You've been given an unlimited budget to produce the worst possible Batman film you can. How do you do it?

He said bad movie user

Do a remake of American Psycho with Christian Bale as Patrick Batman, but instead of murdering semi-random people he targets people who are immoral. Or at least, he thinks he does, it’s still ambiguous how much of it was in his head, how many people ha actually killed, if any, who they were, how he did it, whether they were actually criminals or not, and it’s never established whether or not his parents are dead or alive, or if their deaths (if they happened) were in any way reated to getting mugged. And the Joker is just a hallucination also played by Christian Bale, and his murders are also ambiguous as to whether they happened or not, and there’s a subplot about Patrick Batman trying to chase down this insane attention-seeking clown who nobody else has ever heard of, and it’s also ambiguous as to whether or not he knows he’s really the Joker, and the Joker’s kills are just as ambiguous as Batman’s.
But keep the script as close to American Psycho as possible otherwise, as if the script was literally just American Psycho’s script with Batman stuff thrown in every so often, kinda like how at least some of the Hellraiser movies after Bloodlines and before Revelations were just rejected scripts for unmade movies that had Hellraiser stuff thrown in.

Hire Zack Snyder

we miight have a bomb right here.

Give it to Snyder. Put Johnny Depp as the Joker and Amy Schumer as Harley Quinn.

ASBAR except it doesn’t end up taking the piss like the series did by issue 9

So basically Batman being psychotic child kidnapper played straight

Itt anons confess they're envious hacks

Make a Batman movie

Um, have Bruce become a vigilante, but he never wears a bat costume and no one ever says Batman.
It's a standalone movie.
Commissioner Gordon is corrupt

>Batman is college student and the protegé of Superman
>Batman acts as his parents' death never happened
>The tone is that of a comedy by John Hughes
>Give him a nice practical suit, and then CGI all over it in post

I ask for $10 for a quick run to Wendy's and I spend the entire afternoon dancing around in front of my webcam, dressed as Batman while reciting quotes from Raimi's Spider-Man.

>IT SUBVERTED EXPECTATIONS!

Make it a rom-com with plenty of slapstick humor directed at Batman. Most of it perpetrated by Catwoman who will be totally justified in it. It ends with Batman proposing to her before the final scene where she pushes him off the altar, and into the wedding cake before throwing his "fake ass ring" on the ground.

Nothing but slutty versions of everyone

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I tell Yea Forums I'm making a Batman movie with Bane as the villain and ask them to write it for me

>Porn parody with a summer blockbuster budget
would actually love to see this

Adam Sandler would be a good Joker

>Bruce is always in the batsuit, but he never wears the cowl.
>Gets a shitty sidekick that keeps cracking one liners, played by flavour of the month 'comedian' lets go with a fat chick this time like Amy Schumer.
>All she does is point out shit like "well y'knoww you could do more good by donating your money than spending it on yourself to fight crime ;)"
>obligatory all women are queens moment (seriously wtf MIB:International)
>jack - never called joker is some pretty boy who isn't funny played as a straight tragic hero that inspires tons of bruce/jack tumblr shit
>the movie makes Amy Schumer right about everything, bruce keeps getting basic shit wrong and cries a bunch for no real reason but it looks dramatic.
>the person who was clearly cast as joker instead plays someone else, like a random socialite or penguin henchman and keeps stealing the show but the movie shits on them.
>prettyboy jack seems like a totally shoehorned in character played by a nobody and big star notjoker is never revealed to be the actual joker pulling a prank, they're killed off unceremoniously in the background of a bigger fight sequence.
>turns out bruce had a twin brother at birth he never knew about
>brother comes home and wears a slightly different colour batsuit
>it's all bad CG with swooping cameras and jarring quick cut fighting that is far too close, because nobody in the film learned how to fight or choreograph a fight.
>they fight on top of a tall thing, there's lightning. choir music plays as the camera nauseatingly rotates around the tall thing
>brothers falls, no body found.
>bruce starts drinking heavily.
>"it's a good job we don't have any vigilantes, like that Bat Man."
>credits
>mid credits sequel tease of someone shit in arkham setting up a sequel we never get, but acting like it'd be hot shit if we did.

oh yeah and all that sex/identity politics is shoved in there too.

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I just got it

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make gordon a black lesbian and then were talking.

Get Snyder to write a script, have Jon Peters produce, and have Schumacher direct. The final film will be edited per the instructions of a test screening of purely Warner executives.

