big fat chick and I fed her- argh- some booze. Shit was a wild night, until I realized she was pregnant or something and high tailed it out of there. But still, that ain't mine, kid isn't mine, kid ain't... Oh... My head...

Attached: Rick_Sanchez.png (848x1080, 693K)

>the crisis of infinite stevens

...

Attached: artworks-000095641391-pscts4-t500x500.jpg (500x500, 66K)

Cleveland, I didn't know- oh god! Please! Rose came onto ME! I didn't even know- oh god! SOMEBODY HELP!

Attached: MV5BOThjYTVhMmYtYTAyZS00ZjBjLTg5MGUtZGFlM2Q1ZWI0NGMxXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNTAyODkwOQ@@._V1_.jpg (720x528, 53K)

GENTLEMEN BEHOLD! I MADE LIFE WITH A WOMAN!

Uh sir, technically the gems are genderless. They have feminine characteristics but they're technically, and I admit I use that term loosely, not female.

Attached: 63ac87c3294314233cb1d8e73b7c1eb4--aqua-teen-hunger-force-cartoon-characters.jpg (200x341, 11K)

Someone post the Steven redeems Horus greentext

"Honey, when was Steven born?"
"A few months after Lincoln."
"How come I don't remember it?.. Hey-"
"It's nothing-"
"You were fucking Rose, that fat fucking slut!"
"Rita no! It was nothing like that!"
"I'm going to my moms. I'm getting a divorce, have fun paying that child support, jackass!"
"No, come back! Nooooo!"

Attached: rita_and_lynn_loud_sr_shocked.jpg (600x338, 34K)

Would work out. Steely Phil is a good parent and Steven would probably fit right on in with the geeks and freaks running around New York City. However, he's no where near as mature as Arnold, so he'd probably annoy the other kids. So he's probably stuck hanging out with Brainy. Maybe Eugene, though Steven might be a step above him.
Steven, while one of the more immature students at PS118, is downright well adjusted when compared to the Wuncler clan. Unfortunately, Riley usually drags Steven along on their myriad of robberies, threatening to accuse Steven of racism if he's not their scapegoat. Probably holds his own against Bushido Brown.
Shittiest of the bunch by far. Phil has Steven's back, the Wunclers for all their faults would at least get Steven out of a jam (even if Ed the III colossally fucks it up), Tom won't do that. Tom would get scared and run away from the likes of Peridot and Jasper, and would probably let Pearl off Steven. Plus, things would be tense as all hell with Sarah who would probably give Steven the Caitlyn Stark treatment. Can't let that bastard think he's completely apart of the family.
You know, he's probably a pretty good Dad. He'd be very protective due to his harsh upbringing, and his racism (?) would be unpleasant, but Steven would have a stable parental platform who'd beat the shit out of any who dare mess with him. Probably with the Freemans in tow.
Grandad would treat Steven like he treats the boys: free money.
Second worst. Spineless like Tom, lacks the money of the Wunclers, just uses Steven as cheap labor.
Rick would fade in and out between trying to kill Steven and loving Steven. They bond over their love of weird ScFi shit. Steven would also get laid.
STELIO KONTOS!
Third worst for obvious reasons.
The older kids resent Steven for trashing their parent's marriage, the younger ones love him.

I like to think Sarah rapes him at night. But that’s just me.

>THATS MAH GEM
>AH DONT KNOW YEWWW

What about this guy?

Attached: 40102947-934E-42A6-9001-9FFB0382F98F.png (350x402, 205K)

Reminded that Steven's empathy and other good traits canonically come from Greg. If Steven had a different father, his personality would be different.

Attached: 1568340150327.jpg (925x719, 156K)

"You want Batmans autograph?"
"Yeah, its the only one I'm missing in collection!"
"Ah, well tell you what, I'll get it for you if you promise you you'll work on your bubbling, Garnets told you me you've been having trouble with it."
"Really?"
"Of course, oh and make sure to take Krypto on a walk."
"Thanks!"

Attached: 6385709-2984169354-Super.jpg (1600x2428, 670K)

Steven actually becoming powerful with his powers and actually training to be stronger? Perish the thought.

Superman wouldn't see it as training, but more like helping his son out to figure out what his limits are so that he doesn't have the same problems he did growing up.

>Now uh... what was it, eh, ...Samuel? Are you getting enough oxygen?

Attached: d556a10eb90da5251174e732308a889e1f41be6cr1-757-544v2_uhq[1].jpg (757x544, 48K)

That's interesting. Let's compare.
>Hank Hill: Bobby with a afro. Very empathetic, which annoys his dad at times who wants Steven to be a little more stoic. However, he has a lot of interest in geology, cars, and all things meat. Especially meat.
>Miles Shortman(?): Considering how the crazy bastard risked life and limb saving a near extinct indio tribe, he's pretty damn empathetic. Steven has a lot more interest in archaeology and academics. The real question is how Phil rubs off on him, and how Phil's tricky nature would clash with the gems. Or at least Pearl. Amethyst is off with Monkey Man and Garnet hangs out with the Pigeon guy.
>Rick Sanchez: he's a cynical piece of shit but cares about certain people. So there's not much of a change to Steven... At first. It's when Rick starts exposing Steven to Cthulhu, spess pirates, and bug guts, Steven gradually becomes more like Rick.
>Tom Dubois: pathetic. Only cares about people when it suits his needs and is a coward to boot. So Steven, like Tom, likely crumbles under pressure and makes a big deal out of things to fit in. Couple that with abuse from Sarah, and Steven is a wallflower.
>Uncle Ruckus (no relation): Ruckus can feel empathy so no real change there. However, Steven would start picking up Ruckus's talent for holding fifty different jobs, and is probably really racist towards everyone. But all in all, this Steven resembles his canonical self the most.
>Cleveland/Quagmire: Steven's fucked. These guys are asses and Quag is a rapist. Plus all the fucked shit that would happen to him would break Steven and likely make him even more bitter than Rick!Steven.
>The Loud family?: I'm 50/50 on the empathy part. These kids don't treat others very well so that might axe Steven's empathy. A divorce would drive a significant wedge into the family and make Steven the Jon Snow. Oh sure, he'd get along with the younger ones but you're going to see some Cersei Lannister-tier shit here.

