Keeping the pain train moving
Part 1
Ultimate Marvel Storytime of Pain Part 2
William Collins
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pastebin.com
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James Howard
Logan Taylor
Brayden Allen
Joshua Jones
Jaxon Bell
>Spider-Man is on the cover
>He isn't in this issue
>He shows up in only one scene and is then never seen again
Landon Allen
Camden Baker
Lucas Cook
>Hey Tony check out this home porn DVD of you and the woman you loved who betrayed you and almost destroyed America
What did Janet mean by this?
Adrian Rogers
Ryan Cooper
>it turns the wonder twins on so much that they need to excuse themselves to go fuck
Nolan Young
Liam Hernandez
Michael Bennett
Liam Russell
Adam Lopez
You'd think that somebody would have told Madueira that Ultimate Wasp is Asian, unlike 616.
You'd think that somebody would have told Madueira that Ultimate Venom doesn't have the spider-emblem on his chest, unlike 616.
You'd think that somebody would have told Madueira that Ultimate Mjolnir looks completely different to 616.
Charles Russell
This story sucks but goddamn,it has great art.
Ian Thompson
Samuel Diaz
Luring Jeph Loeb to Marvel was probably one of the worst decisions Marvel ever made. I swear with the amount of shit he puts out, he has to be some sort of DC double agent who is there to destroy them from within.
Josiah Jones
>can't get into a threeway with the twins
>friendzoned by Cap
Is there a more tragic figure in the medium than Ultimate Janet?
Jaxon Howard
You know, when it's accurate
I remember back in the day people would blame Loeb for all these, glad to see that's changed because there's a lot you can blame on him, but he actively worked in retcons like Thor's armoury to try to fix these
Nicholas Ross
How tf did Marvel allow the nipple outline there
Michael Ward
Loeb has some really damn good Marvel work though, it just mostly was all before his son died.
Brayden Walker
What the fuck is wrong with Wasp? This isn't an old man not understanding gay people or whatever.
Incest was a thing in the 1940s, and it was seen just as badly then as it is now. Incest is one of the few forms of sexual attraction that absolutely nobody is trying to normalize outside of porn that nobody ever admits to watching.
Blake Perry
Kevin Young
Jack Edwards
I want to know what the fuck Marvel was thinking when they made this shit.
Jacob Rivera
Lincoln Collins
Anthony Barnes
Why the hell do you even allow Hawkeye and "Black Panther" on the team then? You're the leader.
Jonathan Jenkins
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH QUICKSILVER IN THIS STORY. HE IS SUCH A FUCKING PRICK
John Russell
Hunter Hall
Why was Wasp so open about incest? Did....she had some family issues as a child?
Brandon Adams
That's just Ultimate Quicksilver desu, he's a major douche
Jordan Martin
Another point to make is that it's really cold, so why the fuck isn't she covering herself more? Does she want to freeze to death in the New York winter?
Benjamin Jackson
Charles Fisher
Adam Cruz
>D. Blake
>Cane
So, does he have any connection to Thor, or is it a reference for the sake of a reference?
Christopher Lee
This is how Ultimatum gets started isn't it?
Ryder Evans
>no sex tape of Sue Storm & Josie with Sue using her powers for force field bondage
Us, the more tragic figure is us
Gavin Smith
Cameron Anderson
Matthew Reed
It doesn't make any sense, its fucking snowing outside. At least every girl in the story is insanely hot though
Mason Wood
This is the set-up for Ultimatum, yes.
Blake Adams
Reference. Loeb loves doing this stuff, in Ultimate X we see a guy that looks like Namor from that old Fantastic Four issue where Johnny finds him with a beard
Alexander Mitchell
Isaiah Miller
Jaxon Ramirez
>Or maybe it's all an act to mess with you
No, you're crazy alright. You could have just calmly asked Spider-Man about Venom, but instead started shooting him for no reason.
Lincoln Jenkins
Colton Perry
What's crazy that this Hawkeye is actually set up in The Ultimates 2 with a line about him wanting to kill himself
Ryan Campbell
>I hate you
I would too, Spidey's lucky nobody found him and unmasked/killed him in those 20 minutes he was on the floor. Or he didn't freeze to death.
Everyone's an asshole in Ultimate except Spider-Man, why is that?
Oliver Morgan
Grayson Ramirez
Because USM is the only series not written by Mark Millar
Jayden Murphy
Jonathan White
>Everyone's an asshole in Ultimate except Spider-Man and Iron Man, why is that?
FTFY
Kevin Campbell
Jayden Young
>Blob
Uh oh, is THAT page approaching?