I higher Joel Schumacher.

well obviously I'm going to hire a two time and recent Oscar winner to throw people off the scent

so basically you're ben affleck
we all know how that turned out

God damn, that's the worst so far.

Turn Batman into a villain, hire a washed up former child actor to play him, make Tim Drake the main character, have him played by Paul Blart. give the 2 of them a gay sex scene that last no shorter than 5 minutes, the sex scene is also a fight scene, the rest of the movie is about side characters and cameos of poorly adapted batman villains

A film length version of his parody in the boys

I would watch

I remake Dark Knight Returns, shot by shot, starring Vince Vaughn.

>start Scarlett Johanssen as female catwoman (MtF)
>Idris Elba (as Robin)
>Osama bin laden as batman
>clean energy batmobile
>muh lazers
>leddit memery for karma

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Adam Sandler as Batman in "Batman VS Zebra-Man"

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i make a superman movie

daron arronofsky is that you?

Batman rpaes the Joker in ultra high, HD4K quality with big shots of his dick ramming and tearing that albino asshole for 5 hours long.
The audience will be tied to their seats and be forced to watch the mvie unitl the climax where gallons angallons of human semen, blood, urine and feces shower them as Bruce climaxes inside The Clown Prince of Crime.
Then in an after credits scene, we see the joker layind in a hospital bed while Jim Gordon enters his romm pulling down his pants and looking at the audience breaking the fourth wall saying "SEQUEL".

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Tumblrcunts would unironically think this is good.

Is that Humpty Dumpty?

Strip naked, draw a terrible Batman logo on my hairy, pimply ass and film myself farting into the camera.
...then proceed to spend literally every cent of that unlimited budget on marketing and paid reviews.

Fire based Affleck and cast that twink from Twilight as batman instead.

Everything is CG. But I use Michael Bay style effects for everything and everyone has the eyes from ANITA BATTLE ANGEL.

Then we use Aziz Ansari for Batman and Adam Sandler for the joker. Hire the top rap and hip-hop "artists" to voice every other character. We use terrible rap music for every single scene.

Every sentence is related to slavery, white people are bad, and black excellence.

The big bad villain is literally Donald Trump but he's naked with a big diaper on. He's defended by Nazis with thick southern accents.

Then Batman gets cucked by a big buff black man with a drake beard. He's like twice as big as the Rock. And there is a 20 minute graphic sex scene done entirely in Blender, where Batman is crying in the corner.

Wins every award in the Oscars

Vox, The Root, CNN, and Mother Jones all praise it for being absolutely brilliant and life-changing.

Gets 100 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

A year later, everyone acts like it never happened and then scream about under-representation of minorities in media.

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Martha and Thomas are evil fuckers, when they get killed, Thomas try running away to leave his son and wife for dead but get shot right after Martha. Bruce grows up deeply affected by his parents death and develop an obsession with bats. He puts bats on everything, he dress up his hired hookers as bats, alfred got a bat costume he has to wear everyday, BATS EVERYWHERE. One day, Bruce goes outside in one of his bats costumes and beats up an helpless clown in the middle of the street because he had a fake gun which triggered his gun ptsd. The assault gets caught on tape, Bruce Wayne is now a wanted man

i would make it all one metaphor for a women discovering her sexuality and add magical transdimensional aliens

I hire all of Bollywood to make fifty Batman movies at once. Everyone has super thick accents and the main heroes are those generic buff Indian guys with big mustache and sunglasses. There is a big coordinated dance scene every 10 minutes.

Then I release each movie one month after the other, to create the "Indian Batman Multiverse" franchise.

worst, not best

>Hire adam sandler
>Give him total control of the project
>???
>Profit

>hires all his friends
>YOU CAN DO IT BATMAN! BITE HIS FREAKING HEAD OFF!

I just reissue batman:forever but with terrible upscaling that makes it all blurry and nauseatingly warped (very subtly datamoshed). I use the money entirely for advertising which is truly omnipresent in the worst possible way (for the entire month ahead of release).

Easy.
Adaptation of Metal.
As faithful as the medium will allow. No Wonder Woman or Superman in it, though, replaced by Cyborg and Catwoman.
Every scene must mention Batmanium at least 5 times.