Cleveland was alright on the Cleveland Show

>Rose was Clark’s first serious romantic relationship after he left Smallville
>much like with Greg, Rose fell for his earnest good nature
>Single Dad Clark raising Steven in Metropolis
>all his female coworkers swoon over how paternal he is, even Lois though she pretends she isn’t affected by it
>Superboy Steven joining the Teen Titans when he turns 13
>Pearl and Garnet are unsure how to feel about Steven going on dangerous non-Gem related adventures
>Steven helping his grandparents on the Kent Farm

Would Steven be better or worse at using Talk-no-Jutsu on his enemies? Because while Superman is the kind of guy who would love that you never see him doing it on his enemies, at least not effectively or in a way that isn’t reset by comics status quo.

I think the reason Superman tends to win more with violence is because the enemies he's up against aren't really up for heart-to-hearts. I bet if Supes was up against empathetic villains like Steven was he'd have that same mindset of talk first, fight when necessary.

Not sure how Clark would take to his first love kind of being an alien tyrant.

Nah, I like having a wisecracking Tyrion Steven better. Especially if he has Jasper tagging along as his Bronn.

Attached: kt7ilg57pcirslly8a1f.png (1600x900, 567K)

>The Loud family?: I'm 50/50 on the empathy part. These kids don't treat others very well so that might axe Steven's empathy. A divorce would drive a significant wedge into the family and make Steven the Jon Snow. Oh sure, he'd get along with the younger ones but you're going to see some Cersei Lannister-tier shit here.

It would be hella interesting to watch with a slight genre change to compensate. This version of the show would have more of a focus on family dynamics. Steven would have pretty-low self esteem with all the shit the older kids and Rita would put on him. It’d almost be like he was Harry Potter and most of the Louds are the Dursleys. Once he moves in with the Gems, would he want to visit the Louds, even if only for the younger siblings who would actually miss him? His powers would probably take longer to develop with his more negative mental state too.

I mean, he wouldn’t approve at all but at least she realizes she fucked up. That’s more than Supes can say about Maxima, who’s another alien tyrant who wants his D.

Its not really an issue on his part, but more his villains just not being all that into changing themselves.
I imagine he'd be taken aback by it, but would still ultimately love her, though he'd be more likely to work to correct any mistakes she made or did alongside Steven.

Attached: Supes and lex.png (620x576, 551K)

>would he want to visit the Louds, even if only for the younger siblings who would actually miss him?
Not very many people. There's probably a Dudley-type relationship with Lincoln where the two develop a mutual respect for one another, but other than that? Hardly anyone. Maybe Bobby and that frizzy haired ginger kid.

Not sure how Steven could deal with somebody as petty as Lex. Man gives up universal happiness because he can’t hurt Superman.

Whatsmore, Steven is just as alien as Superman is in this scenario, being half gem and half kryptonian

I feel like Lynn Sr. would want him to visit on holidays, if no one else. The man does make a genuine effort to be there for his kids in canon.

Although come to think of it, given this Steven’s upbringing he would probably see his father sending him to live with the Gems as ditching him for ruining the family. When all his older half-siblings and Rita have clear disdain for him, how else would he interpret his father one day driving him out to a city he’s never been to so he can live with people he’s never met? But from Lynn’s perspective it would just be to help Steven get ahold of his powers.

One thing worth noting is that, judging by Greg already starting to lose his hair in Rose's video, he seems to have been in a relationship with her for at least ten years and only managed that by finally being the one to see her as a person instead of a symbol and teaching her how to respect people.

While I do think Hank is theoretically capable of both those things, some of these guys might not be able to go the distance and/or stand up to her by wanting something real.

>Some guy might not be able to go the distance
I know for damn sure you ain't including Superman in that statement.

>Brief Pink Superman arc after a Death.

>Through rampant abuse of super science, Lex creates a Kryptonite Gem
>"Just try and befriend HER Superboy!"

Would he design her to be bald?

Probably be one of those situations where’s it’s vague. Like Peridot or Yellow.

No, he is theoretically capable of both those things, with him it's the opposite. Considering he'll probably reach "full enough" power while still dating Rose, I feel like he's more capable of checking out this whole Gempire thing on his own, and in the ensuing conflict and revelations, do the impossible and Rose to face all her responsibilities and burdens and surpass them.

Because he's Superman.

>after his dad dies fighting Doomsday, Steven thinks he needs to step up and become the new Superman
>this stress combined with his grief at losing his father, allows him to use his shapeshifting powers to age himself up into adulthood
>his Superman costume is identical to Clark’s only all the red is replaced with pink
>his Titan friends and the Gems worry about him since it’s obvious he’s forcing himself into this state
>he immediately catches onto Cyborg Superman and Eradicator being fakes
>he tries to reach out to Superboy but he’s too stubborn and wants to do things on his own
>he gets along well with Steel

Could you imagine that? Steven is at his grandparents for the weekend when The Doomsday battle goes down, he and other tune in to the news and watch as Clark is beaten within an inch of his life, before finally succumbing to his wounds, with Stevens super hearing kicking in to hear the last beats of his dads heart go out?
Queue Steven running off towards Metropolis.
>"H-he can't... b-because... because..! H-hes..!DAD!"

