It follows the "adventures" (Read: Conga line of trauma) of Gabriel Sleniski (Pictured), a Polish soldier who fought in both WW2 and Korea (Where he met his end) who gets resurrected from the dead (After spending a whole lot of time in Purgatory) by The Archangel Micheal to fight demons alongside an army of superhuman undead. The show follows him and his allies as they journey and fight through the mortal world, the afterlife, and beyond, while also trying to help each other out with their problems so they can find something resembling peace, while also fighting demons (Or their equivalents) from across many different cultures from throughout history.
The main attraction of the show is it's protagonist. Compared to most other cartoon protagonists these days, Gabriel is rather flawed as a person, is portrayed with very little glorification, and all of his hardships and issues are not glossed over or dumbed down with shitty comedy. He's not going to lose it or throw a tantrum over some basic shit you'd see in your daily life, like personal taste or people getting into fights over petty things.
He's a good person at his core who never refuses a chance to do the right thing, even when the odds are entirely out of his favor, but he has a lot of vices, such as his brutal honesty (For example, instead of just softening a verbal blow at an ally, he'll just straight up tell them that they failed and need to be better.), his outdated, yet pretty reasonable beliefs (He's afraid of Asian people, but that's only because none of his life experiences involving them turned out well), and relentless cynicism, PTSD, and feelings of guilt due to his actions in wartime. Hell, even his definition of "The right thing" gets pushed to it's absolute limit. However, he hides a lot of his more intense emotions beneath a curtain of professionalism, saying that he's not a hero or villain, but just a soldier. (Continued)
To put it simply, he's like a cinnamon roll that was baked with raw steel in it and hit off of a cliff with a sledgehammer, but then climbed back out and slit the throat of the guy who hit him.
What makes him truly unique compared to most cartoon protagonists these days, however, is the fact that he can competently fight. From the get go. Most cartoon protagonists these days are either newbies to the fighting scene or just kind of ineffective. Even his fighting style differs heavily. Most of them fight with magic, emotions, slapstick, unconventional tactics, or some combination of those things. Gabriel, however, is relentlessly pragmatic, utilizing weaponry, CQC techniques, and even psychological warefare. He's literally described as "Having no honor". He WILL kick a man while he's down, and he WILL bring a gun to a knife fight. He cheats, he lies, and he will NOT give you a glorious death. In conjunction with his now superhuman state, Gabriel has adjusted his tactics to fit it.
He has a few allies, but they're pretty undeveloped, as I wanted to make Gabriel the central focus of the story. There IS a bigger story, but like I said, the show focuses on Gabriel. Ironic, as he's considered rather insignificant by everyone else.
And before anyone says the show sounds too violent, the Demons (At least the vanilla type) "Bleed" ash, and the firearms are depicted as very stylized (Due to being enhanced by holy magic).
Now, my question is this: How would Cartoon Network botch the show and Gabriels character?
Adam Sullivan
Also
The Virgin Steven Universe
>Fat slob
>Made-up last name
>Baby, needs 3 women to babysit him
>SJW ideals, shoves it in everyone's faces
>Gay pink
>Needs a team to fight
>Got powers from genetics
>Villains underestimate him
>Uses a shield, impractical weapon.
>Powers are entirely energy-based
>Overly idealistic, flawless Mary Sue
>Fighting style involves defense and the power of love
>Needs to "Redeem" villains, lacks self-preservation instinct
>Calarts style
>Comes from some impoverished, hedonistic beach town
>Only fights gay rock aliens
>Whiny, high-pitched voice
>Listens to villains speeches
The CHAD Gabriel Sleniski
>Stronk Calcium Bones, kept massive frame even after his flesh rotted away
>Actually has a Polish name
>Slightly over a century old, helps team with their problems
>Racist against Asians, doesn't let his dislike of them get in the way of him saving their lives
>Green and brown, looks like a fucking nightmare given physical form
>One-man army
>Got powers from fucking dying and getting resurrected
>Villains take caution around him.
>Uses a combat knife and guns, versatile fighting style.
>Pessimistic jerk, yet admirable because he's a genuinely heroic person who doesn't dream, but rather **DOES**
>Powers grant him inhuman strength, speed, and toughness. This is all he needs.
>Fighting style involves ripping his foes from knee to sternum, filling them with copper slugs, bashing in their skulls with his bare hands, slicing them to ribbons, and a hefty dose of tactical warefare.
>Gruesomely murders literally every single villain he encounters
>M A X I M U M A N G L E S
>Comes from rural Poland, joined military at 18.
>Killed Nazis, Japs, and Koreans when he was alive. After he died, he added Demons and other Undead to that list.
Stupid idea. Put it back inside the rat shit infested sewer you call a mind where it belongs.
Benjamin Wilson
LIVE, MY CREATION!
Luke Morales
I thought you guys would like it, what with the protagonist being a guy with old fashioned beliefs.
Evan Fisher
No, I don’t. It’s dumb as fuck, and you shitting on SU is a pathetic attempt to fit in.
Henry Diaz
But doesn’t everyone here hate SU?