Charles Rivera
Hudson Phillips
In Ultimatum, we are slowly reaching it
Austin Torres
No, that's Ultimatum.
Anthony Scott
Next series, we'll have it set up in this though
Robert Reyes
Ethan Peterson
>Lorelei
I wonder why they gave her an Ultimate version, she was never that relevant in 616 outside of the Savage Land Mutates.
Jaxson Sanders
Ryan James
Adam Russell
>Wasp! Gonna eat you up!
Goddamnit, Loeb.
Daniel Lee
Gabriel Reed
Foreshadowing for... that page.
Nathaniel Edwards
Carter Hughes
Iron Man also suddenly has an armor almost exactly like one in 616. The differently-shaped helmet and the grey color scheme is gone.
Gavin Rivera
Owen Mitchell
>yfw that's made a plot point
Ethan Flores
>Suck it!
Why did this warrant a full-page spread?
William Baker
Adrian Roberts
Aaron Roberts
Henry Lewis
Gavin Brown
Hmmm, who would be more valuable in solving Wanda's murder?
The Ultimates; who have a bunch of government contacts, billionaires, trained soldiers, and gods; or a Terrorist Organization that lives in Antarctica?
Andrew Clark
Robert Bennett
Jesus Christ Logan, why?
David Nguyen
Sebastian Sullivan
Sick burns is his second mutation.
Ayden Sanders
Cameron Fisher
>Didn't you used to belong to the terrorist organization that just attacked us? How can we trust you?
>YOUR FAMILY IS DEAD
Fuck you, Logan. I can't believe you're making me side with Mr. Shooty McShooterson over here.
Ayden Miller
Hunter Jenkins
Ryan Green
>yfw you realize Loeb is divorced and had two kids
Samuel Davis
I'm still mad about Ult. Pyro.
Nicholas Campbell
That's not a sick burn, it's just being an asshole. A sick burn would be something like "Yeah, and you didn't use to wear Target product placement on your forehead".
Aiden Parker
Kevin Scott
Chase Watson
>Do you even know why Pietro guarded Wanda so?
Because he's creepy incestous eurotrash? Which we've already established?
Carson Lopez
Just add some Oedipus complex in there too, why the fuck not.
Jaxson Martinez
William Wilson
Gabriel Powell
>Wolverine fucked Magneto's wife
>And this was never brought up again
Hudson Walker
>Does nothing apart from getting tossed.
Being Ult. Panther is suffering.
Robert Phillips
Sebastian Jenkins
Camden Roberts
Great, even more making Ultimate just like 616.
Dylan Sanders
Benjamin Harris
It's an insult, it's not supposed to be family friendly.
Andrew Foster
Nolan Wright
Don't worry, Ultimate Panther is actually Steve Rogers in disguise.
Julian Ross
Christopher Garcia
Blake Sullivan
Well Mystique flirts with Magneto while looking like Scarlet Witch in Ultimatum.
Lucas Wilson
Jaxson Jones
>is actually Steve Rogers in disguise.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Nathan Parker
Bentley Peterson
If you think about that's even worse for T'Challa.
Chase Richardson
It was brought up again though, their son was supposed to a be major X-guy post-Ultimatum
Tyler Roberts
Aaron Scott
>"A kind of love that no one in this room can really understand."
>"I was creepily watching them fuck for hours"
What the fuck is wrong with Loeb?
Nolan Long
I don't know if I'm making a controversial statement here, but I think Ultimate Captain America Annual is actually good and I really like Ultimate T'Challa
Isaac Gonzalez
Kayden Davis
Adam Young
Brody Fisher
James Sanders
Imagine that we wouldn't be here if Jeph Loeb actually got help and therapy
Owen Kelly
Ethan Rogers
How do we know this comic wasn't the result of therapy?
Landon Smith
One of the only times where Ultimate Cap wasn't a jerk.
Nathan Williams
Jack Baker
Juan James
>Forged by Ulik the Troll
How does one fuck up Asgardian lore that badly?
Cameron Cruz
Chase Smith
Ultimate Asgard has very little lore, there's no mistake here
Andrew Kelly
Kevin Collins
But dwarves are the ones that forge things, not trolls.
Jack Garcia
Nathaniel Phillips
Logan Butler
I hate Ultimate Juggernaut's costume so much, especially the stupid helmet.
Elijah Thompson
Asher Allen
Connor Jenkins
You'd think that somebody would have told Madueira that Ultimate Pyro has a bunch of burn scars, unlike 616.