>Steven arrives to see a crying Lois holding his father’s bloody and bruised body and just breaks down completely

Hank dies in the second episode when a corrupted gem blows up Strickland propane and Bobby is unable to make his shield

You mean pro-pain, in this case?

>Fusion ain’t right. Just a cheap trick to make weak gems stronger.

Don't make me cry user.

I enjoyed the part of that idea where Krieger would fuck Spinel and his hologram girlfriend would get jealous as a result

Good times

>Steven watching his dad during What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice And The American Way? nearly killed and apparently snapping

Oh that would be a cluster fuck of a bunch of mommy and daddy issues. Emps isn’t a good father, a good ruler and general yes but not a good father. I can maybe see Maclador being the true father figure while Emps is busy doing his own thing.

Though the bigger question is, how would the primarchs react to a Half Human Half Xeno birthed from their father?

>Superman Steven saves a child from a housefire, but the kid’s parents didn’t make it out alive
>he stays with them until the police and firefighters arrive
>”I know how you feel. I just lost my dad too, and I never knew my mom. It still hurts, everyday I see something that reminds me of him or I find myself thinking about what my mom would think of me. Sometimes it feels like it’ll never get any better. But I have good friends who are there for me even if my parents aren’t anymore, and if you want... I can be your friend too.”

Damn Clark. How would he deal with the Diamonds anyway if he knew about their issues?

>Remember Shtooballicus, if every human were perfect, we wouldn’t have heretics!

Steven Loud would probably be a lot closer to Amethyst than canon's Steven, because they both have that self-loathing thing going on. They'd likely be able to form Smoky Quartz a lot faster, but at the same time their combined negative self-esteem would make this version of Smoky damn near suicidal.

Attached: Smoky Quartz.png (2000x1817, 472K)

10/10

Read it in his voice.

What if Tenchi was Steven's dad?

Attached: serveimage - 2019-09-21T120138.123.jpg (1440x1306, 435K)

Based

Wonder which sister Steven would bond with the most. I mean, the younger children wouldn't mind his presence. Hell, Lincoln probably has nothing against him deep down.

Many of them would think of their father a massive hypocrite. Sure, they might wonder why would he have a half human child, like, what would be his deal? Horus is the warmaster, Magnus is the psyker, Dorn is the defense strategist, and so on, but what is Steven (And lets be honest, he would give him another name)?

Still, Steven would probably be able to maybe change a bit the tide of the Horus Heresy, not so much with his Talk no Jutsu, but his healing powers, he is probably the only one capable of healing Angron head (has a giant nail lodged, one of the reasons he is so angry) and he can probably mediate between some of the other primarchs.

Actually, now that Im saying it, would Steven purpose be that of mediator between the primarchs and possibly even between the factions of the Imperium?

Assuming Supes never finds out about Pink = Rose, he likely tries to empathize with Blue diamond.

What if he did know?

He'd probably coax her into talking with them, rather than leaving them in the dark, figuring whatever disagreements they may have had, they're still her family.

Sounds to me he would be a good diplomat in terms of dealing with Primarch squabbles and other factions. Hell that whole Interex brouhaha with Horus and FUCKING EREBUS could easily be settled if Steven was there.

Honestly? Probably Lisa. Steven is a walking talking anomaly, meaning she'd always be running tests on him and would be taking to his 'other half' rather well if her liking for science fiction is any indication. In addition, she'd gush over the gems and their bizarre biology. She is however, quite reserved. Not quite able to give Steven the support he truly needs jointly due to her personality and age, though she tries.

Attached: 66695207_175607616810234_7318779433837569101_n.jpg (640x640, 62K)

Based

What about this guy?

Attached: CC253247-277C-413E-A33F-BB8FA81E5ED1.jpg (670x1024, 149K)

what about guy gardner?

And what about his role in the Imperium? What would Primarch Steven would be doing (taking into account his main weapon is a shield)? Would he dissapear from the Imperium like the other primarchs did, or would he stay? Or what about his Space Marine faction?

It had to be an Earth GL that dicks a Space Dicator to death.

Goku stuff was decent. Like the Jasper fucking

>Lisa notices how glad her mother and older sisters are after Steven is sent to live with the Crystal Gems in Beach City
>she was too young to be told about Lynn Sr’s affair with Rose, but she already knows that Steven’s very different from her other siblings from her research
>she does a DNA test using hair from Steven’s old hairbrush and figures out they have different mothers.
>she doesn’t directly confront her parents with the knowledge but suddenly the way her mother and her older siblings all treated him makes sense.
>she overhears her dad asking Steven to come visit for Christmas and his reluctance to agree

How would this affect her interactions with the other sisters?

Steven would constantly have to stop Hal from trying to fuck Connie.

Wouldn't do much at first. It's as she gets older and starts asking questions about why Steven never visits, or why all his pictures have been removed. I don't mean like stuffing them in a attic, but literally tearing him out of pictures and burning his baby photos. Like hardcore attempts at covering him up.

