Storytime of Pain: Amazons Attack!

Part 2

Part 1

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Oh and we have to see this bit of absolute nonsense again

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>Hey Clark, why didn't you knock my mother unconcious with one punch and fly her away too?
>I don't know, Diana, why didn't you use your magic lasso that undoes brainwashing on your brainwashed mother?

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This is almost like meta commentary, "remember what Wonder Woman was six months ago?"

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Yea, I member

I swear no-one remembers what powers they have in this event.

Apparently the Amazons were always bloodthirsty monsters just waiting for the chance to commit war crimes and murder civilians.

The Amazons have random binary as their PC wallpaper

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Hal's face is my face

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The only way this can be salvaged is a reveal that Ares made them all mad or something of this kind. Although even that can't fix the Superman bullshit (and also where's Flash?)

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fucking looney tunes shit

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It's a gender binary

I think that Bart Allen had just died and Wally West hadn't returned yet.

If only
IDK where Flash is but this is all around when Countdown and Final Crisis lead-in shit were ramping up so he probably was doing some speed shit

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HA

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LMAO WHAT

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Same writer man. He murdered that volume

>The same people that ran DC into the ground with these events have now been promoted to the highest ranks of the (sub) company

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The fact they can't even get the name of the tribe right is making me angrier than it should

Also
>we're lacking our most powerful operatives
YOU HAVE SUPERMAN, AND SUPERGIRL, AND THEY DID NOTHING FOR 4 ISSUES

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Did Supergirl and Wonder Girl suffer any consequences for their stupid stunt? Like, did anyone try and arrest them?

oh yeah i forgot this was where this was first revealed

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Nope because Final Crisis happened and everyone tried to forget this did
In fact they start trying to forget this event already in issue #6

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>you read Catwoman, right?
FUCK no

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>Welp, the crazy terrorist cult says that I'm related to them, I guess I'll join them

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By this point, I think Catwoman had just revealed who the babby-daddy of her kid was.
And was in the process of getting rid of the kid. Sending baby Helena off to be adopted, and then abducting Zatanna to mindwipe all memories of the baby (because like Doctor Light and rape, that's all Zatanna is good for now)

You'd think they wouldn't work with Circe again considering how badly that went the last time

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Superman has heat vision why didn't he just melt that shitty sword

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identity crisis was the biggest character fuck up of all the crisis's prove me wrong

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How did this crazy bitch have time to draw a knife? If she didn't have it drawn beforehand, how did she tackle Grace with one arm?

The weird thing is that Circe died IN A TIE-IN, not in the main book, so people who were only reading this would be confused as fuck.

Hey, the Egyptian Bana-Migdhall often wear face paint, right? Oh wait, no they fucking don't!

that's an objective fact that can be proven mathematically

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It's not tooootal bullshit, since African tribes did it, and passed it down to Voudon, and the Bana-Mighdall were a combination of different African and Middle-Eastern cultures... but it was all in middle and southern Africa where they absolutely did not live

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and not even an editor's note saying "check out issue X"

It bugs me that both these bitches and the Amazons seem to be all the same age and with the same body type

how the fuck did they not do this the exact second this started

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Especially since the Bana-Mighdall are just regular ass mortal women so should all look different ages

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Really? These are the only heroes that bothered to show up despite the scale of the Amazon invasion?

This hyperlinked garbage is a big part of why people don't want to read modern comics.
Gold/Silver Age stories were just as retarded as this, but they didn't require you to buy 30 issues from 6 different series to understand the plot.

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>What's the next step of your master plan?

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You know what, at least Diana somehow made it out of this with her character intact without killing anyone

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>Oh yeah, I remember now, I DON'T commit atrocities, sorry brah

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>with her character intact
Diana was in full retard mode for the entirety of this run, what are you talking about?

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that's uh some cameltoe

If you wanna know what she's talking about with Ares: it's complicated

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Yeah but EVERYONE acted retarded, so we can all just pretend this event never happened, whereas if she killed anyone we'd have to have pages posted from it for the rest of eternity to "prove" that she kills

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this is the stupidest explanation ever and it actually gets even stupider

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That's one of the shittiest plot devices that one can use. All of the previous events are rendered kind of meaningless when you introduce an all-powerful deity who "planned" it.

I actually can kind of buy that a lot of the Amazons still have a latent distrust and fear of humanity that they pretend not to, and the idea that those latent fears can easily be manipulated into war is an old one.
But if Circe could so easily just cloud everyone's judgment to the point that they could do ALL THIS, why didn't she just do that years ago?

Also lol at "wow you guys are fucked up, I sent these people to slaughter your innocents, conquer your nation and genocide your species and you actually defended yourself with violence!!!!"