Justin Perez
Thomas Butler
Julian Ross
Zachary Moore
Oh yeah, come to think of it, Ultimate Magneto suddenly has his 616 color scheme, but switches right back to his original Ultimate color scheme in Ultimatum.
Christopher Hall
Noah Sanchez
Jaxson Howard
I knew it was coming and I'm still mad. Loeb knew Logan was part of the Brotherhood and was aware that Blob made cannibal jokes (hence "taste like chicken" scene) so there's no way he couldn't have known that Ultimate Pyro is a decent guy. This is straight-up character assassination.
Worst thing is that Pyro never even got a chance for redemption because in public eye there are few things worse than a rapist, so he's just reduced to this cartoonishly evil faggot and forgotten about after Ultimates 3.
Owen Murphy
Aaron Hughes
Hudson Smith
Charles Stewart
Zachary Martin
Mad sure knows how to draw a woman overcome with lust for robots
Brandon Stewart
Lucas Martin
Luis Sanchez
Matthew Jenkins
Benjamin Miller
But why a Venom robot of all things?
Mason Johnson
Christopher Flores
Zachary Gonzalez
Why didn't Ultron kill Pietro instead? Would have made more sense as a crime of passion.
Nathan Parker
Bentley Baker
Matthew Wright
See? He even acknowledges it. God.
Jeremiah Wright
Samuel Martinez
Expecting a Loeb comic to make sense is like expecting a modern Adams comic to make sense
Dominic Long
>I knew that by killing Wanda, her father would be enraged
Wait, he just said it was a crime of passion, now he's saying it's all according to keikaku?
>You taught me that parents are ALWAYS protective of their children
Except that we've already established that Magneto was a fucking asshole who tried to kill his own children multiple times himself.
Henry Lewis
Nathaniel Adams
Brandon Taylor
Christian Campbell
Gabriel Russell
>Ultimate Black Panther is white
Eso es racista.
Christopher Kelly
This is bad.
Connor Adams
based
Ayden Parker
Ryan White
>Juggernaut jobs to a fucking triceratops
Is Ultimate Juggernaut supposed to be that weak?
Michael Diaz
Bentley Stewart
Jonathan Cook
I don't understand why Loeb introduced this stupid plot point if it wasn't even explained in this series, but in a seperate one-shot.
Kayden Butler
Jason Sanders
Jaxson Nguyen
>Dude, let's bring like five robots to a fucking battleground, that'll show them!
All that buildup for this, Ultron sucks.
Lincoln Evans
Joshua James
Thomas Russell
Camden Scott
Ryan Nelson
>Hank Pym aided and abetted a terrorist attack against the entire USA
>but he did good this one time so it's all forgiven
Christian Gray
Robert Walker
>It was...is...and will always be...DOOM who pulls the strings
Spoiler alert: it later turned out that this wasn't the real Doctor Doom at all, but Sue and Johnny's mother pretending to be Doctor Doom.
Isaac Perry
Isaiah Brooks
That's literally impossible with the time loop set up in Marvel Zombies, but whatever. UFF was so good I don't care
Cooper Phillips
& now the "fun" starts
Jackson Allen
Asher Edwards
Reed, did you already forget that you're not superficial and shallow enough for Miss "A boy in every port"?
Jacob Cruz
Carter James
Is thst a reference to Manifold? Or does Ultimates 3 predate him?
David Harris
Bentley Adams
>The Dark Knight
I feel like a movie like that wouldn't get made in the Ultimate Universe. It would be seen as unrealistic and laughable.
Isaiah Wilson
dicknotism is a hell of a super power
Colton Rivera
Kevin Wilson
>Hawkeye is the voice of reason
Bentley Cooper
Gavin Powell
Kayden Gonzalez
James Lewis
Jace Miller
Jacob Bell
Lucas Jenkins
Camden Howard
Brandon Bailey
Anthony Parker
Isaiah Mitchell
Grayson Mitchell
Charles Mitchell
Elijah Gomez
Jason Nelson
Angel Martin
Easton Howard
Justin Young
Adam Cruz
Cooper Morris
Luis Phillips
Hudson Taylor
David Perez
Julian Peterson
William Sanchez
Matthew Sullivan
mmmm
Elijah Torres
Wyatt Wood
Ayden Brooks
Carter Lee
Kevin Hernandez
Zachary Rogers
Brandon Ortiz
Jose Thomas
Andrew Campbell
William Howard
Camden Jenkins
classic
Julian Ramirez
There it is!
Henry Garcia
James Nguyen
My favorite part of this will always be how clearly dead Janet is which most likely means Blob went out and found her corpse
Ayden Cruz
Josiah Evans
Dominic Clark
Besides her weird promotion of incest, Wasp is pretty hot in this issue.