>It was midday when they stuffed the shard in the mascot. "Alright, I no longer have to do work!" Lincoln cheerfully called Clyde. "Let's go have fun and be kids! Wally, go make people eat burgers."
>The Mascot was quiet for a moment, then, "HAHAHAHA!" The laughter was still, electronic, like something you'd hear in a drive through, coming through it's speakerphone mouth.
>"You fine with that? Great!" Lincoln wandered off as Wally began to wander. Lincoln and Clyde were off at the arcade when Lisa came running down the boulevard.
>"Lincoln, where's that gem shardkh?!" Her brown eyes were panicked.
>"Oh, I put it in Wally. So what." Lincoln shrugged. "Not like Steven is going to miss it." Then there was a great big, BOOM in the direction of Wally Burger. "Oh no... Tell Pearl it wasn't me-"
>"RUN!" Kevin ran on by as Wally, splattered with ketchup walked down the boardwalk. "OH GOD!" Kevin tripped on a loose board, turning as Wally overtook him. "NO! AHHHHHH!"
>"HAHAHAHAHA!" Wally, reaching from a pack slung over his back, held Kevin down and began force feeding him ground beef. Pure, red, raw ground beef. Kevin struggled as Wally began slowly stuffing him to death.
>"Ah shieet, I's gettin' outta here." Clyde tried to run, the coward he was. But Wally, reaching over with his elongated arm, grabbed his right leg. Making Clyde fall straight into the wood. Then dragging him next to Kevin, Wally clawed his stomach revealing not blood but beef. Nothing but beef. "Ah dindu nuffin. Shieeeeet." Clyde suffered the same fate as Kevin.
>Steven ran down afterwards, staring at the scene in horror, "what did you do!?" He practically screamed at Lincoln.
>Wally noticed the newcomer and looked up, seeing the three. The mascot seemed to have the most twisted smile as it cackled, "HAHAHAHAHA!"

SHUT UP YOU MISERABLE LOWLIVES!
As Steven's father I want to see whether or not I can find proper entertainment in my life; Baki's performance has been disappointing lately, so I hope this kid makes up for it

Attached: Yujirohanmawik (1).png (426x976, 378K)

Dark

Kek

Probably would end up being like a mix of Vulkan and Sanguinius, and would probably end being very close to both.

What's one more bastard child to the list?

Attached: old_joseph_joestar_manga.png (297x403, 217K)

A crossover to surpass LMAC

Attached: source.gif (180x180, 943K)

I'd buy Rose falling for Joseph. He's investigating the Gems for Speedwagon. Him and Rose hit off.

Attached: jjba__dio_brando_by_cogdis-d3399wa.jpg (856x1182, 82K)

Would the other sisters’ view of him change once they learn Steven got the Gempire to back off of Earth and established universal peace? That’d make him pretty famous.

So selfish. Can’t even think of his father’s needs.

"Where is my son? Where is Steven, your lord, your princely god, your godly prince?

Attached: 109217fceff799eaf7fee8d9c85add959cdecf9f_00.jpg (512x384, 28K)

Why would Rose have sex with him? Or would he be the only person capable of actually raping her with his sheer strength?

She’s kind of a hoe

Okay. This been bothering me for a while. Why doesn't Steven universe tells the diamonds and everyone that that keeps calling him pink, that pink diamond and his dad conceived him and it was Greg universe responsibilities and also Pink to have Steven. Even though Pink is Steven, it doesn't make sense, why can't Steven show the diamonds the video of pink telling him that he will become part of him.

Attached: 1569085602457m.jpg (1024x1024, 95K)

The world would have been a better place if he'd chosen Rose over Peggy. Rose is a less morally dubious character, for one thing.

> I KILLED FITTY GEMS
>COST ME M’KNEECAPS IN THE REBELLION, AN’ IT WOULD’NA HAPPENED IF OL’ ROSE QUARTS LET US USE BISMUTH’S BREAKIN’ POINT. NOW THAT WAS A GUN. HANK, YOU STILL GOT THAT SHATTERED HOMEWORLD NEPHRITE I GAVE YA?
>no dad, we got rid of it

Attached: 48B7C550-2C20-4574-AC3B-6F22B9345CDA.jpg (182x171, 7K)

Fortress Maximus as Steven's father

Attached: tumblr_lzm0nrmrx_L1qcioteo1_500.jpg (500x407, 101K)

I think the diamonds and other gems coding just have a hard time understanding organic processes. And also considering the perception shit in the last few episodes with Steven viewing himself as Pink sometimes the diamonds might literally have trouble seeing him as Steven.

Master Shake as Steven's growing up alongside Ezekiel

Attached: 1543860761465.png (500x374, 213K)

Life is good.

The Bob stuff was funny. I like how it was agreed that the other three Belcher kids would exist and Steven would just be older.

Louise constantly trying (and failing) to become half-Gem like Steven elicited a kek.

What would Bob and Steven’s fusion be like?

>Carl is Steven's dad
>Now he has to deal with two trios of freaks next door now
>Instead of a star shirt, Steven has a "THE GNATS ARE #1" shirt

Attached: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FRIGGIN BARN.png (800x700, 294K)

HEY STEVEN, WE FUSIN’ OR WHAT?

>How do you do, my Carl Just Say Smith?
>Thank you for bringing me into the world
>I am at your eternal service, welcome to your new Pearl
>"Hey, how about that, Steve-man! I found you a new mama. TONIGHT!"

All I know for sure is "hairy"

Guy Fieri with a singular focus on burgers?

>implying that Hank didn't initially have a house on the cove and the gems just built their temple inside and around it despite his protests
the gems won in the end
Bonus
>pearl constantly walking in on Hank in his underwear (secretly on purpose)
>Hank is mortified at first but eventually he accepts the inevitability and just lets it happen

>last KoTH thread was so kino
>this thread is just a bunch of shitty what if scenarios

Swarthy Guy Fieri it is. Maybe he has fire.