Nathaniel Taylor
I think it sounds cool. Give it a cool soundtrack and I'd definitely watch it.
Aiden Phillips
Not really, get a bunch of threads about it and people usually like it, or are addicted, people are pumped for the movie, anyway, your ideas are just really dumb and your protagonist makes Steven look cool.
Sebastian Ramirez
don't listen to that triple tranny. Skelebro is based
Kevin Cox
The funny part?
Most cartoon lemotifs these days: Autotoon techno with some small instruments.
Interesting. I have a question though. If Jack Skellington here is suppose to be "brutally honest" and "doing the right thing" won't that kind of clash with his "no honor" character trait?
Also this seems way too extreme for the networks.
Nathaniel Ramirez
He does the right thing, but the means don’t matter to him
Blake Hall
Reddit is thataway.
Joshua Perry
Not the R&M part, because that sucks.
Aiden Long
Yeah but couldn't a classical leitmotif get that across while also showcasing him as someone from another era?
Parker Peterson
Got any ideas?
Owen Edwards
So do your ideas, that’s where they belong. Maybe you’ll get an upvote.
Parker Hughes
Sounds actually cool and orginal. You might have to tone it down for networks and have kid as a protagonist. It might be better suited for Adult swim instead. Keep working at it OP
Ethan Sanchez
Kind of tied back into my question about how CN would fuck it up.
Jonathan Smith
I like the idea, but like the other user said, It is too extreme for the networks, they would surely botch his ideals for another generic "feelgood" hero. Maybe It could happen in Adult Swim with the bonus that now you could use real guns, "magical" guns were always retarded in my opinion.
Can you go into more detail about how it’d be fucked up?
Jace Gutierrez
>He uses Reddit Fucking sad as shit, stay there next time
Alexander Powell
Just seems a bit weird. I doubt he'll say "he has no honor" when a form belief in ideas could count as honor.
Also a few more questions. What's his drive? Does he have a contract with God to kill the demons or something? And is there moral ambiguity in the story? Maybe it's just me, but the idea of an idealist sounds boring as shit without it.
All I can think of now is Painkiller mixed with Watchmen.
Julian Reyes
>This entire thread I'm always talk about my novel but i don't fucking do that right now...
Dominic King
Of course they would fuck it up. It's not child friendly. But Adult swim would be cool with it. You should make a series pitch bible if you are serious.
Christian Hernandez
Pro tip, never release your potentially rich making idea on a anonymous board without trade marking or copyrighting that shit first.
Cameron Thomas
>*Firm belief in ideals
Christopher Ward
I'd rather play doom than watch this.
Michael Wilson
There are other characters, such as.
An Egyptian mummy woman trying to find her softer side and connect with other people. She’s kind of pretentious and has a hard time understanding other people’s feelings m.
A knight trying to regain their professionalism, due to being in heaven for so long. Kind of a dork, attempting to be less goofy, has no head.
A western gunslinger with a vendetta. He’s kind of the token evil teammate. He’d rather just be a piece of shit than do what people tell him to.
In this world, God is depicted as a ball of light who can take on other forms. Sometimes male, sometimes female, sometimes animalistic. God is a a pretty cool being, but they’re trying to keep in touch with humanity.
Also, Gabriel accepts the deal because he’s given the chance to both go back to war, where he feels he belongs, and the opportunity to find rest after wandering the Afterlife for so long.
Ryan Rogers
I took a lot of inspiration from Painkiller
Daniel Gutierrez
So you mean he's like all the basic "means justify the ends" kinda of villain but he's the protagonist.
Jonathan Ramirez
Pacifica, Tom Banner, and Ben McCall are his teammates. That sounds hilarious.
Isaac Evans
He has his limits, and only goes to whatever lengths are needed, never going too far. For example, in the minutes leading up to his death by sniper, he killed a small enemy outpost out of anger. Several civilians were killed, but he didn’t notice until he had killed off the entire base. And to say that he was horrified by what he did is an understatement.
Gabriel isn’t an extremist, he’s a soldier. Pragmatism is key. He does only what he needs to do.
Blake Rodriguez
Pretty much. They’re not that developed yet, sadly.
Sebastian Price
Who are you marketing this to? Who is your audience? This doesn't sound very toyetic to me, and no toys means no profits, and no profits means no sponsors. Might make a better Vertigo comic or alternative comic, can't see it succeeding as animated. Otherwise good work user!
Mason Ramirez
This is a passion concept.
Zachary Martin
Well, Gregor, either you're 12 or an autistic, emotionally stunted 30 something with a gay obsession for Doom guy
Nicholas Sanders
Maybe.
Ayden Myers
>posts it the one place he knows he's gonna get positive reinforcement because critics are either banned or downvoted and hidden Yikes and cringepilled
Jaxson Sanchez
Nah. This was the first place I was going to put it.
