Posting my Outline for a show I’m working on. I’ve just finished writing 5 episode worth of stuff. Please be as critical as possible.
West Coast Princess
>Kat Rivers, A vulgar, snarky, rebellious teenage girl from the city of angels receives a very troubling revelation on her 16th birthday. Her parents are from another realm! One where fairy tales and all sorts of magical creatures are very much real. Her parents, the king and queen of Salandor, escaped 16 years ago with their baby girl to a seemingly unreachable place, to escape an unstoppable dark force, dead set on destroying their bloodline. Whether she likes it or not, she’s slowly becoming a fairy tale princess. Animals start following her, she can no longer swear, and even her farts are literal sprinkles and rainbow! The magic realm is slowly sweeping into the human realm, and it won’t be before the dark evil finds her and her family. With the help of her friends, Kat must learn to harness her magical strength, to vanquish evil for good.
Posting my Outline for a show I’m working on. I’ve just finished writing 5 episode worth of stuff...
If her parents can't stop the unstoppable dark force, why will her daughter be able to? Also, the king and queen left their kingdom to rot? Doesn't sound that magically royal to me.
also, plot is very similar to I am number 4.
It's pretty much Twitches but without a second helping of cute black girl
I’m actually at a cross roads with my friend/co creater (helping me with the art and and some story elements) I feel it should be as simple as the Dark force is some asshole who wants to rule the kingdom, but is fortold that Kat will be the one to stop him, so naturally, he wants to take her out before she’s too strong, hence the feeling. Eventually the Evil one and Kat meet, but by then she’s too powerful so he’ll often times try to outwit/outsmart her. My friend says it sounds waaaaaay too much like Hercules and wants to do a twist reveal that her parents are the evil ones that Kidnapped her from her true parents, and the “Evil” is actually made up. All the monsters she fights are actual royal guards and kingsmen sent to retrieve her. I argue it sounds too much like tangled
>and even her farts are literal sprinkles and rainbow!
i'd recommend not doing anything at all with this. i also like your friend's idea in your spoiler'd post, but i also haven't seen Tangled so i can't comment on any similarities there.
>Reunited on their 21st birthday, twin sisters (Tia Mowry, Tamera Mowry) use their magic powers to save their kingdom from the forces of darkness.
Holy shit you’re right! Honest to God Never heard of that movie. Might have to do some rewriting.
That’s not a gonna be a central character piece. Thought it’d be a funny, one off gag
Your post has nothing to do with breast envy. Never use an image more interesting than your post.
Noted
It got a sequel too.
Your friend's idea is pretty good. But it's kind of weird that the monsters are royal guards without Kat finding out. Also, it seems that your story is heavily centered on the MC, while usually interesting fantasy stories are successful based on the world building. With the exception of really interesting characters.
the similarities pretty much end at kidnapping, the rest could probably set it apart more than enough if you went with that
Also watch tangled. and the series. is good
I’ll post a couple of gags from the episodes
>Kat is the lead singer in a Band with her best friends called “Bitch Fit” (Thats established since the beginning) and get booked for a show
>There’s a scene where she’s trying to invite a guy (Roy) she likes to watch them but can’t say “Bitch”. She tries really hard to say it, resulting in her making weird sounds and faces while Roy looks on in confusion
>when it’s show time, instead of singing in a grungy, metal voice, she has a typical, frilly, Disney girl-esqu, voice
background fluff is one thing, but tell me about structure. how does this shit go from episode to episode, season to season (>implying)
can you draw? do you KNOW anyone that can draw? animate? how does this shit get made up enough to even throw at a wall
kk
when's the pr0n
My buddy is the artist. I’m writing enough so that we have enough to pitch our idea.
Structure wise? This is a TV-14 show, but episode to episode, it’s gonna start off, monster of the week, with everyday situation episodes, sandwiched in between. The first season (assuming) is all about Kat, coming into terms with her powers and who she is. Just yesterday, she was an average teenage girl, now, she’s leaning magic, fighting mythical beast and she’s just learned, she heir to a kindgdom! The over arching story will culminate between Kat choosing between her two worlds. First season for sure, I want it to take place, solely, in LA. It won’t be till later that she visits Salandor
With the exception of the profanity, this doesn't sound TV-14 at all. I thought by reading the description this was aimed at 8-10 year olds (and thus at middle aged dudes that watch MLP).
Well, my buddy wanted to make Kat 18, opening the door to a lot more sexual humor (One of the running gags being that there’s a magic seal around her vagina and can only be broken through marriage) But i think sex jokes are a little lazy, especially with a female lead. I’m keeping an open mind tho. Personally, I find toilet humor funny but I understand it’s a little low brow
I had a joke we cut out where it’s the morning of Kat’s 16th Birthday, and the first thing she does is go to the bathroom. You hear a lot of plopping, and as Kat looks down before flushing, she does a double take and freaks out. Cut to her walking to her parents in the kitchen and she says “mom dad, what are these?” As she hands them both a beautiful cupcake. “A cupcake dear?” “A cupcake...now go ahead and try em” “They’re delicious!...honey, where’d you get these” “Funny you ask, there’s a new bakery that opened up right up th- THEY CAME OUT MY ASS!!!! Can either of you explain why I’m shitting out Cupcakes! (Takes a bite of one crying) Delicious cupcakes?”
>Kat Rivers, A vulgar, snarky, rebellious teenage girl from the city of angels
I hate it all ready.
I'm just here to compliment your fantastic pic
I don't think anyone would ask their parents to try a cupcake that came out of their butt. It might probably go something like this after Kat hands them the cupcake:
>Mom "What a lovely cupcake dear!"
>Mom -proceeds to go for a bite
>Kat "Wait don't---$
>Mom -bites the cupcake
>Kat pic related
Rainbow vomit was another idea we had
sounds like 'i hate fairyland' by skottie young
i mean it could be good, but it also feels a lot like only one joke. like how enchanted felt kind of out of date because disney didn't really do that kind of thing anymore
not really. if the characters aren't at least palatable, no one will stick with it enough to digest the setting.
user. Have you watched the magicians? Definitely a different story, but there are ALOT of similarities between the two. Learning magic, heir to a kingdom, starts off in a metro city, magic realm.
'i'm secretly a magic princess instead of a shitty commoner' is a very old trope
i'd say OP's is at least fairly original for having the parents come too and have the girl prefer normal life.
Having the girl prefer normal life is part of the first half of hero's journey. It's probably one of the least original aspects of this story.
maybe for farm boys or whatever, but most of these tropes girl is a loner and everyone dislikes the girl because she is 'weird' without actually being weird by our standards and so beautiful and talented it makes them jealous or some bullshit
Is this edgy Winx Club?
Can we keep this thread alive? Really appreciating all the feed back
How about a compromise?Her dad is actually the evil guy who switched roles with her real dad during the escape and his methods of suppressing her powers is doing the fairytale shit. Her real dad is a swearing samuel jackson type guy and he's got all the badass monsters like minotaurs and shit (who are actually good). The real evil is trying to suppress any "bad" thoughts and actions and forcing you into a "happy" lifestyle and mindless bliss within a bright candyland.
Holy shit, can I use that? I’ll run it by but goddamn that’s cool.
So if you go with the switcheroo of evil looking creatures actually being the "good" ones, what's the reason the truth is never communicated to the lead? there has to be some reason that she doesn't learn about the whole shebang first time she fights one of her real father's niggas
That’s where my issue lies with that route. I’d say maybe she doesn’t understand them, they speak in their own tongue. Then again, “Magic”