You never can repeat greentexts. You have to make your own. Plus, Steven has a better life with just about anyone else.

Yeah but the KoTH centric ones were top tier compared to everything else, not to shit on good fun but I was really enjoying the pseudo-story the anons in the last thread were making

>He would warn steven against connie for the shit friend that she is
I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten after him for playing Jesus before Connie got the chance. He'd probably be with Pearl on the whole Stevonnie deal though.

Anyone dare speak ill of Steven shall suffer in tartarus for all eternity, so I decree! Look upon Kevin, who lays starving as all his food turns to ash. Look upon him and know who is your better!

Attached: Jupiter_Smyrna_Louvre_Ma13.jpg (1800x3750, 2.07M)

If Steg is JoJo Jesus then Haven is cowboy Jesus.

Can we get Disney Zeus instead? He’s orange and reminds me of Jasper.

Steven, can't fight fate. None of us can, we all slowly entropy into nothing. Left to nothing but the cold frozen void, no matter how hard we struggle, no matter how hard we fight. Yes, a hard lesson but one you must learn.

Attached: aLykgg6xb3U-914x1024.jpg (914x1024, 97K)

You know some say that the only reason there is another beginning after Ragnarok is because the Gods fought against fate even when they knew they were gonna die.

>"There's no hope, the end of the world is approaching, and all I can do is sit and drink root beer! We can't fight fate, oh no, we can't even delay it. Oh poodeyhooho."
>"MOM! There's something wrong with Steven."
>"What is it NOW, Hilda?"
>"Steven is talking about everyone freezing to death and a big serpent eating everything, making everyone in school cry. Except for Trevor but nobody likes Trevor. Not even Gribble."
>"Oh... Hey Steven, you've been talking to Dad again, haven't you?"

Attached: Netflix_hilda_mum.png (350x350, 72K)

Hey Arnold takes place in Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, and New York all at the same time across half a century of culture and technology.

Oh god, Steven Kent would be OP as shit.

Are there any screencaps or pastebins cause I wanna read them now.

some say Ragnarok was never part of traditional Norse myth because it doesn't show up in anything older than the Edda, which was composed by Christian Norsemen in a kingdom that had been Christian for centuries by that point, and both Ragnarok's overall tone alongside its depiction of Loki are completely at odds with all the other myths

Hello! You're Steven. The one whose my son, or is supposed to be. Or... Is it the other way around? Oh dear, oh dear. Moving backwards in time wreaks havoc on one's brain. Yes, yes, but I have a task for you. Oh no, it's nothing like those silly gem adventures with mascots and Pearl, oh no.

Here you're going to be an animal! Fear not, it's only for a day and it's really quite fun... Unless if you're an ant. Or a pig. Then again, I like pigs. Why? To learn my dear boy. The gems have quite neglected your education in several key areas and it's up to me to fix them Wart, or is it Steven? Can't quite remember. Anyway, tallyhoo!

Attached: istock-108221256-473x640.jpg (473x640, 86K)

I breathed courage into your heart. Don't waste it, boy.

Attached: crom.jpg (372x390, 55K)

Yes Steven, you're MY SON! AHAHAHA! All those people dying were reflections of your true nature, and you wanted it to happen. Lars choking on french fries, Sadie getting diabetes, Ronaldo getting buttfucked in the ass with a broom? All you-hey wait-where are you going!? Come back!.. Damn it!

All I wanted was just to play catch... Goddamn it, I'm just like my old man.

Attached: paradise-lost-satan-in-council-engraving-by-gustave-dor.jpg (768x432, 91K)

I ever tell ya about that time a fish ate my dick, Steven?

Attached: 2B0ABD65-A0B0-4FAE-A851-4DF47C2E8A82.jpg (564x794, 61K)

Wait, how did I manage to... Why Rose of all people... Ah, it isn't the weirdest thing I've done. Not by a long shot. Well Steven, is there anything you wish for? Truly, the kind of thing lying in the back of your brain late at night? I can make it happen, it's just I have to give the time old warning: 'be careful what you wish for.'

Oh quiet you. You're the one who started the whole thing with Dad.

Attached: 6vcxlaqmuen11.jpg (813x600, 20K)

DELETE DIS!

Attached: 3650584-satan-editorial.jpg (1000x750, 175K)

Oh yeah, Steven. He's that one adopted brat I have. Olga loves him. Yeah, he and Olga spend all their time together having fun, bonding like siblings should. Brings a tear to my eye... What? What do you want Hilda? What, that's not your name?

Attached: Robert_%3FBig_Bob%3F.png (528x1066, 149K)

>look up the thread in desuarchive
>desuarchive.org/co/thread/110087851/
Goddamn that was a good thread. Did anyone screencap it?

That’s it young man! No singing and dancing for a week until you learn to respect your father!

Attached: A1A3AC11-0C73-4E8C-9A50-9DEF760544F9.jpg (132x382, 9K)

I wish someone would
the bit about cotton and his bag of grenades was the best part

Shit.

Attached: geralt-in-the-books.jpg (350x400, 27K)

...

Attached: 81BDCC68-1EC1-47F2-AF0E-1EDA766D8810.jpg (900x1350, 330K)

impossible

Lol, Steven keeps bringing him back even though he knows he hurts people.

To be fair, that is his father. And Jason is a good boy.

What if Rose had a kid with her through magic bullshit? What would Steven Prince be like. How would the gems get along with the Amazons?