Nolan Anderson
Kill em all 1987 I am bone man 1446662346 dead angels Purgatory is a fuck
Henry Torres
Shut the fuck up tranny this sounds cool
Aaron Bailey
If you’re 11
Nathaniel Cruz
Gabriel wonders if everyone hates him because he’s depressed. And a skeleton. And that his thoughts play out loud sometimes. Sometimes they’re sorrowful, sometimes they’re him analyzing the current situation, and sometimes they’re just the random scattered thoughts
“When this is over, if it ever is, I’m just going to take a 100 year long nap. Literally. Because its what I need.”
“Right... So, let’s go over the to-do list. I need to find whoever’s in charge here and kill him, but only if he looks like the picture I was given. Odd.”
“I can’t stand all of this purple prose. I want to get my job done, yet everyone around me seems to be caught up in their personal cultural rituals.”
“I don’t like being here. Everyone feels like they’re about to attack me. Why did they have me go to Asia? Fuck it, this won’t get itself done. ”
Dylan Gomez
This guy whines too much
Noah Mitchell
Your idea is kinda gay OP. But, imma steal it anyways :)
Anthony Bennett
What the hell else can I do?
Wyatt Wilson
Have that bitch cheer up a little, smile or something.
Levi Ramirez
A. Gabriel physically can’t smile.
B. Gabriel would smile and be happy, but he can’t find anything happy about his current situation besides the fact that he has the chance to redeem himself in his own eyes.
C. Gabriel has been so mentally shattered by his experiences that the only thing he can do about it is push it down and move on while his guilt constantly torments him. Not even vocally, just this constant immense feeling of guilt.
Lincoln Martin
D. He’s a pussy
Xavier Morris
How could I fix it?
Juan Gomez
Okay, it seems most of the people on this thread hate this idea. What should I do?
A remix of an old song with a much more intense beat.
Frankly, I wanted something that displays both major aspects of who Gabriel is:
On the outside, he's a badass killing machine who rarely talks, is pragmatic as fuck, and is also kind of a blunt and incredibly rude sonuvabitch when he does talk, never really giving anyone 100% positive feedback.
However, through the addition of his inner thoughts, Gabriel becomes a much more tragic character. While most of his thoughts are purely situational and cover what he's doing or just his thoughts on a situation, a lot of them are supposed to convey who he is on the inside: A broken man, wracked with guilt, horror, and exhaustion. Incredibly damaged by everything he's endured, and yet he pushes on anyways and tries to remain strong not out of determination, but because he can't think of a way to deal with his issues. If he gives up now or even proves victorious, what else is left for him to go to? Nothing.
The reason I came up with this is because I feel that action adventure cartoons need a jumpstart. Name the last cartoon in the past 2 years that regularly had unironic action scenes and was nearly driven entirely by storytelling. Basically, it's better to have an edgy cartoon with substance than to have a feelgood cartoon with none.
Basically, Ghost with a Gun is sort of an "Anti Steven Universe". Even the protagonists are nearly polar opposites.
Steven is idealistic, Gabriel is pragmatic. Steven is short and pudgy, Gabriel stands over 6 feet tall and is a literal skeleton. Steven is mostly mentally sound, Gabriel is simply not well. Steven usually deflates conflict out of idealism, Gabriel doesn't give any of his foes a chance. At all. Steven is kind of cute and kindhearted, Gabriel is kind of terrifying. Steven is kind of naive and gets scared upon fighting, Gabriel has a lot of experience, and has absolutely no problem with wholesale massacring his foes.
In a nutshell:
Steven is the Wide-Eyed Idealist. Kindhearted and definitely the kind of person you'd want to be your friend, but has trouble stepping up to the plate when it comes to serious decisions.
Gabriel is the Knight in Sour Armor. Cynical and the guy no one talks because of his blunt external rudeness. But when it counts, Gabriel can and will try his absolute damnedest. To him, the world sucks, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't try to make it even a little bit better.
Like it absolutely reads like a cartoon a 12 year old would think up, hyper focused on what they don't like about current entertainment and their current interests, with a protagonist they think is fucking awesome without really going into details as to why because they exist, glorious and golden, in the creator's head and obviously we can see it.
Like I could see 00s adult swim doing a show about a racist, cynical, damaged ghost soldier but why the fuck do you want this idea on the main network? Who is it for?
You've also underdeveloped the plot. We know Gabriel is a hard man who makes hard choices and is haunted by their hardness. What are these choices? Who, outside of the archangel Michael, is making them? Should maybe you change your protag's name from the OTHER major archangel if you're involving those guys? Who is the antagonist, the byzantine bureaucracy of heaven, the so far anonymous hordes of hell who seem just to exist for your troubled hero to shoot, Gabriel's own moral weakness? Is this whole adventure just an extension of purgatory to force your protagonist to face his flaws directly?
Take a serious look at this story. You're in love with the protagonist, which is a dangerous trait, and you've developed nothing else. If this is for adults, what are they getting out of it? Kids, same question? Who is this FOR, man? This isn't a personal indy project, you're pitching an expensive venture for a mass audience here, you can't get away with the answer to that being "me".
Isaac Harris
Thanks for the advice. I genuinely appreciate it.
