Gets away with his crimes

The Coachman was not a villain. He was an agent of Fate. His job was to show boys what happens to those who squander their lives in idleness and folly.

who?
his hair looks like wolverine but wolverine isnt fat or old

A modern remake wouldn't let him get away with it

here i'll write the climax for you
>Pinnochio corners the cowering Coachman who says he'll never hold another child in his hands again
>Pinnochio replies that he knows and kicks Coachman in the groin and the Coachman goes "ow right in my Tchaikovskys"

probably why the SNES Pinocchio game let's you beat his ass

>ow right in my Tchaikovskys"

*bangs gavel*
I'll allow it!

He's just one of the many obstacles about the dangers of being on your own in life and having to listen to your conscience. Him, Honest John, Stromboli, and Monstro all "got away with it" because they weren't linear villains. They were life lessons. It's the same way how in Finding Nemo, Bruce the Shark, the abyss fish monster, the jellyfish, Darla, the seagulls, and the Dentist didn't get a "comeuppance".

Would it even be satisfying if they'd given him comeuppance? He has like 3 minutes of screentime grand total.

>cleans up the juvenile delinquent problem in his city while helping the local mining businesses grow
He did nothing wrong

Shit this is what king dice’s face was inspired by wasn’t it

>tfw this scene is pure fetish fuel
And I would know

Pretty sure Monstro got fucking DEAD after crashing into the cliffside trying to get at the heroes. And that fire they lit inside him probably didn't matters either.

I mean, lighting a fire inside Monstro only gave him a tickle and caused him to sneeze. I don't know if crashing into a cliff would be enough to kill him. Maybe if the cliff collapsed on him like that monster in Hercules.

It's implied he might have died from the crash.

>the Coachman goes "ow right in my Tchaikovskys"
dammit I lol'd

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>”They never come back........as BOYS!!”

What did he mean by this?

He barely did anything. He was a delivery boy

He's taking them to Siam.

In the book, Pinnochio meets the donkey boy again only to witness his death.

>donkey transformation makes him prettier

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>indulging to vice definitely isn't as consequences-free as you thought
He's the incarnation of that concept

The anglerfish dies in a post credits scene.

Alternatively it teaches people that it's totally possible to commit horrific crimes and completely get away with them and never get caught.

I wonder how many donkey boys became cumdumps for lonely salt miners?

Well, if we're being entirely honest, Pleasure island is known to be a dangerous place to the point where the local authorities ban travel/approaching it.

Once Geppetto and Pinocchio are deservedly finished celebrating the latter's ascension into humanity, the former is going to want to know all the details of how any of this happened.

Pinocchio's going to be honest about it, obviously, and all it would take is for Geppetto to go to the cops and say "Hey, some assholes tried to kidnap my son and take him to that forbidden island off the coast!" Honest John's still in town, he gets named, picked up and that little shit is definitely going to cave if questioned by anyone with a lick of aggression. He names names trying to talk his way out of his mess.

Pleasure island was lousy with missing kids. I cannot imagine the fuzz wouldn't send a task force to that place loaded with guns and truncheons, or at the very least somebody would think to fucking hire Solomon Kane to go check the place out.

I can't say how it would all turn out, especially if the Coachman is some kid of demonic entity--which wouldn't surprise me-- but people would do something about this after the film.

When the unnecessary Disney sequels were on the menu in the early 2000s I had my fingers crossed for a Pinocchio one, if only so Lampwick could be saved. He actually hung out with this weird puppet boy and showed him the ropes of rough and tumble boyhood, arguably he's the first human 'friend' Pinoch makes and unlike character like Stromboli or Honest John he doesn't seem to look at Pinnochio as anyone he can profit off of but someone who can tolerate him being a constant jerk.

Still disappointed it never happened.

>they've had one director quit already
What happened? Did the director rage-quit or what?

god this guy was frightening. Am I to assume his two lackeys were once delinquent boys swept up by the coachman's (devil's) lies?

If we're going to analyze this seriously, I think the authorities would also take considerable issue with an old old man claiming custody to a young boy with no ID or birth record.

>Am I to assume his two lackeys were once delinquent boys swept up by the coachman's (devil's) lies?
No. Honest John's just a talking wolf, not a donkey.

I can tell you without looking it up that there have been several live action adaptations of the the books.
All at various degrees of creepiness

>implying the fairy wouldn’t hook them up with everything, including shit like a passport and even matching dna

Well it is an Italian story.

It's Italy, they wouldn't do shit, just stuff some Euros in the nearest suit pocket you can find

Well, if we're being entirely honest, the moment Geppetto tells the authorities that a talking fox tricked his wooden boy into going to an island that turns children into donkeys, they'd probably throw him in the madhouse.

>jackasses

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Hardly see him and he doesn't even have a name. Stromboli is far more memorable

It's in development hell
>In 2017, Sam Mendes was in talks to direct a script by Chris Weitz.
>By 2018, Sam Mendes was out and Paul King was in talks to direct, with the script being reworked by Jack Thorne
>Later in 2018 Tom Hanks was in talks to play Geppetto.
>In early 2019 King suddenly quit as director, supposedly due to family reasons, but there's been no confirmation of why he left
>This month Disney announced they're planning to 'start fresh'
>Hanks stopped negotiations with Disney to play Geppetto and Disney announced that Thorne and Weitz's script is being scrapped
If it ever does get made it'll be a clusterfuck.

Oh my...Disney. Why did you turn so shit. Your founder is rolling in his grave so hard he probably drilled through the core to the other side.

>Di$ney tries to make movies
>Instead finds a way to harness the energy of Walt rolling in his grave to create a perpetual motion device for free energy

And then Disney became a global energy provider.

"He's a foundling I adopted."

Geppetto is doing alright for himself; a successful craftsman who owns his own store and is of sufficient moral character (in the Disney version, anyhow) to the point where a literal goddess shows up to grant his only wish as a karmic reward.

Somebody on the police force will vouch for a successful business man who probably pays his taxes regularly and has a spotless record, presumably.

Except that other people can see Jiminy Cricket; Lampwick did, at any rate, though Geppetto was, at the time more occupied with his wish for a son being granted.

A talking cricket verifying the account that a talking fox is sending children up the river won't be so damn far-fetched in this setting.

Kek

The original Italian newspaper story is fucking metal. Pinocchio gets fed up with the cricket and squashes him, only to be caught and lynched by the fox and cat in the story's conclusion.

Haha.. what? I remember reading a little of the book as a kid but I had no idea it's originally that dark.

>cricket hops onto table and starts talking
>AHH! WITCHCRAFT!
>*splat*

I sense deep kemoshota energy from this post

What? Just call it furry you fucking weeb.