Attached: apiesmg8k__93827.1553544863.jpg (833x1280, 398K)

Archer's an interesting case because I'm not sure if the show really got into what he was like when he was younger, like if he was more stable or even less. In addition to the friction in staying an extended relationship with someone (which he's theoretically capable of except they tend to die and/or turn on him... Which doesn't really raise confidence in his availability after Rose dies) and potential aversion towards fatherhood, he might have trouble getting Rose to open up to him because he has a remarkably similar set of problems from his own upbringing.

Though in the miracle that he and Rose really did hit it off, I feel like he's one of the few "on the surface a terrible choice" candidates who both could and would try to be a better man for his son.

>Archer and Rose bitching about their cold moms

Diana's personality is too inconsistent to nail down, but I think she'd be generally a good mother. She'd do her best to prepare him for the harshness of the world while still seeing his willingness to believe in and help others as something to be nurtured and protected. Though he might be even more isolated to start with since Diana isn't really any more mundane than the gems when you get down to it.

And I feel like the Amazons and the Crystal Gems might consider each other kindred spirits, since they may have fought alongside each other against Homeworld (though maybe not, since the Rebellion was a bit before Mesopotamia which means it was still like two thousand years before the Greeks? I'm blanking and I'm too lazy to google the timeline)

Steven would get a substantial insight bonus with White Diamond since she is both literally and metaphorically Space Grandma.

He might also ultimately be less resentful towards his mom when he realizes that she's pretty much his dad only on a cosmic scale.

The only question is would he
>Treat Woodhouse like shit because that's what he's taught
>Treat Woodhouse nicely because of a fundamental "Steven" nature and encourage his dad to do the same
>Not mistreat Woodhouse but also not really give much thought to his feelings

Probably treat Woodhouse nicely mostly because the guy is just an old dude and little bit of fundamental Steven. Also anybody would feel bad for the guy their dad makes eat spiderwebs.

He'd probably sweettalk her into sleeping with him, and then coerce her into keeping the baby

Who’d actually raise Steven though? He certainly wouldn’t be bothered to do it and the Gems don’t know enough about humans to do it.

After she's done she leans close to him and whispers "If you tell anyone, you'll be out on the street. And besides, nobody would believe you"
She leaves him to cry and goes to bed.
"Saying good night to Steven honey? you're the best stepmom."

L-lewd.
>Sarah sodomizing Steven because she’s frustrated with Tom’s fear of anal rape.

>"It'll only hurt if you struggle."
>Tom and Jazmine come home from take your daughter to work day.
>Sarah and Steven are on the couch, Steven has been crying.
>"What are you guys up to? Steven? are you ok?"
>"Oh we just went to the movies. Poor Steven tripped over a rock on his way home. Isn't that right steven"
>"y-y-yes Ms Dubois"
>"Now Steven, what have I told you? Call me Sarah."
>Tom heads upstairs, proud of his wife for being so accepting of her stepson.
>Jazmine lingers for a second, not sure about her mother's explanation before heading to her room.
>Steven attempts to leave before Sarah grabs his shoulder.
>"We aren't done here. Don't you know that you should always clean up the messes you make?"
>Sarah pulls out the strap-on, still covered with blood and anal mucus.
>"start sucking."

This Steven is going to develop anti-floating powers. The boy's just going to sink into the ground one day.

Truth be told I don’t think Tom has what it takes to truly woo Rose. He’s too beta to demand to be taken seriously like
Greg. She might just use him as a sperm donor if she decides to have Steven on her own.

I'm just here because of a /ss/ rape fetish. Don't much care about the logistics.

This. >Ruckus believing Steven a hero for taking back the white woman from Tom.

Is the only reason Sarah goes after Steven because she knows the Freeman boys and their granddad would kick her ass if she tried to molest them?

Pretty much and because he’s an easy target she has constant access to.

I prefer Steven still being, well, Steven, mostly because it leaves everyone baffled as to an asshole like Sterling could have possibly produced a kid as compassionate and empathetic as Steven. One could also make the argument that Sterling at least tries to be a decent person when around his son, so Steven doesn't actually see the worst of his dad, unlike everyone else.

How sexy would a Steven-Sterling fusion be? Last thread speculated that Steven Archer would inherit his father’s good looks.

Canon Steven and Greg somehow created the sex god that is Steg. Steven and Archer’s fusion would be like that times 10.

Yeah Archer really would try his best, but I kind of imagine that Steven's attitude towards him would eventually mature to "fond exasperation" which is still pretty good for how people feel about Sterling.

Also it's possible Woodhouse might have mostly raised Steven when Steven was an infant, if losing Rose made Sterling go on one of his signature disosiative episodes

That's a good question, I can't really picture what they'd look like except just "Bigger Archer" though part of me feels like the fusion wouldn't really be spy-themed at all because that's not the primary connection between them.

The snarky old bitch war between Mallory and White would the stuff legend.

Burt Reynolds, rest his soul.

*be the stuff of legend

How would the Freemans react?

Based

>Jazmine wondering about the nights when her daddy has to work late when she hears her mommy grunt and Steven cry and lots of thumping coming from Steven’s room.

Granddad: Nice
Reilly: Nice
Huey: That kid is going to become a school bubbler

>bubbler
Don’t you mean school shooter?

Riley just calls him gay when learns about the pegging. Grandad too probably.

>"Hey steven, what do you and mommy do at night?"
>Steven opens his mouth to say something
>"Kids, I made lunch!"
>Sarah is in the doorway to the kitchen, holding a knife and making very meaningful eyes at Steven
>"I-uh, she, uh sarah is just tucking me in."
>"I never cry when mommy tucks me in. Are you sad because your mommy is gone?"
>Steven blinks. That's definitely part of it.
>Not as big a part as the repeated anal rape, but a part
>"Yeah, sure"
>Jazmine comes over and hugs Steven
>"Don't worry, I'll be your sister, and mommy will be your new mommy."
>She means well, but Steven flinches regardless
>as they go to wash up, Sarah grabs Steven's shoulder.
>"Good job. There are things Jazmine wouldn't understand and doesn't need to know about. Don't eat too much now, Tom's going on a business trip, and Mommy has some new toys she wants to try."