Also, the demons do have a motivation: Y'know, destroy all of humanity. But the reasoning is pretty sickening:
Lucifer is basically the embodiment of "Niceguy". He lusted after Gods female form (Instead of just loving the concept of God, like all men should) , but God rejected his advances (By that, I mean dropkicking his ass into Hell). So he decides to destroy Gods creations out of spite.
I am pretty in love with the concept, and I accept that there's some favoritism going on.
Gabriel did a lot of things that were morally questionable at best when he was alive. Most of them were a result of external circumstance or heat of the moment choices. For now, I'll discuss the things that were his fault:
He left his parents behind in Nazi occupied Poland during WW2 when the armed forces fled the country. He feels really guilty over this, and fully accepts that it was his fault that they were condemned to what amounted to a death sentence. He literally left for America after the war was over because he couldn't bring himself to go back home. And yes, he gets called out for this because he basically just ran away from his problems.
During his time in Korea, in the minutes prior to his demise, Gabriel killed off an entire enemy outpost in adrenaline-fueled rage after his squad was killed off. He also ended up killing off several civilians who were taking refuge there because he was too angry to tell them apart. He realized this 20 seconds before his death by sniper. Obviously, this didn't do his psyche any favors. His first few years in Purgatory were literally spent in a fetal position.
Gabriel fights because he was promised peace. And he also takes it as an opportunity to feel like he's redeemed himself.
I feel Gabriel is well-developed, and I should start working on the other characters more now.
Michael Stewart
I do need help working on the other characters a bit, though. They've got characterizations, but I feel that I need to build on it a bit.
Example: Sir Humphrey.
A fairly well-known knight who ended up decapitated in battle and went to Heaven due to his strong beliefs. However, due to spending so much time in Heaven, he lost a lot of professionalism, and desires to reclaim the level of skill that made him who he is.
His motivation for fighting is pretty simple. Considering that he was given the chance to directly confront the embodiment of sin, it'd be hard to refuse that offer.
I need help fleshing him out as much as Gabriel.
Other notes:
The drawing isn't as quality as Gabriel's because I kind of rushed it
Originally, Humphrey was female. I decided not to do that because Yea Forums hates female characters who can fight.
Have this smile asshole smile or eat a donut or something, no one wants to watch a show about some miserable fuck that isn’t a horse or a scientist
Charles Adams
Is it better if he doesn't really externally express it? Because that's what he does.
Jaxson White
Only if you make him a Horse Scientist
Julian Lewis
Seriously, though. Can you at least tell that I have actual passion in this concept?
Christopher Gomez
>his character flaws are he's too honest, has reasonable beliefs and he's DAMAGED Yikes. This seems too violent for a kid's cartoon, and way too immature for an adult one. So your average anime.
David Moore
Honestly? It doesn’t seem to be anything from the heart, a lot of your energy seems to be in making something that’s anti SU, and that’s not really an identity
Angel Campbell
Sorry. I mean, I also wanted to show off that he's incredibly rude, very antisocial, is kind of racist against Asian people, and has a lot of baggage that he refuses to talk to anyone about because he doesn't know how to properly process it.
Actually, I was developing it normally, but then I noticed that Gabriel was basically the anti Steven.
Jaxson Walker
I'm curious, are you also a Pole who is rude, antisocial and kind of racist?
Hunter Long
I'm not Polish. Rude, maybe, whenever I get agitated. Antisocial, probably because I'm just not interested in anyone else. Racist? Not really, I only really say shit like this because I want to fit in.
I rarely draw my characters traits from myself, and when I remotely self-insert myself, I end up having said character either die horribly or have something awful happen to them. Because self-inserts are stupid in every way.
Luke Ramirez
So wait is Gabriel a shell shocked cynic, a rage powered Rambo type, or a bit of a coward who just wanted to get through the war?
Lucifer as a horny bastard doesn't really...work. Maybe use another demon who got conned into Lucifer's rebellion because of that? You're also missing my point: there are no antagonists to antagonize Gabriel.
Think about the story. What is your goal? Where are your protagonists going, and how do the antagonists try and keep them from getting there?
You have too many specific details about Gabriel and not enough of a thesis. All I see when you talk about him is "hard man making hard choices", but there's no context. Is he in a unit in this ghost brigade? is the afterlife being similar to his old army structure something he draws comfort from, or does he see heaven as hypocritical?
So you can just leave heven now? I thought eternal peace was Gabriel's goal? Wouldn't some bloodthirsty thug like Humphrey enrage him?
Yea Forums hates everything, don't create your story based on what a bunch of random people shitposting are going to like or dislike. Someone, somewhere, is going to dislike your character anyway.
Jack Turner
>guns >racism >edgy >mature dark story for mature dark adults like myself The concept is cool but you reeeally got too edgy. Really, your chances stopped with the title. Americans, despite their gun fetish, refuse to have them in cartoons aimed at general audiences for some reason.