Joseph Baker
Elijah Cox
Thomas Davis
Caleb Baker
Gavin Cooper
Liam Baker
How did Marvel think that this was okay?
Joshua Perez
Jason Edwards
Josiah Gutierrez
IT'S GOOD SHIT
IT'S SO LOEB
Kevin Robinson
Mason Martin
Bentley Carter
You know, after the two fake deaths for Hank I wonder if people thought he'd be back again after this
Wyatt Peterson
Loeb gets the sole blame for Ultimatum, but in reality it was written by a committee of Loeb, Millar, Ellis, Bendis, Paniccia, Snakovitch, Buckley, and Quesada,
Charles Bell
Evan Ward
David James
Bentley Robinson
Jackson Hall
Reminder that this Jocasta plot thread was never picked up again
Tyler Rogers
Lincoln Morris
Fuck Sam Humphries
Eli Johnson
After or before reading Ennis' books?
Andrew Turner
Nathan Gomez
>Loeb gets the sole blame for Ultimatum, but in reality it was written by a committee of Loeb, Millar, Ellis, Bendis, Paniccia, Snakovitch, Buckley, and Quesada,
Too be fair, it seems like Loeb either changed or misrepresented things. There's no way Bendis signed off on Pete getting randomly killed by Dormmamu.
Ian Phillips
Robert Smith
IIRC Pete was supposed to die in Ultimatum, but the backlash made them pull it
Hunter Roberts
Lucas Richardson
John Brown
Grayson Sullivan
Ayden Barnes
Aiden Ross
Jace Lewis
Blake Jones
Christopher Gomez
Brayden Bell
Andrew Wilson
Andrew Bennett
Connor Torres
Luis Martinez
Robert Richardson
I'm still sad that JMS Squadron turned into Ultimate Power and Chaykin's mess
Mason Robinson
Kayden Hernandez
I really liked Ultimate Power, but lord almighty was Chaykin's run abysmal
>let's create Ultimate Squadronized Marvel characters
Hudson Morales
Justin Gray
Kayden Adams
Grayson Hall
Jonathan Bennett
Jose Adams
Kevin Johnson
Adam Sullivan
Andrew Peterson
Connor White
Lucas Mitchell
Robert Hill
Grayson Thompson
Anthony Price
Justin Barnes
How does a skeleton do a stabbing uppercut?
David Reyes
Willpower
Adrian Scott
Sebastian Williams
Elijah Torres
>this skeleton's fist is held up by pure anger alone
Brody Nelson
Elijah Lewis
Dominic Hughes
Ethan Parker
Aiden Collins
Colton Lee
Christian Hill
Owen Ramirez
Parker Sanders
Isaiah Hill
Jose Cooper
God why does he have to smile?
Evan Torres
There's more pain to be had, tomorrow we'll dive into Sam Humphries Ultimates
Asher Hill
How bad is Humpries Ultimates. I mean he wrote Green Lanterns and the recent Dial H for Hero
Brayden Young
So what's the TL;DR of what happens after this?
Jaxson Howard
They don't make these doombots like they used to.
Jack Edwards
It seems that he sucks at anything non-DC? Especially his indies.
Zachary Davis
Mutant concentration camps across the world
Magneto and Scarlet Witch come back to life (maybe)
Kitty Pryde becomes Nelson Mandela
Mark Millar comes back to Ultimate Avengers, which is basically Ultimate Ultimates
Reed kills a bunch of people (twice)
Rogue becomes a lesbian with a sapient plant
Matthew Rogers
I think it's worse than Loeb's, you won't believe it's the same writer
It turns out that Wanda along with a reincarnated Xavier, Magneto, and Cyclops are the horsemen of Apocalypse sent from the universe that was erased when Jean used the Pheonix force but then Nick Spencer was taken off of UXM and Brian Wood had zero desire to tell that story so it went nowhere.
>John Carter: The Gods of Mars
>Avengers A.I.
>Planet Hulk
>Sacrifice
He has some good non-DC stuff
Tyler Bailey
Thanks dudes. I might read the rest out of morbid curiosity. It's so stupid dumb.
Nathan Lee
>John Carter: The Gods of Mars
I'll try this, thanks.
Zachary Gutierrez
There are a handful of good-post-Ultimatum stories too, like Ultimate Armor Wars
Evan Perry
>concentration camps
According to what definition???
Jackson Allen
Any other recommendations? Armor Wars was pretty dope.