Yeah, probably

Jazmine is too pure for this world

Steven being a big brother to Conner and helping him cope with his origin and gets him to move from his Metropolis Kid phase to T-Shirt n Jeans quicker.

Steven looking down starry eyed at his half brother John.

Heat vision refracted through the shield.

Honestly he’d function as the Diplomat of the Primarchs. Great Crusade era Steven would have been seen as weak like Lorgar since he’s more of a spokesman than a warrior. Heresy Era he would have been heading spreading his legion out to all the important as rest guard and apothecaries. Easily the one who inherited the Emperors godly charisma since his Talk no Jutsu is bullshit. His legion and space marines would function similarly in terms of Rear Guard/Civilian protection while having the highest amount of apothecaries of the legions since he was seen as a healer.

As for where would he end up post Heresy? Probably going into a galaxy spanning hunt to find any method of healing Emps since afterwards he spent months within the throne room trying to heal the Emperors broken form.

I need it

Which member of the Batfamily would Steven get along with the most? Almost Super Family member has a good friend there. Clark has Bruce, Jason has Bizarro, Tim (and Cass pre-Flashpoint) has Conner, Barbara has Kara in some continuities, and Jon has Damian.

The only one missing a Super Family friend is Dick but I don’t think he and Steven would be all that close. They’d certainly be friends but it wouldn’t be like the other World’s Finest duos. There’s also Duke, Azrael, Harper Rowe, Katherine Kane and Gotham Girl but I don’t think he’d get along with them much either.

Yeah that fits, while I'm not sure Sterling would want to teach Steven spycraft, he'd probably share the movies he likes.

But which Burt Reynolds character?

It’ll be worth it

>Come on Steven, be a good boy for Mommy.
>I have to deal with that limp dick dad of yours, it’s the least you could do.
>Neither of you are real men, but maybe I can fuck your fat ass into something that can be called half a man.

THAT T6 CLASSIC ARMOUR LOOKS NICE

Alfred?

I want....no I NEED pics of this

>That moment when you were literally Olga

Feels good to be the favorite child

>Steven grits his teeth and takes it
>If he doesn't she might take it out on Jazmine
>and that's what heroes do
>suffer so other people don't have to.

I'll do ya one better.

Attached: 1537478393106.png (893x594, 755K)

I think Steven's existence would also serve as a softening of the extreme policies regarding xenos, perhaps gems even being considered the only consistent alien ally they have. Having an empire, an extragalactic one at that, would be a massive boost to the ailing Imperium... but they also would likely be rather pissed that some giant xeno slam-fucked a diamond into a tubby little meatball, and thus would be ANOTHER enemy, staying so until the equivalent of Change Your Mind occurs.

1d4chan.org/wiki/Reasonable_Marines
So more empathetic reasonable marines?

That’s gay.

Attached: 3F990CEA-3A39-425A-87BF-B034DEA9903B.png (567x300, 157K)

I heard the fucking Tuba

Pretty much, but they wouldn't exactly be his "children" the way other primarchs are to the space marines. I think in this scenario, the Emperor produces Steven with Rose as "naturally" as one can; still like a primarch, but lacking a geneseed.

Now would Steven turn traitor or stay loyal? If he's like a kinder, gentler Lorgar, how would his "brothers" treat him? I'm betting the only ones on genuinely good terms would be Sanguinious and Vulkan.

Steven would be about as nice as Vulkan, but to all creatures, this understandably rustles the jimmies of the other primarchs, on top of seeing him as weak. Nurgle and Slaanesh would probably gun for him being theirs, but I think it'd be a Sanguinious situation where he gets close then realizes that the Chaos Gods are the worst. As for primarchs who like him I'd like to think that Vulkan, Jaghatai, and Sanguinious like him, but Sanguinious only really appreciates him after he puts his life really on the line to save some marines/guard. As for on the traitor side i think Magnus would like him, Lorgar would like him but Steven would not like Lorgar, Perturabo fucking hates him, I honestly don't know where to put Angron and Curze. I'll let someone else handle the other primarchs. And steven likes Horus because everyone likes Horus, he's just a really swell guy who can do no wrong.

>You can't eat carpet. Silly daddy

>Steven Kent picked up cooking as a hobby after learning Ma Kent
>after tasting some of Alfred’s food while visiting the Batcave, the two of them exchange recipes

Curze would mostly likely view Steven much like Vulkan: hopelessly deluded. He would hate Steven for believing in something that he KNOWS is a sham and will prove with a fucking fork if he has to, and slap away any offer of redemption. Angron, however, would depend on if Steven could heal him of the Butcher's Nails; Emp's biggest disappointment might still be surly, but not because he's getting shocked every time he approaches any level of calm, and thankful towards the Emperor's gentlest son.

Hm, the whole dilemma with Angron is that the butcher nails replaced parts of his brain, and you cant heal what's not there, except Steven can heal what's not there with bullshit gem magic. Angron might not be a lost cause after all. Hell in this timeline Sanguinious may take his place as Khornes champion.

Curze tries to show Steven that he lives in a society but Stevens all like, "well we all make mistakes" further enraging Curze

I wonder where the Crystal Gems will fit into all this. I'm guessing they'd never leave Steven's side, but what kind of effect would having them around have? They are xenos, but ones who turned their backs on their own species to defend Earth.