Alexander Robinson
Yeah this is really an adult swim thing, kinda dark like Primal or that Uzumaki show
Easton Adams
The Boys was so fucking good
To add, you should aim for Adult Swim. This would fit 100% better on there and actually have a chance to not get censored as badly
On the outside, he's a quiet, antisocial man who nontheless wholesale exterminates his foes because it's his duty. Another key aspect is that Gabriel never screams or grunts during combat. Hell, he doesn't even speak during a fight unless he needs to communicate with his allies in combat.
On the inside, however, he's a shell shocked cynic who just wants it to be over.
And yes, Humphrey does anger Gabriel, because he kind of took Heaven for granted.
Also, Gabriel is seen as rather insignificant by almost every other major player. And he's actually okay with this, because being expendable is much more of a relief than having to bear the weight of the world.
Lucas Ward
You're idea is too edgy, and cringy edgy - the worst kind of edgy. And are you honestly retarded with that question? >How would Cartoon Network botch the show and Gabriels character? Seriously, the execs wouldn't even greenlight this. This isn't a show for the network's demographic, and it's too childish for Adult Swim to greenlight. And Adult Swim has Renegade Angel Xavier (a good show, I love it!).
Like says best, it's focused too much on being just being anti-current animation than actually telling a story and giving the main characters a meaning/goal.
Why does Gabriel do what he does? What caused him to get where he is now? What keeps him going to fight in this never-ending battle of good and evil?
You should go back to the drawing table and re-develop your show and take the time. I know and can see you're really young, and even I had an edgy show idea fase. But actually thinking about the core values instead of trying to be extremely counter-culture is better.
Well how about I tell you my age. I'm 20 soon to be 21 in February, and motherfucker if you are remotely close to my age then neither your mary-sue character nor your MS paint scribbles tell me this was done by someone with talent or competence. Your character is ghost rider but with no subtlety or backstory. All you can write is about Gabe Sleniski is that he's troubled and remorseful but merciless and vindictive, yet you have not typed a single reason why, other than he was a 18-year old soldier in WW2. You've done nothing but describe your character and hardly anything interesting about the world this character lives in. SU at least has the forethought of interesting places like Homeworld, the human zoo, and even the kindergarden. what kind of settings does your story even have?
William Cox
What the hell else am I supposed to do with this idea?
To answer all of your questions:
>Why does he do what he does?
Well, yeah, he wanted peace, but the reason he joined the military in the first place is because he personally felt that the only thing he'd ever be good at was violence.
>What caused him to get to where he is now?
He used to basically act as an enforcer for a bunch of other kids during his childhood (Remember, back then, kids were less monitored in certain places). Gabriel was taught basic academic lessons by these kids in exchange for him using his tall, muscular farm boy physique to beat up other kids for money and other stuff to pay them with. Gabriel did this because he didn't really know any better until it was too late.
>What keeps him going?
The promise of being able to finally rest.
Also, the initial draft was actually less edgy. It was more about Gabriel overcoming his own personal vices and demons (Both inner and outer) and finding something worth fighting for besides his own peace.
To quote some guy that I talked to about this:
> Would his character arc be something like being a closed off nihilist to transitioning to a total chad by finding things worth fighting for?
That's what it was going to be at first, but I made it more offensive and darker so Yea Forums would receive it better.
Tyler Peterson
It takes place in our world, as well as the Afterlife.
We don’t like edgy shit, we like good shit, and Superman shit due to father issues.
Camden Lopez
I don't even know what I should do with this.
Hudson Powell
Scrap the idea, make it good or something, also stop trying so hard.
Eli Hernandez
>I made it more offensive and darker so Yea Forums would receive it better That's actually really gay. We like good shit, not edgy splurts. Go back to the nihilist-to-chad journey or whatever YOU'd like, that's the most important.
>What the hell else am I supposed to do with this idea? What do you think? If you'd like to pitch it to CN (or better, [AS]), you really have to tone down the edge and develop the other characters and world much better. There is no anything here. Also: >Originally, Humphrey was female. I decided not to do that because Yea Forums hates female characters who can fight Cringe
I feel like I really did try too hard with this. I don't even know what I should do with this idea. I feel like I scattered it too much.
Jonathan Ward
But this isn't about what I like. It's about what you guys like.
Carter Miller
Don’t tell us what we like. Yea Forums isn’t one person either, Yeah you did, I mean the character himself is interesting, you just kinda try too hard,?making everything edgy, maybe in the future, you might be able to make a more balance story.
Jose Carter
I'll take it off your hands. Could always use a drawing template. at least you'll be doing something new and hopefully, better. You have pandered and failed, simple as. You do not understand Yea Forums, nor do you understand your own shortcomings. if you want actual, real critique of your work, got to /ic/ or Yea Forums.
I dunno shit about cartoon network since i stopped watching it when i was like 12. But what i will say is your idea is kinda cool and could evolve into something I'd certainly watch. So keep at it.
You know what? I'm not giving up on this idea. I'm going to keep at it until I can get it right
Dylan Stewart
Good for you, I guess
Thomas Evans
>Yea Forums user no, they'll tear him apart
Jonathan Morales
good for you. I'm still gonna use this character though, not anything I can profit off of but maybe you'll see him next week in /coc/ no pain no gain.