Ezra Miller as Batman
John Boyega as Cyborg
Tessa Thompson as Catwoman
Channing Tatum as Barbatos
Mila Kunis as Hawgirl
Shia LaBeouf as Vandal Savage
Ed Helms as the Batman who Laughs

I would treat the 60's TV show as the only "legitimate" version of the character and demonize any attempt to make Batman more realistic as childish, making sure to constantly speak publicly about how Batman is a character for children and anyone that likes him above the age of 10 is a manchild.

The movie would try to sell itself as an all-ages, inspirational comedy for the whole family, yet be full of inappropriate sex and drug jokes, outdated pop culture references and washed-up celebrity cameos, and poop and peepee jokes for literal toddlers.

I would want Seth MacFarlane for Batman, but I have a feeling even he'd have enough integrity to not do the movie, so I'd get Ashton Kutcher, Seth Green as Robin, Al Pacino as Alfred, Betty White as Aunt Harriet, Johnny Depp as the Joker, Jennifer Love Hewitt as Catwoman, Neil Patrick Harris as the Riddler, just to give you an idea of how outdated the actor picks I want for this are. To make it even more jarring I want these to be mixed in with some contemporary, young actors like that little girl from Game of Thrones as Barbara Gordon, Seth Rogan as Commissioner Gordon and some current British comedian as Chief O'Hara. Tons and tons of cameos from actors most people won't recognize unless they're between the ages of 27-35, and a couple of actors that seem like they're there because some studio exec said they're popular, playing villains that are all made up instead of from the comics or show, ones that are so dumb and intentionally ironic that they make Egghead look like Ozymandias.

This would of course have to have some sort of shitty message about how old superheroes were good because they weren't ashamed of being wacky (despite the fact that Batman '66 was literally a comedy with intentional camp) and how new superheroes are too realistic and self-aware, pissing off literally everyone on earth by simultaneously shitting on the MCU while making people who don't like the MCU look like retards.

>Batman:Yopur reign of terror is over Joker, you've lost.
>Adam Sandler: OOGIDDY BOOGIDY BOOOOOOOOO
billion dollar box office

Kino

> "Wait, bats! Did I ever tell you about the puppy that lost its way?"

KYS

How?

The Ghostbusters remake. But Batman.

I make a faithful adaptation of my Gotham High fanfic I wrote when I was younger, featuring a teenaged Bruce Wayne and Barbara Gordon battling Firefly while Jim Gordon and the Martian Manhunter fight Deathstroke.

This. Also, make him wear a simili-ninja costume with a bat graffiti. But only during the last scenes, as a "nod".

That's Batman Forever.

Sounds oddly familiar...

Bruce gets raped by a pack of werewolves. So does Joker. And Gordon. Then the werewolves start fucking each other.
I'm not gonna lie it's basically two hours of homosexual werewolves fucking.

Tim Burton already did that.

I thought we were making a bad movie?

Twitch Plays Batman but with real actors

>directed by Uwe Bill
>Nicolas Cage as Batman

*Boll

Yikes.

Op said the worst.

Grimdark edgy batman that tortures people to death because "crime is deserving of it"

but then at the end of it Bruce Wayne gets a lesson in toxic masculinity and gets a sex change

>Bruce Wayne is a suburban teenager whose parents died in a car crash when he was a small child. This is barely brought up.
>He's adopted by Alfred, who's a middle class suburban American schlub, played by some middle aged comedian guy.
>On his 18th birthday he inherits his parents' mansion, where he finds out that his mom and dad were members of the ancient Brotherhood of Barbatos, a secret society of dark avengers dedicated to protecting humanity from the evil forces of the demon lord Loki.
>Overwhelmed by this, Bruce rejects the call to adventure and tries to resume his senior year of high school as if nothing's changes
>Just then, a teenager calling himself the Joker shoots up Bruce's high school, using dark magic to teleport away when the cops show up
>after this, Bruce decides to don his father's magic cowl and become the Batman
>Batman uses his super strength, super speed, invisibility, and ability to grow bat wings to fight CGI demons and stop the Joker's plan to use blood sacrifices throughout the city in a pentagram formation to open a big blue sky laser portal to the netherworld to unleash Loki's hordes
>Batman and the Joker have a CGI punchfest downtown where Joker is defeated by being flung into the portal, closing it, but not before revealing that he's Bruce's long lost brother
>ending is Bruce getting ready for college
>after credits scene is Catwoman being unearthed from her Egyptian tomb