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Ha! Batman BTFO! Those two panels are the only good part of this godawful event. Circe is really the only character who didn't get shat on.

Then again, she's a classical smarmy asshole supervillain, so you'd have to be a special kind of retarded to somehow fuck her up.

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>YOU ARE ALL EQUALLY AT FAULT. THE GENOCIDAL WAR CRIMINAL INVADERS WERE JUST AS BAD AS THE AMERICAN SOLDIERS DEFENDING THEIR HOMELAND

Her only valid point is that the President was way out of line with the whole "let's imprison all women who've been to women's shelters" thing.

And if you thought that explanation was completely stupid, just wait
It's almost as if someone actually said, after reading that page, "wow that's completely stupid, but that was the message this whole thing was predicated on, so we have to do it, so let's just figure out how we can instantly retcon it"

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That's right, this whole thing was ACTUALLY just a setup for Final Crisis, where Granny Goodness turned the Amazons into her new Furies!!!

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IT WAS THE SKRULLS, I KNEW IT

obligatory:

youtube.com/watch?v=cphNpqKpKc4

One more.

I don't think I've ever seen a story where the ending was so stupid they actually had to include a second ending explaining that the first one was stupid on purpose.

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>That's right, this whole thing was ACTUALLY just a setup for Countdown to Final Crisis
Fix'd. Morrison ignored all this.

OH GOD WHAT
THIS IS EITHER THE BEST OR THE WORST TWIST I'VE EVER SEEN

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>You've been warned!
That has to be cheeky

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>And some became so caught up in battle strategy that you worried only how to fight instead of how not to
I don't get it, what was Batman supposed to have done differently? He didn't start the fight, the war criminals did.

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This was Didio trying to do another Countdown to Infinite Crisis type deal and build up to the event comic, but the editorial people who did the heavy lifting for that had all left DC because of him. And it pretty much became clusterfuck.

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... This page. Every time I see this page, I am rendered speechless with what I can only describe as aggressive apathy. Fuck comic books.

I don't even hate Didio really, but like... it's just impossible to ever defend him when he has Countdown on his record and actually literally took credit for every aspect of it, proudly.

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>What gave me away?
Maybe the fact that you literally got sent to hell by a shiny golden goddess

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Uh... wait a minute... Granny Goodness has the chops to take down the Greek Gods? All of them?

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to be fair, its not like anyone can talk back to the entity that just vanished an entire island and its people away.

and the plan does make sense to a degree, GG was just acting as a strict goddess, no one would have noticed, and everyone with half a brain knows that the Greek gods are dicks by default, no one would notice the plot.

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The greek gods bailed around the end of Rucka's run a year before.
This writer was unaware of this.

Man do I miss her using this
I don't think she even has it in the LEGO games anymore since they replaced all her moves with Taskmaster's sword and shield animations

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That's a good point about the gods always being stupid pricks who teach people "lessons" by ruining their lives

At the same time it was pretty obvious that that was legitimately the "moral" this story was supposed to be heavy handedly preaching from the start

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silly texas user, whips are for pussys, real warriors use swords

There's actually one more dealing with resolving Diana's mommy issues she developed in this story, should we read it?

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I always thought Nemesis was a bit of a dick, even when he was being "honorable" back in Ostrander's SS

I agree, it's one of those times where you're obviously supposed to find him roguishly charming but he comes off as a douchebag.
He gets a little better in Simone's run and I always liked how she handled their relationship in that.

Doesn't Everyman have to eat something to copycat it? Has he been going through Silver Swan's trash?

You call that a cameltoe?
THIS is a cameltoe!

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...

HOLY CRAP! ITS BRITNEY SPEARS

lol

You know, despite it’s many flaws I will credit the current Justice League Dark run with one amazingly simple concept which explains everything: The confusing, vaguely antagonistic mess that is Circe’s various motivations makes perfect sense if you assume she’s mostly just an immortal sorceress who long ago got over all the pitfalls people like Zatanna suffer, is now pretty much untouchable and is just fucking around cosplaying as a supervillain to kill time.

That is not right, dude.

Because the editor was unaware of this. After Infinite Crisis almost all the books switched editors and it left everything a mess. Nobody knew anything. Any sort of coordination went out the window. And editors just plain quit or defected to Marvel over how badly everything was run.

Christ imagine if this was the twist of Heroes in Crisis.

>Wally unzips his meatsuit to reveal he was GRANNY GOODNESS OF APOKALIPS all along

At least it wasn't as bad as the live action Plasticman.

No joke, it would have saved that comic.

I...I was trying to make HiC worse somehow but shit I can't even deny Apokalips being behind everything would explain A LOT.