Jonathan Lee
I feel like I can do better with this. Hopefully, I can make Gabriel more likable.
Austin Russell
>Some idea I had for a cartoon. How would Cartoon Network screw it up? I hate this title SO much. You know why shows like Ok Ko, Victor and Valentino, and Steven Universe get picked up? 1. The creators actually cared and liked their show idea. 2. They're not edgy or extremely childish (initially) 3. They don't have titles like Ghost with a *GUN* Also side point, CN execs usually don't fuck with shows too much (at least according to Victor and Valentino creator) maybe the art style and small story bits changes but that's usually it. This thread is an eye-sore, stop bumping it.
Adrian James
Dude, everyone hates those shows.
Isaiah Ramirez
>Everyone hates those shows Not that user, but have you actually browsed here? A lot of people love SU and OK KO. And he was talking about why execs liked the show, not the potential audience. If you're OP, please grow the fuck up.
Plus a lot of people jack of to Victor and Valentino and those other shows. This guy has no waifus.
Henry Lopez
Reads like an aborted arc from Hellboy.
Evan Gonzalez
>Plus a lot of people jack of to Victor and Valentino and those other shows. This guy has no waifus This. If you want to cater to Yea Forums, at least have some waifus.
Caleb Turner
By the way, I'm writing down a more cohesive overview of Gabriel's character
Luke Torres
Go ahead but add waifus.
Tyler Robinson
How many times do I have to fuckin say this.
You have already spent half the thread on Gabriel's character. It is a mismatched mess of shit you think is cool pasted onto a single person. It is at once too busy and hollow, and ultimately none of it matters because nothing about this guy is exciting people.
Focus on your story. Have a reason this guy is running around. So far the only remotely compelling idea in any of this is a ghost partnered with another ghost and they both think the other is taking their afterlife for granted.
I don't need to know what stupid faces Gabriel makes while he is killing people, I need, like, a pitch. A cast of characters, a plot, a 13 episode sample season; to answer your inital question CN wouldn't destroy your idea because there IS no idea, there is a dude you are really into and some vague window dressing.
Leo Allen
I mean, there is one female character who's a major part of the case, but I'm considering making her a male because it makes more sense. No Egyptian warrior can be female.
Christopher Flores
Sexist and won’t let Yea Forums jack off to a female character? You’ve crossed a line. Get this shittyidea out of here and listen to this douche
Samuel Evans
I've literally explained this shit several times:
There IS a reason Gabriel is running around and fighting. He's been promised peace if he can help to repel the demon invasion.
Camden Hughes
She's a mummy, I thought you guys would be happy. She's not even sexy
Wyatt Anderson
It's only mismatched because I've been throwing around random aspects of his character.
I'm trying to make a more cohesive and easier to follow version of his character summary.
Ayden Evans
THEN FOCUS ON THAT.
Who are the demon commanders, why are they acting like a traditional military, ARE they acting like a traditional military, what are some sample missions, how many adventures does our boy need to have before he's paid his dues, is there a way he can cheat the system?
You are missing my point. "Demons are bad and doing bad things." is not enough context for this character or story. You need a little bit more. Think about why the archangel fucking Michael needs a bunch of ghosts to do his bidding instead of an army of angelic super-soldiers who've been training for the big spiritual gang war since creation happened. Thinking about this will flesh out your setting which will give you more story beats, which lead to more natural stories.
To put it another way, this is the story of a soldier fighting a strange spiritual war. In order for this to feel natural, even if no one knows about it, you must think about both commands, their plans, strategies, and how they interact because like you've said, your protagonist is a minor player in a greater conflict so we must have the outline of that greater conflict to play in. Even if Gabriel does not understand his orders, YOU should.
Let's think of an example story. Humphrey, this egyptian chick you're playing with, and Gabe are sent to investigate a demonic cult working out of, I dunno, a scientology-like corporate money cult. People are broken down into brainless vessels suitable for demonic possession. The conflict is then between three different warriors and how they want to resolve this conflict, with the pressure being Michael giving them a week to do this quietly before he sends the Angel of Flowery Dewdrops to burn the building into a cinder.
Carson Peterson
We wanna jack off, don’t you see, you idiot?
Noah Baker
I like that idea.
Evan Hernandez
Also, Gabriel and the rest of the undead are sent to do this because Micheal wants it done precisely and quietly. If Micheal or any of the angels intervened, things would get out of hand fast. Basically, Gabriel and the rest of the undead army is stopping the invasion before it happens.
How do I explain the demon invasion plan? This is Lucifers plan
1. Take a few decades to get a bunch of demons from all around the world. (Including from other cultures)
2. Disguise them as people.
3. Have them start opening up portals so I can get my armies into Earth directly.
4. Cause the apocalypse.
5. Profit.
Christian Peterson
This thread actually makes me wonder what Yea Forums considers edgy and why it's immediately a bad thing.
Ayden King
Because edgy is ridiculousness with none of the fun, The Boys is Edgy, Wanted is Edgy, E.V.I.L Heroes is Edgy.