Charles Wood
It always bothered me that the guy whose power is fucking teleporting somehow didn’t teleport away
Liam Ward
>Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man (obviously, but it turns to shit after Catclysm)
>Ultimate Comics: Armor Wars
>Ultimate Comics: Avengers 1-4 (not good, but fun as shit)
>Ultimate Comics: X (Loeb's best Ultimate book)
>Ultimate Comics: Thor
>Ultimate Comics: Captain America
>Ultimate Comics: Fallout (sets up my personal favorite era of Ultimate)
>Ultimate Comics: Hawkeye
>Ultimate Comics: X-Men by Nick Spencer
>Ultimate Comics: The Ultimates by Jonathan Hickman
>Ultimate Comics: The Ultimates by Joshua Hale Fialkov
>Hunger (sets up Cataclysm, but is great)
>Cataclysm #0.1 (part of Fialkov's run)
>Cataclysm: Ultimates (part of Fialkov's run)
>Cataclysm: Ultimate X-Men (part of Fialkov's run)
>Ultimate FF (final part of Fialkov's run)
Kayden Morgan
Thanks a bunch. Made my weekend!
Jason Russell
Where the hell did Sabertooth get that hang glider?
Justin Lopez
If you want to take the wildest ride of all
Ultimate Marvel Chronological Storytime
Timeline: thetimelinesite.com
Storytime: pastebin.com
mega.nz
Jackson King
You're a good drug dealer.
Landon Sanders
Steve and Thor are such good bros even in this universe
Adam Morris
Thats really it? Jesus.
Jaxson Nelson
He got better
Daniel Cox
God fuck, Ultron is completely in the right if Scarlet Witch looks like that
Daniel Ward
a moment in history
Jaxon Davis
But he's an angry skeleton
Lucas Parker
Cyclops is a fucking retard who forgets that he can just close his eyes. How did Magneto open Cyclops' eyelids? Cyke could also just take off his visor with his hands if Magneto controlling it was such a problem.
Owen Ortiz
>I-I don't think I'm strong enough
>Does it immediately without any problem
Juan Edwards
Most based part of the story unironically,
Luke Moore
Quicksilver looks like a fucking corpse
Owen Kelly
Don't they have forcefield tech? Or at least those bulletproof glass things politicians use?
Camden Robinson
Who are these copy Ultimates? Clones or robots?
Andrew Sanchez
It sounds like both but it isn't well explained
Dylan Ortiz
man what the fuck. 2000s. what a fucking wild time
Jason Adams
Pietro is a cunt.
What the fuck is Wasp problem?
Jackson Russell
>Wanfa, whatever happens I'll always BANG
He did, indeed.
William Gray
She looks like such a fucking expensive whore.
Sebastian Richardson
why does captain america look like some sort of reptillian humanoid?
Christian Brown
Well they look cool.
Kevin Murphy
Joe Mad is Benes lite, he puts too much emphasis on the tits and asses.
Camden Collins
>I can't feel my legs!
Cameron Reed
You know, I had somebody on /t/ say that Ultimate Marvel was way better than 616.
Hang on, I need to see if that thread's still up...
Ryan Barnes
amn Wanda is fucking slut.
Joshua Young
OH BOI
Jayden Long
janet still craves hank after he beats her to the hospital
Brody Roberts
Not a single Ultimate book ever had a decent artist. Every fucking character looks retarded, yes even Spidey. Cap in particular looks like a troglodyte
Nathaniel Young
>Blob is eating chicken in the cover
What the fuck is Loeb problem?
Blake Jones
Ultimate Marvel is better than 616 though.
Bagley, and the first guys on UFF and UXM
Gavin Stewart
What the hell happened to Pietro? He went from handsome to corpse.
Carter Garcia
He got fucking shot
Juan Richardson
No siblings to fuck
Ryder Reed
Honestly wouldn't have blamed Steve for quitting then and there. This might be the worst iteration of Wasp there is.
Andrew Nguyen
Lucas Green
And yet here we all are
Jose Gutierrez
He's just gonna be hungry again in half an hour.
William Watson
The difference is I can name a half-dozen terrible 616 events (The Crossing, Onslaught, Heroes Reborn, Operation: Zero Tolerance, Original Sin, Battle of the Atom) but you can only name one bad Ultimate event.
Brayden Jenkins
Given that it's pretty much the ONLY Ultimate event, that's not a great track record
Jackson Perez
captain america tries to make an appeal to Joe Mad's terrible sense in costume design.
Gabriel Lee
Luckily, she's also the hottest iteration of Wasp
Cooper Rogers
me on the bottom