One of Roses final wishes was for Big E to promise that he would let the Crystal Gems raise Steven and continue to be part of his life, nobody really trusts them but nobody is gonna go against Big E and a Primarchs direct orders until the HH. As for their role they are his confidants, retainers, advisors, chosen warriors, his bread and butter basically. Or couse in this timeline the gems have a hard time keeping up with him both physically and mentally, save for Garnet and her future vision. Amethyst keeps him grounded to his humanity. Pearl is well, Pearl, his mommiest of three moms. While most of the primarchs think they hold him back or actively corrupt him, ultimately they are what keeps him from falling to chaos.

There's also the existence of the Cluster to talk about, and what'll happen with Homeworld. That might be what calls Steven from leading his Space Marine chapter, returning post-Cadia with extragalactic support from the Diamonds, because let's face it; he'll still be Steven, but the grim darkness of the 41st millenium would probably mean he's asking Yellow to send her armies, injectors to create more, and plenty of biopoison to deal with orks or tyranids.

One thing is for certain though, Rogal may be stoic but might have a soft spot for his small Half Breed brother. Corvus would like Steven just not overly. Mortarian would be on the fence about him but leaning more towards disliking him. Roboute would like Stevens natural Gift of the Gab but would still be untrusting of him, especially with the Xeno confidants he has. The Lion though, he’d be in the same boat as Mortarian but would still see his brother as a great leader and healer.

>Sarah forcing Steven to fuck her when Tom is in the next room, telling him that he should be quiet or she’ll just tell Tom he tried to rape her.

Wonder what Steven's marine chapter would be like. Points to the Reasonable Marines, but curious what they'd be called. Probably going to go with a rose motif.

Oh man... imagine how much destruction could be wrought if Steven FUSED with other primarchs.

Or... all of the primarchs

Imagine Steven and Angron fusing.
And probably Knights of the Rose or something on lines of that. Additionally, would Roses Sword basically be considered a Primarch treasure like the Lions Helm or the Black Sword?

Chaos Gods on suicide watch

Wouldn't Steven be able to heal and fuse with Emps himself?

Yeah, grimdark 40k was not built for Stevens fluffy pink healing powers

In all likelihood, that would be the case. Since Steven would be half-Emperor instead of just half-human, I'm willing to bet he'd be way bigger, and better able to wield it. I am wondering how the Primarchs would treat the Crystal Gems; forced to tolerate them by Imperial Writ, sure, but would there be any appreciation for aliens that loved Earth and humanity enough to rebel? Oh shit, how would things turn out once the true nature of Rose Quartz came to light, or the son of the Emperor returning from his quest with the Diamonds at his back?
Remember, the Emperor isn't just nearly dead; it's his soul and psyche that's been fractured as well. Just getting the Emperor physically healthy isn't enough, and... well, we might have an even more tragic scenario than a near-corpse sitting on the Golden Throne, but basically a God-Emperor with Alzheimer's; sort of there, but still not able to lead his Imperium.

>Steven becomes world famous due to the whole alien thing and effectively saving humanity
>Luna and Luan get the bright idea to buddy up to Steven to boost Luna's rock career and Luan's comedy business respectively
>they give Lynn Sr. the idea to organize a family visit to Beach City.
>Lisa is into the idea for the chance to study all the Gems but she is suspicious of Luan and Luna's motives.
>Rita is against the idea but all of the kids are interested in seeing real-life aliens
>they have shitty timing and show up ust as the events of the movie unfold
>Steven is way more focused on stopping Spinel and helping the Crystal Gems recover their memories than catching up with them, but he does make time to talk with Lynn Sr. and Lisa.
>the sisters end up butting into things and making things worse because they don't really know anything about Gems

Well now the focus shifts from keeping the Emperor from withering away to going on a pokemon journey to catch all of his souls, a bit lighthearted in my opinion. Hell they might not even need to sacrifice a hive cities worth of psyckers every day to him.

Steven wouldn't have been so timid and probably would've fucked half the gems by now

Attached: Capture+_2019-09-19-11-52-35.png (720x651, 826K)

They already do, and even a grimmer, darker Steven is still going to be heart-broken, motivated every day by knowing that cost.

Something else that would come with Steven being the Emperor's son and involved in the Crusades, when the Diamond Authority begins adoring him, Yellow's army is getting a crash course in Imperial combat tactics and weaponry. If they'll kit out Peridots with limb enhancers, imagine what they'll give Rubies and Quartzes to even the odds.

Gem colonization could also reliably kill off ork infested worlds, sick the empire on a world too costly to save and you get another gem army for your touble.

More reason that even a grimmer, darker Steven is still going to be heart-broken and motivated every day by knowing that cost.

Something else that would come with Steven being the Emperor's son and involved in the Crusades, when the Diamond Authority begins adoring him, Yellow's army is getting a crash course in Imperial combat tactics and weaponry. If they'll kit out Peridots with limb enhancers, imagine what they'll give Rubies and Quartzes to even the odds.

The Gempirium could make great headway, especially since none of their ships rely on the Warp.They'd basically end up with their own Webway that doesn't even interact with the Eldar one.

>Sarah pinning Steven down in the bathroom while the family is out to Jazmine's birthday dinner.
>"You wouldn't want to ruin it for her, would you?"

>Steven is the only member of the Archer Family who treats Woodhouse nicely
>he won't order the old man to do dangerous or humiliating stuff, like Sterling or Mallory
>and he even gets Woodhouse birthday gifts.