Nicholas Watson
Well let's not get ahead of ourselves here. you don't even have a design for any of Gabe's supporting cast. IMO I like the Egyptian priest warrior idea. no need to suddenly make this crew a post-mortem sausage fest
I mean, I feel that the bad impressions come from me scattering the plot details around.
Angel Richardson
I actually like those designs. A little inaccurate from what I did (The knight carries his head around like a Dullahan).
They all died differently
Gabriel got shot in the head
Humphrey got decapitated
Mummy girl died of a heart attack from heat stroke
Gunslinger boi literally got blown up.
Hudson Mitchell
Well make sure your plot summary is nice, detailed, and especially clear cut next time. instead of making a 3 year old meme comparing your story to Steven Universe. I'm not a mind reader man, you want people to know this then put all those details beforehand in the OP.
Alexander Brooks
Sorry.
Frankly, I get pressured easily. The results are never good.
As much as i'd like to give you a detailed response, after doing that in couple other threads and getting nowhere, i feel like there's not much of a point. Look you want to know how cn would screw your idea up. But first you need to know how you might of screwed your idea up. >ghost with gun Crap name, call it Undead violence, Or The war after death, or something. I mean i could make several crud titles, but i think they would be better then yours. >afraid of Asians yeah that's banned for racism >the show focuses on one guy no, he need some soldiers to work with him obviously cn might add a little loli undead girl with a machine gun (or would that just be what co wants?) And he needs a team of like 4-5 people like a small army group like in the predator movie or something. So he has to deal with them trying to help take out demons in different ways then he wants, and their different personalities bugging him or making him show some emotion. (anyways i said too much already, there you go)
Nicholas Johnson
Some of those sound cool
Dominic Jones
Go back to requesting your oc on /aco/
Easton Morales
I have a somewhat similar character for a book I'm writing.
A bad guy was killed by a honorable necromancer and brought back to atone for the wrongs he did. Everyone he dies he comes back, and must learn to actually want to do the good deeds for their own benefit, rather than to be able to due.
He's a lot like deadshot im that before he got necromanced, he wanted to die, but in a blaze of glory.
Also not only is the necromancer a necromancer, but he's a fucking gunslinging sheriff in an otherwise straight fantasy world.
I kind of missed Humphrey and mummy girl and stuff, have them go with him through jungles, fields, mountains or whatever. Also i vote humphrey is secret female, tall slightly toned muscles, large chest and strong, but her armor and helmet hide it. Make her helmet float above her hear, just float, like it can fly a certain amount, but maybe it gets lost or has issues going to far from her body. She pretends to be male for most the show. Make it end of the shows 1st season her armor gets smashed with giant hammer, revealing big well toned slightly muscular amazon girl with well sized chest (i'm not trying to feed co fetish....ok i am) I'm sure i could think more, but i'm a bit tired
Logan Myers
I was writing this guy before I even knew what /aco/ was
Jordan Nelson
This is run-of-the-mill babby's first deviantart OC stuff. Not hard to come by.
Angel Campbell
>Tired
Welcome to the club.
Thomas Wilson
>Dusk soundtrack Cool
Still, it's too edgy for my tastes. also, your main drive as it has been said already seems to be anti current as possible, which is kinda pathetic OP.
This is something that would infinitely work better in the realm of video games. It has been done actually, look up a game called DEADBOLT.
Also mummy girl had herself wrapped up before people Embalmed her or preserved her body in various minerals and oils and stuff. So she never became a real mummy. She just has every inch of her body wrapped in linen. So could reveal that near end of show. (co needs girls)
1. Satan wants to cause the apocalypse because God rejected him for being a fucking stalker who thinks he's entitled to a relationship with God, and is preparing to send all of his demons to kill off humanity out of spite. However, this takes time, and he needs to create a direct portal to our world. Normally, Demons need to head through Purgatory one at a time, which takes a considerable amount of time. So Satan is sending smaller amounts of demons the normal way so they can open up a giant portal that would allow him to send everything he has. It's also pointed out that Satan has a habit of overcompensating. He COULD send all of his forces through Purgatory in a matter of weeks, but he doesn't want to, as that lacks the dramatic flair he's going for.
2. God and their angels can't intervene, because if they did, Satan might just pull the "Several week long flood of demons", and send everything he's got, instead of just showing all of his forces at once, making it more unpredictable. Basically, its a better idea to stop it before it can get any worse than to trigger it at all. It'd also carry a massive risk of Heaven becoming known to humanity as a real thing, as the battle would be far too intense. Angels are immensely powerful, but they're basically incapable of doing anything below overkill. People would also lose faith in God, as this would result in people knowing they're real. God doesn't want to mind wipe anyone. The solution? Take dead human warriors, partially resurrect them, charge them with superhuman capabilities, and send them to quietly (Well, compared to what Angels would do) get rid of the "Focus point" demons.
3. Demons are created from sins. Considering how many sins go unforgiven in the world... Yeah, there's a lot of them.
It is. I’m the fucking OP. I feel like I botched this majorly because of my inability to properly communicate my thoughts.
Lincoln Clark
I actually wish someone would help me with this.
Brayden Wilson
This really isn’t the kinda place where we can help you, you might actually get more help on Reddit, they have names.
Connor Long
I dunno. Frankly, I really want to find a way to put this guys characterization into words.
Basically, without going into further detail, on the outside, he appears to be a rude asshole who doesn’t like talking, but fights because he’s heroic.
But on the inside, he’s a broken, exhausted man trying to make sense of the world around him and suppress his own innermost anxieties and issues by pushing everyone away because he really doesn’t know how to deal with his problems. But he fights on anyway because it’s all he has left.
Adrian James
Local skeleton literally too sad to die.
Alexander Young
>tfw this thread makes you more uncomfortable due to the fact this is almost definitely something you would have come up with when you were 14
Huh, when you put it that way, he does sound like good ol Wolvie
Jack Phillips
Okay, OP, Im Going to give you some advice on how to better articulate your story.
One, read and watcg things that are kind of like your story. See what they do that you like, write them down. See what they do that you don't like. Write them down.
Start writing up character bios. >The character is dark and edgy Okay, why? Did something terrible happen to him? Has he had a tough Love? Does he just think it makes him look Cool? Whatever it is, write it down. Don't show these to anybody, not yet.
Once you have these written down for a few characters, start writing up a basic plot, keeping in mind what you wrote down for the character profiles and using that to influence their actions on the story.
Then show that off. When people ask about the summary and snippets in greater detail, you'll be better able to answer them in a consistent and concise way because you've done that.
And do not be afraid to change something. Even if it's been around since the beginning. You generally get better ideas as you go along, because your new idea better fit the story you're trying to Write because you've been with it longer.
Tldr: read more, watch more, and begin using that to help build your backstories.
William King
Thank you so much! I’ll try to take this advice to heart. Even though the G and H keys on m keyboard are fucked.
Nolan Bennett
And to add to this, come up with your deep lore. Why does the world work as it does? It can be fantastical and weird, but write down the rules, so that you stay consistent. Even if you don't plan on revealing all of it in the story, write it down, because it will help prevent you jumping the shark. Build your story inside the rules you set, and again, dont be afraid to change the rules to better fit the story.
Gavin Smith
And one more thing. It's okay to write something in reaction to something else. You don't like the current trend of protagonists solving trouble with talking and songs? That's fine. But don't let that be your whole reason for writing or else you come across as bitter and jealous. Write something you'd like to watch, put care and effort into it, not just reactionary spite. That way, you can prove your point because you made something good that shows the care and time you put into it.
That's all. Don't take my advice as the only advice. I could be wrong, but stay open to criticisms and advice, and you'll be a better write for it.
Sebastian Powell
Cartoons can absolutely be edgy if done right creativity-wise. Plots like this are unironically edgy for the sake of being edgy with shit like "It'S NoT LiKe OtHeR cArTOoNs". Due to my interests, I personally would love to see a series where guns where commonplace and not treated like magic blasters or symbols of power, and realistically like tools that aren't weapons of mass destruction meant to be carried by douchey Mary Sues. I don't have a problem with the story having guns, but this doesn't seem to be a good example of that at all.
I think OP could improve his plot by developing both the protagonists and antagonists more beyond the basic "broken heroes that ultimately fight for a concrete good" and "lol angels and demons" archetypes. Instead of the main character being resurrected purely for killing demons, he do something like waking up from dying in a fictional war in a place he knows nothing about, and finding out gradually what's going on in the world he woke up in while merely trying to survive instead of being told "lul you're a zombie supersoldier, go kill some demons, Hoss". Broken heroes can be done right if the circumstances line up and his goal of fighting for the greater good could be used against him later on to give the story depth.
If OP is a 14 year old, I don't hold this shallow story against him and encourage him to keep coming up with stories and practice drawing. If he's older than 15, I recommend him reading more books to get an idea of how plot devices work and also improving his drawing skills.
I’m just going to say these details before I forget them.
God doesn’t really intervene because that would be a long term defeat. They’d reveal themselves to humanity, make their existence a known fact, and basically nigh-irreversibly and artificially alter human morality as a result. Mind wiping everyone would also artificially alter the human psyche. This is something God does not want.
Also, Gabriel’s PTSD is initially expressed by him getting really antsy or something.
Jackson Martin
I actually really find your advice useful. It gives me the right direction
Carson Ross
Those are fine. In fact, i find them pretty cool. But, they sound a little generic. By that I mean, I can think of a few examples of stories I've seen with a similar premise. And that's true for everything you come up with. There is something similar out there. So make sure to put your own spin and personality into it yo make it your own.
Logan Torres
And if you're going to write something about biblical shit, make sure you know what you're talking about. Or, just take inspiration from it, and use it as a basis, but makse sure people know that.
Aaron Campbell
You should keep Humphrey a woman. You'd actually get both the woke crowd--who will like having a female character whose most interesting traits aren't just her breasts--and the Yea Forums crowd, who will waifu female Humphry anyway.
Also, mummy girl sounds cool and should remain a woman as well.
